


i've looked at love (from both sides now)

by WNThitsthelinks



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: AU, F/F, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-09 11:36:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 111,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10411269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WNThitsthelinks/pseuds/WNThitsthelinks
Summary: In one universe, Kelley O’Hara decides she wants to be a professional soccer player in her junior year of college. In another, she breaks her ankle at the end of her sophomore year and quits playing entirely.orAlex Morgan gets tripped up by a few injuries and then falls in love with her best friend slowly, irretrievably, and completely by accident.





	1. part one

**Author's Note:**

> lmao uh. hey. have fun
> 
> title is from the joni mitchell song both sides now. don't listen to it unless u wanna suffer.

Alex Morgan’s life is perfect.

She's got her dream job, an almost-nice apartment, a loving family, great friends, and the sweetest boyfriend a girl could ever have. 

Playing soccer at the professional level isn't easy, but her office smells like freshly mowed grass and her paycheck sounds like the swish of a ball slammed into the back of a net, and she could have it a lot worse. That paycheck could sound a little louder, but it pays the bills alright.

Alex knows she's lucky, but also that she's got something a little more than luck; getting drafted right out of college doesn’t happen because of luck. Her boyfriend Servando had struggled to make it onto LA’s men’s team, even with his impressive collegiate record. 

Part of the reason her relationship with Serv works so well is because they understand each other in a way someone outside the soccer world just wouldn't. Alex has been in love with him for years, ever since that time she got the flu and he acted as her personal nurse without complaining once. He's got warm brown eyes and a killer smile, and he always holds her hands between his own to warm them up when she's cold. He's got his own apartment across town, but spends most afternoons and weekends sprawled across Alex's couch and cooking in her kitchen. She hasn't asked him to move in, and he's never brought it up. They're four years into a relationship, and they both travel a lot, and Alex really does love him. He's an easy guy to love—she doesn't really know where their relationship is going, exactly, but she's twenty-three and just not that worried about it. 

He's got an abysmal taste in music and Alex fits perfectly under his arm when they snuggle together on the couch. She makes them both cereal in the mornings and he knows her order at the local Chinese food restaurant. 

Alex Morgan is really happy. 

//

Her training schedule is intense, which means she can sometimes barely make it through the door before the couch swallows her. Sometimes Serv is waiting for her, sometimes he isn't. On the days he crashes at his own apartment, they usually just text before they go to bed, and Alex will talk to some new friends from her club team sporadically as she heats up whatever leftovers are in her fridge. 

She's declining an invite to a night out from one of her teammates via text in favor of the show she's just started on Netflix when she trips over something in the hallway outside of her apartment. 

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!"

The _something _is a box, and there's suddenly a hand on Alex's arm hauling her upright again. Alex stands, and the woman the arm is connected to is looking up with wide and concerned eyes.__

"It's fine," Alex says, her voice a bit clipped and her hip throbbing a bit. She takes a step back, so that the stranger's hands fall from her shoulders. The box she tripped over is labeled "kitchen" in sloppy, thick black sharpie. The door to the apartment that the couple who had really loud sex moved out of last month is wide open, and Alex can see more boxes stacked perilously high inside. 

"Are you the new person in 2C?"

"Yeah," the woman says, flashing a smile. "Kelley O'Hara, nice to meet you."

Alex smiles politely and shakes Kelley's outstretched hand. The name rings some old bell in a far corner of her mind, but she can’t quite place it. "I’m 2D." Alex points to the door right across from Kelley's. 

“Nice to meet you, 2D,” Kelley says, smirking a bit. “Is that short for R2-D2?”

“Huh? _Oh _.” Alex hopes she isn’t blushing. “It’s Alex. Morgan. Alex Morgan, I live in 2D.”__

"I figured.” Kelley’s smile isn’t mocking at all, and Alex relaxes a bit. “Servando helped me with a box like twenty minutes ago," Kelley says. 

Alex turns and unlocks her door before their conversation can get too awkward. "That's the boyfriend. I keep him around for his biceps. Good luck unpacking, 2C."

Kelley laughs. "I'll let you know if I need a cup of sugar, 2D."

Alex smiles and closes the door with a small wave. 

"Hey babe!" 

Alex drops her keys on the hallway table and walks towards the sound of her boyfriend's voice. He's sprawled across the couch, dressed in an old pair of Cal sweatpants and smiling his Alex Smile. "I ordered a pizza, since training was the worst today."

Alex groans in delight and lays down across his chest, relaxing into his arms. "You're the best."

He kisses her hair. "Pretty much, yeah."

Alex pinches his side and reaches for the TV remote.

The pizza arrives halfway through an episode, and Alex volunteers Serv to pay as she gets the plates. 

"So, they accidentally gave us three pizzas. Guess breakfast tomorrow is all set," Serv says, walking into the kitchen. 

Alex smirks. "You're getting old. Wasn't too long ago that you could put two pies away all by yourself."

Serv raises his shirt and flexes dramatically. "Not if you want me to keep these babies, mi amor."

Alex grabs a slice and rolls her eyes. "Actually," she says, getting an idea. "Maybe we could take one over to Kelley, the woman who just moved in across the hall? You met her, right?"

"Yeah, sure. She seems cool. I'll set up the living room so we don't get sauce on the couch again."

Alex raises her eyebrows and takes the box of pizza, accepting the fact that she's going to go across the hall by herself. 

Alex knocks lightly three times, just below the brass C. Five seconds later it swings open to reveal a slightly sweaty Kelley O'Hara, her freckled face framed with wisps of hair escaping from a messy bun. 

"Hi, 2D!" She says brightly. 

"Hey, Kelley. My boyfriend accidentally ordered an extra pizza. You interested? It's pepperoni." Alex holds up the box, plowing through her words to try and get rid of any potential awkwardness.

"Seriously?" Kelley says, grinning. "That would be awesome. I was thinking about asking for the best pizza place around here, anyway."

Alex smiles, handing the box over. "Dino's is the best, I promise. Think of it as a welcome to the building."

"A delicious, cheesy welcome," Kelley says, peeking in at the pizza. "Thanks, Alex."

"No problem," she says, smiling. "You're saving me from a cold pizza breakfast."

Kelley laughs as she closes the door, and Alex returns to her boyfriend and unfinished TV show, feeling her stomach settle into a comfortable warmth at the thought of a night doing nothing but watching TV and snuggling. 

Alex Morgan is doing just fine. 

//

Alex has a stretch of away games that pass by quickly, her birthday getting swallowed somewhere in the shuffle. She returns to her apartment after three long weeks of hotel rooms and getting subbed in during the second half. Her knee is throbbing and it's five in the morning and Alex hates herself for choosing to live close to the beach instead of close to the airport. 

She drops her suitcase outside her door, struggling to find her keys in the bottomless pit that is her purse. She's still digging when Kelley walks out of her own apartment, dressed in a bikini and unzipped wetsuit with a surfboard under her arm. 

"Hey, neighbor," she says, with far too much excitement for five in the morning. "Just getting back?"

"Yeah," Alex says, giving up and dumping the contents of her purse on the ground. There's at least three empty water bottles, used and unused tissues, a bunch of receipts, and far more makeup than she remembers putting in. "But, I think I don't have my keys." Alex sighs. " _Fuck _."__

Kelley groans in sympathy. "It's kinda early, but can you call Serv? He's been over to yell at your TV while you were gone."

"No," Alex says, leaning back against her door. "He left for Kansas City yesterday."

"Well, shit." Kelley says, scratching her neck. 

"Yeah." Alex lets her head fall back, and winces as it thuds against her door. 

"Um," Kelley says, scratching her neck. "Listen, I get it if you want to go to a hotel or something, but you're more than welcome to borrow my guest room. I'm gonna catch some waves," she says, pointing at her surfboard, "but I trust you to stay over without stealing my jewelry. I know where you live, after all."

Alex is so tired that she can feel her left eyelid twitch whenever she blinks, and she shoots to her feet. "Kelley, I will honestly do all of your grocery shopping and laundry if you let me crash in your guest room. I'm so tired of hotels."

"Yeah, sure, but no shopping or laundry services needed. Take a left when you get in and it's the second door on the right. Bathroom's at the end of the hall."

Alex is generally fairly reserved when it comes to physical contact with semi-strangers, but throws her arms around her new neighbor and squeezes. 

"You're getting the _best _gift basket for this."__

//

Alex wakes up to the sun hitting her face from a strange angle. Her eyelids feel heavy and there's the sound of someone walking around outside the door. More accurately, there's a thump, and someone yells, "Shit!"

It takes Alex a second to remember that she's crashing in Kelley's apartment, and she fumbles for her phone, which she put somewhere on the bedside table of the fairly well decorated guest room. It's only 9:15, but Alex makes herself sit up anyway, hoping to catch Kelley before she leaves for work and thank her again. She throws her hair up in a bun on the way, hoping for a more intentionally messy-chic look and less of a just rolled out of bed one. 

Kelley’s apartment is bigger than hers. Alex only has one bedroom, and her kitchen and living room don’t really qualify as separate spaces. It looks like Kelley’s bathroom is bigger, too, and Alex curses her tiny rookie salary once again.

Kelley is standing in the slightly more spacious living room, grabbing a couple of books that have slipped off the coffee table and onto the floor. She looks up when Alex closes the door. "Hey, did I wake you? Sorry."

"Kelley, you're letting me crash in your apartment, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for."

Kelley grins. "Rad, hope you like cereal for breakfast, then, 'cause it’s all I've got." She straightens up, and Alex notices she's wearing a nicer blouse and a tight but conservative skirt. 

"Work?" Alex guesses, gesturing to Kelley's outfit. 

"Oh, yeah." She says, wandering over to a haphazard stack of shoes and rifling through them. "I'm an environmental consultant.”

At Alex’s unsure look, she elaborates. “Basically, companies hire me to find out ways to go green and publicise how they’re going green to get positive buzz. It mostly means my hours aren't exactly 9 to 5. I've got a meeting at 10:30," she says, checking the time on her phone. "It's a bit of a drive, but I can show you where I stash the food first."

Kelley leads her into the kitchen, opening a cupboard and pointing at a box of Captain Crunch. "What's your plan for the day, Ms. Professional Soccer Player Alex Morgan?"

"I've got training this afternoon," Alex says, grabbing the bowl Kelley holds out for her. "Other than that, though, not much."

"Cool," Kelley says, nodding her head. "I'll give you my spare set of keys until Serv comes back into town."

"Your Air B&B score just went up."

Kelley laughs with her whole body, with a thrown back head and shaking shoulders, her hair effortlessly soft looking as it falls across her shoulders. Alex is painfully aware of her make-up less face and messy hair, but Kelley doesn’t seem to care at all. She’s kind enough to explain her four different TV remotes before she goes, and Alex settles into the couch, ready to catch up with Sportscenter. 

It turns out that Serv isn't due back for four days, and the Super doesn't have a spare key for her apartment handy. She can't quite bring herself to go through the hassle of calling a locksmith either, so she becomes Kelley's roommate for the rest of the week. 

Kelley, who manages to time a joke so well that Alex squirts water out of her nose and into her chicken caesar salad. After that, the conversation flows easily. They're splitting a pint of ice cream—

"Don't tell my coach, Kelley."

—and watching some mediocre rom-com when Alex realizes she's having some of the most fun she's had in ages. She's wearing a loose t-shirt and doesn't have a bra on, but her stomach and cheeks ache from the easy laughter that she can't keep at bay. Her club teammates are friendly and inviting, but Alex feels very much like a rookie in their intimidating presence. Her college friends are busy finding jobs, and her sisters are either traveling the world or getting sucked up into relationship drama. Alex hasn't had some solid girl time in almost six months. 

There’s a brief hiccup when Alex spots the Stanford pennant on the wall, and when she sees the WiFi is Stanford_19, but she’s currently crashing in Kelley’s apartment free of charge. She stays quiet. Maybe being an adult means being friends with someone who chose to go to the worst university on the planet.

She’s not going to tell any of her college friends about it, though.

Kelley's effortlessly friendly in a way Alex almost envies, and it feels like they've known each other for months after only four days. They fall into calling each other "Kell" and "Al" so naturally she doesn't even realize it's happening at first; it's only when Kelley says, "Hey, Al, what do you want for dinner?" on their last night as unofficial roommates that she suddenly notices.

Alex replies, "Chinese, I have a craving for lo mein."

Kelley doesn't look up from the menu, but says, "Chicken, right?"

"Yep!"

Alex turns her attention back to the reality TV show that’s playing and snuggles further into Kelley's couch. 

//

Serv lets her into her own apartment after a brief reunion make out session in the hall, their only interruption Kelley opening the door to briefly catcall at them. Alex finds her keys right where she left them, on the table in her entryway. She falls dramatically into her own bed at the first opportunity and groans in appreciation when Serv pulls her shoes off for her. She falls asleep tucked under his arm, breathing in the smell of his stale deodorant. 

She wakes up to an empty room, but with a cup of lukewarm coffee on her bedside table and a note explaining her boyfriend's absence. Without thinking, she takes a picture of the note and drink and texts it to Kelley with the caption _Carrasco service > mediocre O'Hara coffee and jokes _.__

Kelley O'Hara  
Jul 14, 2011 9:13 AM

_I'm so offended. You're the worst roommate ever!_

_Yeah, about that......I'm moving out._

_I'm egging your door, 2D. You never paid me for this months rent!!! ___

Alex laughs as she drinks her coffee, not even that bothered at its cool temperature. 

//

"Who's got you giggling like crazy, Morgan?" 

Alex glances up from the string of texts Kelley had sent her to see Christina and Kimberly looking at her expectantly. 

"Oh, just my friend Kelley. She sent me a bunch of texts while we practicing."

Christina nods and Kimberly wanders over to pester Bosio into sharing her Spotify premium account. 

"If you want, you can invite her our lady's night on Wednesday. God knows Kandace brings enough of her old lady friends, it would be nice to brighten up the bar with some youthful faces."

Kandace chucks a sweaty sock at Christina without really looking, and Alex feels more excited to participate in a team activity than she has before. Having Kelley as a security blanket makes the thought of a social event with her effortlessly cool teammates somehow less intimidating. 

//

Boyfriends are barred from lady’s night, so Fridays usually end up as their date night. As far as Wednesdays, Serv jumps at the opportunity to have a night with "his boys," and Alex slips her her favorite LBD and does her makeup elbow-to-elbow with Kelley in her tiny bathroom. 

They über to the bar together, and Alex already feels lightheaded at how easily Kelley can get her to laugh with anecdotes about old men who don't believe in climate change. 

"It's ridiculous, Alex," she says as she pays their über driver. "He told me that he didn't think they needed to change their fuel emissions because it snowed in Boston last year. I almost smacked him with my presentation folder."

Alex smiles as she sets an alarm on her phone for 11:30, wanting a reminder to get both her and Kelley home before it's morning. "I'm sure you just put on your southern charm and politely corrected him, little Miss O'Hara."

"You're not wrong," Kelley grumbles as they make their way into a truly seedy bar. Alex spots her teammates immediately; it’s a weeknight, so the bar’s nearly deserted, and it's hard to miss a group of fifteen rowdy young women all trying to talk over each other.

Kelley offers to go get them drinks, and Alex's only request is that hers be brightly colored. Kelley rolls her eyes, but walks away with a smile. They spend the night eating too many pretzels and drinking enough to keep their heads fuzzy and the laughter flowing easily. Kelley fits right in with practically the entire team; her easy charisma charms just about everyone, including the bartender. Kelley is attempting to get herself a second free beer when Kiki asks a question that makes Alex choke on her drink. 

"So, how long have you and Kelley been together?"

"Oh, we're not—Kelley's just—" Alex flounders inexplicably for a moment. "We're just friends. I've got a boyfriend, actually."

"Oh," Kiki says, looking mildly surprised. "Sorry, I just assumed."

"No, it's fine," Alex insists. "We're kinda touchy-feely, so I get it.."

Kiki nods, relieved at the out of an awkward moment. "Yeah, she's a hoot."

A beer slams down next to Alex and is soon followed with a slightly more than tipsy Kelley uncoordinatedly stumbling into the table. "Who's a hoot?"

A call of "your mom!" comes from a table away, and the loud guffaws that follow from Kelley are enough to make Alex roll her eyes and distract her from the previous conversation. 

It's Alex who pays for the über back, and she walks a relatively drunk Kelley down their hallway. 

"Kell," she says, trying to get Kelley's glassy eyes to focus on her own. "Where're your keys?"

Kelley grins lazily and arches an eyebrow. "Bra." 

"Can you get them out?" Alex asks exasperatedly. 

Kelley hums, knocking her head backwards in thought. "Nope."

While Alex feels more than comfortable with Kelley, they're not quite at the _let me reach inside your bra to get your keys _stage, so Alex just opens her own door and leads Kelley to the couch. Kelley collapses and is passed out within ten seconds, and Alex mumbles "G'night, drunky" as she stumbles down the hall to her own room. She goes through her nighttime routine on autopilot, and feels slightly more sober after she's brushed her teeth and washed her face. She texts Serv as she snuggles under the covers, letting him know that she's home safe, and then opens up Instagram. She had felt confident in her dress in a way she hasn't in awhile, her ego fluffed with the way her arms and abs have tightened up with her strict training regimen. After a minute deciding on the right filter, she adds a photo of herself and Kelley all dolled up, looking absolutely killer in their just a little too tight dresses. She keeps the caption simple, because being Kelley's friend is exactly that: simple, and completely effortless.__

@alexmorgan13: unofficial teammate, unofficial roomie, official bestie @kelley_ohara

//

That weekend, Alex watches Japan win the Women’s World Cup on a shaky stream, easily dominating against a French team that fights until the last second and scrapes out with only a 4-0 loss.

After the first time the commentators mention the lack of a US presence she mutes her stream and doesn’t turn the volume back on again.

//

Alex has a bad habit of locking herself out. She used to call Serv and wait for him in the coffee shop down the road, but now she just slams a drum solo into Kelley's door until she's let in and watches HBO. Kelley refuses to watch Game of Thrones with her, but is happy to share her cable. Most of the time she works on her laptop with headphones in, and cringes whenever she looks up to see something gruesome on the screen. It annoys Serv a bit, because Alex is notoriously bad at keeping spoilers to herself, but he's gotten good at plugging his ears and humming whenever she brings up their favorite show. 

She's relaxing on Kelley's ridiculously comfortable couch and eating Kelley's delicious leftover lasagna when she gets a text from her sister. 

**Jeri Morgan**  
Where are you? 

Alex frowns, wondering where Jeri is, since she usually doesn't get service while she's on one of her world explorations. 

_home _, she texts back. _why?___

**Jeri Morgan**  
Open your door then, little sis

She scrambles up from the couch, throwing Kelley's feet off of her lap as she goes. Alex wrenches open the door to see the back of her sister's head and a duffle bag resting on the ground by her feet. 

"Jeri!" She practically squeals, jumping onto her sister's back. Jeri stumbles at the unexpected weight, but laughs and maneuvers so that they're hugging. 

"What are you doing here?"

"My time in Sri Lanka was up, and I missed you and our dumb sister. Thought I'd visit and watch you demolish New York this weekend."

Alex pulls back to look at her sister's face. "Seriously?"

Jeri rolls her eyes. "Yes, seriously, Ali-Cat. So untrusting, even after all these years."

Alex squeals and pulls her back into a hug. "It's so good to see you. You have to tell me everything."

"I will, I will," Jeri says, laughing. "But first—did your gentleman friend give me the wrong address? He said you were 2D."

"Oh, I am." Alex says, making a mental note to corner Serv about him plotting with her sisters. "I was watching TV with Kelley." She gestures over her shoulder, and turns to see Kelley herself leaning against the doorframe to 2C. 

"Hi," Kelley says brightly. "I'm Kelley O'Hara, enabler of Alex's Game of Thrones addiction."

Jeri reached forward and shakes her hand, saying "So _you're _Kelley. I was wondering who the mystery person flooding Alex's Instagram was."__

Kelley grins and shrugs. "She realized she gets more likes when my face is in her pics."

Jeri laughs as Alex smacks Kelley on the arm. 

"I'm sure Jeri is very tired and jet lagged, so I'm going to leave you with a TV paused on some mangled bodies. Have fun!" 

Kelley groans dramatically as Alex fishes in her sweatpants pocket for her keys. 

"Hey, I thought you were locked out, freeloader."

Alex pulls Jeri into her apartment, yelling, "I'll text you later, Kell" as she slams the door shut. 

//

Alex takes Jeri out to dinner to a slightly nicer Japanese restaurant, and they sit and talk long after they've paid the check. Jeri tells her all about Sri Lanka, and Alex rants about soccer and gives the details about the latest with Serv, which isn't much. 

"You think he's gonna pop the question?" Jeri asks, wiggling her eyebrows as she takes a loud slurp of Diet Coke through her straw. 

Alex freezes. To be completely honest, the thought had never even crossed her mind. 

Marriage?

Alex thinks about the way Serv fits so seamlessly into her post-college life, and the way he knows her order at just about every restaurant, but the thought of being engaged to him sets a wild streak of panic through her whole body. 

"Uh-"

Jeri frowns. "I was messing with you, Al. If you get married before me or Jen we're both sabotaging your wedding."

Alex laughs weakly. "Right, yeah. Of course."

"Okay," Jeri says, drawing out the vowel sounds. "Either we can talk about that right now or I can drop it and tell Jen, who will tell mom and then they'll both ambush you at Thanksgiving. Your pick."

Alex drops her head into her hands, knowing it's not really her pick at all. "Go ahead," she mumbles. 

"I was expecting you to laugh and say that you just got out of college, or maybe—just maybe—declare that young Mr. Carrasco is the one true love of your life." Jeri reached out and grabs onto one of Alex's hands. "I wasn't expecting complete panic." Jeri's eyes are familiar and comforting blue, and Alex can feel her willpower to close up and not talk about this dissolving fast. 

"Talk to me, Ali-Cat."

Using the nickname is a dirty play, but it's an effective one. Alex is suddenly spilling all of the concerns that have been bubbling up since she graduated. 

"I just figured I'd be ready for more by now?" Alex phrases it as a question, but Jeri just listens patiently, not offering an answer. "I love him, I really do, Jer, but the thought of anything more than what we are right now is so scary. I’m so not ready for anything else. I don't know if I even want to be ready. But, like, if f I'm not ready four years in when will I be?"

There's a brief silence, and Alex exhales, feeling slightly better already. 

"Alex Morgan." Jeri is looking at her harshly, almost glaring. "That can't be what has you so worked up."

"What?" Alex asks, defensively. 

"That's, like, the most natural concern ever. You weren't going to wake up one morning and be ready to get married. Lifetime commitments happen _slowly _."__

Alex winces. "I know, but-"

"No buts," Jeri says firmly. "Take me out for ice cream and tell me all about how you’re going to walk all over New York's shitty defense."

Alex gets a fat-free sorbet and talks about soccer until the weight pressing down on her chest dissipates just a little bit. 

//

Jeri, her dad, Kelley, and Serv all come to the game against New York on Sunday. None of them say it, but she's fairly sure they want to offer moral support as Alex faces her soccer idol, Abby Wambach. The only other game they had played against New York that season had fallen when Wambach had a strained MCL, and Alex had only seen the field for fifteen minutes.

Ever since the United States failed to qualify for the 2011 Women’s World Cup due to a surprise push from Italy, Abby Wambach has been on a path of absolute destruction. She’s averaging 1.7 goals a game despite her injury early in the season, and she’s one yellow card away from a suspension. Alex can feel the nerves begin to roll across her stomach a full 24 hours before the game, and she doesn’t calm down as kickoff approaches. Not starting doesn’t calm her down either. She's a mess during warm-ups; she keeps glancing to the other side of the field and feeling like throwing up the minute she sees the mop of short, dark hair that towers over everyone else. Her leg won't stop shaking as their coach gives them a quick speech in the locker room, and there's a twitch in her fingers as she slips a pinny on over her her head. 

The pace of the game is fast from the first second, and possession changed far more often than anyone expected. New York rests at the top of the table, where LA is wandering up and down somewhere in the middle. Alex's leg hasn't stopped bouncing, and their backup keeper puts a hand on her thigh somewhere around the eighth minute. 

"Morgan," she says, smiling just a bit. "Cool it."

Alex nods, but jitters in her leg just move to her fingers, which start to twist in the bottom of her pinny. 

There's a breakaway for New York in the fifteenth minute, but the header that comes off the cross goes wide. Twenty feet away, Alex can see their head coach clapping anyway, and she suddenly realizes that the way Wambach slams her fists into the grass is kind of familiar. 

_She's just another player._

She tells it to herself in a last-ditch attempt to calm down, and almost believes it. 

Alex expects to come in late during the second half, as she has been all season, but there's a questionable tackle in the thirtieth minute that has their coach telling her to loose the pinny. As her number 13 glows green on the substitution board, she can hear four cheers louder than the rest, coming from somewhere behind her and to the left. 

Alex takes a deep breath, and feels her heart rate settle to the harmony of two low cheers and one high, matched perfectly with Jeri's piercing whistle. 

She gives a quick high-five to the player limping off, and then she runs onto the field with a steel determination in her gut. She doesn't get much attention from New York's defense, since she's some rookie who hasn't even played a full 90 yet, but the half still ends in a 0-0 tie. Alex is far from concerned. She barely listens to the halftime speech her coach gives, instead focusing in on the play that's been scribbled onto the whiteboard with a faded green marker.

The second half is just as fast, but a little dirtier, both teams a bit more desperate to come away with the ball. 

Her moment comes in the seventy-second minute, with an intercepted pass and Alex easily outpacing her defender as she streaks down the left flank. Her stride is perfect, the ball sliding just the right distance ahead before she catches up again. The keeper stares her down, and when she's just outside the eighteen she slams into the ball so solidly with the laces of her boot she knows it's going in before it even leaves her foot. The momentum of her kick leaves her off balance and she watches the ball slip past the keeper's outstretched fingers with one knee in the grass and closes her eyes to the sound of cheers surrounding her at every angle.

Someone slams into her from the left, and then the right, and soon it's a dog pile that leaves her feeling crushed in the best possible way. Someone is yelling in her ear and the freshly mowed grass her nose is pressed into is smooth and cool. All Alex can feel is the ground below her, her teammates above her, and the solid thud of her heartbeat against her ribs. 

Her goal is the only one, and when she claps hands with Abby Wambach after the game, she gets a pat on the back and a sincere sounding, "Good game, thirteen."

It’s not her first goal of the season, but it sure as hell feels like it.

She doesn't do press afterwards, but signs autographs with people screaming her name in a way that’s foreign and exciting. She finds Serv, Jeri, and her dad all wearing her jersey, and Kelley with a new looking scarf wrapped around her neck despite the heat. Alex climbs the barrier to be enveloped in a dramatic five person hug, the smell of beer strong on everyone’s breath but her own.

Her arms should ache from holding herself up, but Alex feels like she’s floating.

//

Strangely enough, the beginning of their end starts with honesty. 

It's a regular Tuesday, and Serv is sprawled out on the couch, absentmindedly running his hand over her calves. Alex is reading a book that Kiki recommended, and doesn't really hear Serv the first time he asks his question. 

"Sorry, what was that, babe?"

"I asked, are you straight?"

The second time, Alex hears him just fine. 

"Um," Alex stalls, closing her book without saving the page. "I'm bisexual, actually."

There’s a brief silence. Then, "Oh."

"Is—" Alex licks her lips. "Is that a problem?"

"No, no, of course not—"

"It's not that I was keeping it from you or anything, it's just that it never really came up, I guess."

"Al, don't worry, it's fine. I was just curious."

"I, uh." Alex doesn't know how to continue the conversation. She resists the urge to make a bi-curious joke. “Why the sudden curiosity?”

“I was reading this article about LGBT people in women’s sports and stuff. Just thought I’d ask, you know?”

She figures it's only fair to ask him as well. "Are _you _straight?"__

"Of _course _I'm straight, Alex."__

"Yeah," Alex mumbles, opening up her book again, trying not to show how crushed she is by the tone of his answer. "Of _course _."__

She starts reading even though she has no idea what page she's on. 

//

She asks Jeri about it over the phone, whispering about her and Serv's awkward conversation like she's embarrassed to have her empty apartment hear it. 

Jeri speaks with a frustrating amount of logic, pushing for Alex to communicate openly. 

It works, to a certain extent. 

"Hey, babe?"

Serv looks up from the Sports Illustrated he was skimming through. 

"What's up?"

"Does it make you uncomfortable that I'm bi?"

Alex hates how weak her voice sounds. Serv is already throwing his magazine down and walking over to wrap her in a hug. 

"No, no, Alex." He cradles the back of her head with one hand and holds onto her tight. "Not at all. Not at _all _."__

Alex presses her nose into the soft cotton of his t-shirt. "Then why did you freak out if I asked if you were straight too?"

Serv pulls back, the confusion clear in his face. 

"I didn't _freak out _."__

"You kind of did, actually. It was like I'd offended you by thinking you were anything but straight."

"I—" Serv doesn't seem to have much else to say. "I didn't _mean _to—"__

"But you _did _, Serv. You _did _, and that's not okay."____

"Well, I was kind of surprised, alright!"

His sudden change in volume startles Alex into silence. He starts again, quieter, but it still sends Alex reeling. 

"Why did you lie to me?"

"I never lied to you." It's Alex's turn to let her anger change the volume of her voice. "I'm sorry that I didn't bring it up, but I have never lied about my sexuality, Serv. I couldn't do that. Not to you, and certainly not to myself."

Serv is quiet, and breaks his statue like posture to rub at the stubble growing in across his chin. 

"Do you want me to spend the night at my place?"

Alex doesn't say anything. 

“Alex?”

Alex really needs to fix the leaky faucet in the kitchen.

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

Serv presses a kiss to her forehead, but the only response he’s faced with are Alex's footsteps padding down the hall and the soft click of her bedroom door as it swings shut. 

//

They don't talk for three days. 

It isn't that long, in the grand scheme of their relationship. They've gone weeks without talking before, intentionally or not, but this silence has a weight Alex isn't comfortable or familiar with. 

Kelley, of course, is her usual self. Alex is grateful for the distraction. They play too much Xbox and eat more pizza than is advisable, and Alex falls asleep on the side of Kelley's bed closest to the wall. She wakes up in the middle of the night with an awful taste in her mouth the pressure of Kelley's feet against her calves. She rolls over and goes back to sleep, deciding to brush her teeth in the morning. 

That's where she is when someone knocks on Kelley's door the next morning. Kelley's toothpaste is kind of nasty, but she has a spare toothbrush and Alex is desperate to get the morning breath out of her mouth. She pauses for a second as the quick knocks sound through the apartment. 

She keeps brushing when Kelley calls out "I'll get it, Al," but stops again as she hears Serv's voice. 

"Hey Kelley, is Alex here?"

Serv is looks good, in a pair of dark jeans and a slim fitting black t-shirt. Alex is wearing the sweats she came over in yesterday and her hair's a mess and there’s still toothpaste smeared over her mouth, but he smiles softly at her and she forgets what she looks like at all. 

"Can we talk?"

Alex nods and crosses the hallway to her own apartment, squeezing Kelley's arm as she goes. 

As soon as the door shuts behind them, Serv wraps Alex into a tight embrace. She forgives him to the sound of his I'm sorrys and I love yous whispered carefully into her hair. 

She gets toothpaste onto his t-shirt but he doesn’t say a thing.

//

Life goes on, and they don't talk about it. 

Alex spends most evenings with her teammates and Kelley. Serv has more nights with "the lads" and Alex will sometimes wake up to his head next to hers on the pillow. Sometimes she won't, but there’s almost always an unread text on her phone wishing her a good morning. 

Sometimes it's from Serv, earnestly romantic and awfully spelled. Those days she has a view of her frothy mouth in the mirror as she brushes her teeth, unable to keep the smile off her cheeks. 

Sometimes it's from Kelley, with too many emojis packed into a small gray bubble. Sometimes it's from Kelley, letting her know that there's an apple pastry with her name on it across the hall. Sometimes it's from Kelley, and it's the link to a silly YouTube video of a dog. On those days, sometimes Alex texts her back after making Serv a delicious bowl of cereal. On those days, sometimes Alex has breakfast sitting on Kelley's counter, her thighs covered in goosebumps from where they’re pressed against Kelley’s cold kitchen counter. On those days, sometimes Alex will laugh herself silly while she's still in bed, and they FaceTime until Kelley finally relents and joins Alex across the hall. 

Alex still fits the same way under Serv's arm on the couch, but they don't talk as much. She's desperate to be normal, to be _them _again, but if their conversations go on for too long they become stilted and awkward in a way neither of them are familiar with.__

She still goes to as many of his games as she can, and he returns the favor. She still loves his smile, and his corny jokes. 

Loving him just aches a little, is all. Loving him is normal, but kissing him is forced.

It's still easy to climb up the barrier at her last game of the season and give him a peck on the corner of the mouth, but she has to drop down quickly and start signing autographs. 

The autographs—those are new. Maybe not surprising, considering the way she's played since that game since New York, but they're still new all the same. There are little girls with Morgan stenciled proudly on their backs who look at her with wide eyes and hand her soccer balls and cleats and jerseys with shaking hands. There are a couple grown women and men who seem to lose the ability to speak when she smiles at them, and it does wonders for Alex's ego. 

Or, maybe not her ego, but definitely her confidence. The only thing holding her back before was the looming title of _professional soccer _. It wasn’t until her feet were firmly on the pitch until she realized it was just another 90 minutes.__

Their new LA club team doesn't make the playoffs, but they almost do. It's the highest up on the table they've ever finished a season, and Alex can't help the glow of pride as the whistle blows three times at their last game, LA Thunder two goals up. Alex had managed to establish herself as a starter during the second half of the season, mostly because their other forwards just weren't as fast as she was. One had already declared this as her last season, which brought up the interesting question of who her replacement would be. They don't have a particularly good number for next season's draft, but Alex is going to have someone new up top to establish chemistry with, and the excitement and suspense flip her stomach over and back again.

Serv still has a month or so left in his league, and Alex's teammates start to scatter all around the globe. She finds a pretty good training facility that's only about a half an hour drive away, and suddenly it's an option to build her schedule around her social life. She schedules her training during Serv's as a conscious effort to not have conflicting hours, but a quarter of the time his social plans make it impossible for them to spend time together anyway. Another quarter of the time they're both too tired to go anywhere but their own apartments, and another quarter is made up with all the times Alex schedules something with Kelley. The last quarter is reserved for them, and Serv takes her out to dinner or see a movie or they just read on separate sides of the couch, legs tangled together. 

They still hold hands across the table, and their evenings are filled with almost comfortable silence.

//

Alex spends Thanksgiving with her family, and Serv spends it with his. She sends him a picture of a monopoly board on Wednesday night, and he calls her sister and tells her to run.

Kelley FaceTimes her from her parent’s porch in Georgia to introduce her to a chipmunk named Chester.

Alex returns to her apartment full and happy.

//

She gets the call the following Monday.

She’s alone in her apartment, eating a piece of toast smeared with nutella. She doesn’t recognize the number, but picks up anyway.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Alex Morgan?” The voice is vaguely accented, but she can't quite place it. 

“Yeah,” she says, curious. “Who’s this?”

“My name is Pia Sundhage, I’m the coach for the US Women’s National Soccer Team. I'd like to invite you to join us for our camp in December."

//

Kelley knocks frantically on her door, having heard a piercing scream echo throughout the whole apartment complex.

When Alex wrenches open her door there are tears on her face and she pulls Kelley into a frantic hug, not caring if she looks crazy.

When Kelley finally makes sense of the jumbled words flowing out of Alex’s mouth, like “national,” “Canada,” and “soccer,” they both end up screaming as they read the very official email from U.S. Soccer, cheeks pressed together at a desperate attempt to get closer to the screen.

//

It's that quarter of the time that Serv ends up on her couch, and Alex is reading that trashy mystery novel Kelley recommended. It's not particularly good, but she's still trying to figure out who the killer is before it's revealed, just so she can brag about it to Kelley. In all honesty, she’s probably going to tell Kelley she figured it out anyway, but that’s beside the point. Any sort of distraction is welcome, since her brain can’t stop buzzing about the camp she’s been invited to. Her phone vibrates twice as she skims the page for clues, and she fishes it out from where it's fallen between the cushions. 

**Smelley Kelley**  
SOS

 **Smelley Kelley**  
REPLU ASAP

 **Smelley Kelley**  
ALEXANDRA

 **Smelley Kelley**  
IDC WHAT YOURE DOING BRING SERV IF YOU MUST

 **Smelley Kelley**  
but don't be naked pls

Alex shows Serv the messages, but he just laughs and tells her to go over by herself. The door is already cracked, so Alex lets herself in and finds Kelley speed walking in circles around her living room.

"What's up? Are you okay?"

Kelley lets out a distressed groan in reply before stepping up onto her couch and suddenly dropping down so that she's sitting with her legs all folded under herself. 

"My ex just got traded to your team."

"What?"

Alex crosses over and sits next to her on the couch, pulling Kelley's hands away from where they're pressed against her face. Kelley's eyes can't focus on one place, and her fingers twitch within the grips of Alex's hands. 

"Explain, _slowly _."__

"Okay, so." Kelley takes a deep breath and exhales before launching into her story. "We met during preseason of my sophomore year—she was a freshman—and hit it off, like, right away. She's great really, super sweet and funny, and I had barely known her for like, two weeks before I asked her out." Kelley pauses to clear her throat. "It went super well at first, and we were both getting playing time, and I fell for her so fast it kind of scared me, mostly because I'd never really had a serious relationship like that before, you know? There weren't that many girls who were out in Georgia, myself included, and I kind of half-dated some guys and used soccer as an excuse, but then she was there and into me and so pretty and smart and I just—" Kelley takes another deep breath. "I fell for her _hard _, Al."__

Alex rubs her hand comfortingly along Kelley's arm and tries to be as subtle as possible about the fact that she can barely keep up with Kelley’s rambling.

"It got kind of messy this one time because we got into a fight and had a game that night and our chemistry was way off and was kind of the reason we lost the game, but we worked it out and we were going to be okay, probably, but then at the end of the season I snapped my ankle right before the second round and needed two surgeries and the rehab took a year, and—"

That's when Kelley's voice breaks, and her chin trembles, and Alex pulls her into a hug before the tears follow. It's uncomfortable, and their knees and smushed together, but Alex holds her tight as she chokes out the rest. 

"It was just too hard for me to go to any games, and she was just getting better and better and I tried so hard not to be jealous but I couldn’t play anymore and I just quit and suddenly we were both insecure and we were ending before we could ever really begin—"

"Shh, it's okay, Kell." Alex says softly, combing a hand through her hair. "It's okay."

Kelley takes a few deep breaths. She pulls back from Alex's hug to wipe at her eyes, and when she speaks again her voice is barely even. 

"Sorry, I don't know why I'm crying." A watery laugh bursts forward from her throat, unexpected enough that it startles a giggle from Alex as well. "I'm over her really, I guess I just haven't talked about it in a while."

She pauses to clear her throat, then continues. 

"She was supposed to play in Florida this year, I think, but I have your club's Twitter on notification alert and—"

"Wait," Alex interrupts, finally putting the pieces together. "Christen Press? Your ex is _Christen Press _?"__

"Yeah?" Kelley says hesitantly, drawing out the vowel. 

Alex groans and falls back against the armrest of the couch. "She always destroyed us when we played Stanford. She was so nice about it, too. Made me crazy."

Kelley smirks a little. "So nice you wonder what her agenda is, right?"

"Yes!"

"I'm familiar with the feeling."

"Okay, hold up." Alex sits up again squinting her eyes at Kelley's. "We've been friends for, like, a whole year now—"

"Eight months, actually."

"Right, so basically a year, and I'm just now finding out that you played soccer for Stanford? What the _hell _, Kelley?"__

"What? I don't play anymore."

"Yeah, but that's something you might _mention _, like, you know, when I say play soccer professionally? Like, 'Oh, what a coincidence, I used to play soccer in college.'"__

Kelley scrunches up her nose and wraps her arms around her knees. "I don't really like to talk about it, Al."

Alex softens at the small sound of Kelley's voice. "Why not?"

"Talking about playing soccer means talking about why I stopped. Your game against New York was the first game I've watched in practically five years."

"Kell," Alex says, her chest feeling warm. "You didn't have to do that. You don't have to watch any of them, if you don't want."

Kelley rolls her eyes. "Oh relax, I wouldn't miss them for anything."

"You missed one for that solar energy conference. September 18th."

Kelley laughs and shoves Alex half heartedly in the shoulder. "Not that you're counting, or anything. Plus,” she smirks, “I only really go hang out with your dad and have him buy me beer."

Alex gasps dramatically as Kelley grins, wiping at her eyes again. 

"The truth hurts, O'Hara."

"Sorry, pal.” She puts a hand on Alex’s knee. “I know this will crush you, but I'm never going to a team bar-crawl as your lady date again."

" _What _? Kelley, you _can't _! You're the only person that's maintaining my functioning liver.”____

Kelley rolls her eyes. "What, like I'm going to awkwardly hang out with my ex-girlfriend practically every Friday?"

Alex groans. "I hate you."

"Yeah, yeah.” Kelley squeezes Alex’s hand. “Want to watch _Bend It Like Beckham _?"__

" _Duh _."__

Kelley has finally been persuaded to rub Alex's feet a solid forty-five minutes into the movie when Alex's phone buzzes twice on the coffee table. 

**Serva <3**  
all good? im going to bed

"Shit!" Alex curses, looking guilty over her Kelley's head like she can see through the walls that separate their apartments. "I totally forgot Serv was over."

Kelley laughs hysterically and Alex kicks her as she texts Serv, saying that she'll be back later and for him not to wait up. 

//

The next morning, Serv makes her coffee just the way she likes. They eat breakfast together, with feet pressed together and cereal eaten so slowly it gets soggy.

“What did Kelley need last night?”

“Oh, she was freaking out about her ex being drafted to my team.” Alex says, shoveling a little too much cereal for one bite into her mouth. “She’s the one who got traded for Whit.”

Serv raises his eyebrows in surprise. “I didn’t know Kelley was gay.”

Alex shrugs, her words muffled around the food in her mouth. “I figured she was into girls because of the way she talks about Hope Solo, but we’ve never really discussed it.”

Serv scratches the stubble growing in across his chin. “Huh.”

He takes another spoonful of cereal to his mouth.

Alex takes a sip of coffee and burns her tongue.

//

Alex googles Kelley’s collegiate career and runs into her time on the youth national team as well. It leads to a couple of very strongly worded text messages about telling your best friend about the important things from your past, and Alex spends a solid weekend watching the 2006 U-20 championship, calling Kelley and laughing as she watches her get sent off the field in a game against Argentina.

“What was the best thing about it?” Alex asks one night as the credits for _Bridesmaids _roll across the screen.__

“I don’t know, the plane scene was pretty fun. I love Melissa McCarthy.”

“No, about the U-20 World Cup.”

“Oh,” Kelley says, tilting her head. “I don’t know, I hadn’t really traveled that much before, so it was cool to see Russia. And breaking the door frame was funny.”

“You broke a door frame?”

“I was _trying _to do a pull-up.”__

“Oh my god,” Alex says, shaking her head. “I wish I was more surprised.”

“I glued it back on!” Kelley sounds indignant, and smacks Alex with a pillow when she doesn’t stop laughing. “I’m never telling you anything again.”

They laugh and talk and whisper and smack each other with pillows until they fall asleep, the movie menu still rolling, illuminating the room with a soft blue light that makes Kelley’s cheekbones and jawline glow in the softest way imaginable.

It’s the last thing Alex remembers before she falls asleep.

//

Alex really likes Christen.

She tries not to, in loyalty to Kelley. Maybe it’s not the most responsible thing to do, but Alex can’t stop feeling Kelley’s tears against her neck, and she wants to hate whoever made her cry like that. It doesn’t end up mattering much anyway, because every memory she has from college about Christen’s earnest kindness is proven correct when she meets her for the first time as a teammate.

She’s gorgeous and really nice, if a little shy. The first time Alex sees her laugh, it’s loud and unrestrained, and Christen gasps for breath afterwards. It’s hard to hate anyone who laughs that kind of unapologetic joy, so Alex gives up.

So, Alex doesn’t hate Christen.

It would suck if she did, since they’ve both gotten the call-up for January and have to play on the same club team. 

Alex still can’t quite believe that she’s going to be at a _National Team _training camp in under a week, but she tries not to think about it too much. She’d really rather not throw up from nerves.__

They get dinner, Alex and Christen and the couple of teammates that have lingered in LA. Alex feels awkward as her teammates start an easy conversation, like she’s an undercover agent. She goes to the bathroom after they finish the appetizers and calls Kelley, who just laughs at her and tells her to have fun.

“Chris probably the nicest person you’ll ever meet, Al, don’t worry about lil’ ol’ me. Say hi for me.”

Alex grumbles at Kelley’s lack of sympathy, but returns to the table with a smile and a determination to be her usual charming self.

“So, Christen,” Alex says as they settle into their food. “We have an odd connection.”

Christen smiles a little nervously. “It’s not the Stanford and Cal thing, is it? Because I _totally _remember that. You got a brutal nutmeg on me junior year that I don’t think I’ll ever forget.”__

Alex _does _remember that, actually, and welcomes the little inflation it gives to her ego. “It’s not that, actually. My best friend is Kelley O’Hara.”__

Christen freezes with her glass of water halfway to her lips, her eyes going wide. 

In the moment, Alex doesn’t realize that it’s the first time she’s called Kelley her best friend.

“I—” Christen flounders for a moment, and sets down her water. “Um, how is she? I know that she’s been in LA, but—”

“She’s good,” Alex says, smiling and hoping to convey the truth behind her words. “She says hi.”

Christen relaxes a little, and Alex doesn’t miss the confused looks Kandace and Kiki send her way. She doesn’t know how out Christen is, so she just ignores them and digs into her salmon.

“Okay, so, the big question—Barca or Madrid?”

//

Two days after the dinner with Christen, Alex convinces Kelley to come to a training session. As they get ready to leave, choosing her own car because it already smells like sweat and turf, Alex glances at Kelley’s cleats. They’re old, with dents in the top of the leather from sitting at the bottom of a closet for too long. She does let Kelley pick the music, which is more than she usually allows from anyone riding shotgun. It means listening to country for the whole drive, but if it calms Kelley down it’s worth it.

Cameron, Alex’s relatively new offseason trainer, is waiting for them with a mesh bag of freshly pumped soccer balls and a bunch of little orange cones. 

Alex pretends not to notice the way Kelley’s hands shake as she puts on sunscreen.

They start with a warm-up run around the field. Alex isn’t very good at hiding how impressed she is with Kelley’s ability to keep pace. She knows that Kelley’s athletic—abs like that don’t come with a completely sedentary lifestyle—but Alex figured it was from surfing, not cardio. 

At the end of their last leg, Kelley challenges Alex to a race. Alex accepts, thinking nothing of it, until Kelley takes off down the field and leaves her scrambling to catch up. They end up smacking the goalpost at the same time, breathless both because of their sprint and the laughter bursting from their throats.

Alex might be a biased source, but Kelley is really fucking good at soccer. It takes her by surprise, honestly, because she mostly just invited Kelley so that she’d have some fun while she was killing herself at training. Instead, she’s actually working hard at a 1v1, and she’s not winning. They each score a goal, Kelley off of a nutmeg that leaves Cameron cackling and Alex blushing furiously, and Alex from a rocket of a kick from a good ten feet outside the 18. The rest of the fifteen minute round Kelley spends defending her so tightly that they trip over each other’s feet. Alex’s exasperated calls for fouls are ignored by Cameron, who just tells her to “work harder.”

During their water break, Alex jokingly asks, “What position did you play again?’

“Forward all day, baby.” Kelley says, her face flushed and sleeves rolled all the way up.

“I would’ve guessed a defender after that,” Alex muses, squirting her with water.

It’s a Friday, so Alex plans to head home, shower, and then choose a Disney movie out of Kelley’s impressive collection. The amount of LA Thunder teammates still in LA is small, so Lady’s Night Wednesdays or any-days have been postponed until preseason. At the moment, nothing sounds better than some takeout Thai food and Mulan.

Kelley drives them back, and Alex rolls down the window to let the rush of air cool them down. Kelley tosses her keys at Alex once she opens her door with them and says, “Come over when you’re done showering. _Don’t _lose the keys.”__

Alex is in her favorite pair of Cal sweatpants and an old LA Galaxy t-shirt when there’s a knock on the door. She’s still towel drying her hair, but she figures it’s just Kelley, telling her to hurry up and skip moisturizing. 

She swings open the door, ready to tell Kelley that she will _never _skip moisturizing, but it’s not her very favorite neighbor in that disgusting Cardinal Red who’s at the door. It’s her boyfriend, dressed in a crisp, purple button down and dark jeans.__

"Um," Servando says, looking her quickly up and down. "I guess you're not ready to go, then."

Alex's eyes go wide. "Go where?"

"Scaletta's?" He pauses, but Alex is just as confused as she was before. "We're going out tonight, Alex. I got the reservations a month ago, remember?"

"Oh my god," Alex says, clasping a hand over her mouth, a sinking feeling of dread spreading down her chest. "I totally forgot. I was training with Kelley—"

Serv scoffs. "Right,” he mutters bitterly.

"What?"

"Just that I’m not surprised. I get cancelling plans every once and while, God knows I've done it, but now I'm lucky if I get to see you at all. You never have time for _us _anymore. It honestly feels like I’m in second place."__

"She's my _best friend _Serv, and I'm sorry if I've been forgetful recently, but we're both busy—"__

"Okay, you're always hanging out with her, and even when it's just us she's all you talk about—"

"That's not true!" Alex says indignantly. "I talk about her because she’s my friend, but I talk about loads of other things, and it's not _my _fault if you—"__

"Are you in love with her?"

Serv's face is flushed with what can only be fury. Alex stabs a finger into his chest, hard, feeling her chest heat up with her own anger.

"I'm in love with _you _. How _dare _you? I've been in love with you for _years _. Kelley is my best friend. I’m allowed to have friends." Her voice shakes with barely contained rage.______

"You cancel dates, you spend every day with her—"

"Because she literally lives five feet away from me, Serv."

"Well, you've certainly never asked _me _to move in."__

"That's because I don't want you to!" Alex roars.

Serv takes a step back, suddenly quiet.

Alex is far from done. "I don’t want you to move in with me.” The hurt is his eyes is just a little too much to bear, so she plows forward. “Is this because I told you that I'm bi? Or that you found out that Kelley's into girls too?"

"No—"

"It's hard to believe that, Serv! Just because we’re both women who like women doesn’t mean that we’ll automatically fall in love.” She takes a deep breath, trying to calm down. “And I'm sorry that I don't want you to move in, but I can't make myself suddenly ready for a big step like that."

"Are you ever going to be ready?" Serv's question is quiet, a sharp contrast to his yelling a moment before.

Alex opens her mouth to answer, but the words get stuck in her throat.

She realizes, suddenly and without warning, that she won’t be.

Serv searches her face for something as she flounders, but she can’t show him whatever he's looking for.

Alex stands in her doorway, her wet hair soaking into her thin t-shirt, and watches him turn and walk away.

He pauses before he reaches the stairs, but she doesn't call out.

//

Alex wakes up on her couch the next morning, eyes and throat sore from crying to the point of exhaustion. Her nose is congested, and her hair is a crumpled mess from where she slept on it when it was still wet.

She checks her phone, and finds no messages or missed calls.

Their fight had felt final, absolute. After all, there had been a reason she hadn't been able to answer Serv when he asked if she would ever be ready.

Alex loves Serv, she really does. She knows that she does, otherwise it wouldn't hurt nearly as much. Where she forgot the differences between loving someone and being in love with them, she doesn’t quite know.

She'd love to deny it for just a bit longer, but Alex knows they've broken up. She could apologize, and they could try to move past it, but to be completely honest, she doesn't want to apologize. She's angry and hurt, and sweeping those emotions under the rug for two months hasn't done anything to motivate her to save their relationship.

Alex checks her phone again; no messages. She watches it fade to black, her lock screen picture of her and Jeri showing clearly without any incoming notifications to block it.

Alex rolls over and buries her face into the sofa, incapable of stopping the tears.

//

Her flight leaves later that day. Christen is waiting for her at the airport, and Alex wears sunglasses to try and hide her bloodshot eyes. If Christen notices, she’s really good at hiding it, and she doesn’t say anything.

Alex is grateful.

As they kill time at gate C24, Alex absentmindedly takes out her phone to text Kelley. It’s only when she opens their messages that she remembers she was supposed to go over the night Serv showed up. Alex frowns at her phone.

Kelley never texted to ask where she was, or for her keys. 

She tries to think of something to write, but is interrupted by Christen nudging her and saying, “Our group’s boarding.”

Going into a national team camp for the first time is terrifying. Her fitness has always been good, great even, but she suddenly can’t stop thinking about all the pie she ate over Thanksgiving. It’s doubly hard to stay confident when she thinks of the injuries that kept her from the youth national teams, but she does her best to remain calm during the flight.

She doesn’t actually stay calm at all, but she still manages to get in a nap. Christen is three rows back, and Alex glances over her shoulder once to see her teammate’s eyes closed but eyebrows furrowed too deeply for her to be asleep. She guesses it's a little comforting to know she isn't the only one that's nervous. 

When they land, it's a rush to the baggage claim and into a team van. They are, of course, the last plane to arrive. Alex recognizes all the faces, but smiles as everyone introduces themselves like she's never heard of them. 

It’s all Alex can do to keep her head on straight. The veterans all have an ease about them, a casual air that only comes with being invited to dozens of national team camps before. Alex’s knee won’t stop bouncing, and she can see a bead of sweat drip down Christen’s temple as they ride to the hotel.

Alex is vaguely hopeful that she’ll end up with Christen as a roommate, but she’s not quite lucky enough. She does, however manage to get another rookie, a recent UCLA graduate named Sydney Leroux. Alex remembers some of her goals from when she had watched to 2008 U-20 WC from her couch at home, her left ankle iced and elevated. Her run at UCLA had been more than impressive too, and she has a sharp sense of humor that makes them click immediately.

They’re having breakfast the first morning, her and Syd, when Abby Wambach herself plops down next to them. Abby is funny, and surprisingly friendly, but doesn’t seem like a morning person. The most lively part of their meal together is a story Syd tells about her dog which leaves everyone in hearing radius in stitches.

Abby’s droopy eyes and Syd’s exuberance make it just a little easier to breathe.

//

Once they get onto the field, the nerves that have been simmering low in Alex’s stomach start to settle just a bit. Soccer is soccer, and Alex has always been good at soccer. 

It’s not necessarily _easy _—it’s far from it, really. She scrambles to memorize the drills she’s never done before that everyone else is so familiar with, and there’s some kind of piggyback game that takes her days to get the hang of. A big part of this camp is fitness, though, and Alex has been cranking up the fitness ever since the season ended and she had free time to kill. In the beep test, the only people who outrun her are Heather O’Reilly (“ _Please _call me HAO.”) and Tobin Heath, who sends Alex a lazy smile as she crouches before her 40th shuttle.____

There are team dinners that leave Alex breathless with laughter, and weight room sessions that leave her muscles rubber. She’d never expected to actually enjoy an ice bath, but on her third day she spends a minute longer soaking than required, glad to have her legs go numb. 

Alex is slowly starting to get acclimated, just beginning to find the groove of a national camp, when she gets a text she’s been dreading. 

**Serv**  
I left my keys on your hall table.

For once, his grammar and spelling is perfect. She sees the text 8:00 PM, and decides not to go over to Cheney’s room and watch a movie. Syd is off doing something that Alex probably doesn’t want to know about, so she takes a shower and cries a little bit, feeling wholeheartedly pathetic

She watches an episode of Bones while her hair dries in a towel turban, but she can’t stop looking over at her phone. She breaks right as they catch the killer, opening up her texts until she’s staring at Serv’s message again. She looks at it until the screen fades, and then switches absentmindedly to Instagram, desperate for a distraction. There are a couple of posts with soccer drills, and one from a high school friend, and then one of a sunset taken through a plane window.

 **kelley_ohara** so many songs about home i couldnt pick a caption #georgiapeach  
View all three comments  
**byerinohara** eeeeee!!! sissy time!!!

Alex turns off her phone again.

//

Alex scores on Hope Solo off of a cross from Abby on their second to last day. Hope is intimidating, and Alex hasn’t worked up the nerve to have a conversation with her that wasn’t on the field. Alex slaps a couple a couple of hands as she jogs back to half-field, but can’t escape the fact that her first thought is, “Kelley won’t believe this.”

//

Alex leaves camp with a phone full of new phone numbers, and as she sits at the gate waiting for her flight back to LA she can’t keep the grin off her face.

She thinks that maybe it’s that new confidence in her shoulders, in her stride, which leads her to call Kelley. She doesn’t know what else could possess her to do so after twenty-one days of silence, but she listens to the phone ring three times with determination deep in her gut.

There’s silence on the other line, then “Hello?”

“Hey, Kell.”

A young woman with a screaming baby sits down across from Alex, and she blocks her free ear with a finger.

“Alex, hey.” There’s a beat, and the wailing baby gets louder. “Where are you?”

“Airport,” she answers. “Flying back to LA for Christmas.”

“Right, of course,” Kelley says. There’s another moment of silence, not quite long enough to be awkward, but certainly not comfortable either. “How was the camp?”

Alex smirks. “I scored on Hope Solo,” she says, unable to resist.

Kelley’s laugh is distorted through her phone’s poor connection, and everything that was so blurry seems clear again.

//

She goes to her dad’s house earlier than she was planning, but doesn't really mind. She was originally going to spend a couple of days with Serv in the city, but coming home to her parents and sisters is never a bad thing.

So, Alex doesn't think about how she was going to have dinner with Serv's family on Christmas Eve, and instead buries herself in the familiar holiday cheer of the Morgan family. She yells and demands rematches during overly competitive games of Life and Monopoly, and they watch Love, Actually at least three times. She throws herself into training with a newfound severity, determined to keep up her fitness and blow Pia Sundhage away. When her mom and sisters bake cookies, Alex leaves the house for the gym before her willpower can even think about breaking.

Her text conversations with Kelley pick back up, and Kelley FaceTimes her at odd hours of the day to inform her of a new addition of the list “why Georgia is better than California.” Alex scoffs at each new example, but falls into conversation with Kelley’s siblings easily as they watch, amused, from over their sister’s shoulder. Erin and Alex get along particularly well, which prompts her to steal the phone from Kelley during one call and run away, demanding that Alex tell her all about Kelley’s “top secret LA lifestyle.” Alex makes up ridiculous stories through her laughter as Kelley pounds on the door Erin leans against.

“So,” Erin says, her face slightly pixelated. “How come my sister’s kicking around a soccer ball again?”

“Erin!” Kelley’s voice is distressed and the pounding on the door continues.

Alex raises her eyebrows, surprised. “I guess she just wants to be just like me.”

“What’s with the PT, then?”

Alex frowns, not sure what she means, but another voice floats through the call. 

“Erin, give your sister her phone back.”

Erin’s eyeroll is dramatic, and she whispers, “Tattle-tail,” so that only Alex can hear.

When Kelley finally gets her phone again, she retreats to the back porch, burrowing under a blanket with the mug of tea her father had made.

“So, soccer,” Alex says. 

Kelley winces slightly, “Yeah, soccer,” she says, taking a sip of tea. “Love the beautiful game.”

“ _Kelley _—”__

“Okay, okay,” she says, laughing a bit. “I’ve been running some drills in the backyard. I guess I didn’t realize how much I missed it.”

Alex bites her lip, immediately noticing the soft smile that spreads across Kelley’s face.

“Hey, did I tell you how Jerry ended up barfing all over the couch last night?”

//

Christmas is easy and filled with presents and the simple joy that always surrounds the holiday season. The Morgans stay in their pajamas until two in the afternoon, and Alex tries not to be too disgusted with the fact that she’s actually _happy _to receive a blender and new socks as her two main gifts.__

Alex tries not to think of the Christmas present she had already bought for Serv, a fancy old-school shaving kit that he would _love _. It’s still sitting in her closet, and she has no idea what to do with it.__

She doesn’t go back to her apartment after Christmas, electing to spend New Year's with family as well. Kelley stays in Georgia, and she’s the only person that Alex would really go crazy with anyway. 

Alex wakes up on the morning of December 31st determined to make 2012 the best year she’s ever had. The minute she gets back to LA, she’s going to _double _her training schedule, whether she makes the roster or not.__

After breakfast, she deletes all the pictures of her and Serv from her camera roll. She texts him a brief message, only saying _Can we talk? _She wants to apologize, to say that she knew they were going downhill months before they eventually crashed. Something about the way they ended is unsettling, leaves her antsy for some kind of closure. Maybe it's the fact that they broke up without ever saying "it's over" or "we're done." Serv is one of her closest friends, ex-boyfriend or not, and as cliche as it sounds she really would like to remain friends. Normally she’d talk to Kelley about something like this, but Serv is the one topic they don’t touch.__

His response comes the next day, while she’s nursing her hangover.

 **Serv**  
i dont think thats a good idea

//

Her apartment is cold and dusty after a month of her absence, and Serv’s keys are right on the hall table like he said they’d be. There’s a second pair of keys next to them, the ones Kelley threw at her the night she and Serv broke up. Kelley doesn’t get back to LA until tomorrow, so Alex lets herself into 2C to drop off the keys before she loses them.

Kelley’s apartment is a bit dusty too, but unusually messy. There’s a pair of cleats and two soccer balls on her couch, and her kitchen table has papers spread all over it. All the furniture in her living room has been pushed back so that there’s an excess of open space in the middle, where there's just a yoga mat.

Kelley picks up on the third ring.

“Hey, what’s up with the furniture in your apartment?” Alex asks, foregoing a greeting.

“Um,” Kelley says, amusement clear in her voice. “How are you in my apartment, dearest Alexandra, my heart of hearts?”

“I’ve got keys,” she answers absentmindedly. “I didn’t know that you did yoga”

“I don’t, really, I’m just trying to get into being fit again. I needed space.”

“Huh,” Alex muses. "What's with all the papers?"

"Nothing, just work stuff.” She yawns loudly. “Hey, don't you have training soon?"

"Not till later this afternoon, actually." Alex says as she walks closer to Kelley's dining room table. As far as she can tell it's her usual paperwork; plans for meetings, reports she submits on behalf of whatever company she's working with, and something that looks like a contract. "It looks like mumbo jumbo to me, but I hardly ever understand you when you talk about work."

"You mean you don’t love it when I talk about wind energy vs. solar energy?”

Alex rolls her eyes. “Nerd.”

“Jock. Did you see my new comforter? It's cardinal red and beautiful."

Alex wanders down the hallway to Kelley's room. "Finally get rid of that gross one from college?"

"Shut up, you know I had to get rid of it because _someone _spilled coffee on it last month," she says pointedly.__

"Oops," Alex says, not feeling guilty at all. She lays down on Kelley's bed and groans. "Oh my God, Kell, this is so soft."

"I _know _." There's the sound of rustling fabric on the other line. "Hey, you wanna FaceTime?"__

"One sec," Alex says, pulling the phone away from her ear to get on Kelley's WiFi. She taps on Stanford Rules and frowns when it doesn’t connect automatically. “Did you change your WiFi password?”

“Yeah, it’s capital C, lowercase a-l, capital S, lowercase u-x.”

“Hilarious, Kelley.” Alex hangs up before Kelley can respond, opening up FaceTime and making an outrageous face at the camera while she waits for her to pick up. 

Kelley laughs in that loud and obnoxious way she sometimes gets when she accepts the call, her face pixelated for a couple of seconds before their connection solidifies. She's snuggled up in what looks like her childhood bedroom, with her hair pulled into a sloppy bun. "Gorgeous as always, R2-D2."

"Thanks, Kells," Alex says as she slips under Kelley's new comforter. "Your apartment is so _cold _."__

Kelley rolls her eyes. "Maybe you could, you know, go live in your _own _apartment?"__

Alex pauses for a moment, pretending to think over her answer. "Nah," she says finally. "I like this better."

//

Alex wakes up snuggled under the blankets an hour after she FaceTimed Kelley, her phone resting next to her head on the pillow. She pushes the home button, and her phone glows with five unread messages. 

**Kelley O'Hara**  
don't drool on my pillow, pal

 **Kelley O’Hara**  
lol pillow pal

 **Kelley O’Hara**  
wait it’s pillow pet isnt it

 **Kelley O’Hara**  
nvm

 **Kelley O'Hara**  
sweet dreams

//

Alex decides not to leave the keys in Kelley's apartment after all, instead coming to the conclusion that they're too useful to part with. After some careful consideration, she takes the keys that Serv left behind and drops them on Kelley's dresser with a note saying _come cook me dinner pls _.__

She's rewarded by coming home after training to an apartment that smells like Chinese takeout. Kelley has her feet up on the coffee table and yells out, "Cooked some delicious dinner for us, buddy!"

Alex just knocks Kelley's feet off of her oak table and steals some lo mein. 

//

Alex is getting out of the shower when she hears her phone ring in the other room. 

She runs over in just a bra and an old pair of athletic shorts, in such a rush that she doesn't glance at the caller ID. 

"Hello?"

"Hi Alex, this is Pia."

Alex stops breathing. 

"I'd like to invite you to be a part of the roster for CONCACAF Qualifying Tournament in Vancouver later this month."

//

Kelley is doing crunches on the floor of her living room when Alex bursts into her apartment, screaming and still not wearing a shirt. 

"Kelley!"

"Jesus, Alex, _what _? You scared the shit out of me."__

"The Olympic Qualifying, I'm on the roster!"

It's Kelley's turn to scream, and she leaps up and into Alex's arms. They swing around in a circle, Kelley yelling indecipherable fragments of congratulations as Alex floats in a limbo somewhere between laughing and crying. 

"Dad, my dad," she gasps. "I have to call my dad, oh my god."

Kelley laughs breathlessly into Alex's neck. "I feel like I should call _my _dad. The _National Team _, buddy!"____

"I know," she says, stuck in her own state of disbelief. "I know."

//

Alex gets dragged into doing some promo videos for her club team before she leaves for Vancouver, much to her dismay and Kelley's amusement. 

"Do you think they'll make you do that thing where you stand still and then awkwardly cross your arms and freeze even though it's a video?" Kelley asks as she takes a swig of orange juice from the carton the way she _knows _Alex hates.__

"I'll do whatever they want me to, KO," Alex replies, flicking Kelley on the ear as she passes. "They pay me to shut up and score goals."

"And look pretty."

"And look pretty," Alex confirms as she slips her shoes on. "Will you lock up? I have to get going."

"Yeah, sure. Get more orange juice on your way back, you're almost out."

Alex rolls her eyes as she picks up her bag. "Wonder who's to blame for _that _. See you, Kell."__

"Don't forget you're picking me up from my meeting later!"

"Yeah, text me the address, okay?"

"'Kay!"

Alex drives to the stadium in a good mood, despite the fact the promotional videos generally aren't that fun to film. The traffic isn't too bad, at least not by LA standards, so she gets into hair and makeup a little early. Alex doesn't mind that part at all; it's kind of cool to be primped and preened by people whose job is making her look good. She mostly messes around on her phone, scrolling through Instagram taking a few snapchats of herself with an impressive double chin and hair curlers. 

It feels a bit odd to be in a full kit with her hair down, but the click of her cleats against the concrete floor in the tunnel before the field resonates deep in her bones just like always.

Of course, her good mood doesn't last. 

Alex waits on the sidelines while some players from the men's team finish their filming. She's mostly trying to to laugh at them all walking dramatically in a line with overly serious facial expressions, but it stops being so funny when she realizes Serv is the second one on the left. 

Awkward might be a bit of an understatement. 

//

"Hey," Serv says with a tense smile. He had hesitated before walking over, like he had almost convinced himself to leave without saying anything at all. 

"Hi."

"Hi," Serv says again as he runs a hand through his hair. He's let it grow out a bit, and his tan is a bit stronger. "How are you? Congrats on the call-up, by the way."

"Thanks," Alex says, her smile coming a little easier. "It's crazy."

"You're gonna kill it, Alex." 

"Thanks," Alex says again, comforted by his soft smile. "Would you mind sticking around for a bit? Maybe we could get some coffee when I'm done."

Servando hesitates, but nods. "Sure. I'll meet you out front."

Alex goes through the photoshoot with a wandering mind, barely managing to focus enough to kick the ball. She dribbles around for a while with a camera following her closely, and then they get a bunch of shots of her juggling and shooting. By the time they call it, Alex feels like it’s been years.

Serv is waiting out front just like he said he would, and they take Alex's car to the closest coffee shop, a tiny, little hole in the wall kind of place where everything is made of carved wood. Serv buys his own drink, and doesn’t offer to pay for Alex’s, eliminating the awkwardness of ether remembering or not remembering each other's orders. 

They settle into slightly stilted small talk for a few minutes before Alex can't help herself and blurts out, "I'm sorry."

Servando looks confused. "For what?"

Alex doesn't want to say it, but steels her nerves anyway. This is why she wanted to meet up in the first place, after all. "I'm sorry that I knew we weren’t working and dragged it out and hurt you more."

"Oh," Serv says, dragging his fingertip through the foam resting on the surface of his coffee. "Uh, it's okay."

"Is it?"

"Well, not really, but what else am I supposed to say to you when you when you apologize?"

"You're allowed to not forgive me," Alex says softly. "I wouldn't blame you."

"Alex," Sev says, reaching out and taking her hand. "It wasn't okay that you knew we were going to be over and didn't say anything. It's not okay with me." He clears his throat and pulls his hand back as if he hadn't intended to grab hers in the first place. "I'm not really that okay, but I can't make you want to date me." He tries to smile, but it comes out as more of a grimace. 

"I'm _so _sorry, Serv." Alex feels like she's repeating herself, but she _is _sorry and she desperately needs him to understand. "I guess I was in denial."____

"Yeah." Despite the fact that he has every right to, Serv doesn't sound bitter at all. “I'm sorry too, Alex."

She tilts her head at him in question, and he follows with, "I shouldn't have accused you of all that with Kelley. That was low of me."

Alex nods. "It's okay."

Serv smirks. "Is it?"

"Alright, alright," Alex says, rolling her eyes. 

They sit in silence for a few moments, but Alex doesn't feel stifled by it. It's comforting to be in Serv's calming presence again, and the smell of coffee always relaxes her.

"Would it be totally cliché of me to ask us to stay friends?"

Serv's mouth twists around as he thinks. "A little," he eventually says. "But I know what you mean. You're pretty much my best friend from college."

"Exactly," Alex says, glad he understands. 

"I do need some time, Alex," he says softly. "I wish I could be ready to be just friends, but I really need some time."

Alex sighs, relieved. "That's okay, Serv."

His smile flashes quickly. "Is it?"

Alex laughs, charmed by his grin as usual. "Yeah, it really is. Promise."

They drink their coffee and then Alex drives him back to the stadium so he can get his car. They don't hug, but Serv does say "I'll see you, Al" right before he closes her car door. 

Alex believes him. 

//

"Alex, my buddy, my pal, how was it?" Kelley asks as she climbs into the passenger side of Alex's car. "I got not one, not three, but zero snapchats of you post make-up chair so you gotta fill me in on the deets." 

She kicks off her heels and props her feet up on the dash, ignoring Alex's disapproving glare. 

“I’ll tell you all about my drama-filled day if you get your feet off my dash, you dumb jock.”

“Alright, _nerd _,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes and and shifting so that she’s sitting with her feet under herself instead. “How was there drama?”__

“Serv and I went out for coffee.”

Alex keeps her eyes on the road, but Kelley’s sudden silence tells her enough. 

“Oh,” comes the quiet reply. “Um, how was that?”

“It was nice,” Alex says, meaning it. “We both apologized for some stuff, since we ended with that gross fight.”

“Yeah, of course,” Kelley says quickly before going completely silent.

Alex sighs. “Kell, what is it? You get weird whenever I bring up Serv, and I really want to talk about it with someone who isn’t my mom.”

"You aren't mad at me?"

"Kelley, why would I be mad at you?" Alex asks exasperatedly. 

"I'm the reason you broke up."

Alex turns on her blinker and pulls into a Jack in the Box parking lot. She parks quickly and efficiently before turning and looking into directly into Kelley's nervous eyes. 

"Alright, what the fuck?"

Kelley's head jerks back in surprise. 

"Seriously, Kelley, explain."

"I heard your fight through the door. Serv accused you of, you know--"

"Is that what this has been about? _That's _why you completely disappeared when I needed my best friend most?"__

"I thought you were mad!"

"I'm _mad _that you didn't talk to me for practically a month right after my boyfriend and I broke up after dating for five years, not that he made some unsubstantiated claim about our _fictional _affair."____

Kelley smiles sheepishly. "Uh, sorry?"

" _God _, Kelley," Alex says, laughing breathlessly and shifting the car into reverse. "You're useless, you know that?"__

"Mmhmm," Kelley hums, tapping her fingers along the dashboard. 

To soften the blow of her frustrated tone, Alex reaches over to squeeze Kelley's wrist. "Cook me dinner tonight and I'll forgive you."

"Stir fry it is, then."

" _Yes _!"__

//

"So, you're friends now?"

"I guess," Alex says, munching on one of the carrots before Kelley can add it to the frying pan. "He said he needs some time, which makes sense."

Kelley slaps Alex's hand as she reaches for another carrot. "Wait," she says. "It'll only be, like, seven more minutes."

"Fine," Alex mutters, hopping up to sit on the counter. "I understand that he needs time and all, but it kind of sucks that I lost both my boyfriend and one of my best friends at the same time, you know?"

Kelley groans softly in sympathy. "That sucks, pal, I'm sorry."

"But at the same time, it's not like we were really best friends during our last couple of months together. It was like we never had time for each other."

"Does that make it easier or harder?"

Alex sighs and lets her head fall back against the kitchen cabinet. "I don't even know."

Kelley turns down the temperature on the stove and walks over to stand between Alex's legs. Alex hunches over and lets herself get wrapped into a hug, resting her cheek on Kelley's shoulder. 

"Thanks, Kell," Alex says, her words muffled by the soft cotton of Kelley's t-shirt. 

"Of course," Kelley responds. "But we're gonna have to stop this great moment we're having because this might just be the most uncomfortable hug ever."

"Plus, I've got to show you all of the awkward poses I struck today," Alex says as Kelley goes back to the stove. 

"Yeah, that's a _must _. Did they give you music to power walk to?"__

Alex laughs as she goes to get the plates out. "The photographer was really into Devo."

"Oh my _God _." Kelley stops stirring to stare at her incredulously. "How do you pose to _Devo _?"____

"Beats me," Alex says, shrugging. 

"I cannot _wait _to see these pictures."__

//

Christen and Alex manage to get seats next to each other for the flight to Vancouver, but they don't talk much. Alex tries to nap, and Christen brought a book that she sticks her nose into before they even take off. 

Alex doesn't comment on how Christen spends far too long on some pages before shaking her head and flipping to the next one, but she definitely notices. 

The camp itself is a lot like the last one, if a little more fast paced. There's less fitness, but that just gives them more time to scrimmage. Alex gets put on HAO's team the first time and scores on one of the most crisp crosses she's ever seen. 

They lose that scrimmage, but Alex goes into the water break feeling just fine. 

The first time she's on Abby's team, however, is different. Something about playing right next to her idol gives her that extra push to play the very best she ever has. Their connection on the field is sloppy at first, but then snaps together with startling intensity. Alex chases down balls everyone else has given up on and passes with a precision that surprises even herself. 

When they end for the day, Alex finds herself next to Tobin in the van headed back to the hotel. 

"So," Tobin starts, "Pinoe and I were talking—"

Alex knows enough about Megan Rapinoe to be nervous. 

"—and we realized that you look kind of like a horse when you run. You kind of gallop, you know?" Tobin's grin stretches across her face slowly, almost lazily, and Alex lets out a brief laugh. 

"I, uh, I never noticed."

"She's our very own little baby horse!" Boxxy chimes in from behind them. 

Alex groans, not that thrilled at being referred to as a baby. Unfortunately, it's that displeasure that makes Tobin latch onto the nickname, and when they get to the hotel she yells, "See you at dinner, Baby Horse" over her shoulder. 

Alex swats Tobin's hand away from where she had reached out to pinch Alex's cheek, but it was too late. Pinoe hears her in the lobby and joins in, and by the time Alex is eating dinner the whole team is in on it. 

Alex figures there are worse nicknames, but that doesn’t mean she loves it.

Kelley, of course, thinks it's hilarious, and takes far too much glee in immediately changing Alex's contact name from Lightning McQueen to Baby Horse Morgan. 

"Hey, at least they like you enough to give you a nickname," she says as they FaceTime the night before Alex's game. "You could just be Morgan, or Patricia."

Cheney laughs from across the room. "We should totally call you Patricia."

"Maybe you could call me Alex," she grumbles, but Kelley's laughter teases a small smile out. 

"Wait a second," Kelley says, suddenly grinning. "You’re rooming with Lauren, right?"

Cheney looks up from her book, frowning. "Yeah?"

Kelley speaks a little louder so Lauren can hear. "Come over here and look at my face."

Lauren shoots a confused look at Alex, but wanders over anyway. When she sees who's on the screen, she lets out a dramatic gasp and scrambles to look closer. "Kelley O'Hara?"

"Hi Cheney!" Kelley's grin is so wide her eyes are all crinkled at the corners. "Long time no see."

"I'll say! What the," she pauses, looking at Alex with wide eyes. "You two are friends?"

Cheney pops down into Alex's bed to get a better look at the screen, and Alex just hands her the phone, content to let them reconnect. 

"Well, we were born conjoined twins—"

" _Kelley _—" Alex groans.__

Lauren's laugh is quick, but loud. "You haven't changed at all, Kell. I can't wait to tell Tobin and Amy!"

"How are they?" Kelley asks, clearly excited, even though Alex has already told her how they’re doing approximately seven times. 

Alex smiles anyway and leans back into her pillows. She closes her eyes and dozes to the sound of Kelley's enthusiastic voice, speaking too quickly about everything and anything, desperate to get all of her thoughts out in one breath. 

//

Alex sits next to Tobin again on the bus to the stadium. 

"I don't have a bus buddy," she says, "and if you're friends with Kelley that's a pretty solid rec."

By the time they get to the field, Alex is winning their I-Spy tournament 4-2, mostly due to the fact that she’s cheating wildly. Tobin bumps their shoulders together on the way into the locker room, grinning and swinging her gear bag in wide circles.

“Do you still get nervous?” Alex asks, as quietly as possible.

Tobin looks confused. “About?”

“Starting.”

“This is only my sixth start.” Tobin smiles as she walks over to her locker, just a couple down from Alex’s.

Tobin, who looks so confident, so at ease with the whole process, who already has an Olympic gold medal under her belt, has only started five times before.

Right.

Alex isn’t starting, but for once she doesn’t let the nerves get to her. She curls up in her locker with headphones on and does the best she can to visualize winning, to visualize the ball connecting with the laces of her boots in that perfect way they have so many times before.

As she’s re-lacing her cleats after warm ups, someone drops a hand onto her shoulder. Alex hasn’t talked to Ali Krieger much, but she’s always been a calming presence offered a warm smile whenever Alex needed it.

“Don’t worry about it,” she says. “It’s just another 90 minutes.”

Alex nods, smiling. Just another 90 minutes.

//

It only takes them 35 seconds to score. 

It’s Abby, of course it’s Abby, and Alex is on her feet, cheering wildly like she’s still in college.

After that, it’s hard to stop them.

Carli scores next, and then Buehler, and then HAO, who easily outpaces her two defenders before slotting the ball right into the net.

And, of course, Abby again. Alex watches her shot roll into the goal and feels that same burning in her chest she felt watching the U-20’s from her couch at home.

Then HAO is sending in a cross, and Tobin is there with an open net. Alex thinks of the small smile the words “this is only my sixth start,” and she cheers louder than she has all game.

HAO doesn’t slow down. She and Cheney pass the ball between themselves so quickly even Alex has trouble seeing where it is, and then suddenly the ball is in the goal again and HAO is pulling her sleeve up and flexing and Alex laughs even though her butt is entirely numb.

Alex is sitting on the bench, but she might as well be on top of the world. The 13 on her jersey is visible through the pinny she’s wearing, and her cleats are tied just right. She’s made the roster for the U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team, and she might even get some playing time in the second half.

She’s looking the wrong way when Ali goes down, but she can hear the entire mood of the stadium shift. It’s still too loud to hear what’s happening on the field, but she remembers the snap and the sudden, blinding rush of pain all too clearly. Boxxy kneels next to Ali, but Alex knows before she waves for the medics that Kriegs isn’t going to get back up again.

Ali gets carted off the field in a stretcher, and they stumble through stoppage time wearily, as if they can’t function without her sturdy presence on the right.

The mood in the locker room is unlike any Alex has experienced before. The news that she’s going in for the second half doesn’t phase her like she thought it would, mostly because she can’t stop rubbing her right knee.

Even though Tobin scored, she’s out the second half for Amy, who stands quietly before they go out on the field, her usual grin missing.

The second half, they’re out for blood.

A-Rod’s first touch is a goal, and so is her second. Both times it’s Cheney crossing in low balls that get pushed right into the net, and it’s Alex who joins in on the hugs, offering quick pats to the back before heading back to center field, feeling the urgency rise.

It’s Alex who assists A-Rod’s third goal, but it feels lackluster. It’s their tenth of the match, but the fire in her stomach hasn’t calmed down at all; every time she settles into the game she sees Ali getting carted off the field again, both hands over her face.

They don’t stop until it’s 14-0, and Amy has recorded five goals. Despite getting the most goals they ever have, the bus ride back to the hotel is nearly silent.

Ali will get her MRI tomorrow, and then they’ll know how to proceed.

No one talks about it, because they already know exactly what it is.

//

It’s her ACL.

Alex calls Kelley, panic slow and steady in her gut, trying desperately to pretend she doesn’t feel a phantom ache in her right knee.

“You’ll be fine, buddy,” Kelley reassures, her voice soft and low. “Just focus on showing Guatemala who’s boss.”

Alex does just that.

//

No one says it out right, but they all know they’re playing for Ali.

Ten goals don’t feel like enough, but it’s what they get.

Abby nails two, and then Cheney gets a beautiful one all on her own, and then Alex is in the right side of the box and Mitts is feeding her the ball and she just taps it in.

It’s simple, really. Almost easy, but to Alex it means everything. She jumps right into Cheney's arms, and laughs until she's desperately sucking more air into her lungs. 

Alex gets another one before the game's through, but the ball in the back of the net still feels like so much more than it ever has before. 

//

When she checks her phone on the bus back to the hotel, there's seven voicemails on her phone from Kelley, and thirty-nine texts. 

Kelley O'Hara  
Jan 22, 2012 4:13 PM

I'm literally so exited

did I tell you I got a 13 jersey with your name 

because I did! and I look so hot in it

I bet you'll look even better Ms. National Team!

I've already had two beers

Erin and I are skyping as we watch the game

She says hi 

Shit what if I have to pee! 

Peeing now. @mybladder nice try

OH MY GOD YOURE LINING UP

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Al you looks so good! YOURE STARTING!!!!!!!!!!!

Your bitch face has gotten better

I'm taking a shot for every goal you score please don't kill my liver

Erin is taking a shot for every goal the US scores because she made the mistake of telling me she hasn't been drunk in like two months???

I WOULD DIE FOR ABBY WAMBACH

pls tell her I love her

wtf foul!!! who is this ref!

OH KYGISHSJ

WHAT DOES ABBY EAT

YOU EAT WITH HER, TELL ME HER SECRET

Erin is gonna get wasted lol

FJAKLAFJ OH MY GODSJ

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL

LAUREN FUCKING CHENEY!!!!!!

Alex you need to score so I can get on Erin's level of drunk

akex

Erin made me take a shot anyway

Half times are boring!!!!!! 

Erin is trying to play Go Fish with me over Skype

that goal was so sick

I'm letting Erin stop because I think she might barf

you're playing so well!!!!!!

ohmugodj oh my GOD what a goal

pal the game is almost over you gotta score

ALEX

ALEXANDRA

OH MY GOD YOU

Alex laughs as she scrolls through them all, already planning to text Erin and ask if she's still alive. Kelley takes a ridiculous amount of pride in how well she can hold her alcohol, but Erin apparently never acquired the talent.

The voice messages she has from Kelley are long and filled with slightly slurred words and occasional yelling. The first three don't talk about much at all; they're just Kelley and Erin talking over each other loudly at the television. The fourth is just screaming, and Alex assumes that had been sent when she scored for the first time. 

The fifth voicemail is different. 

"Al," Kelley's voice is soft, a sharp contrast to her yelling in the previous message. "Alex, Als, Alexandra, my buddy, my pal, my bestest friend. I'm so proud of you. God, you're so talented. You were born to do this, Alex." There's a brief silence, and Kelley exhales loudly into the phone. "I honestly can't believe you're a part of my life sometimes, you know? I can't believe you just—actually," she cuts herself off with a laugh. "Actually, that I can believe. I'm literally your biggest fan, Al. Mikey Morg's got nothin' on me. Love you, 13." There's the sound of Kelley smacking a kiss into the receiver, and then a quick beep. 

The next two are more yelling occasionally mixed in with Kelley's carefree laugh and moments of loud static. 

Alex listens to voicemail number five three times. 

It's the only one she doesn't delete. 

//

Alex can tell that qualifying for the Olympics means so much more to the veterans on the team than it does to her. The failure to qualify for the Women’s World Cup the previous year had shocked everyone, and sometimes Alex thinks that she can see the weight of the pressure to redeem themselves in the crease between Hope’s eyebrows or the way Carli doesn’t take any days off. Sometimes, right after Pia talks about a lineup change or a new play, it’s even there in Mittsy’s face, or in the way HAO is so quick to tell a joke.

Alex thinks of the way she’s been welcoming into this team without a second thought, without even a breath of hesitation, and she already knows that they’re going to qualify.

She’ll play every single position if she has to, but they’re going to qualify.

//

Alex doesn’t have to play any position but forward, and sometimes she only plays that for half the game. She slams a goal in right before their match against Costa Rica comes to a close, solidifying their 3-0 lead.

They qualify just fine.

//

They win the CONCACAF tournament. Alex scores the first goal in the final against Canada, and she gets squeezed into a group hug, feeling more like herself than she has in months. 

She gets another goal before the game's through, and a medal around her neck once the whistle blows three times, sharp and clear. 

The sound is final, but Alex is just beginning. 

//

Erin sends Alex a text while she's in security, and Alex only sees it as she sits down at her gate. 

**Erin O'Hara**  
Did you know about this?!????

Alex shoots back, _know about what? _right as the notification for LA Thunder's Twitter account goes off. It's just an article about the open tryouts they held while she was in Vancouver, but when she actually reads the teaser she chokes on air.__

_LA signs Stanford grad and U-20 WC alum Kelley O'Hara from 2012 open tryouts. Read more ___

Alex loads the article on impossibly slow airport wifi and tries not to scream as the progress bar stops centimeters away from being fully loaded. 

The article starts by explaining how open tryouts were run, but Alex scrolls through, not bothering to actually read until she sees Kelley's name. 

"We spoke with Kelley O'Hara about her unexpected return to the world of soccer, and what motivated her to come back after almost five years.  
"Honestly, I made a friend," O'Hara said, prompting laughter. "Really, I'm not joking. She reminded me why I fell in love with soccer in the first place, and it was a hard love to ignore."  
On her seemingly career ending injury, O'Hara said, "I went back to a doctor about my ankle and they said that because I took physical therapy so slowly back in college I’m good to go."  
The ankle she refers to is the one she broke during a game against UPortland her sophomore year of college. __  
When asked about her position change—O'Hara has been signed as a defender despite playing the entirety of her career as a forward—she seemed unbothered.  
"I'm just here to play soccer the best I can. The coaches know where I'll be best used."  
O'Hara's signing probably comes off of her impressive career and the finesse she showed at open tryouts, and not to mention Albertin Montoya—current assistant coach—was head coach at Stanford in 2007. LA is also likely looking to fill some gaps that will arise in August due to the London Olympics. Rookies Christen Press and Alex Morgan were called in for the CONCACAF Olympic Qualifying Tournament. Forward Maria Barrantes was called in for Costa Rica, who would be kicked out by the U.S. in the quarterfinals. The United States went on to win gold, and it remains highly likely that either Press or Morgan—or both—will make the Olympic squad.  
LA Thunder has the twelfth pick overall for the college draft next week."

Alex is in enough shock that she isn't even that upset she's still being referred to as a rookie. Shocked isn't even an appropriate word—it doesn't have nearly enough gravity to express how she's feeling. Erin's text suddenly makes sense, but Alex can't even consider responding because she feels like she's been hit by a truck or seven. 

Kelley just waltzed into a professional team's open practice and got signed. 

The family of five sitting near her probably think she's insane, but Alex suddenly can't stop laughing. 

Still giggling wildly, Alex shoots Kelley a text reading _you little shit_!

Kelley's response comes immediately, which confirms her suspicions that she was waiting for Alex to find out through Twitter. 

**Gnarly Surfer Dudebro**  
whatever do you mean, Alexandra?

Alex has never called someone so quickly in her whole life. 

Kelley picks up on the first ring. 

"Surprise?"

"Kelley Maureen O’Hara," Alex starts, a grin still splitting her face. "How the hell did you pull that off, you little sneak?"

Kelley groans loudly. "You have _no idea _how hard it was to not tell you. And it’s like, surprisingly difficult it is to quit your job when you're freelance. The paperwork was terrifying."__

"I still can't—I'm just—" Alex searches for what she wants to say and doesn't come up with much. "What the _fuck _."__

"Also," Kelley says, "it would've been really embarrassing if I hyped up my comeback and then didn't make the team, so I kept it quiet."

"Kelley," Alex breathes into the receiver. "This is _insane _."__

Kelley's response comes back just as quiet, but no less excited. "I _know _."__

//

She’s welcomed home to her apartment by Kelley jumping out from behind the couch, filming as Alex is scared into jumping an easy foot and a half in the air. 

Alex forgives her because there is Thai food on the coffee table, but it takes a solid four minutes of groveling and the offering of two spring rolls before she stops pouting. 

With the spring rolls devoured and an old episode of Parks and Recreation playing, Kelley suddenly leans over and grabs Alex by the elbow. 

"I'm really proud of you, Al." Her eyes are warm and serious in a way Alex doesn't see that often. "I know the texts and voicemails were kind of silly and all, but I really did mean what I said." 

Alex returns Kelley's smile, feeling her cheeks flush. "I'm proud of you too, Kell," she says, grabbing Kelley's hand and squeezing it. "It takes a lot of determination to bounce back like that." Alex pauses for a moment, exaggerating her thinking. "And a lot of crazy."

Kelley grins. "Not to mention the running. I forgot how much running there was."

Alex groans and falls back against the cushions, accidentally pulling Kelley with her by their joined hands until her head is resting on Alex's stomach. "There's so much running, Kelley. I thought I knew, but I had no idea."

"I can't wait to demolish you at the beep test," Kelley says, her words slightly muffled by the fabric of Alex's shirt. "I set the all time record for the Thunder at tryouts."

Alex gasps and they both dissolve into laughter at the way it throws Kelley's head up from her stomach. Kelley takes her momentary distraction to dig her fingers into Alex's ribs, and Alex feels absolutely no guilt about kicking Kelley away with a foot to the chest. 

"I hate you so much," Alex says, smacking Kelley on the shoulder as she tries to calm her breathing. "Basically four months after deciding to pick up soccer again you're already fitter than me."

"Oh, Alex," Kelley says with a pitying look. "I was fitter than you way before that."

//

Alex wakes up on the couch with a crick in her neck and Kelley's legs draped over her own. 

They go on a run together, and when they're cooling down Alex can't stop smiling even though she can hardly breathe. 

Alex posts a selfie of the them, drenched in sweat and grinning against the glare of the sun.

 **alexmorgan13** unofficial roomie, official teammate AND bestie

//

Alex has three weeks until the Algarve, and she spends every single day training with Cameron, just like she had before the CONCACAF Qualifying. The only difference is that Kelley starts training with her, too. 

Alex is comfortable enough with her performance in Vancouver that she's relatively sure about making the Algarve roster, but she's determined to do her absolute best in Portugal, especially with the Olympics looming in the distance. 

So, the next month is filled with training and eating healthy and switching off which apartment they hang out in. Alex still doesn't have cable, and Kelley's is bigger, but her fridge breaks barely three days into February. Kelley's been on a smoothie kick recently, so all of her fruits and yogurt are moved across the hall to Alex's apartment. Alex eventually gives up on trying to remember where she left her toothbrush and just buys a second one, careful to make sure it isn't white like Kelley's. 

Alex's tiny apartment had felt too big for a while, too empty but full of memories of Serv lounging on the couch and that time he broke the sink twice in one week. His stuff is gone, mostly, but sometimes she'll look under the kitchen sink and find the bar of soap he preferred using and she's struck with just how much of her life was filled up with him. Now her apartment has more junk and is less clean, with soccer balls and cones and socks and cleats and shin guards and the occasional sports bra thrown all around. The mess is distracting in the perfect way. Her apartment feels lively again, now that some days Kelley will curl up on her couch or turn on Parks and Recreation too quietly for Alex to hear just to piss her off. Alex tries watching Game of Thrones, but gives up ten minutes into an episode, finding herself turning to comment to the empty side of the couch. The pictures of her and Serv aren't gone, but are outnumbered by pictures of her sisters and parents and teammates and Kelley, and even one of just herself right after her first international cap. 

Serv is still there, but seeing him in the stain on the arm of her couch doesn't ache like it did before. 

Some mornings Kelley goes surfing and Alex sleeps in until someone making a smoothie and singing way off key wakes her up. On the days where Kelley doesn't shut off her alarm fast enough, Alex will wander down to the beach, usually bringing a running parachute or a towel to do some yoga on. It's way too cold for Alex to even consider going in the water, but Kelley will stay out until her lips turn blue before she gives up and swims back in. 

Those mornings are Alex's favorites. She relaxes into the smell of the ocean and the feeling of sand between her toes and her hands wrapped around a thermos of coffee and Kelley’s truly awful jokes until the pressure of the upcoming year fades into a tiny dot on an endless horizon. 

//

Alex misses the beginning of preseason because of the Algarve. She goes in to do fitness tests the day before she flies to Portugal, and the reviews from the staff are all positive, and Alex pretends not to notice the wide eyes at some of her results. 

Alex takes the ego boost desperately, clinging onto anything that will make her feel bigger against teams like Japan, Sweden, and Germany. Kelley downloads a playlist onto her phone before she leaves that she calls "kick ass o'clock" which mostly consists of songs like "Eye of the Tiger," "We Are the Champions," and "Sweet Victory."

The first time Alex listens to it, it’s 2:00 AM, and she’s got a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a spoon in the other. Kelley lip syncs dramatically into a fork ("You don't need a spoon for peanut butter, Alex."), stopping only to take too big bites that leave her swallowing over and over again as she tries to keep singing along. 

All of a sudden, nothing calms Alex down quite like DJ Khaled's "All I Do is Win."

It’s an unexpected development, and a secret she'll take to the grave. 

Alex listens to the playlist again and again, and every time she feels the tug of a smile around the corners of her lips and tastes the peanut butter stuck to the roof of her mouth. 

//

Portugal is amazing. 

Alex finally feels like she’s beginning to mesh with the team, both on and off the pitch. They have a couple of team bonding group outings, and pretty soon everyone knows that Alex’s competitive streak doesn’t stay on the field. She gets into extremely heated games of cards with Tobin and races just about anyone to the locker room at the end of practice. The fear of not knowing where to sit at team meals has long since vanished. Everyone is already accustomed to the way she demolishes a plate of food in a terrifyingly short amount of time, and Alex clicks with the team so effortlessly that any seat at any meal is a comfortable one.

It’s Alex who opens up the scoring in the first match. She scores a brace against Denmark, and assists Abby, and they end with five goals and a shutout for Hope. Bud Light’s Woman of the Match Alex Morgan has a nice ring to it, and she rides the high all the way into the next game against Norway. She plays a full 90 again, but the only goals come from Abby and Syd. Norway sneaks one past Hope in stoppage time, and Alex is furious with herself.

Scoring goals in every game during international play shouldn’t be an expectation, but it already feels like one.

Their next game is against Japan, the reigning World Cup Champions. Alex spends just a little bit longer with her headphones in than usual, curled up in her locker.

The loss is brutal.

Alex skies one way above the crossbar with an open net, and gets a breakaway but hits the post. She’s fouled and they score off of the free kick, but it’s ruled a handball and discounted. She hits one wide of the net in the second half, and then hits another one sky high. She gets a cross in, but there’s no one in the box.

Japan scores off of a corner somewhere around the 83rd minute.

The pats on the back she gets feel empty, and when she gets back to the hotel she curls up in bed and Skypes Kelley, who takes one look at her face and says, “You’re being too hard on yourself.”

“I didn’t even say anything!”

“You didn’t have to,” Kelley says, shaking her head. “You’re just starting out with international play and just lost by only one goal to the reigning World Champions. You have months until London, and you’re not supposed to be peaking yet anyway.”

Alex sighs. “Can’t I wallow just a little bit more before you kill it with logic?”

Kelley rolls her eyes. “Okay, you dumb jock. Have fun pouting.”

“Dumb jock? Says the professional soccer player.”

Kelley grins, unable to keep teasing once she hears “professional soccer player,” and Alex smiles right back.

//

Alex wakes up on the day of their game against Sweden with a text from Kelley.

 **O’Where-a?**  
kick those Swedish butts, Alexandra Patricia!!! I mean it!!!

Reading it sparks something warm in her gut, and she carries it with her through the day and all the way up to kickoff.

She scores a hat trick, but the U.S. still come in third. She goes home to LA with a bronze medal and a silver boot, greedy for gold.

//

Sydney had taken 11.

Alex is glad it isn’t another defender, for some reason. Because it’s Syd it feels temporary, like they aren’t trying to replace Ali, but instead like they’re just keeping her seat warm. Alex still remembers Ali’s soft smile right before her first time in a national team game, how she had dropped a hand on Alex’s shoulder and had felt so solid, so sturdy, like absolutely nothing could break her down.

Syd takes 11, but right before she puts her jersey on she always looks at it for a little moment, quiet and still before the chaos.

They’re just keeping her seat warm.

//

Christen didn’t make the Algarve roster, which means she’s been in preseason training with Kelley while Alex was in Portugal.

Alex realizes this at her first practice in LA, extraordinarily jetlagged, when Christen passes Kelley on the way to her locker. Alex realizes and has to stop herself from saying, “Oh, _shit _,” because she feels like just about the worst friend ever.__

Christen and Kelley, however, smile and nod at each other as though they’re friendly teammates and nothing more. Alex shoots Kelley a “we’re best friends and you’re explaining that ASAP” kind of look, but Kelley just smiles that little obnoxious smile of hers and trots out to the field.

Defending doesn’t quite come naturally to Kelley, but each time she over commits on a dodge or tackles recklessly Alex can see her take a deep breath and refocus. Alex will wander out of her room to see her curled up on the couch watching videos of different defenders play, her hair piled into a messy bun and frantically taking notes.

She fumbles against attackers (i.e. Alex) sometimes during scrimmages, but ability to push balls forward comes so effortlessly sometimes Alex forgets that she ever played forward.

She gets a brutal nutmeg on Alex during a scrimmage that then gets taken up for an assist, and so Alex is the one who has to pay for lunch. Kelley hops into her car and gives directions to a tiny hole-in-the-wall Mexican place that has the best guacamole Alex has ever tasted.

“So, you and Christen,” Alex starts with a mouth full of chips.

“What about me and Christen?” Kelley asks innocently.

“Kell,” she groans. “Come on, tell me what’s up.”

Alex taps Kelley’s leg under the table with her foot until she says, “Fine, fine.”

Kelley swirls the straw in her water around a couple of times, smirking when Alex makes a noise of exasperation and flicks a piece of pico de gallo across the table.

“Honestly, there’s not that much to report,” she finally says, shrugging. “We’ve been friendly, I guess, but she seems weirdly, I don’t know…” Kelley twists her mouth back and forth for a moment. “Reserved, maybe. I think I might be making her uncomfortable.”

Alex tilts her head a bit to show that she’s listening, but lets Kelley continue her thought instead of speaking herself.

“Or maybe she just doesn’t want to make _me _uncomfortable.” Kelley sighs. “Basically it’s kind of weird but I’m more fine than I thought I’d be.”__

“Are you gonna talk to her about it?”

“No way. That sounds like the adult thing to do.”

Alex snorts into her drink, rather unattractively, and Kelley’s grin looks just as bright as it always does.

//

They both start the first match of the regular season, and they both get a full 90. It’s a home game against New York, and Alex finds Abby during warm-ups to say hi.

It’s hard to believe how much her life has changed in the last year, sometimes.

They shed their warmup jackets, Kelley’s navy blue jersey contrasting sharply with her white _O’Hara 19 _and the stadium rumbling with the anticipation Alex can feel resting just under her own skin. The minute the first whistle blows, Kelley’s the rock their back four were so desperate for last season. Abby, and the rest of New York’s attackers, quickly learn to focus their attention to the right since the left is entirely locked down.__

Kelley plays that first game with a confidence and ease that had been nearly present but still missing during preseason.

It’s hard to believe how much her life has changed, especially when their cheering section, the Lightning Bolts, start chanting her name only seven minutes into the match. Alex has gone from a second half rookie to their starting starpower in just under six months, and as she jumps a couple of times before a corner kick she realizes that this is only the beginning.

This can only be the beginning because she isn’t slowing down anytime soon.

The corner is a beautiful one, and Alex slams a deflected header past the goalie and into the net. The crowd explodes into cheers and suddenly Kelley’s on her back and it's only her voice that cuts through all the mayhem.

“That’s my girl!”

//

Alex gets lunch with Abby the next day. Kelley gets dragged along.

“You’ll get along so well,” Alex promises in the car, eyes focused on the road ahead of them. “Your senses of humor are super similar.”

Kelley still looks vaguely anxious, and Alex can remember so clearly the nerves that rolled across her entire torso that first game she played against Abby. She takes one of her hands off the steering wheel to pull at Kelley’s fingers until they’re interlocked with her own. “You nervous?” She teases.

“Shut up,” Kelley mutters. Her voice sounds serious, but Alex sees the smile threatening to break across her cheeks. She squeezes Kelley’s hand and taps her fingers to the beat of an indie rock song she doesn’t know the words to.

And of course the first thing Abby says is, “So _this _is who Alex won’t shut up about. Nice to meet you, Kelley.”__

Alex shoots Abby a glare, but Kelley just responds, “Yeah, she’s really obsessed with me. Nice to meet you, too.” 

By the time they’re shaking hands they’re laughing like they’ve known each other for months, and Alex doesn’t know whether she’s glad or terrified.

Lunch is fun. If Alex hadn’t known Kelley was nervous beforehand she never could’ve guessed it. They brag a bit about having shut out New York the night before, and Abby quickly changes the subject by loudly asking Alex if she’s started watching Breaking Bad yet.

When they finally head out—Abby insisting on taking the check—Alex is stuffed. Her cheeks ache from laughing and she flings an arm around Kelley’s shoulders on the way back to her car, feeling lighter even though she’s consumed about half of her body weight in food.

Kelley drives them back, and Alex rolls the windows down all the way.

//

Their season continues strong after that first win against New York, in large part due to Kelley’s sudden and phenomenal success as their starting left-back. She outpaces forwards that have just been subbed in after she’s spent 80 minutes of sprinting up and down the left plank, and Alex isn’t the only one who notices. In their second home game, she takes a risky tackle against a Chicago forward that comes out absolutely clean. The ball gets bounced to the right, where it’s cleared up to midfield. Alex jogs ahead to get into a good position and fights a smile as she listens to the stadium chant Kelley’s name for the first time.

It’s not the last.

Kelley’s named Player of the Match of their first away game, a game against Kansas City that leaves Alex with black and blue polka dot shins. Christen had slammed in the only goal of the game, a shot that seemed entirely improbable until the ball was curled into the back of net.

Christen’s been doing well too—not quite as well as Kelley, but still extraordinarily well considering that she hadn’t seen the pitch much in Orlando at all. Alex is two goals above her, but Christen has an ability to score when it seems absolutely impossible that Alex can’t even hope to accomplish. After the Kansas City game Christen gets pulled to do press (which Kelley makes three too many puns about), so Alex doesn’t see her in the locker room until she’s already showered. Instead of looking happy, which she should after playing a phenomenal game, she looks like she’s on the verge of tears. Alex tries to catch Kelley’s attention, but her silly best friend is too busy trying to learn to do the worm.

Hesitantly, Alex approaches Christen. “Great game today, Press,” she says brightly.

Christen seems startled by her voice, despite the fact that she had seen Alex walk up to her. “Thanks, Alex. You too.”

“No, really,” Alex insists. “That shot was _insane _, and you almost got like four other ones.”__

“Almost doesn’t win games,” Christen mutters, turning around and pulling off her shirt.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Christen shakes her head and collects her shampoo and towel. “I’ve gotta hop in the shower, Alex.”

“Yeah, sure,” she says, letting Christen pass.

Kelley is still failing spectacularly at doing the worm, so Alex doesn’t get a chance to bring it up until they’re on the bus back to the hotel, with Alex leaning against the window and her legs thrown over Kelley’s thighs. Alex tugs out one of Kelley’s earbuds to get her attention and says, “Do you think something’s up with Christen?”

Two of the even-more-rookie-than-Alex players are yelling about something in the row in front of them, so Alex doesn’t worry about being overheard. Kelley dips her head forward and whispers anyway. “I dunno, Al. I can’t tell if she’s being weird around me because we’re awkward exes or if she’s being weird all the time.”

Alex sighs and Kelley shrugs, offering her one of her earbuds for the remainder of the ride. 

Alex leans her head back against the window and lets herself drift off just a little bit to whatever indie song is pumping through the headphones. Kelley’s fingers absentmindedly trace little patterns into the knee of her sweatpants in a way that almost tickles and leaves goosebumps trailing along Alex’s legs.

 _Mama once told me_  
_You're already home where you feel love_  
_I am lost in my mind_  
_I get lost in my mind_

//

Their first loss of the season arrives when Portland comes to town. Kelley goes right where she should go left and leaves a hole in their defense for just a moment. 

A moment is all Christine Sinclair needs.

Kelley sprints to try and outpace her, her cleats nearly clipping at Sinclair’s heels, but it’s too late. Through the throng of celebrating red jerseys Alex watches Kelley suck in a huge breath, release it slowly, and jog back to her position.

The game only goes down from there.

Kelley is covering the left like a woman possessed, which leaves the majority of Portland’s attacks coming in on the right and down the center. It's eighty minutes in and LA is out of subs, still unable to score, when their right back goes down in a crunching tackle. She gets up again, throwing a thumbs up towards the stands, but favors her left ankle heavily.

The final score is 4-0, and Alex plasters a smile on her face as she signs the jerseys of person after person after person. In the locker room, Kelley is silent as she changes, and Alex glances over and sees Christen wiping angrily at her eyes.

Kelley drives them back, and Alex doesn’t bother rolling down the windows.

They collapse onto Kelley’s couch with a complete sense of defeat ringing in their bones.

“Losing _sucks _.”__

Alex laughs at Kelley’s sudden and vehement exclamation, and when Kelley cracks a smile they’re fine again.

//

Christen is _not _fine.__

Alex can tell—hell, she isn’t even sure how anyone is missing it.

Every game they play, whether it ends in a win or a loss, Christen seems withdrawn, and frankly, she seems sad. Alex figures that it’ll change the first game she scores a brace, but afterwards in the locker room Christen looks just as downtrodden as she usually does.

“It doesn’t make any sense, Kell,” Alex insists, cramming her phone between her shoulder and ear so she can weigh two different avocados, shivering slightly in the cold aisles of the grocery store.

“Maybe she’s going through some family stuff,” Kelley suggests, although even she sounds unsure of herself. 

“I just feel like such a bad teammate, seeing her like that and not doing anything.” Alex chooses the left avocado and reaches up to adjust her phone again.

“We can’t force her to tell us stuff.” Kelley’s voice is soft and reassuring, and it soothes Alex’s worries for just a little bit more. “Hey, did you get my chocolate milk?”

“Yes, I got your weird, gross chocolate milk,” Alex mutters, looking at it with distaste. “What’s wrong with Nesquik, I’ll never know—”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that, Alexandra.”

Alex pauses, grinning as she makes her way towards the cereal. “Say what?”

“That’s what I thought.”

//

Christen scores a brace during an away game in Orlando, against the team that had drafted her and then turned around and traded her straight off to LA. Kelley and the rest of the back line lock down their offense, and they end with a score of 3-0. Alex doesn’t score—one of the veteran midfielders gets one off of a set piece—but she plays well enough that she’s willing to take the victory and not be upset.

It’s the first time she sees Christen smiling in the locker room after a game. Kelley is talking a bit too loud, and gesticulating a lot with her hands, and Christen’s smile is genuine enough that her nose crinkles just a little bit. They both laugh at whatever Kelley has said, and Christen stays smiling even when Alex’s best friend walks back to her locker.

Alex smiles when Kelley glances her way, but there’s something uncomfortable rolling across her lower stomach.

Maybe she’s more upset about the game than she realized. She spends a couple more minutes in the shower than usual, and by the time Kelley’s legs are thrown over her lap on the bus, the feeling’s gone.

//

Alex gets called up for a friendly against China PR. It’s last minute, in the new fancy stadium in Portland, set up to bring in a revenue bump before the Olympics, but Alex takes one look at the depth in the defenders called up and knows there’s more than just that behind it. Their backline had fluctuated throughout the Algarve, Lori sometimes stepping in to play defense instead of midfield. With Ali gone until at least October Pia must be looking to fill a defender spot for London.

Well, that’s what she sees on the first glance. She goes back over it, confused why HAO has been put under the defenders, when she realizes that it isn’t O’Reilly that she sees.

It’s O’Hara.

As in, Kelley O’Hara. Kelley O’Hara, her best friend, brand new defender for the LA Thunder Football Club. Kelley O’Hara who picked soccer back up practically only ten months ago.

It takes Alex four tries to get her key into Kelley’s lock, and when she finally busts in it’s to see Kelley sitting on her couch watching some cooking show.

“Kelley.”

Alex barely recognizes her own voice. It’s strangely breathless but it echoes off of the walls of the silent apartment and Kelley must’ve not heard the door open because her head snaps around at the sound of her name.

“I kinda thought it was a joke, but it isn’t, right? Pia’s not pulling a fast one on me?”

Alex shakes her head, still a little too shocked to say much. “Not her style.”

“Awesome.” Kelley’s voice is barely above a whisper. “I need to call my parents.”

“Mmhmm,” Alex hums, her mind still reeling.

“Holy _shit _.” Kelley suddenly yells. Alex jumps and is startled into smiling once she sees Kelley’s grin. There’s something climbing up her throat, something that tastes an awful lot like pride.__

“Holy shit!” Kelley gets up quickly, running a hand through her hair as she turns on the spot, like she’s already forgotten where she was going. “What number am I going to be? Buehler has 19, not like I’d even try to fight her for that.”

“Um, I don’t think we’ve had a clear number five since Tarpley announced her retirement.”

“God, I’m not going to get a number that low. I’ll probably be like, 24 or something, right?” Kelley still has a hand in her hair, and shuffles around in a way that’s almost like pacing, but not quite.

Alex doesn’t answer, instead going over to wrap her into a hug, feeling Kelley’s heartbeat racing where their necks are pressed together. Kelley’s hands fist into the back of her shirt, and when Alex takes a deep breath Kelley follows.

“I’m proud of you, Kell,” Alex says, not even caring that she gets some of Kelley’s hair stuck in her mouth. “You’re so—” Alex cuts herself off, searching for what exactly she wants to say.

“You’re unstoppable.”

//

Press gets called up too, and they all fly up to Portland together, Kelley too restless and Christen too still. Press has the window seat, and Kelley gets the middle, Alex getting the aisle because of her mouse-sized bladder. Kelley usually fights for the aisle, but is unusually quiet. She does hogs the armrest, but Alex lets her get away with it when she glances at the fingers drumming away, such a tiny gesture filled with more anxiety than Alex previously thought possible. They’ve only been in the air for ten minutes when Alex laces her fingers between Kelley’s to make her stop, spotting Christen’s grateful look out of the corner of her eye.

“Think you can beat me at tic tac toe for once?”

Kelley shoots Alex a look, but fishes the pen out of her backpack anyway. “I know what you’re doing,” she says as she draws four crossing lines on the napkin Alex got with her water.

“Whatever am I doing, Kelley, my darling?”

“You’re trying to distract me,” Kelley says as she marks an X right in the middle.

“Is it working?” Alex asks as she puts her O in the bottom left corner.

Kelley takes the pen back, fighting as smile as she twirls it between her fingers. “Maybe.”

//

Kelley’s rooming with Cap, and Alex with Becky. She’s one member of the team that Alex hasn’t gotten to spend much time with, so she’s happy to be able to get some extra bonding in. Syd is next door with Mittsy, so they immediately agree to keep the door firmly locked at all times.

Becky’s got a stack of books already set up on her nightstand, and Alex is glad because she completely forgot to pack anything to read. She’s looking through them, trying to find one that sparks her interest, when there’s what sounds like ten people knocking on the door.

Alex goes to open it, and it isn’t ten people, just the very excited faces of Tobin, Cheney, and A-Rod.

“Is Kelley here?”

“She flew in with you, right?”

“What room is she in?”

Alex raises an eyebrow, waiting for them to give her a moment to speak before saying, “She’s in 315 with Cap.” To their rapidly retreating backs she yells, “Don’t mess with her, guys. No saying breakfast starts at 5:00 or anything, okay?”

She gets an absentminded, “Sure, Alex,” and a thumbs up, but she still texts Kelley and tells her to ask before she does something stupid.

 **Kell-Bell**  
Ok mom

Alex rolls her eyes but accepts the response anyway.

A crash comes from the wall they share with Syd and Mittsy, and Alex locks the door.

//

Alex sleeps better that first night than she ever has at camp, soothed by the rhythm of a national team that are beginning to feel less like teammates and more like friends.

//

They run a beep test the next morning, much to nearly everyone’s dismay.

“We already did one in December,” Amy groans as she lines up next to Alex. Dawn shoots her a look, and she raises her hands and assumes an innocent expression. She grins unnaturally wide as she says, “Which is why I’m so excited to show off my new and improved fitness.” There’s a ripple of laughter that goes around, and Alex feels herself relax a bit at the smile on Dawn’s face as she tells Amy to put her toes on the line.

Alex doesn’t say anything, but she notices Kelley stretching off to the side, her jaw set in an absolute focus Alex has come to associate with her best friend on a soccer field. She’s been put into the group with HAO, and Alex hopes that her burning lungs and legs won’t stop her from enjoying the awesomeness of them pushing each other.

Alex’s number is okay by Dawn’s standards and three higher than she was in December. She drains half of a water bottle and dumps the rest over her head, relishing the feeling of it soaking into her bra. By the time she feels like she can breathe again, Kelley is already halfway in, running neck and neck with HAO and Cheney. Cheney taps out two after Alex did, and soon everyone is shouting encouragement as both HAO and Kelley’s faces get more and more flushed. Their legs flail as they run, the quick and controlled movements of the first thirty shuttles long gone. Part of Alex is aware of Heif off to the side with a cameraman, but most of her is concerned with screaming herself hoarse and clapping until her hands are as red as Kelley’s cheeks.

A resounding cheer goes up when Heather taps out, both to congratulate her and to keep pushing Kelley.

“Come on, Kell,” Alex yells, her voice already a little raspier than usual from all the screaming she’s been doing. “What do you always tell me in training?”

“Alex, she can’t, like, respond,” Abby says, laughing a bit.

Alex ignores her. “Go until you can’t anymore and then do two more.” She claps a couple more times, ignoring the stinging in her palms. “Let’s go, O’Hara, come on.”

By the time Kelley finally bows out, the entire team is cheering like they’ve just won a gold something, and Pia wanders over to Dawn and looks at something over her shoulder.

“Alright, group two get ready.”

Kelley drags herself over to the water, still gasping for breath. Alex hands her a bottle, and right as it looks like she’s about to sit they hear Dawn call out, “Walk it off, O’Hara, we don’t need any lactic acid buildup.”

Kelley nods, her chest still heaving, and paces back and forth, taking sips of water whenever she can afford to hold her breath for a second.

Tobin comes out ahead in the next round, but she’s six behind Kelley’s new record. Alex searches for her, wondering if she’s still pacing around, and sees her off to the side, talking to Heif with a camera stuck in her face.

Alex grins and takes another sip of water.

//

“I’ve literally never been so exhausted in my entire life,” Kelley says as she collapses into the seat next to Alex.

Alex laughs as she takes a look at Kelley’s loaded plate. “Ice bath tonight?”

Kelley groans. “I hate to say it, but I’m almost excited.”

“You’ll learn to love them,” Carli chimes in from a table away. Mittsy nods sagely, but her wise look is diminished by the piece of kale Syd smacks her in the cheek with when she walks past.

“Doubtful,” Kelley shoots back. “I’m from Georgia, we don’t do well with cold.”

Alex rolls her eyes. “You get snow in Atlanta.”

“Yeah, we get a quarter of an inch and the entire city shuts down.”

By the time Tobin joins them, both Kelley and Alex are giggling and can’t quite remember what set them off.

“You know, the second grade girl impression you guys are doing is really impressive.”

Alex kicks Tobin under the table, and Kelley sticks out her tongue, which probably doesn’t help.

//

Alex spends the majority of the second day with Syd, Abby, and Tobin. Practice is mostly drills with a couple of scrimmages in the afternoon, and Alex finds herself on the same team as Kelley for the first one and against her for the second. When she’s icing the bruises that litter her shins and thighs later that night, Alex realizes that she really rather prefers being on Kelley’s team.

Kelley sits with Cap that night at dinner, actively ignoring Alex’s raised eyebrow. Alex manages to grab her wrist as she’s leaving the dining room, hot on Hope and Mittsy’s tail.

“What’s up?”

Alex just looks at her, and Kelley rolls her eyes. “They’re giving me defense pointers and stuff. I’m not ruining your rep with the cool kids.”

It’s Alex’s turn to roll her eyes. She gives Kelley a little shove towards the door. “Make good choices. Don’t let Mittsy convince you to pull a prank on Pia.”

Kelley laughs as she walks away, and Alex’s desire to follow her is forgotten when Syd throws an arm around her shoulder and says, “Want to try and get Abby to wear a facemask?”

Alex barely takes a glance at Abby’s panicked face before nodding rigorously.

The facemasks are sticky and green and when Alex goes to say goodnight to Kelley her best friend breaks into “It’s Not Easy Being Green” until Alex is forced to leave in order to save her ears.

//

The game against China is a surprisingly dirty one.

Alex and Abby both start, with plans for Alex to go out for Syd at half-time. From the second the whistle blows all the way until then, Alex finds herself defended so closely she can’t pivot without turning into someone new. China’s offense is no match for Cap, and certainly no match for Hope. By the time it’s thirty minutes in Hope has only touched the ball once, and it was from a slow, long kick that she didn’t even need to pick up.

Alex feels a foot against her shin when she’s charging for the box, and when she goes down she goes down hard, unable to stop herself from rolling forward. Her arm twinges a bit from where she fell on it, but the lingering ache is forgotten when she sees the ref pointing for a PK.

Carli is the one who takes it, and the Chinese goalkeeper lunges for the wrong side. The stadium nearly explodes, and suddenly there’s red, white, and blue smoke being shot out over their heads.

It’s the only goal scored before halftime, but Alex has a feeling that they’ll be getting more in the second half. Alex gets subbed out for Syd, and LePeilbet goes out for Kelley.

In the locker room, Kelley listens to Pia with an absolute focus that is contradicted by her bouncing knee and twiddling fingers. Alex stands with her on the sidelines, and does her cool-down stretches as Kelley does her warm-ups. Alex wears her pinny with pride, happy with how she played in the first half even though she wasn’t able to score. Syd is fired up, bouncing back and forth on her toes, and she smacks almost everyone’s ass. She even tries to go for Dawn, but Barnie manages to grab her before she can. Kelley watches it happen and laughs her classic Kelley laugh, the one that can cheer Alex up on her worst days. 

“Nervous?” She asks as Kelley takes her last few sips of water.

“Who wouldn’t be nervous?”

“Fair enough.” Alex pulls her into a hug, quick but tight. “But don’t be. It’s just another 90 minutes.”

Kelley grins and stands at the sideline, twenty-four glowing green above her head.

//

That night at the hotel, Alex does some internet surfing.

It’s been a couple of hours, so there are a few different sports websites that have published little bit articles about their game. Alex clicks on the first one she sees and scrolls through it searching for their second half report, itching to see something she agrees with.

She isn’t disappointed.

"...perhaps the most surprising discovery was made in Kelley O’Hara, who made her first senior national team appearance. O’Hara came in as a left-back, the position she’s been playing for the LA Thunder all season. She did make several appearances for the youth national teams, most notably in the 2006 U-20 WWC in Russia. It’s now clear that O’Hara’s natural skill and grit on the field hasn’t faded despite her many years reprieve from the soccer world, and she showed up ready to play. From the moment she stepped onto the field she was in total control of her position. Her vision for the game and ability to get the ball forward is unlike anything the USWNT has seen in a left-back in a very long time. Sydney Leroux scored two goals, yes, but it’s Kelley O’Hara who made that win count tonight, tallying an assist and doing more than should be possible for playing only forty-five minutes. This won’t be the last we see of her."

Alex bookmarks the article and sends it to Kelley. She falls asleep smiling.

//

They fly back with Christen, who had completed another camp without a cap.

Alex can’t help but think she looks a little relieved.

//

Alex wakes up on Tuesday to the sound of her phone ringing.

It’s Kelley, of course.

“Kell,” Alex mutters, not bothering to pull her face out of the pillows. “Why are you calling me this early on our day off?”

“It’s 9:30, Al.” 

When all Alex does is groan Kelley continues, “It’s 9:30 and I left my keys to you apartment in your apartment, so. I want to use your shower, please and thank you.”

“You have your own shower,” Alex grumbles as she kicks the covers off and pads down the hallway.

“Yeah, but your water pressure is better and I want to get the salt out of my hair.” Alex opens the door to Kelley in a bikini top and a rolled down wetsuit, the phone still pressed to her ear. She grins up at her, and Alex tries to smile back with limited success. 

“Thank you for waking up for me, Sleeping Beauty,” Kelley says, blowing past Alex with a quick kiss to her cheek. “Do you still have—”

“A towel in there for you? Yeah, it’s the green one.”

“Love you to bits, Al!” Kelley slams the bathroom door right as Alex realizes she has to pee. 

Alex weighs the pros and cons of going across the hall to Kelley’s bathroom, and eventually decides that she doesn’t want to risk the off chance that Ben The Creepy Neighbor might see her in her boyshorts. Instead, Alex raps on her own bathroom door and cracks it open just a bit.

“Kell, I’ve got to pee, okay?”

“‘Kay.”

Alex steps over Kelley's discarded wetsuit, hopping a little bit as the need to pee only grows. Being in the bathroom with Kelley as she showers isn't that weird at all, which is a relief. They've seen each other naked in the locker room a couple of times, and Alex's shower curtain is foggy anyway. 

"The waves were really good today." Kelley says, yelling a bit to be heard over the water. 

"Yeah?" Alex yells back. 

"Yeah, I think I saw some dolphins too."

"That's nice." Alex pulls up her boy shorts and steps over Kelley's wetsuit again. "Don't use all my conditioner," she tells before shutting the door. 

"I won't!" Kelley's reply is faint, blocked by the door. 

Alex doesn't believe that for a second, but she can always go steal some of Kelley's if she needs to. She wanders down the hall to the kitchen, briefly considering trying to make pancakes before deciding to go for cereal instead. She scrolls through twitter as she eats and waits for the coffee to brew, responding to whatever silly thing Syd had tweeted at her the night before. 

"Hey, Alex?" Kelley calls from down the hall. 

"Yeah?" She yells back, her mouth full of cereal. 

"Where'd you put my underwear?"

"It's on the left side of the drawer, top shelf." Alex waits and listens to the sound of Kelley opening and closing a couple of drawers before she hears, "Got it!"

Kelley wanders down the hall a few minutes later in an LA Thunder t-shirt and a pair of old sweatpants that Alex thinks might be Jeri’s. Her hair's wet, but combed, and she grabs the box of cereal as she makes her way to sit on the counter. 

"Sleep well?" Kelley asks as she pops some dry cereal into her mouth. 

"Well, I did until someone woke me up."

Kelley rolls her eyes. "Oh relax, it wasn't like you were going to sleep past ten anyway. You went to bed at what, 9:45?" She throws some more cereal into her mouth, grinning. 

"It was 10:30," Alex grumbles, getting up to put her bowl in the sink. "And it's not like you went to bed any later than I did, you old lady."

"This old lady got hit on at the beach," Kelley mocks, swinging her legs. "By a really cute surfer, too. _And _I got that girl’s number at the bar last Friday.”__

Alex rolls her eyes. “You got that girl’s number because you were wearing the dress you shrunk in the wash three weeks ago.” She pours herself a cup of coffee, raising a second mug to ask if Kelley wants one as well.

She shakes her head at the mug but says, “ _Yeah _, Al. You just proved my point. I get digits ‘cause I’m a cutie with a booty.”__

Alex snorts right as she swallows her first sip of coffee, sending most of it out of her nose and down her shirt. Alex shoots Kelley a murderous look, but she just cackles victoriously. Still laughing, she finds Alex a napkin, blotting delicately at her chin and chest. 

“You’re a mess, pal,” she says, a smile still playing at the corners of her mouth.

Alex tries to keep glaring, but before long they’re both giggling wildly, grasping each other’s forearms, giddy with laughter and joy and something else, something unnamable, resting just under the surface.

//

They tie a couple of games, some with no goals and some with too many. They tie a game they should’ve won, and a game they should’ve lost.

By the end of May, Alex is tired of even scores. She’s tired of getting single point after single point and loitering somewhere in the middle of the table. She’s tired of the look on Kelley’s face every time their backline concedes a goal, and she’s tired of plastering a smile on her face as she signs autographs over the barrier when what she really wants to do is get takeout, go home, and make Kelley give her a foot massage.

Alex is tired. Their bye week feels like a goddamn gift. She hangs out with her mom and gets both a manicure and a pedicure, just because she can. 

Kelley spends her weekend at the beach, soaking up the sun and staying in the water until her fingers and toes are all shriveled up. Alex wanders down with her on Sunday, wearing a bikini but not planning on getting in the water. If everything goes perfectly, she’ll be in Sweden and England before long, and her tan has to be amazing before then. She spends a couple of hours out in the sun, dozing and reading, and eventually Kelley drops down next to her. 

Her wetsuit is already peeled down to her waist, and there’s a faint tan line wrapping around her wrists. Kelley’s freckles stand out so much more sharply than they had a month ago, and the skin on her nose is peeling just a little bit. Alex hands her a towel and waits until she wipes off her face and arms before holding out a water bottle too.

“Thanks, pal,” Kelley says, shooting Alex a quick grin. “How was your tanning sesh?”

“Exactly what I needed,” Alex says, sighing and laying back against her towel. “We’re going to demolish Sky Blue next weekend.”

“And then you’re going to go to Sweden and crush the defending world champions.”

“Kelley,” she groans. “You’re going to jinx it.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Kelley says, laughing. “Do you know when they’re releasing the roster?”

“Sometime in the next few days, probably. That’s why I didn’t leave my phone at the apartment.”

Alex’s phone is, in fact, lying on the towel next to her, the volume on her ringer all the way up. Kelley is careful not to fling any water onto it as she shucks off the rest of her wetsuit and lays her own towel out next to Alex.

“Do you think I can isolate the tan to my arms and stomach? Maybe if I cover the rest of my body with a towel—”

“You’re kidding yourself if you think you’re going to get anything but more freckles, Kell.”

Kelley’s suddenly quiet, and the next thing Alex knows there’s cold water being dripped onto her hot stomach.

“ _Kelley _!” Alex sits up to see her wringing her hair out and sporting a cheeky grin. Alex shoves her, but can’t keep herself from letting out the smallest smile, one that pokes out at just the corners of her mouth.__

She should probably give up on trying not to smile around Kelley, anyway.

They stay out until it feels like their skin is made of rubber, and when they go get lunch Alex’s face feels hot and Kelley laughs free and easy without a single thought of how loud she’s being. It’s Alex’s favorite Kelley, the one who’s unapologetically joyful and whose eyes crinkle in a specific way that makes Alex’s stomach feel tight.

They laugh and eat salads even though they both want burgers and Alex feels something click back into place.

//

In the next week, five things happen:

LA Thunder defeats Sky Blue FC 3-0.

Stephanie Cox breaks her ankle.

Alex makes the London Olympics Roster.

Whitney Engen tears her MCL.

Kelley gets a phone call from Pia Sundhage.

//

(Alex doesn’t know about that last one.)

//

Their victory over Sky Blue comes off of a brace from Alex and a penalty kick that she drew. Christen’s the one who takes it, slamming in a low ball in the left corner and throwing her arms up to an explosion of cheers.

Their shutout is courtesy of Kelley and her save off the line in the 78th minute. The second it happens Alex knows it’s going to be in a couple of different soccer highlights of the month videos, and probably make SportsCenter as well. It’s not exactly pretty, but it does the job. The ball hits Kelley soundly in the face and bounces back into the box, where it then gets cleared to way up the field. Kelley gets up smiling, the lower half of her face streaked with blood and the crowd roaring all around.

Alex wears her pride in a matching grin.

//

Alex’s phone doesn’t leave her hand for all of Saturday. She waits for a phone call with uncontrollable desire and desperation running rampant across her gut.

Kelley might be more anxious than she is. She keeps texting and making Alex freak out at the vibrations until Alex finally makes her come across the hall so she can be there when it happens. They sprawl out on the couch, and since her phone is in her hand they start a Words With Friends game, which almost always evolves into curses thrown across the room and kicking feet.

This game is no different. When they start Kelley’s legs are thrown up in Alex’s lap, and Alex’s own feet are resting on the coffee table. Kelley lays down when the game begins, holding her phone close to her face to keep Alex from seeing her letters.

“You’re gonna lose this time,” Kelley mutters, sticking her tongue out just a bit.

“Yeah, right,” Alex replies, dragging a fingernail across the arch of Kelley’s foot and smirking when her leg jerks. Kelley isn’t going to win, because Alex is forty points ahead. At least, she’s forty points ahead until Kelley manages to get 62 points on “za.” 

Alex throws Kelley’s legs off of her lap. “That isn’t even a fucking _word _,” she seethes.__

“I don’t make the rules, baby!” Kelley says, grinning wide and barely holding back laughter.

“Whatever,” Alex mutters, tossing her phone onto the coffee table and crossing her arms.

“Aww, pal,” Kelley says, unable to stop a little bit of giggle from escaping. She crawls back over until she’s pressed up to Alex’s side, wrapping Alex up in a too-tight hug. “Buddy. It’s okay, babes, you’ll survive this loss.” She pauses dramatically. “I think.”

“Fuck _off _, Kelley,” Alex growls, attempting to escape her grip.__

Kelley sways back and forth, giggling more wildly, but whatever she’s going to say next is cut off by Alex’s phone starting to ring.

“Oh my god,” Kelley mutters, sounding shocked even though she’d insisted she was expecting Alex to get the call earlier.

Alex stares at her phone, buzzing it’s way towards the edge of the table, the contact name reading “US Soccer.”

“Are you gonna answer it?” Kelley half-whispers.

Alex snaps out of her daze, lunging forward and grabbing her phone before it can fall off of the table. “Hello?”

Kelley’s arms drop to circle around her waist, holding her breath as she presses their heads together so that she can hear too.

“Alex, this is Pia.”

Kelley flails a little bit, but stills when Alex smacks her sharply on the thigh.

“Hi, how are you?”

“Great, thank you. I’m calling to let you know that you’ll be on the roster for the 2012 London Olympics, and the friendlies in Sweden next month.”

She doesn’t remember the rest of the phone call, but she does remember Kelley’s hands pressed tight against her stomach. She remembers Kelley’s breath, hot and quick, puffing over and over again at the spot where Alex’s jaw meets her neck. Alex remembers that afternoon like an old painting in a museum; clear and full from far away but filled with smudged lines when she looks up close. The paint is too thick in some places and too thin in others, but to Alex it’s a masterpiece.

It’s the perfect memory.

//

Kelley’s focus in training the day before Alex flies out to Sweden is sharper than she’s ever seen it. Her tackles are ruthless (but clean), and her passes skid through open legs like they’re being dodged on purpose. Kelley pays for dinner that night as a send-off treat; it only takes seven minutes for Alex to stick two chopsticks in her mouth to make walrus tusks. It makes Kelley snort water up her nose and Alex doesn’t even mind that the chopsticks ending up falling to the floor. They’re laughing too hard to care. Kelley dares Alex to pop the whole blob of wasabi in her mouth, and Alex only relents when Kelley promises to do it at the same time. They sit around long after the check is paid, but eventually Alex’s unpacked suitcase calls to her.

On the drive home both of their mouths burn and Alex’s anxious excitement about leaving is shadowed with some kind of lingering sadness she doesn’t quite understand.

By the time she wakes up, Kelley’s feet pressed in between her calves, the menu screen to a movie she doesn’t remember watching still looping, the feeling is gone.

//

The minute they get to Sweden they’re thrown into a training camp more intense than Alex has ever experienced. Double days become synonymous with a regular day, and ice baths become Alex’s new best friend. Tobin and Abby end up in one with her the first day, and by the time she gets out her stomach is aching from laughter almost as much as her legs are aching from running more in a single day than she has in her entire life. The pace is brutal, but the more she finds her groove in the team dynamics both on and off the pitch the easier it is to buckle down and focus on soccer. She makes an effort to sit with different people at each meal, and get to know the few faces she hasn’t already. Alex can feel the whole team meshing together, can see it in the way they sit around after practice, can hear it in the laughter coming from Syd’s room at nearly every hour.

It’s the third day of practice when things start to go wrong.

Meghan Klingenberg, a defender who has two national team caps that hadn’t overlapped with Alex’s, goes down during a scrimmage right before lunch. She’s one of their alternates, but the team was already short on defenders after Krieger’s ACL tear in January. With Pia’s choice to put Lori Lindsey on the roster as a defense/midfield hybrid, things look even more grim defensively. Kling goes down clutching her shin after a crunching tackle from Pinoe and Pia tells the team at dinner that it’s a fractured tibia. The building trust they had in their group feels suddenly unsteady, the rest of dinner somber. Even HAO’s jokes fall a bit flat, and Abby’s story is one they’ve all heard before.

The next morning at breakfast, Pia and the rest of the staff address the team.

“We’ll be filling the alternate spot,” she tells them as Alex responds to Kelley’s texts under the table.

Abby nudges her. Alex hums in response without looking up, finishing her text first. Alex can tell Kelley is about to fall asleep from the spelling mistakes that riddle every message, but she’ll have to wait hours before they can talk again.

“You should pay attention, Baby Horse,” Abby says, smirking.

Alex wrinkles her nose and flicks Abby on the arm, locking her phone and putting it face down on the table. “Fine,” she mutters. “Whatever you say, mom.”

Abby makes a classic “ew” face and leaves Alex muffling a laugh, but Pia continues on talking about the day’s plans without acknowledging them. Maybe she’s so used to Abby goofing off that it doesn’t even phase her anymore. Alex is pretty sure Abby could do whatever she wanted at this point. She and Hope and Cap seem untouchable to Alex, but maybe that’s just their professionalism seeping through.

The minute Alex thinks she’s got a hold on everything her head implodes with pressure of knowing how far she still has to go.

The rest of the meeting passes in a blur, and Alex spends the bus ride to the field destroying Tobin at thumb war. Her quads ache from yesterday’s afternoon gym session, but as she stretches on the sidelines she decides that she is going to refuse to let it affect her performance. Cheney helps her stretch it out a bit more, and by the time they get into drills Alex’s muscles feel soft and malleable in the best way. She muses about taking up yoga during a passing drill, and is abruptly snapped out of her daydream when a whistle is blown sharply from the sidelines.

Pia is standing with a clipboard, looking stern but somehow unintimidating like she always does. She sets up teams for a scrimmage, and Alex and Abby work up top together. Alex is still a bit surprised at how well they can read each other on the field, but there is absolutely no way she’s going to voice that surprise at all. All she can think of are Kelley’s last words to her when she dropped Alex off at the airport.

“Fake it till you make it, pal. Break a leg!”

The “break a leg” comment makes her cringe just a little bit, now that she has that image of Kling curled up on the grass, but Alex fully intends to make strong on the wish of “fake it till you make it.”

Maybe somewhere along the way she’ll stop feeling like she’s faking it.

//

“Do you know who they’re going to call up?”

Carli shrugs as she takes a bite of something excessively leafy. Alex looks over to Hope who shrugs as well. “Probably Stephanie Cox,” she says.

“She broke her ankle, I thought,” Amy says.

Hope frowns. “Oh shit, you’re right.”

“Yeah.”

“Could be Whit,” Alex chimes in.

“Ooo, soccer debate,” Tobin says as she slides into the remaining empty chair.

“Talking about the alternate spot,” Lauren fills her in.

“Oh, it’s gonna be Whit, no question.”

Amy raises an eyebrow in Hope’s direction, and Carli attempts to fit another large leaf into her mouth. Alex grins at Hope’s almost comically serious ‘thinking face,’ but her attention is diverted to the phone that buzzes under her thigh.

 **Kelleyan O’Hare**  
Kling injury? Is she out?

Alex unlocks her phone and responds with a quick _yeah _, but is fast to put her phone away since Pinoe had already made fun of her for having out nearly all the time.__

 **Kelleyan O’Hare**  
Any top secret info?? I’m guessing whit

“Kelley thinks it’ll be Whit, too,” Alex chimes in.

“Didn’t Whit tear her MCL?” Lauren asks.

“Shit, did she?” Alex asks, looking at the rest of the table as she texts Kelley the same question.

_Fuck. i googled it she did ___

“Kelley googled it, Whit tore her MCL.”

“Rough,” Hope says as she gets up. “Tell Kelley I say hi. Carli, ice bath, you coming?”

Carli nods and shoves the last bit of her salad into her mouth. Alex texts Kelley Hope’s exact words and grins at the immediate response.

 **Kelleyan O’Hare**  
Tell hope i love her 

**Kelleyan O’Hare**  
Wait dont actually tell her that

 **Kelleyan O’Hare**  
Alex?

 **Kelleyan O’Hare**  
I hate you and I’m using all of your conditioner while you’re gone

//

Kelley’s FaceTime call comes in right as Alex is about to go to bed, HAO already snuggled below the covers across the room. Alex frowns, since they had already talked not forty-five minutes ago over Skype, but accepts anyway, checking to make sure Heather’s cool with it first.

Kelley’s face is pixelated beyond recognition due to the pretty awful hotel wifi, but her voice is relatively clear.

“What’s the weather like in Sweden?”

“Um,” Alex blanks for a second, surprised by the question. “Like in the sixties or seventies, I guess. Colder in the morning, though. Why?”

“Just wondering what I should pack.”

Alex blinks, her exhaustion from jetlag and training making it hard for her to process Kelley’s sentence. “Wait, what?”

“I want to know what I should pack for Sweden.”

Alex’s breath stops in her throat. “Are you coming to the game?”

Kelley’s laughter is distorted through the speaker and Heather snickers a bit across the room. Alex glances over, but HAO looks away just as they make eye contact, pursing her lips to try and hide the smile.

“Alex, they called me up.”

Alex looks around, but Ashton Kutcher isn’t jumping out behind any pieces of hotel furniture. 

“Pia called me when the roster went up, said that she had been talking with Coach Montoya about my performance in LA and stuff. She said that if anything went wrong I’d be the backup.”

HAO is no longer capable of holding back her laughter. “Your _face _right now,” she wheezes out, giggling wildly.__

Alex’s face might as well be made of wax for the way it feels like it’s melted completely. She isn’t even sure she can make a facial expression appear.

“Al? You okay?”

Alex is decidedly _not _okay. She is not okay in the very best way. She is not okay in the most perfect way to be not okay.__

“You’re coming to Sweden?” Alex’s voice is laced with disbelief.

“I’m coming to Sweden,” Kelley answers, and Alex hears the smile in her voice before their video feed catches up and she sees it, bright and blinding even from five and a half thousand miles away.

//

It doesn’t really make any sense.

Kelley’s only senior national team call up had been for that game against China. Her season in LA has been impressive to say the least, but Alex doesn’t think US Soccer has ever named someone with so little international experience to a roster for a major tournament. She actually knows they haven’t, because the second she’d gotten off of the phone with Kelley she’d googled it. Alex can’t sleep for hours, her mind spinning wildly as she tries to wrap her head around it.

“Pia took a gamble, Alex,” HAO says. “She took a gamble she thought she wouldn’t have to cash in on. Now go to sleep.”

Alex stops rolling over every other minute, but she doesn’t fall asleep for a long time.

//

Pia tells the team the next morning at breakfast, and most are just as shocked as Alex. Tobin, Cheney, and A-Rod all look like Christmas has come early, but older players like Cap and Hope look a bit cautious.

Over the buzz that follows Pia’s announcement, Alex hears Carli say, “O’Hara? Like, Alex’s Kelley?”

Alex’s Kelley. Alex’s Kelley will be in Sweden by late that night, and she’ll be training with them by tomorrow.

Alex can feel game-day nerves roll across her stomach, but she doesn’t bother to wonder why.

//

Alex tries to stay up and greet Kelley, but after not sleeping well the night before and a full day of fitness and scrimmages she passes out as soon as her head hits the pillow. The next morning she wakes up with a heaviness in her exhausted limbs and a racing heartbeat. She dresses and brushes her teeth quickly, and is only beaten to breakfast by Hope, who sits quietly with a newspaper, drinking what’s probably her second or third cup of coffee.

“She got in at one last night,” Hope says. “She’s rooming with me, since Carli wanted to get a full night of sleep.”

Alex opens her mouth to ask a question, but Hope answers it before she even starts. “My alarm woke her up. She’s probably still in the shower.”

“Right.” Alex gets herself a cup of coffee and loads up a plate with fruit salad, taking a seat across from Hope.

“Um, how’d you sleep?”

Hope looks at Alex from over the top of the newspaper. Alex’s can’t see the smirk on her face, but she’s relatively sure it’s there. “Fine.” She takes a sip of coffee as Alex shovels fruit into her mouth. “You?”

“Great!” Alex says a little too enthusiastically. The newspaper is still covering Hope’s mouth but Alex can see the smile tease at the corners of her eyes.

“Relax, Baby Horse. She’ll be down soon.”

It’s the first time Hope’s called her that. For some reason, the nickname suddenly doesn’t bother her quite as much.

//

It’s thirteen more minutes before Kelley makes it downstairs.

Cheney had wandered in before her, and selected some kind of granola and yogurt combo before sliding in next to Hope, stealing the pages of newspaper she was done with. “Kelley get in safe?” she asks. Hope nods and Alex drums her fingers on the table.

Alex positions her chair so that she’s facing the door to the team dining room, and so when Kelley walks in she notices immediately. There are some pretty impressive bags under her eyes, but when her eyes meet Alex’s her grin is just as blinding as it usually is. Alex is crushing her into a hug seconds later, letting Kelley pick her up and twirl her around.

Alex gets Kelley a coffee as they both try to talk over each other and end up just laughing as Alex overfills the cup. She pulls Kelley over to Cheney and Hope, and Lauren stands to wrap Kelley in one of her famous bear hugs.

“How crazy is this?” Kelley says into Cheney’s shoulder.

“Insane,” Lauren confirms. “Did you manage to keep your luggage Easy Mac free this time?”

Kelley groans and pulls back from the hug, smacking her on the shoulder. “Please don’t tell Alex that story.”

“Please tell Alex that story.” Alex says immediately.

Kelley slides into the seat next to Alex’s, and they laugh their way through breakfast, thighs pressed together warmly under the table.

//

Kelley adopts the title of ‘practice player’ with an almost scary amount of pride.

“I’m gonna foul the shit out of you, pal,” she grins as Alex tosses on a pinny.

“Like hell you are,” Alex shoots back. Kelley might be pushing every single starter in practice, but she isn’t the type to tackle just for the hell of it. Maybe she had back in college, back when she was a forward setting records for Snobfarm, but not the Kelley Alex knows. Kelley isn’t tackling recklessly, but she’s somehow guarding two people at every given moment and outrunning HAO to get to stray balls. Alex is gasping for breath after every practice and guzzles down water with desperation after every scrimmage.

Tobin still sits next to her on the bus, and on their way back to the hotel she suddenly says, “No wonder you’re so good.”

Alex frowns, surprised by the unusual compliment. Tobin elaborates, “If I was practicing with Kelley every day I’d be pretty unstoppable, too.”

Kelley pops up from where she’s sitting behind them (with Christen, Alex notices) and smacks a kiss on top of Tobin’s head. “Thanks Tobs, love you buddy.”

Tobin makes a face and fake gags, but the giggling from the row behind them eventually teases a smile out of her.

“Yeah, she’s alright,” Alex says loudly. “It’s nice that she’s finally stopped tripping over her own feet like she used to—”

“Telling _lies _, Alexandra?” comes the immediate response from behind her.__

“Never, Kell,” she shoots back, winking at Tobin.

Up front, Abby and HAO turn their crossword puzzle into some sort of team trivia game, banning Barnie from participating. Christen yells out the answer to one, followed by Buehler, which prompts Abby to ban all Stanford graduates from answering at all.

“Good, they’re all nerds anyway,” Alex can’t help but call out. “Go Bears!”

That prompts Tobin to yell, “Tar!” and HAO screams back “Heel!” so loudly Abby flails a bit. Before long Mittsy is hollering “Go Gators!” and Cheney and Syd are doing some kind of UCLA chant that has A-Rod covering her ears and singing loudly as Hope throws up some kind of gang sign.

It’s really too loud, but Kelley’s laugh floats above the noise and Alex is so, so happy.

//

Alex and Kelley go capital-E Exploring on their afternoon off, dragging Tobin and HAO along with them. Mostly they just end up getting horrifically lost, but they wander past some sort of carnival that has a suspiciously old, wooden rollercoaster that Kelley immediately demands Alex ride with her.

The second it starts to climb, Kelley has a vice grip on Alex’s hand. Alex doesn’t know why she always goes on roller coasters when she’s so obviously afraid of heights, but it’s entertaining to watch, so she doesn’t say anything. Instead, Alex pulls out her phone and snatches a prime selfie, Kelley’s smile looking wildly more attractive than Alex’s double chin.

Alex doesn’t know exactly what possesses her to post it later, since it’s not a flattering picture, but something about Kelley’s unabashedly joyful smile makes her tweet it anyway, double chin be damned.

//

Alex feels calm and ready before their game against Sweden. She’d switched from Kelley’s “kick ass o’clock” playlist halfway through their bus ride in favor of something soft and plucky, and she curls up in her locker as the mayhem of her teammates getting ready fades away. She remembers exactly what it was like to score a hat trick against Sweden only a couple of months ago, and their extra long camp has her feeling extraordinarily prepared.

With her head between her knees and her headphones turned up too loud, Alex is alone in a crowded locker room.

//

Kelley’s one of the subs, and as good as she looks in her pinny Alex would love to line up with her. They do their handshake on the sidelines instead of on the field, and Alex laughs as Kelley gets in a smack on her ass before she runs off to midfield.

What Alex remembers about her goal is not the ripple of the net, or the roar of the spectators, but Kelley on the sideline, screaming and screaming, wide eyes and splayed arms.

//

Alex gets taken out for Syd 72 minutes in, and Kelley is waiting with a pinny and a water bottle, her grin as infectious as it always is.

“Great game, buddy.”

“Thanks, Kell.”

//

(Alex doesn’t notice the way she leans into Kelley on the bench, but both Christen and Jill do.)

//

There are three minutes of added time, and Alex is antsy for the clock to run out despite their four goal lead.

Lori has the ball, and is dribbling upfield in a very good disguise of timewasting. Kelley is chanting “yes” over and over again under her breath, occasionally pounding Alex on the thigh as the clock slowly runs down. Alex finally grabs Kelley’s fist and turns to tell her to keep her hands to herself when there’s a sudden gasp from all sides. Kelley’s eyes are wide, staring straight ahead at the field, and her fist goes slack between Alex’s fingers.

Alex turns back. She sees Cheney’s 12, crouched down. She gets a glimpse of A-Rod’s concerned face before Pinoe is blocking her view, pushing forward until her toes brush the sideline.

As quietly as she can, Alex asks, “Who is it?”

Kelley responds, her voice barely loud enough to be heard over the concerned rumble of the stadium. “Lori.”

Kelley’s limp hand curls back around Alex’s fingers.

//

“She might be okay in time for London.”

A breath of relief goes out across the room. Pinoe falls to her knees and crosses herself, ignoring the sharp smack to the back of the head she gets from Cheney. HAO’s smile is cautious, but relieved. Between Abby’s sturdy height and Kelley’s whoop of joy, Alex feels anchored again.

Hope is quiet, even more quiet than usual. Carli’s face is stony too, like they both know something no one else does. Alex nudges Kelley and nods her head over at them, but Kelley only shrugs.

“Go ask,” Alex hisses. “You and Hope have that ‘defense thing.’”

“What, you and Carli don’t have an ‘offense thing?’”

“Kelley,” Alex groans. “Come on.”

“Fine.”

“Thanks, buddy.” Alex smacks a kiss to her temple, laughing as Kelley pushes her away. “Stop by before you go to bed?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Syd and Abby start some kind of board game battle in Boxxy’s room, which Alex eagerly partakes in. She wins three rounds in a row before they figure out she’s had cards hidden under her thigh, and by then a pool tournament has started up anyway.

The nerves floating around settle just a little bit, and Alex can feel herself relax back into the team.

//

Alex finishes brushing her teeth and finds Kelley already spread across her bed.

“Hey, pal.” Kelley is already in her pajamas, a soft looking pair of shorts and a loose t-shirt. 

The bed bounces a bit as Alex throws herself down, but Kelley only smiles. HAO jumps onto the other side of the bed, throwing them both up a bit, and somehow Alex ends up with Kelley’s elbow on her stomach and with Kelley’s hair in her mouth.

“I’m going to shower, don’t let Kelley set anything on fire.”

Kelley protests loudly over HAO’s laughter, but Heather just shuts the bathroom door. Still smiling, Alex wiggles around until she’s sharing a pillow with Kelley their bodies curved towards each other.

“Did you talk to Hope?”

“Oh, is that all I’m worth? My information?” Kelley’s breath smells like cinnamon gum. Alex loses her train of thought for a moment, unable to think of something witty to say in response.

“C’mon, Kell, _please _?”__

The smile slips off Kelley’s face and she reaches up to scratch at the patch of skin around her ear that’s started to break out. Alex reaches for her hand and holds it tightly between two of her own.

“Don’t scratch at it.”

“I’m not,” Kelley protests even though she very clearly was. Alex just raises her eyebrows and waits as Kelley lets out a breath. “Hope doesn’t think Lori should make the London 18.”

Alex pulls her head back in surprise. Kelley’s eyes shine even brighter in direct line of the lamp, though, so Alex puts her head back where it was. “What?”

“It makes some sense, Al.”

“How?”

“Even if she’s cleared to play by August she’ll be a month behind.” Kelley reaches up to brush some of Alex’s hair away from her nose. “I think Hope and everyone really feel the pressure after last year.”

“Well, obviously—”

“She said that anything other than gold is unacceptable.” She pauses. “For her, at least. I don’t know what Carli thinks, she was in the shower.”

They sit in silence together for a few breaths, the only sound the running water in the bathroom.

“How do you feel?”

Alex’s question takes Kelley by surprise. Her brows furrow before she smiles. “Uh, I’m amazing. Wonderful. Happy as a clam. Why?”

“Defense is still kinda new to you, is all.”

“Hope and Christie have been helping me a lot. Mittsy too, actually.”

“No one’s being, like, a jerk about it?”

“The bullies aren’t taking my lunch money, mom,” Kelley says with a smirk playing at the corners of her mouth.

Alex sticks her tongue out. “Sorry for caring.”

Kelley’s smirk softens and twists until it’s small and sweet and Alex manages to only glance down for a second before looking back up.

//

Kelley starts their game against Japan. 

Alex isn't surprised at all, given the way she's been playing in practice every day, but Kelley seems shocked. She sits in the back on the ride to the stadium, foregoing her usual pregame ritual of top 40 pop music playing just a little too loud and instead closing her eyes as Hope talks over a hundred different game plans slowly, one by one. Alex is mostly thinking about the last time they played Japan, and how her best effort wasn't quite enough, and the crushing weight of the defeat that pressed down on her shoulders, on her back, and how it still presses in a dull ache behind her eyes sometimes. Alex is mostly thinking about that, but every once and awhile she turns around and sees Kelley throw out a quick little statement, and Alex can tell it's a joke before Hope laughs from the smirk that curls its way along Kelley's mouth.

On their way off the bus, Alex's headphones are tight over her ears, but she smiles at the cameras and laughs as Tobin trips over her untied shoelaces. She warms up with Abby and Cheney, but she can see Kelley laugh as she chases down a stray ball, and something settles low in her stomach.

As they line up in the tunnel, Alex slides in between Kelley and Abby, grabbing the little hand of a small Swedish girl with fingers that don't tremble. 

//

When Alex scores three minutes in off of Tobin’s quick pass, the cheers of the tiny crowd feel deafening. It’s Tobin who gets to her first, and then Kelley wraps them both up, yelling something Alex can’t hear. Alex gets straight up knocked over by Pinoe’s strange tackle hug, and Abby’s quick high five feels less like a congrats and more like a keep it up.

It’s the second goal—the one where Alex charges the defense and takes off for a goal that’s entirely her own—it’s that goal that makes Alex feel like she’s flying. On her jog back to half field, she glances at the FIFA crest on one of the Japanese player’s chest and thinks _just three more years_.

//

Alex and Abby both leave the game with a brace. Hope doesn't get a shutout, but she bumps her first against Kelley's as they wander towards the bench, both of them smiling like merely walking side by side is an inside joke. Cheney and Tobin fall into step with Alex as she walks along the sideline, and Lauren who points out the small blonde girl wearing a familiar pink headband.

Alex signs autographs for girls who speak quickly in Swedish with a sharpie that is almost out of ink and feels more like herself than she ever has.

The defending world champions slink into their locker room with an air of defeat Alex is anxious to never know again.

//

The team flies straight from Sweden to Utah for a game against Canada.

Well, not exactly; they all get put on different flights with random connections, using the cheapest airfares possible. Alex and Kelley, somehow together, end up with a four hour layover in LA, which leaves them just enough time to run to In-N-Out before their next flight. After two weeks of brutal training, they’re both desperate for the cheat-meal

They go back through security with bags under their eyes, greasy fingers, and wide smiles.

//

Syd glances at the red and white uniforms in the locker room and says, “Horizontal stripes—very slimming.”

Alex, who’s curled up two lockers away, grins and turns up her music to drown out her monologue about U.S. Soccer’s fashion choices.

Alex expects a brutal game, and she isn’t wrong, but it still doesn’t necessarily go as she thought it would. 

Erin McLeod, with her wide prewrap and grim game face, is just as unstoppable as always. Alex is itching to slip a ball past her fingers, but the first goal to get past her comes off of a Canadian foot, not an American one.

Another surprise for Alex—Kelley gets a shot on goal before she does. It’s fast and low, but easily scooped up by McLeod. Alex can see Kelley curse, and watches as she jogs back into position, head down in a way that screams determination and not defeat.

Sinclair gets the ball somewhere outside of the 18, and does something with her feet that only Christine Sinclair can do and it renders Mittsy’s slide tackle useless. The ball gets slipped through and bounces off of the inside of Amy’s leg and Hope dives the wrong way and Alex thinks _fuck _.__

Well, Alex thinks _fuck _and then she thinks _-ing hell Hope Solo _, because somehow she manages to lunge back in the right direction and get a hand on the ball. Kaylyn Kyle is calling for a goal but the ref ignores her and Alex barely has time to breathe before the ball’s headed her way again.____

She almost gets one, stopping short and fooling the two defenders on her and McLeod, but someone plants themselves in the net and kicks it away.

The first half ends with frustration.

The second half begins the same way.

Alex barely gets six minutes before she’s called off for A-Rod, and she plops down next to Tobin already going over every move she made, searching for the wrong kick or header that kept her from scoring.

She doesn’t get to focus on herself for long.

Sinclair dribbles around Kelley—

_God, of course it's Kelley ___

—and slides a pass through to Tancredi, who slams her shot just above Hope’s outstretched fingers.

It’s tied, technically, but Alex can tell that her teammates on the field feel the same way she does; their goal had counted, but an own goal isn’t nearly as satisfying. Syd, on Alex’s other side, is watching the game with an intensity that's confusing until she remembers that her fellow forward had grown up in Canada. She’s got an extra something to prove that even Alex can’t understand.

It’s Kelley who goes out when Syd finally tears her way onto the field. Her cheeks are flushed and she looks like she might just dump the water over her head instead of drinking it.

“One of these days,” she says as she struggles to figure out which hole in the pinny is for her head, “Christine Sinclair won’t dribble around me like she’s Sonic the Hedgehog and I’m stuck in molasses.”

“Keep dreaming, Kell.”

“Shut up, Tobin.” 

The team eventually splits into 3-4-3, and A-Rod slams a goal in off of Abby’s deflected shot. Their 2-1 victory isn’t the rout Alex hoped for, but she’s more than willing to take it. 

//

There’s boxes of t-shirts in the locker room, red with the Olympic rings front and center. They’re ‘one size fits all,’ meaning that it looks alright on Hope and Abby but is practically a dress on everyone else. Kelley’s shorts aren’t even visible, and she spends most of the time they’re in the locker room butchering “I’m Bringing Sexy Back,” her only backup music Alex’s unrestrained laughter.

“We’re going to London!” Syd’s scream is startling, but once Alex recovers she joins in on her teammate’s whoops of joy. She jumps on Tobin’s back and watches Hope throw her head back and grin, watches Abby drop to her knees and scream, watches Kelley smile small and perfect, the disbelief in her face almost as strong as the pure elation.

//

They fly to Jersey for one last camp before going to London. It's less about fitness and more about chemistry.

She sits next to a stranger on the plane, Kelley curled up across the aisle, just close enough that Alex can poke her in the ear with the tiny straw that comes with the complimentary drink. They also manage to engage in a thumb war competition that gets a lot more intense than Alex thought it would but she'll be damned before she lets Kelley beat her at anything but Words With Friends. 

Kelley's parents fly up to Jersey to take her out to dinner before they leave, and Alex and Tobin somehow end up getting dragged along. Mr. and Mrs. O'Hara—or Danger Dan and Karen, as Kelley keeps insisting they like being called—are a bit more familiar with Tobin, but they did meet Alex when they went to a game in Orlando a few months ago. Kelley is downright giggly, leaning against her dad's shoulder and occasionally reaching out to squeeze her mom's hand.

On their way out of the elevator, Cap pulls Kelley aside, leaving Tobin and Alex alone in the hotel hallway. 

"Want to scare her when she gets back into her room?"

" _Hell _yeah."__

Becky is a surprising accomplice, agreeing to stay on her bed and not give them away as they hide in the closet. Alex is worried that they’ll be too obvious—Tobin, for one, seems to be unable to stop giggling. Becky’s already told them to be quiet a solid three times, and Alex is considering just holding her hand over Tobin’s mouth when she finally hears the door open.

Kelley’s yelp dissolves into giggles, and once they replay the shaky video Tobin managed to capture they all end up laughing uncontrollably, gasping for breath, with mouths spread wide and aching cheeks.

“Hey, guys,” Kelley says, giggling again before calming down. “I’ve got news.”

“What’s up?”

“Cap took me to talk to Pia.”

Tobin’s head shoots up from where it’s hanging off the bed. “What did Pia want?”

“Oh, you know,” Kelley says, smiling. “Just telling me that I’m off the alternate list.”

Alex’s heart stops. “What? She can’t do that, we’re leaving next week, we—you’re smiling.” Kelley is smiling. “Why are you smiling?”

“Is Lori out, then?”

Alex snaps her head around to look at Becky.

“She’s going to drop back to the alternate list. Pia just wasn’t confident about her health for the next three weeks.”

“Oh my God.”

“I know.”

“Oh my _God _.”__

“I _know _.”__

Somewhere between Tobin’s first scream and when she falls to the ground when trying to leap from one bed to the other, Alex finds herself screaming as she jumps up and down, Kelley’s hand grasped in her own, eyes wide with endless possibilities.

//

“I’ve gotta do a player profile video.”

“Yeah?” Alex asks, trying not to groan as she foam rolls her hamstring.

“Mmhmm.” Kelley has moved onto her calf, and whimpers slightly. “What should I talk about?”

“I dunno. I talked about why they call me Baby Horse and like, goal celebrations.”

Kelley laughs. “The airplane?”

Alex rolls her eyes, switching to her left leg. “At least I score goals.”

“ _Ouch _.” Kelley says, unable to stop herself from laughing a bit as she gets up and wanders over to her bag. “That was cold, Alejandra.”__

Alex sinks down harder onto her foam roller, too blissed out to answer, until Kelley lets out a frustrated groan.

“What?”

“They spelled my name wrong again.”

Alex tries not to roll her eyes. “It’s probably just some intern.”

“This is the way you spell the dude Kelly. I’m K-E-L-L-E-Y.”

“I know.”

“Girls who spell their names like that have stupid parents.”

“I know, Kelley.”

“Everyone always spells it K-E-L-L-Y. It’s fucking _ridiculous _.”__

“You know what, Kell?” Alex asks as she gets up, stretching her hamstrings a bit on the way.

“What?”

“Just talk about your name in the player profile. Educate the populous.”

“You know what?” Kelley puts her hands on her hips, chin high. “I will.”

Alex snorts. “Have fun.”

“I _will _.” Kelley smacks Alex solidly on the ass with a foam roller on the way out.__

Alex smiles and three minutes and forty-seven seconds later, she answers Kelley’s text, confirming that “it’s cool” to wear earrings for the video.

//

They have their first field trip before they even really start training.

Kelley sits a few seats ahead on the ride to Alnwick Castle, and spends the entire time loudly perfecting her British accent, much to everyone’s amusement. It’s mostly Mitts who’s egging her on, giving her new phrases to try out.

Alex, on the other hand, is desperately trying to stay awake, the jetlag hitting her harder than usual. Cheney reads aloud from a ridiculous questionnaire that’s supposed to tell them if they’re “Dating The Right Man” in an attempt to get Alex to stay awake. It sort of works, except that she keeps getting distracted and going off on a tangent about Jrue, which doesn’t help Alex’s heavy eyelids. Neither she or Tobin is willing to enter a game of Monop Deal while so groggy, their Epic Championship title at stake.

Eventually, Alex gives up and lets herself fall asleep to Kelley saying “bottle” and “castle” and dozens of other words, her laughter wild and unrestrained between each phrase.

She’s woken up by Kelley’s giggles, soft like she’s trying to restrain them. When Alex cracks her eyes open it’s to Kelley’s face inches from her own, nose scrunched up and eyes crossed.

Alex doesn’t move. “Was that supposed to scare me?”

“ _Dammit _.”__

Alnwick Castle is a lot more fun than she had expected it to be, partially because Kelley eats dirt _spectacularly _and partially because Alex is really good at archery and it’s always nice to add to the list of things she’s good at.__

Kelley rants about there being a sniper somewhere, which entertains everyone until Alex gets sent back to the start in a broomstick version of red light green light.

There’s a difference between _cheating _and having a _dedication to winning _, okay?____

Being so good at archery perks her up a bit, and by the time she takes a jumping broomstick picture with Kelley, the smile on her face is irrepressible and permanent. 

//

The training goes _really _well.__

The team’s determination has already settled in, and their energy level is off the walls. The coaching staff has what seems like an endless list of activities to entertain them when they aren’t training. During their golfing expedition, Alex makes the mistake of joining Abby and Carli’s team, which leads to a lot of cursing and Alex losing by a horrifying margin. She pouts by the entrance until Kelley’s group comes back, a couple cameras following them. 

Kelley’s cheeks are flushed and her hair’s still a bit wet even though the drizzle has let up a bit.

“Have fun?” she asks as Kelley gets within hearing range.

“Yep!” Kelley responds. “I won!”

“Kelley means that she got the highest score,” Christen interjects, giggling.

“Yeah, exactly.” 

There’s a beat of silence before they’re both laughing, Alex rolling her eyes at them. “By that system, I won too.”

“Oh my God,” Kelley says, holding up a hand to signal that Christen needs to stop laughing. “Alex, did you _lose _?” Kelley presses the back of her hand to Alex’s forehead. “You aren’t pouting, or claiming that someone cheated. And you lost, which means you didn’t cheat.”__

“Means she didn’t cheat _successfully _,” Cheney interjects.__

“Kelley,” Alex laughs as she pushes her hand away.

“Are you a clone? What’s my favorite color?”

“Green, you goof.” 

Kelley still eyes her suspiciously, but says, “Want to go find Tobin? I bet we can probably beat her.”

“ _Please _.”__

//

Face Mask Girl Time becomes a necessity in Alex’s schedule.

Something about travel always makes pimples pop up, no matter how strictly she maintains her usual skin-care regimen. Usually HAO joins in, and Kelley drags Mittsy along most days as well. Alex manages to convince Tobin, mostly by smearing some green goop on her cheek and saying that she might as well join in.

Alex should’ve known something was up when she saw the way Kelley was fighting a smile, but she makes the mistake of assuming that it has to do with the bright green face mask she’s wearing. 

“Hey, Baby Horse.”

Alex turns around and screams, Queen Elizabeth II’s face inches from her own. Well, Mittsy in a Queen Elizabeth II mask, but it still does the trick. Kelley dissolves into giggles behind her, and then HAO and Tobin start, and after that Alex follows as well. By the time they stumble into their rooms, Alex’s face feels clean and her face hurts.

She doesn’t hesitate to post the picture of them to Twitter, Kelley only visible to those who know them and can see her presence reflected somewhere in Alex’s smile. With Kelley behind the camera telling Alex to “say cheese,” it’s nearly impossible to disobey.

//

Training continues to be both amazing and murderous.

Kelley and Alex take turns foam rolling each other’s thighs and calves, groaning about it “hurting so good.” Ice baths and recovery naps blur together and both of them turn to regular caffeination to get through the day. Three PM hits and they can be found searching for the closest coffee place, Alex always asking for extra whipped cream and Kelley trying to find seats by a window. It’s their time to decompress, to vent, to squeal about being at the Olympics.

It’s the smell of coffee and the sound of Kelley’s laugh and a whipped cream mustache and when Alex tries to picture her "happy place" it feels a lot like a random, tiny coffee shop somewhere in England. 

//

Training does go really well. The beginning of their Olympics, however, not so much.

Alex’s ankle gets slammed ten minutes in, and she stays down for what’s probably a little longer than necessary, just in case. As the trainers help her to her feet, she makes eye contact with Kelley, who looks like she’s listening to Hope but is staring right at Alex. As subtly as possible, Alex shoots her a quick thumbs up, her confidence growing as her ankle twinges less and less with each step.

The issues don’t end there.

France get two goals in during the next two minutes.

Kelley’s bun is knotted tightly on the back of her head, her hair slick with the water she’d splashed over on the sidelines. She’s playing well—really well—well enough to get a spot in the starting XI, but something about the way she had shifted back and forth when they were lining up in the tunnel tells Alex all she needs to know. The goals hadn’t had much to do with her—both more oriented from the right side—but Kelley still knocks her head back in the simple gesture that Alex has come to associate with guilt and disappointment eating half a pint of ice cream at 2 AM.

Alex isn’t going to let them lose this game.

Abby gets them rolling with her wonderful soccer-ball-magnet head, but it’s Alex who equalizes somewhere around the 30th minute. She volleys the ball into the net, sees the way the lattice ripples with the force of her shot, feels the rush of her first Olympic goal.

She really hopes it’s not the last.

//

(It’s not.)

//

Coming off of a 4-2 win, the bus back to the hotel is rowdy and filled with random bursts of song that generally no one knows the lyrics to. Kelley sticks her hand between the seats and demands Alex’s phone, scrolling through until she finds her playlist, which Alex thinks of as Peanut Butter At Midnight but Kelley still refers to as Kick Ass O’Clock.

It doesn’t take much coaxing to get Tobin or anyone else to join in as they butcher their way through Eye of the Tiger. Carli tries to resist at first, staring out the window with her headphones on, but Syd gets her to join in by using one of her shin guards as a microphone.

They’re goofy and silly and filled to the brim with an unquantifiable passion and Alex loves them for it.

//

They don’t get to be a part of the opening ceremony, but they all dress up anyway. Well, most of them dress up—Tobin ends up wearing a pair of shorts, flip-flops, and a snapback. Kelley lets her hair down, straightens it, and Alex lets her hair down as well. She’s just fine with an excuse to relax with Kelley during their _soccer soccer soccer _training mindset.__

“I haven’t worn a skirt this long since cotillion,” Kelley mutters as they line up outside of the hotel ballroom. 

“You’re telling me about that ASAP.”

The opening ceremony is—odd. Alex spends most of it goofing off with Syd and Abby, who seem to have made it their only goal to time their jokes as she takes a sip of water. The part where the Queen—

“Is that really the Queen?”

“No, Tobin.”

—parachutes from a helicopter with James Bond is pretty crazy, and Mr. Bean is always funny, but Alex is vaguely jealous of the insane drum routine in Beijing in 2008. 

On the way up to their rooms, Kelley says, “Well, maybe the closing ceremony will be cool.”

Alex hopes they make it to see it in person.

//

The morning of their game against Colombia, Pinoe announces, “Guys, I’ve gotta score.”

“So do I,” Abby says, grinning. “Kind of our job, you know.”

“It’s Ali’s birthday,” Pinoe explains. “I’ve got something planned, but I’ve got to score.”

Alex doesn’t think she’ll ever forget Ali’s calm and steady presence, the way she had rested a hand on Alex’s shoulder when she needed it most.

Alex gets the ball to Pinoe, and Pinoe doesn’t miss.

Alex ends up sort of mushed into Kelley’s back as they crowd in behind Pinoe as she holds up her roll of athletic tape to the cameras, “Happy Birthday Kreigy we love you” standing out bold and strong.

Alex doesn’t get a goal, but the assist feels just as good as one.

//

Abby’s eye swells up from where she got clocked by a Colombian player, and she spends the ride from Glasgow down to Manchester with various frozen items over her face. Alex plays Tobin in a vicious Tournament of Monop-Deal part of the way before Syd and Kelley, sitting in the back by Hope and Carli, involve everyone into a very elaborate game that involves counting cars and remembering their colors.

Mostly, it means everyone claiming they’ve won until the loudest and most persistent person wins.

//

Alex wins.

//

Alex isn’t quite sure how she ends up roommates with Kelley, but she’s just fine with it. Kelley knows how to work around Alex’s elaborate night time skincare routine, and as long as they keep away from Glee and Game of Thrones, they agree on any kind of TV. They both require the extra loud alarm to get up, and sleep deep enough that two AM trips to the bathroom won’t wake anyone up.

There’s also the fact that they can make each other cry with laughter on a bad day, and that Kelley’s shoulder is maybe the comfiest to nap on (after Cheney’s). Their room has a killer view out on the Tyne Bridge, the six Olympic rings hanging front and center. Hope and Carli are next to them, which means they can’t be loud past 9:30, but most of the time they crash by 10:00 anyway.

Kelley drags Alex out to coffee with Hope and Cap, plus Cap’s two littles, which ends up being way more fun than she had expected. Rylie and Reece think Kelley hangs the moon, and they’re comfortable around Hope in a way that makes Alex think maybe she’s a lot softer than she looks.

Most down time is filled with watching other sports, since the games have actually started now. That night, she and Kelley watch the Women’s Butterfly after they spend a good twenty minutes arguing about who deserves the first shower more.

“There’s no way that’s physically possible. I’ve seen how big those pools are.” Kelley takes a swig of gatorade and Alex laughs when some dribbles down her chin. “Shut up, stop making fun of my drinking problem.”

That doesn’t make Alex laugh any less, but soon they’re both yelling at the TV as Dana Vollmer stays ahead. That’s one thing Kelley and Alex have always had in common: they’re TV yellers. Sometimes you’ve just got to yell at the TV.

“God, that was amazing.”

“Maybe if I’d stuck with swimming I’d be in that pool today.”

“Kell, you literally _just _said that doing that was physically impossible.”__

“Obviously not, if she just did it.”

Alex sticks her tongue out, and Kelley sticks hers out right back.

“When do we start tomorrow?” Alex asks as she opens twitter.

“Dunno, I was gonna bop over and ask Becky so we don’t oversleep.”

“I miss having HAO to wake me up. Now I’m stuck with your messy ass.”

“Rude.”

“True.” Alex looks up to grin at Kelley, elated at their Official Roommate status.

// 

@kohara19: “alexmorgan13: Wow just went speechless after watching @danavollmer break the WR in the 100 butterfly! #amazingolympicmoments #anothergoldforUSA” liar. You were just talking to me.

//

“Funny, Kell.”

“Thanks, pal.”

//

Alex buys a ManU jersey in celebration of their Old Trafford walkthrough, spending a good five minutes deliberating the arm length before Kelley snatches the long sleeve out of her hands and marches towards the cashier.

“I want my coffee,” she grumbles, rubbing her eyes. “You take ages when you shop.”

Alex rolls her eyes but slings an arm around Kelley’s shoulders anyway. “Alright grumpy pants. Let’s go get you some caffeine.”

“ _Thank _you.”__

Kelley finds them a seat while Alex orders. They end up finding a window table, content to people watch as they talk.

“Are your legs as dead as mine?”

“Worse.”

Kelley scoffs. “Impossible. I stopped feeling my calves three days ago.”

“Those pants are lifesavers.”

“Alex,” Kelley says, suddenly serious. “I’d be dead without them. My legs would’ve fallen off and I would’ve bled out. I’d be dead.”

“You can’t die, Kell”

“Aww—”

“If you die then who’s gonna cook?”

//

Their game against North Korea is loud and frustrating.

They win 1-0, but the score should be way higher. It's Hope's birthday. Abby's struck some kind of deal that if she scores, Hope has to do the worm on the field. Sure enough, Abby’s the one who scores, with Alex’s assist. Alex has what feels like a hundred chances to get a shot off, but none of them amount to anything.

It’s _beyond _frustrating.__

Kelley, on the other hand, has one of the best games Alex has ever seen her play. She gets another full 90, locking down their defensive third with long strides and perfectly timed tackles. The crowd, ten thousand people louder than their previous games, loves her. Every time she comes away with the ball a surge of cheers rises from all around.

It’s also frustrating that they only get to use one of their planned goal celebrations, but doing one is better than none at all. Alex squeezes next to Kelley as they form a line, grasping hands and doing the wave in front of screaming faces painted red, white, and blue.

So, Alex is frustrated, but seeing nearly everyone give Kelley a pat on the back, or a hug, or a high-five post game kind of makes up for it.

Alex makes sure her hug lasts just a little longer than usual, hoping that she’ll get it. Kelley squeezes back just as hard, so Alex thinks that maybe she does understand.

She holds on for another couple of seconds, just in case.

//

alexmorgan13: not a bad view from our room in Newcastle @kohara19. Quarterfinals vs New Zealand in 2 days! #USWNT

//

New Zealand happens a lot like North Korea.

Alex slides a ball through to Abby, who taps it into the goal. They all do cartwheels except for Cheney, who does a handspring. Kelley continues to run farther and harder than any forward she’s up against. It stays 1-0 into the second half, and then Alex gets a breakaway, outpacing her defender until it’s just her and the keeper. The goalie comes out and slides, Alex jumping up at the last minute to avoid a collision, and something connects solidly with her knee. It throws her off balance, and she rolls, her knee suddenly throbbing.

Some corner of her head registers a whistle. Alex stays down, partly because she’s in the box and partly because her knee is still throbbing and she remembers her year long ACL recovery all too well.

“Hey, buddy? Trainer or are you good?” 

It’s Kelley’s voice, her hand on the back of Alex’s neck.

“Knee,” she gasps out.

“They’re coming onto the field, you’re okay.” Her voice gets louder; Alex can see her crouching down out of the corner of her eye. “It’s not your ACL, you’ll be fine. The keeper hit your knee with her face but you’re just fine.”

Alex gasps out a startled laugh. The trainers push aside her other teammates, who have formed an unofficial huddle around her. She gets up, a trainer supporting each arm, Kelley’s hand a sturdy presence between her shoulderblades. Alex nods, and Kelley runs off back towards their own defensive third.

Her knee is fine really, but Alex only gets ten more minutes before she’s subbed out for Syd. Good thing she is, too, because Syd gets them another goal and solidifies their lead, catapulting them onto the semi-finals. Kelley gets another full 90, her flushed cheeks matching the red stripes of her jersey. Alex hasn’t scored since the opening game. Alex can’t even finish that thought when a voice in her head that sounds suspiciously like Kelley says, “Think of all the assists you’ve contributed.”

Still.

Maybe she’ll score in the next game.

//

Everyone gets up a bit earlier than usual the next day, wanting a jump start on recovery. Alex gets up before them all, having already located a donut shop a couple blocks away from the hotel. She’s out and back again before Kelley stirs, a box of glazed donuts in one hand and a bag of something called Jelly Babies that she couldn’t resist buying in the other. 

She wakes Kelley up with a ridiculously out of tune rendition of happy birthday before dramatically presenting the donuts, Kelley’s sleepy smile making the early wake up worth it. They eat donuts and lick the frosting from their fingertips and try to figure out the best way to throw out the box so Dawn won’t find out. The Jelly Babies get packed into Kelley’s bag, Alex positive that she’ll get the most slack since it’s her birthday.

“Pal,” Kelley says as Alex walks towards the bathroom. “Will you brush my teeth for me? I don’t want to get up yet.”

“Kelley.” Alex turns around and gives her a look. “Are you serious?”

“It’s my _birthday _,” she whines.__

“Oh my god,” Alex says to herself as she squirts toothpaste on both her toothbrush and Kelley’s. “You’re lucky I’m your roommate.”

“I _so _am,” Kelley says, grinning, as Alex makes her way over and awkwardly positions herself kneeling on the bed. Trying to brush both her own teeth and Kelley’s at the same time proves to be a lot more difficult than anticipated, especially because they both can’t stop laughing. Eventually Kelley transitions into trying to brush Alex’s teeth, but they keep accidentally stabbing each other in the back of the throat and getting toothpaste everywhere.__

The selfie they manage to take is just about Alex’s favorite picture ever. It’s going to last as her background for a long time. She thinks, maybe, strangely, that Kelley has never looked prettier: bags under her eyes and toothpaste smeared across her chin, hair messy and falling loose from her bun. She’s a sleepy vision, like twenty-four years had worked towards creating that very moment, that millisecond of perfect joy.

//

kohara19: Asked @alexmorgan13 to brush my teeth so I didn't have to get out of bed. And she did it! #thatswhatofficialroomiesarefor

//

They spend most of Kelley’s birthday in the weight room, recovering. Their ice bath the night before had helped some, as do the recovery pants they slip on. Tobin and Cheney sing happy birthday loudly and without much care of the notes, Alex laughing too hard to join in.

They do wander around Newcastle for a bit, hitting some of the tourist sights. The train station is grand in a way that reminds Alex of a castle, with all of its stone and high arches. Kelley immediately runs between platforms nine and ten. Despite the fact that there isn’t any wall around for the mto run into, Kelley demands that Cheney take a picture of her and Alex, grinning like they’re ten years old. The cathedral is what ends up being Alex’s favorite, but she isn’t sure whether that’s because of the structure itself or Kelley’s wide eyed, quiet wonder, the way she had held onto Alex’s arm, the way she breathed out “whoa” like it was a prayer.

Kelley gets a special cake that night as the entire team sings to her, overpowering and lighthearted. Alex manages to steal a bite of Kelley’s tiny little cake, but she’s pretty sure Kelley saw her and let her take it anyway. Alex would be more concerned about a fake victory, but cake is cake. In the one picture Alex gets of her and Kelley pressed together, there’s chocolate stuck in both of their teeth and dimples and a crinkled nose and two fingers held up behind a head.

Alex thinks she looks ugly. Kelley sets it as her background.

//

alexmorgan13: it's my official roomie/teammate/best friend @kohara19 birthday today so if you havent already send her a happy bday tweeeeet!

//

The fresh red, white, and blue of Kelley’s nail polish glints in the soft light of their hotel lamp as it rips apart the green wrapping paper. Alex stares at her hands, just a little nervous.

“A map,” Kelley says, sounding unsure. “Thanks, buddy.”

“A map of where?” Alex prods.

“Uh…” Kelley flips it over. “Death Valley National Park,” she reads. “Does it, like, glow or something?”

Alex waits, biting her lip to hide the smile starting to creep out.

“Wait.” Kelley’s head snaps up from where it was examining the map. “You didn’t.”

Alex nods, the smile finally stretching across her cheeks.

“ _Alex _!” Kelley lunges across the space between their beds to wrap her in a hug. “How did you—when are we— _what _?”____

“I entered the lottery for that camping ground spot in November,” Alex says, grinning as Kelley flails a bit. “We’re going for four days, right before Thanksgiving.”

“November?”

“November.”

“That’s the best time to go,” Kelley says, standing up to do wiggle her hips in a ridiculous sort of happy dance.

“I know,” Alex says, smug.

“You’re the best friend _ever _.”__

“I know.”

//

Alex and Kelley wake up the day of the Semi-Final with heavy eyelids, both having stayed up a bit too late trying to read just one more chapter of Catching Fire in a desperate attempt to catch up to the rest of the team. Kelley reads faster, so she always ends up whining about not being allowed to turn the page until Alex finishes too, but keeping spoilers under wraps as roommates proved to be way too difficult to bother.

They can’t agree on a side of the Peeta/Gale love triangle, and Kelley likes Finnick way more than Alex does. They never really end up reading much without stopping to argue, so they’re woefully behind the rest of the team. They quarantine themselves at breakfast the minute they hear Abby start talking to Cheney about Mockingjay, talking loudly over their food in order to drown them out.

On the ride to the stadium Alex listens to music like she always does, letting the adrenaline slowly build in her gut until her knee is bouncing in a tempo that outpaces whatever song she’s listening to by a mile.

Warm-ups seem to go past more quickly than usual, Hope leading the way back into the locker room, their matching shirts filing back in a line more orderly than Alex is used to. Alex gets a calf massage, her name on the starting line up a couple spaces up from Kelley, who stands over Cheney’s shoulder trying to influence the music choice. Hope wraps up her hands with a slow, methodical calmness that Alex tries to breathe in from across the room.

Just another 90 minutes.

//

When Alex was little, first starting out playing rec soccer, she used to think of games as battles. It might’ve had something to do with the fact that she started playing right as her dad was trying to teach her the rules of chess, but every game she would think about seeing the field like she was a bird, like all the players were chess pieces, running at each other to win the war.

It’s what Alex thinks about when Canada scores in 22nd minute.

The game is very much a battle—knocking shoulders and reaching feet and jostling elbows and a ref that’s stingy with fouls. Kelley’s getting the brunt of it, since no one can really outpace her. She pops back up every time she goes down, but is a second too late marking Sinclair in the box.

When they line back up at half-field, Alex thinks _let’s go to war _.__

//

It’s hard to describe an epiphany.

It’s nearly impossible, actually, because they happen mostly in your head. There isn't much to look at. It’s a split second, a single moment, a sudden rush, a realization. The eyes blink, the pulse beats, the lungs breathe. 

Close, open. 

Contract, release. 

Inhale, exhale.

_Oh _.__

Alex is 119 minutes into the most intense game of her life and exhaustion has seeped into every single one of her pores, right down the very core of her bones. She’s wrung out and her throat burns and Kelley goes down again but this time she doesn’t get back up. Alex foregoes a water break and walks over on burning legs and rests a hand on Kelley’s back and thinks _Oh. _Every blade of grass is in stunningly clear focus and she can see the bead of sweat that’s creeping around the side of Kelley’s neck and her jersey is wet and hot under Alex’s fingers.__

Alex puts her hand on Kelley’s back and sees her in her plainest form: twenty-four by two days, drenched in sweat, bruised and beaten, hunched over and sucking in desperate breaths, like she can’t get enough air into her lungs. She doesn’t look like she can get up and Alex’s hand is pressed against her side now and she can feel Kelley’s heartbeat against her palm, steady and sure despite it all.

_Oh. ___

Alex is in love with her.

//

Kelley gets back up to keep playing, just as she has been for the last 120 minutes as Melissa Tancredi and the rest of the Canadian team ran her over one by one. Alex grabs Kelley’s wrist, fingers resting along that steady pulse, and raises her eyebrows in question.

_Are you okay? ___

Kelley nods in response, but swallows like she’s lying.

Abby almost scores, but doesn’t, and Alex runs on legs that are suddenly as numb as the rest of her.

Penalty kicks.

Alex hates penalty kicks.

She always has—even just watching them. Even though she hates them, despises them, really, it’s overwhelmingly clear that PKs are the way this game is going to end. Alex desperately wants a water break, is kicking herself for not getting a drink while Kelley was down, but they’ve got possession again so she makes herself run towards McLeod and the swarm of white jerseys. If Kelley’s still running, so is she.

HAO’s got the ball and maybe there’s a flickering sense of hope somewhere down in Alex’s stomach, but all she can think is _get in the air, get your head on that cross_. She jumps, begging her aching legs to just get her that inch, that centimeter that will give her the advantage and she’s airborne and the ball connects with her head and somewhere in the shuffle she gets knocked to the ground.

After that, everything’s a blur.

//

Later, Alex will refer to it as her leap of faith. Her Hail Mary push off.

Kelley will call it talent.

//

What Alex remembers about winning the 2012 Olympic Semi-Final against Canada is this: Kelley’s hand clutched at the back of her neck and Abby saying, “I love you.” HAO thanking her for finding that cross, her eyes wet. Hope’s smile outshining the flashing lights around them. Not knowing whether she’s crying or laughing and Kelley’s face pressed against her neck, whispering something impossible to decipher above the noise of the stadium. Kelley’s palm pressed flat against the base of her ponytail, hot breath fluttering across her pulse.

A hug with grasping fingertips and heaving chests and not saying “I love you” to the right person.

..


	2. part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex's head stays two steps behind her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeeeeyyyy
> 
> since the end is taking me ages, decided to split this into 3 parts. have fun!

“Well, it's like a best friend, but more. It's the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It's someone who makes you a better person. Actually, they don't make you a better person, you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soul mate is someone who you carry with you forever. It's the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you'll always love her. Nothing can ever change that.”

-Dawson Leery, Dawson’s Creek

//

part two 

//

a best friend, but more

//

alexmorgan13: LIVE IN THE MOMENT

//

Later, in the hotel, after laughing themselves silly at a picture from the game of Kelley smacking Abby on the boobs, Kelley climbs haphazardly onto Alex’s bed, moving carefully to avoid legs hiding under covers. Alex is cozy, teeth brushed and head still pounding from the memory of noise and from the feeling of all that adrenaline finally seeping out.

“Hey, buddy,” Alex mumbles. “Can’t sleep?”

“You know how I get after games like this,” Kelley says. “Just wanted to say how awesome I think you are, D2.” 

Maybe it’s the earlier—well, _realization_ —that’s making her notice everything she skimmed over before, but Kelley’s sloppy bun and her droopy t-shirt make Alex’s stomach drop slowly and steadily. The edges of an old pair of soccer shorts are just peeking out from the hem of her shirt. Alex really only gets distracted by Kelley’s legs for three seconds.

Five at most.

“Hey, space cadet.”

“Hmm?” Alex pulls her eyes back up to meet Kelley’s, but that doesn’t help the sweeping feeling in her stomach at all. It sort of makes it worse. “Sorry, Kell, I’m kinda tired.”

“Yeah, I bet. I can already feel my legs seizing up.” Kelley lets out a groan as she reaches to grab her toes. 

Alex isn’t sure whether to thank God or curse Him.

“We are going to hit those recovery pants hard tomorrow. Earliest slot?”

“ _Kell_ —” Alex whines.

“I know, I know, Sleeping Beauty. We can take a nap after we watch that episode of Glee.”

Alex groans.

“You promised, Al.” 

“I did not.”

“Okay, well, Chris, Buehler, and Mittsy already agreed.”

Alex frowns as she closes her eyes and burrows deeper into the covers.

“Hey.” Kelley’s voice is softer now, the teasing tone gone, replaced with something that somehow sounds both heavier and lighter.

Alex opens her eyes and tries to not make it obvious at the way her breath stalls for a moment. Kelley’s a bit closer, her knees pulled up to her chest, her head tilted to the side just a bit, her eyes searching all around Alex’s face.

“You were pretty amazing today, superstar.”

“Thanks, pal.” Alex draws a hand out from her cocoon of warmth and wraps it loosely around Kelley’s ankle, letting her thumb trace over the thin scar from all those years ago. Alex expects that fluttering feeling now, knows what it means. She can feel the words pressing against her throat, but what comes out instead is, “You were, too.”

Kelley smiles in a way that Alex doesn’t like and hums a little, her eyes shifting to the side. “Thanks.”

“Hey.” Alex sits up a bit, trying to blink the sleepiness from her eyes. “What?”

The slightest hesitation. Then, “Nothing, it’s nothing—”

“Nice try, Kell. Spill.”

Kelley presses her face into her knees for a moment. She takes a deep breath and Alex occupies herself with tracing the same pattern over that ankle scar, trying so hard to not think about the way the hair escaping Kelley’s bun curves around the back of her neck.

“I was awful.”

Alex blinks, her fingers stopping their loose pattern. “Kelley—”

“Don’t deny it, Alex, please. Every single goal Canada got was because I wasn’t in the right spot. All three. Not to mention I nearly got them a PK.” She sighs. “I shouldn’t even be on this roster.”

“Kell.” The sinking feeling in Alex’s stomach still has everything to do with Kelley, but now for an entirely different reason. “C’mere.”

Kelley leans into her open arms without hesitation, her head finding Alex’s shoulder as she curls up, half in her lap, half off. 

Alex wraps her arms around Kelley, letting her fingers link together over her hipbone. “Can I say something without you interrupting?”

Kelley waits a moment before saying, “Okay.”

“Maybe it’s true that all of those goals were your fault—I don’t know, I wasn’t looking. Even if they are, it’s impossible to tell how many goals _didn’t_ go in because of you. Tancredi must have plowed you over fifteen times and you always got back up—”

Alex thinks, suddenly, of her hand on Kelley’s back, on a heartbeat against her palm—

“—or think of how many times you came away with the ball, or your pass to Pinoe before her second goal. Yeah, the goals that went in could be totally, 100%, _completely_ your fault, but Kelley?”

Kelley hums in response, her head still limp on Alex’s shoulder.

“We won. We _won_ , and we’re going to the gold medal match, and it might just be because of a goal you stopped from happening. You _absolutely_ deserve to be on this roster.” Alex pauses for a moment, comforted by the way Kelley’s shoulders relax, just a bit. “Plus, you helped me stretch out my calf before overtime, so my goal can really be credited to you.”

Kelley’s laugh is hot against her neck, and Alex feels warm all over.

“You give good pep-talks.”

“I mean it, Kell.”

“I know, buddy.” Kelley hand reaches up to squeeze Alex’s forearm. “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Alex says, leaning her cheek against the crown of Kelley’s head. “S’what besties are for.”

Kelley hums again, her hand still loosely gripping Alex’s wrist. “I think you’re my bestest.”

“Huh?”

“I think you’re my bestest best friend.” The statement hangs in the air for a moment before Kelley continues. “Does that make sense?”

“No, I think I get it,” Alex says, absolutely getting it. “You’re my bestest, too.”

A beat. Then, “Love you, Al.”

Alex closes her eyes. “Love you too, Kell.”

//

Alex falls asleep that night with the sound of Kelley’s voice saying “bestest” ricocheting around her head, the taste of something like hope in the back of her throat.

//

kohara19: This. Team. I'm in love. #uswnt #olympics #onemoregame

//

Alex favorites the tweet, aching for that to be the truth.

//

“I hear there was a big love fest on the field, everyone was saying ‘I love you, I love you—’ What happened there?”

Alex laughs, hoping it doesn’t sound awkward. “Totally, yeah, uhm,” she says, thinking only _don’t say Kelley don’t say Kelley don’t say Kelley_ — “Abby said she loved me, and,” _don’t say Kelley_ , “I said I loved everybody, “ _not quite_ , “It was awesome, though, it’s a moment I’ll remember forever.”

The rest of the interview goes smoothly, but Alex stays reeling, just like she’s been since the night before.

//

After a four hour bus ride, during which Alex had spent the majority of her time trying to ignore the dull ache in her legs, their bus finally pulls up to the Olympic village.

“It feels like we’re finally at the Olympics,” Alex tells Tobin.

“I get what you mean,” Tobin says back, nodding slowly, her eyes not leaving the huge stadium in the distance. Her leg has been bouncing the whole ride, driving Alex crazy, and now it’s like her whole body’s vibrating.

Alex wiggles a bit in her seat, her uncontrollable exuberance reminding her to look over her shoulder for Kelley, who’s standing, looking out the window as well.

The bus goes up in cheers in response to something that Abby’s said. Alex watches Kelley yell, the pinch in her gut expected now, softly anticipated. She smiles and welcomes the flutter, the rush.

They’re so close to gold she can almost reach out and touch it.

//

They’re roommates again. Alex doesn’t question it, just takes her blessing as a good omen. Within ten minutes their suitcases have exploded across their room in the Olympic village, two lanes kept free of clothes and clutter so that there’s a narrow path from each bed to the bathroom.

Bursting with excitement, they jump on Alex’s bed for a solid minute before a loud crack has them scrambling off. Nothing _looks_ broken, so they’re in the clear, but the moment any weight is put on the frame it tilts precariously towards the floor.

“We’re going to lose because I won’t be well rested,” Alex moans dramatically, flopping onto Kelley’s bed. “My back is going to _die_.”

“Alright, princess and the pea,” Kelley says, sitting on the backs of Alex’s calves. “Who says we need you, anyway?”

Alex smirks, not even bothering to speak.

Kelley sighs. “Whatever, we owe everything to you. Happy?”

“Yep.”

//

Of course Kelley offers to share her bed.

Alex tries to resist, claiming that they’re smaller than the hotel beds, practically twin sized really, but Kelley just gives her that _look_ and says, “So you’ll be sleeping on the other mattress before competing for a gold medal?” When Alex still seems unsure, Kelley adds, “It’s not like we haven’t slept in the same bed before.”

Alex agrees to share the damn bed, regretting it already.

She’s always known that Kelley’s beautiful—it’s kind of hard to miss. The sharp cut of her jaw line, the slight curve of her nose, the jut of her cheekbones, the softness of her hair—

Well. You get the idea.

Alex has always known that Kelley’s beautiful, but now that she aches to press her mouth to the curve of Kelley’s lips, to brush her fingertips across Kelley’s hairline, she finds herself paralyzed with fear and want nearly all the damn time. It makes being roommates way more difficult than she anticipated. Maybe it wasn’t a blessing at all.

The first night they spend pressed together in that too small bed, Alex’s head is moving a mile a minute. The smell of Kelley’s shampoo triggers a tremble in her stomach that makes sleep impossible. They wake up twisted around each other, toes between calves, fingers intertwined with a shirt, nose pressed to a shoulder.

That first morning, Alex wonders if she would’ve gotten more sleep on the busted mattress.

The second morning, Alex wakes up with her hand half buried in Kelley’s hair, the solid feeling of something _right_ deep in her chest. Kelley’s still asleep, her breath puffing softly against the side of Alex’s face, their heads smushed onto one pillow after a night of them both shifting around in their sleep. Alex wonders if Kelley would wake up if she just traced a fingertip across that scar on her eyelid, or that dip beneath her lower lip, but right as her fingers twitch in anticipation Kelley’s eyelids flutter open and leave Alex powerless.

Being in love with your best friend is kind of like doing a belly flop. A leap of faith, a hail Mary push off, a moment of elevation, of staring into cyan pool, watching it come closer and closer and being unable to do anything to stop it.

Being in love with your best friend is the collision, the sting, the rush of the bubbles tickling past, every sound distorted, floating without reaching the surface.

Being in love with your best friend is almost drowning, two lungfuls of air just one kick away.

//

For some reason, Kelley is surprised when Pia tells her she’s starting the match against Japan, despite the fact that she’s played every single minute of the Olympics so far. She’s surprised even though she got an assist in the Semis, even though she’s been performing consistently at practice and in games. Alex rolls her eyes at that small, disbelieving smile that’s become so familiar on Kelley’s face, but she cherishes her own place in the starting lineup with the same reverence. She wants to ride her high from the Semi-Final all the way to the top of the podium.

A silver medal is forgettable, but a gold—a gold medal lasts forever.

//

On their walk to the locker room, Kelley’s motivational speech is, “tonight ends in either champagne or sadness, and I want to get drunk.”

Alex’s laugh bubbles up from the nerves rolling across her stomach. 

When the opening notes of “Don’t Stop Believin” start to pump through the speaker in the locker room, Alex turns up the volume on her iPod and tries to focus.

“Just another 90 minutes” doesn’t work so well when those 90 minutes matter more than any other match has in her entire life. 

She’s also got The Kelley Distraction. 

That’s what she’s calling it, The Kelley Distraction. It’s all of the things she skimmed over before that are so obvious now. So obvious and, well, distracting. Like, as they line up in the tunnel, their warm-up jackets stark white, Alex has to actively force herself to stop staring at the sharpness of Kelley’s jawline where it juts just above the popped collar. Her eyes wander lower than they should when Kelley bends over to stretch, which make Alex miss her own mouth with the water bottle. She nods to whatever Abby’s saying, not hearing a word.

“Ready?” Kelley smacks her hand on that gray area that’s almost Alex’s lower back but probably still qualifies as her ass.

“Born ready,” she responds, pulling Kelley into a quick hug and ignoring the way her stomach drops. “Give ‘em hell, buddy,” she calls over her shoulder as she makes her way to half field.

Kelley shoots her a thumbs up. Alex shakes the jitters out from her legs, her heart already anticipating the whistle, rising up from her chest like it’s reaching for something heavy to fall around her neck and weigh it down again.

//

When Carli scores off of Alex’s assist eight minutes in, the team ends up in a dogpile with Kelley, Alex, and Carli on the bottom. She doesn’t mind that she’s crushed below everyone, not when they’re up one in an Olympic Final and Kelley’s strange hybrid sound of both a scream and laughter is sharp in her ear.

Kelley hops on her back as they jog back to half field, but her weight just makes Alex feel lighter.

//

When the whistle blows three times, USA up 2-1, Alex drops to her knees and screams.

//

Alex looks at the t-shirts and reads _greatness has been found._

Alex thinks _why the fuck was it hiding in the first place._

Alex thinks _thank God it decided to show up._

Alex looks at Kelley and wonders, just maybe, if she’d had an inkling all those months ago, an extra pizza in her hand, that greatness was waiting just across the hall.

//

Alex has always loved the national anthem. It’s uplifting and satisfying and gives her goosebumps before games. She loves to hear it when she’s lined up before a match or when she’s standing in the crowd. To be completely honest, it sounds pretty great all the time.

Her favorite rendition, though, is when there’s a gold medal heavy around her neck, a bouquet of flowers clutched tightly in her hands, when she’s singing along with every person in Wembley Stadium, the roar too loud for her to even hear her own voice.

The top of the podium feels a lot like the top of the world.

//

Hope dumps a ridiculously expensive bottle of champagne over Abby’s head. Alex looks at her and all she can think about is her last minute diving save that preserved their lead, that got her that gold, got them their redemption. She lets the champagne spray her arms sticky and tries so hard to think about her team and not the pink flush of Kelley’s cheeks.

She can worry about that later.

//

kohara19: WHAT?!?!?! We did it!!!!!! Everything is gold and nothing hurts. #olympics

//

alexmorgan13: we are Olympic gold Medalists!!!!!!!!

//

Drunker than they’ve been in a long time, Alex and Kelley pose for dozens of ridiculous photographs. Flexing their biceps, Charlie’s Angels, doing the tango, arms wrapped around each other without an inch of space, despite the sticky humidity of the club, and lips pressed to either side of a sparkling gold medal, Alex almost tricking herself into believing she can feel the warmth radiating from the other side.

//

The hair in her mouth is the first thing that Alex registers. The second and third things are the wet feeling on her neck and the small drum kit that’s getting played in her head. The fourth through tenth things have to do with the different ways her body aches. The eleventh thing is that it is far too bright. The twelfth is that her mouth is as dry as a desert.

Alex tries to roll out of bed in hopes of finding a glass of water and registers the thirteenth thing: Kelley O’Hara, asleep on top of her. Probably drooling, going by the puffs of air by the wet spot on her neck. Alex carefully slides out from under her, having to pry Kelley’s fingers from where they’re clasped around the gold medal that still hangs around Alex’s neck. 

Turning on the light in the bathroom is disastrous for her headache, but she squints through the pain and fills up one of the coffee mugs with water to chug as she pees. As she refills it, Alex looks into the mirror and realizes that her shirt, one of Kelley’s pajama tops, is backwards.

She turns it around without taking her medal off, smiling despite the general feeling of having been run over with a truck.

She fills up another mug for Kelley and heads back into the room, hoping for another hour or so of sleep.

//

The day is a blur of recovery and press and family. Alex sticks close to Kelley. She can’t really help it. Kelley seems fine with it, even like she might be hanging close to Alex as well. 

The Morgans and the O’Haras have a late lunch together, both Kelley and Alex eager to finally try fish and chips. Alex’s dad spends most of the meal trying to convince her to let him wear her medal, but she refuses. Jerry won’t stop reaching out and touching Kelley’s, but Kelley herself is too busy grinning whenever he does it to be bothered at all. Alex’s dad finally manages to bribe Kelley to lend him hers with the promise of free beers.

“He’d pay for your beers anyway,” Alex points out.

Kelley shrugs. “Brownie points never hurt.”

Alex glances over to Dan and Karen and thinks that maybe Kelley has a point.

//

kohara19: I haven't stopped smiling since Thursday night #permagrin #Olympics

//

Kelley and Alex manage to snag tickets to the men’s basketball finals. USA takes home one more gold medal, Alex desperately trying to make the way she can’t stop staring at Kelley as she cheers as subtle as possible.

If anyone were paying attention, it would probably be glaringly obvious, but Alex lets herself fade into the crowd.

They walk back to their room together, Alex’s arm slung over Kelley’s shoulders.

//

alexmorgan13: off to closing ceremony @kohara19 @tobinheath! Wow what an olympics... Wearing our gold medals proudly!!

//

The closing ceremony is the biggest party Alex has ever been to, and to top it all of it feels like it’s being thrown just for her. It sort of is, in a way. Her and all the other Olympic Medalists.

Alex Morgan, Olympic Gold Medalist. She could get used to that.

It’s basically just a big concert, but it’s definitely the best concert Alex has ever been to. It’s a bit strange, with Ed Sheeran singing as a man tightropes to a dummy that then bursts into flames, but amazing all the same.

Alex is having an amazing time, dancing between Kelley and Tobin without a care in the world of how silly she looks, when there’s suddenly a vice grip on her arm.

“Alex,” Kelley yells over the crowd, her hand gripping tight. “Those cars have license plates that say ‘Spice.’”

Alex freezes. “Oh my God.”

All five of the Spice Girls are on the stage and Alex screams, Kelley wrapped under one arm. Alex belts along with them as they sing Wannabe, Tobin and Kelley doing the same on either side. It’s like every childhood dream she’s ever had all smashed into one perfect night: a Spice Girls concert and a gold medal, and finally knowing what that logic-defying, fairytale, perfect kind of love feels like.

//

alexmorgan13: Seeing the spice girls reunion obviously wasnt enough for me and @kohara19 since we are still blasting their music in our room!

//

Leaving London is heartbreaking. To Alex, the Olympics were a perfect journey of hard work and discovery and struggle and coming out on top because of it all. It’s where she won gold, where she fell in love. 

Sitting next to Syd on the way back, Alex looks out the window at the wide expanse of the ocean and wonders if everything she’s taking back with her—the gold medal, her feelings for Kelley—will carry some of the magic with them as well.

//

They get some time off from their club teams, but both Alex and Kelley try and get back into the swing of LA Thunder practices as soon as possible. It’s a bit frustrating, going from what felt like the best team in the world to their struggling club, but Alex loves it all the same. No one is shutting up about her goal against Canada and she doesn’t think she’s going to want them to for a long time. 

She stays on the bench with Kelley during their game against Seattle, both of them in sneakers and sunglasses. Kelley, with her Raybans and hair in a ponytail too soft for soccer, is the perfect vision for a southern California afternoon. Their legs bump together for the entire game, their bodies jostling from how much they cheer. Every time Alex’s thigh brushes the skin of Kelley’s from where her shorts have ridden up, the smallest little charge shoots up her leg. Kelley smiles and laughs like the whole world is in the palm of her hand, even as they go down one goal, then two. That’s how the score stays, but even that doesn’t seem to kill Kelley’s mood. She goes over to hug Pinoe and Hope, Alex following closely behind, watching as Kelley nearly tackles Pinoe, laughing her way through the loss.

//

(If Hope lingers for a moment as she watches Alex sling her arm around Kelley’s shoulders on their walk back to the locker room, like maybe she’s confirming a suspicion, Alex doesn’t see it.)

//

Alex sleeps in her own apartment and Kelley across the hall. It’s jarring, after sharing a room for so long, after sharing a bed with Kelley. That first night back, Alex stays on the left side for almost ten minutes before laughing at herself and moving to the middle.

She doesn’t get much sleep at first. It’s not that sleeping alone is difficult, but instead that she finally has a quiet moment to think, completely alone. In the rush and excitement of London, she hadn’t gotten much time to really think, but the buzzing silence of her bedroom doesn’t give Alex the option to push it off even farther.

She’s in love with her best friend. Kelley, who gets up at 4:30 in the morning to surf and then stays up until practice at 10:00, where she outpaces nearly everyone else on the field. Kelley, who sometimes looks at her cup of coffee like it holds the answer to the meaning of life. Kelley, who uses too much conditioner and hates spiders even more than Alex does. Kelley, who sometimes looks at her in a way that sparks something dangerously like hope in Alex’s chest.

Kelley, Alex’s best friend and teammate. Who, as of three days ago, when asked by an LA teammate, was “single and happy about it!”

Kelley’s been Alex’s constant for the last year and a half, unchanging and steady. If she had suddenly started sending big mooney eyes in her direction, Alex would’ve noticed.

Maybe being in love with Kelley won’t change much. Maybe just being around her will quell the waves of wanting that sometimes take over Alex’s stomach, that make it hard to fall asleep. Maybe it’ll blow over. Maybe she’ll get over it.

//

(Alex doesn’t get over it.)

//

Kelley drives them to practice, adjusting the mirrors and seat with exaggerated pointedness. 

“I get it, you hate it when I mess with your car,” Alex says, rolling her eyes.

“Mittens,” Kelley corrects. “Her name is Mittens.”

“Apologies,” Alex says as she fiddles with the knobs on the radio.

“I saved that station you like,” Kelley says as she reaches out with one hand, eyes still on the road. She hits a button or two and the chorus of _We Are Young_ plays softly through the speakers. Alex sings along, which probably sounds more like a drowning cat than singing, and Kelley taps her fingers along with the beat, smiling like there’s nowhere she’d rather be.

“I love this,” she says suddenly.

“What?” Alex asks, turning down the volume.

“This,” Kelley says. “Singing in the car on our way to get paid to play soccer.”

Alex grins. “I’m a pretty great singer.”

“Hush,” Kelley says. “I don’t want any of it to change. This is the best it can be.”

“You want us to lose our game again this week?” Alex asks, smirking.

“Shut up, you know what I mean.” Kelley reaches over with her right hand, pinkie finger sticking out, eyes still on the road. “Promise we’ll stay best friends? No matter what?”

“Bestest friends,” Alex corrects, prompting a laugh from Kelley.

“Yeah, bestest friends,” she says. “Promise?”

“You’re not trying to get something out of me, right?”

“ _Alex_. We’re having a moment.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Alex apologizes, giggling.

Kelley purses her lips to try and hide her own smile, still pretending that this conversation is serious. “Promise me that we won’t fuck up our friendship.”

“Okay, okay,” Alex says, hooking her pinkie finger around Kelley’s and squeezing. “I promise. Relax.”

//

They continue burning their way through Grey’s Anatomy that night, each lying on opposite sides of Alex’s couch, their legs awkwardly bent in the middle.

“This show is so dramatic,” Alex complains.

“We could watch Glee—”

“Not a chance,” she interjects. “And we can’t quit eight seasons in.”

“I have a confession.”

“What?” Alex looks over to Kelley’s sheepish expression.

“I googled the season finale.”

“ _Kelley_ —”

“I know, I know, but I couldn’t resist.”

“How bad is it?”

“It’s _bad_ , Al.”

“You’re the worst,” Alex groans, kicking Kelley in the thigh.

“Shh, I wanna watch this bit,” Kelley says, reaching for the remote and turning the volume up.

On the screen, Lexie goes up to Mark.

“ _I love you, I do, I love you_ ,” Lexie says. It suddenly takes a lot of Alex’s energy to keep looking at the TV.

“ _and i have been trying not to say it_ ,” she continues, “ _I’ve been trying so hard to just mash it down and ignore it and not say it and—Jackson is a great guy, he is, and he’s gorgeous and he’s younger than you and he doesn’t have any grandkids, or, or babies with his lesbian BFFs and he’s, and Avery, and he liked me, you know, he he really liked me! But it was never gonna work out because I—I love you. I am so in love with you. And you’re—you’re in me, you’re like—it’s like you’re a disease, it’s like I am infected by Mark Sloan, and I just can’t—I can’t think about anything or anybody, and I can’t sleep, I can’t breathe, I can’t eat, and—I love you, I just love you all the time, every minute of every day, and I—I...I love you_.”

“Oh my _God_ ,” Kelley groans, her head flopping back against the end of the couch. “I’m gonna cry. That’s _so_ sad.”

“What?”

“You’ll know by the next episode,” Kelley says, sighing. “Fuck, that’s sad.”

“ _Kelley_ —”

“Fine, fine, I’ll shut up.”

“ _Thank_ you.”

They settle in to watch the remainder of the episode.

Alex can’t erase the empty look on Mark’s face as Lexie confessed her love from her head.

//

That night, as she’s trying to fall asleep, Alex doesn’t think about Grey’s Anatomy or their upcoming game against Boston. Instead, she hears Kelley’s voice over and over again, saying in that joking but serious tone of voice, “ _Promise me that we won’t fuck up our friendship_.”

//

alexmorgan13: @kohara19 remember these? Spent too much time recovering our legs in these 

//

kohara19: @alexmorgan13 bahahaha totally forgot that happened. Also, pretty sure that was the cleanest our room ever was in the village #dirtygirls

//

**Servando**  
coffee tmrw?

//

There’s some slight panicking on the drive to meet Serv, but the plucky playlist of hipster music that Kelley downloaded onto her phone calms Alex down. Kelley’s also on standby to call and give an excuse to leave, but Alex really hopes it doesn’t come to that.

She gets there at 3:10, which is technically late but actually early when it comes to Serv. Sure enough, he walks in, a little rushed, while she’s still in line. They both go for a hug and talk mindlessly about traffic and the weather as they order and wait, leaving any sort of meaningful conversation for when they’re tucked away in the corner.

“I’m surprised you’re not still wearing your medal,” he says, smirking a bit.

Alex rolls her eyes. “It’s safe at home, you jerk.”

“Come on, tell me everything. What was the Athlete’s Village like?”

Alex isn’t quite sure where the best place to begin is, but she starts with Alnwick Castle. After that everything pours out of her, the games and the practices and the annoying amount of downtime. Serv nods his way through it all, laughs at the appropriate moments and asks questions she doesn’t mind answering.

“So,” Alex says, ending a retelling of what she thinks of as her personal Spice Girls concert. “What’ve you been up to?”

“Well,” Serv says, grinning. “Nothing as exciting as you. Galaxy’s been doing good.”

“Yeah, I saw.” Serv hasn’t been getting that much playing time, but Alex says, “Congrats.”

“Thanks.” Serv traces his finger around the edge of his mug. “Actually, can we go back to you for a sec?”

“Sure.” Alex reaches for her own mug.

“It’s about Kelley.”

Alex freezes, her cup of coffee halfway to her mouth.

“I don’t want you to get upset, or think I’m being a dick again or anything, but do you think—” he cuts himself off, scrunching up his nose like he’s thinking hard about saying the right thing. “Is it possible that you like her as more than a friend?”

Alex puts her cup of coffee back down. “Are you fucking serious?”

“No, it’s not—Shit.” Serv runs a hand through his hair. “It’s just the way you were talking about the Olympics.”

“What about it?”

“You just spent, like, half an hour telling me about what you did with Kelley in England.”

“Well, she’s on the team, so—”

“Yeah, but everything you told started with ‘Kelley and I.’”

“She’s my best friend.”

“I’m not saying that you’re in love with her.”

Alex resists the urge to laugh.

“Or even that you liked her before, okay? That’s not what I’m getting at. I know it was a dick thing to say when we broke up and it was hurtful and untrue.” He takes a deep breath. “But seriously. As your friend-from-college Servando, not ex-boyfriend Servando. Is there something going on?”

“No,” Alex answers, her heart dropping at the honesty. She looks at Serv, at his nervous but so earnest expression. “Nothing’s going on.” Alex takes a sip of coffee, makes a choice. “But I...I want it to be.”

Across the table, Serv nods slowly. Alex chews on the corner of her lip.

“So, what’s the plan?”

“What?” Alex asks, bewildered.

“What’s the plan? Flowers? A card?”

“The plan for what, Serv?”

“We’ve got to get Kelley on a date with you somehow.”

Alex scoffs. “Yeah, right. Not a chance that’s ever fucking happening.”

“Why not?” Serv asks, grinning. “Not to toot my own horn, but I’ve got pretty great taste.”

Alex kicks him under the table. “Shut up.”

“Seriously!” he objects. “You’re a catch, Al. We know she’s into girls and that she isn’t blind.”

“Serv, stop.”

“You shared a bed, that has to be good news.”

“ _Servando_.” 

The smile slips from his face.

“Stop.”

“Alex—”

“Please, Serv,” Alex begs. “Please.”

He stares her down. “Okay,” he say, holding up his hands palm out. “Alright, I’ll drop it.”

“Thank you.”

“If you ever want to talk about it, though—”

“I won’t.”

“But if you do. I’m here and I want you to be happy.”

Alex exhales slowly, looking up and trying to ignore how her eyes are a little wet. “She doesn’t like me, okay? I’d know if she did.”

“Have some patience, Alex.” Serv smiles. “And maybe a little hope, too.”

//

“How’d it go?” Kelley’s voice is loud, the background noise in the call almost overpowering her. “One sec, let me roll up the window.” The wind leaking through Alex’s speaker gets quieter slowly, until all that’s left is the soft sound of whatever Kelley’s listening to on the radio and the muffled rush of the highway. “Okay, shoot. I’m assuming it went well since I didn’t get an SOS text.”

“It was nice, actually,” Alex says.

“Like, nice?” Kelley asks suggestively.

“No, no way,” Alex answers. “He’s got a date with a girl in Med school at UCLA named Sarah, seems really into her.”

“Ew.” Alex can’t see Kelley’s face, but she’d bet she’s making a face. “UCLA’s gross. How do we feel about Sarah?”

“I don’t know,” Alex says. “I haven’t met her.”

“You aren’t jealous?”

“ _No_. Honestly, Kell, Servando and I are just trying to be friends again.” 

“Okay, okay,” she relents. “I’m just trying to get you to talk about your feelings. You shouldn’t bottle stuff up.”

“I won’t,” Alex lies. 

“And you’re sure you’re over Serv?”

“Yes,” Alex says, laughing a little. “I’m sure, buddy. Promise.”

At least that’s a promise she’s sure of.

//

Things with Kelley are mostly the same.

At least, Alex hopes that’s how it seems. There are little things she changes, for her own sake. She tries to cut down on how often she sleeps over in Kelley’s apartment, where she’ll wake up with too much skin contact and the ache in her chest worse than it’s ever been. Kelley still falls asleep in Alex’s bed sometimes, hands and fingertips reaching out for something to grasp onto. Alex lets her, helps slide her droopy limbs under the covers and curls up above the comforter on the other side. 

Things are mostly the same.

They go to yoga and the beach and Alex turns her face towards the sun and closes her eyes when Kelley shucks off her wetsuit. They go out with teammates, and Alex always tries to let her eyes roam around a little more, tries to keep herself from looking back at the one person she’s trying to stop thinking about. Alex gets a new deal with Nike, goes on Kelly and Michael while they’re in the New York area for an away game with Sky Blue. 

(“Tell her she spells her name wrong.”

“No, Kelley.”)

Kelley buys a new blender and Alex steals it for her own apartment, which means they end up spending most mornings together. Tobin gets traded to Portland, Kelley breaks her pinky finger trying to do a headstand on a soccer ball.

The Kelley Distraction is a part of Alex’s every day life now. At practice though, on the field, Alex finds a way to shut it down, to slip her headphones on and center herself. She gets better at focusing, at working until the only thing she can think about is the burn in her legs, in her lungs.

“ _Alex_.”

She looks up. Kelley’s smiling, an unfair twinkle in her eye. Her hair is still wet, her face fresh and cheeks still a bit flushed from practice. 

“Time to go home, bestest.”

Alex looks down, taking in her packed bag and tied shoes. “Sorry, let’s go.”

“S’okay,” Kelley says. “You always take forever, I’m used to it.”

Alex knocks her shoulder into Kelley’s, smiling as she gets a knock right back.

//

“Kell,” Alex calls. “What’s your dad’s HBO password again?”

Kelley’s voice comes from somewhere in the kitchen. “I dunno. It’s on my laptop somewhere.”

“Can you go get it?”

Kelley walks into sight, spatula in hand. “You’ve gotta stir, then.”

Alex groans until Kelley comes to haul her to her feet, passing the spatula over. 

“Try not to fuck it up too much,” she jokes, narrowly avoiding Alex’s foot as it swings towards her ass.

Alex goes into the kitchen, wishing she was still on the couch, and jumps about a foot in the air when Kelley screams at the top of her lungs and slams the door shut. She’s back in the kitchen in nanoseconds, Alex still recovering with a hand over her heart.

“Alex.” Kelley’s voice is panicked. “Alex there are, like, three raccoons in the hallway.”

Alex blinks. “What?”

“They’re scratching at your door.”

“Oh my God,” Alex says. “Scare them away.”

“ _I’m_ not gonna scare them away,” Kelley says. “It’s your door.”

“You practically live here.”

“I don’t care.”

Kelley grabs the broom Alex keeps by the fridge and pushes it forwards. Alex trades her for the spatula, glaring, and slowly approaches her door, the scratching sound becoming louder and louder the closer she gets. “Should I just, like, smack the door?”

“I don’t know,” Kelley says, peeking around the corner. 

Alex glares at her. “You owe me so big,” she says before turning and slamming the broom into the door. There’s a scrambling sound and a brief silence. Alex holds her breath, exhaling in frustration when the scratching comes back. The cycle repeats itself, Alex smacking the door harder each time, but the scratching still continues.

“Well,” Alex says. “No Game of Thrones tonight, I guess. Should we barricade the door?”

Kelley smiles, but it’s the kind of smile that makes Alex nervous, not the haha-what-a-great-joke smile. 

“What?” Alex asks.

“Since you’ve got nothing to watch,” she says, walking back into the kitchen, “you can watch an episode of Glee with me.”

Alex rolls her eyes so hard her eyelid twitches.

//

Halfway through the second episode, Alex pulls out her phone as subtly as possible and sends out a tweet.

When Kelley’s phone dings, she glances at it quickly before smacking Alex in the face with a pillow, ignoring her laughter.

//

alexmorgan13: So @kohara19 just made me watch my first episode of Glee... and my last…

kohara19: @alexmorgan13 if you don't like it you can go hang outside with the + (monster raccoon colony)

//

The LA Times publishes an article about her, complete with interviews from Abby and Mia Hamm. Sitting next to Mia Hamm— _the_ Mia Hamm—in a fancy little bistro as she gets interviewed about playing soccer and her book deal and her publicity packed trip to New York...it feels a little more than surreal.

Kelley actually buys the paper the article’s in and cuts it out like she’s Alex’s grandma. Alex teases her for it, but blushes as Kelley reads her favorite parts aloud from where she’s sitting upside down on the couch.

“Oooh,” she says, making Alex nervous even though she’s already read the article four times. “‘After a morning at the beach in South Bay with teammate Kelley O’Hara—’” she reads, cutting herself off to then say, “I got a mention in the famous Alex Morgan’s _LA Times_ article?”

Alex rolls her eyes and stretches her legs out across the coffee table. “There was sand on my jeans; they asked what I was doing at the beach.”

“Oh, hey, this is good…blah, blah, blah, she ‘listens to Hamm's praise and does her best not to blush behind her makeup.’” Kelley lets the newspaper drop, her grin wicked. “Awww, buddy.”

“Please shut up.”

“You put makeup on?”

“It was an interview,” Alex says. “Was I supposed to show up in pajamas?”

“I’m not making fun of you, I promise,” Kelley says, struggling to get herself upright again so she can reach out and put a hand on Alex’s calf. “You’re just cute.”

Alex’s cheeks might as well be on fire, and this time there’s no makeup to hide it. Kelley grins again.

“You’re _blushing_ ,” she croons, teetering on the edge of the couch so she can reach out and pinch Alex’s cheek. “Adorable.”

Alex smacks at Kelley’s hand and lets her continue reading aloud, the hot feeling in her cheeks not fading for a moment.

//

The Victory Tour games have a different feeling than any other games Alex has every played.

Their game in Rochester sells out, so they add 2,000 more seats, which sell out within a half an hour. The crowd is there to see Abby score, and even though Abby doesn’t say anything herself, the rest of the team is itching to get her one as well.

Alex stands next to her as they listen to the the Costa Rican national anthem first, then the Star Spangled Banner. Kelley’s on Alex’s other side, making faces at the little boy she walked out with until she has to face the flag and put a hand over her heart.

Pinoe scores first, a crazy free kick that deflects and deflects again and finally gets bounced into the net. Alex gets to her first, Kelley jumping on both of them only a moment later.

Once they’ve got a one goal cushion, it’s all about getting the ball to Abby. Buehler is the one to finally do it, sending in a perfect cross from the left that hits Abby’s head just right. It sounds like the crowd explodes. Alex follows Abby’s streaking form as she runs to Pia on the sidelines, nearly tackling her with the force of her jump. Kelley jumps on Alex’s back again, her weight solidly familiar and her scream of absolute joy not familiar enough.

Abby gets another one off a corner, and then Alex gets her breakaway, her perfect angle, and she slams her left foot into the ball and watches it curve into the net like a damn movie. Pinoe jumps into her arms and they stroll back to half field arm in arm, four goals up, victory still flooding through their veins.

It’s 8-0 by the end of the game. Syd gets one in the second half, chasing down a pass from Alex that had just a bit too much power behind it. HAO taps one in, and Carli has a stunning free kick that the Costa Rican keeper doesn’t have a chance of stopping.

Then, they’re thrown into the autographs.

Alex thought she was prepared, after wandering around London with a gold medal around her neck. She got used to the more people yelling for her after Thunder games, to the mayhem of post-game anything. 

Alex is not prepared for the Rochester crowd.

It seems like every other sign is for her, with slogans like _I LOVE YOU ALEX_ or _#13 ‘123_. Alex signs and signs and signs until her wrist aches and she barely recognizes her own signature.

Nearly every sign that isn’t for Alex is for Abby, except for one that proudly proclaims someone is _NUTS FOR O’HARA_. Alex points it out to Kelley, hoping for that embarrassed flush to take over her face like it does sometimes, but Kelley leans into it, bounding over to say hello and gladly accepting the stuffed squirrel that’s been brought for her.

Kelley doesn’t shut up about it for the whole ride back to the hotel. Alex pretends to be annoyed, secretly enjoying the earnest happiness that’s seeping through Kelley’s rambling monologue about fame and popularity and how she won’t let it go to her head.

//

**alexmorgan13** : someone is nuts for O’Hara!!!  
View all comments  
**serva5** : lol

//

“Are you and Serv talking more now?”

Kelley’s got her feet up on Alex’s lap, their already late flight delayed another hour.

“Kinda,” Alex says, looking up from her phone.

“He commented on your picture of me.”

Alex hums and looks back at her Twitter feed, having already seen the comment and having already texted him _shut the fuck up_.

“That’s good, right?”

“Yeah,” Alex shrugs. “I don’t think we’ll ever be really close again, but it’s nice to be friendly, at least.”

Kelley goes back to her magazine for a moment. Their terminal is quiet, most people leaning against friends or the backs of seats with their eyes closed. 

“Speaking of exes,” Kelley says suddenly. 

Alex eyes her warily. “What?” she asks.

“Christen and I talked some this camp.”

“That’s nice,” Alex says, not meaning it at all. She’s already jealous that Christen got booked on an earlier flight. She doesn’t need to add to the scale.

“She doesn’t really like it in LA.”

Alex frowns, intrigued. She locks her phone and turns to Kelley, drumming her fingers along the calves in her lap. “We could kind of tell.”

Kelley swings her legs off of Alex’s lap so she can scooch closer, lowering her voice even though no one near them cares about their conversation. “She thinks she’s going to play abroad.”

Alex’s eyebrows shoot up and Kelley quickly says, “Don’t say anything! She made me promise not to tell anyone.”

At the incredulous look that Alex shoots her way, Kelley continues, “Oh, come on, you don’t count.”

Alex scoffs. “I’m someone, aren’t I?”

“Well, if Christen thought I was going to be able to keep it from you then she’s stupid.”

_Of course she’s stupid_ , Alex thinks. _She broke up with you._

//

Christen does leave the Thunder. She leaves the country, too. There’s a team in Sweden that works it all out with LA, and she’s gone before it’s even officially autumn. At her last practice, Kelley wraps her in a hug that has Alex’s blood boiling just as hot as the turf on the field.

It leaves pressure on Alex to score more goals, to perform even better than she had been. She succeeds, for the most part, partially because Kelley decides to go absolutely insane on the field for the end of the season. It’s like the Olympics had flipped a switch in her, had given her the confidence boost she needed to go in for the riskier tackles, to take a chance at shoot the ball at the goal every once and awhile.

Kelley’s first goal with the Thunder, and her first in the NWSL, is a free kick straight to the upper right corner that Barnie doesn’t stand a chance of stopping. Alex gets to her first, both of them screaming into each other’s faces before slamming into a hug that make Alex’s ribs ache.

Seeing Kelley like that, hearing the crowd go wild for her—it flips a switch in Alex, too.

They beat Kansas City 4-1.

It’s Alex’s first hattrick.

//

“Alex.” Kelley looks down with disdain. “This is an intervention.”

“What?” Alex asks, looking around. She hadn’t taken too long to get ready for practice this time—in fact, she knows at least half of the girls haven’t even made it onto the field yet. “I’m literally just tying my shoes.”

“Exactly,” Kelley says, sitting down beside her and placing a hand on her knee.

Alex’s heart beats a bit faster.

“Al, it’s time,” Kelley says gently. “You need new cleats.”

Alex looks at her feet and frowns. The once pristine white is getting dirtier by the day, but “These are the cleats we won gold in, Kell.”

“I know, pal.” Kelley gives her a sharp pat on the knee. “But! Your new fancy deal with Nike should make this an easy fix.”

Alex sighs.

Onwards and upwards, she supposes.

//

alexmorgan13: These cleats have been EVERYWHERE with me the last 3 months... but I think it's time to retire them :( #theyveseenbetterdays

//

Tobin comes to play them in LA, her new uniform bright red. She surfs, longboards, and jokes around with Alex as Kelley cooks them dinner.

“I learned the craziest thing today.”

Alex tears her eyes away from the bra strap that’s slipping over Kelley’s shoulder, trying to focus instead on what she’s saying.

“What?” Tobin asks, trying to juggle a soccer ball from where she’s sitting on the counter.

“So, you know the word gullible, right?”

“Yeah,” Alex answers slowly, unsure of where Kelley’s going.

“Apparently it’s one of those words that like, evolved over time or something, so it isn’t in the dictionary.”

“Wait, seriously?” Tobin asks, letting the ball drop to the floor.

“Mmhmm,” Kelley responds, turning away from the stove to look at them. “Crazy, right?”

“That’s insane,” Alex agrees. “They’ll probably add it soon, though, right?”

Kelley’s sudden burst of laughter is unexpected, but not unwelcomed. Alex smiles, a bit confused, and shoots Tobin a confused look.

“You’re both _idiots_ ,” Kelley gasps through peals of laughter. “ _Gullible_.”

Alex gets it before Tobin, but it’s Tobin that manages to wrangle Kelley’s arms behind her back. Only Alex knows how to locate that exact spot on her ribs that is most ticklish, anyway.

They don’t stop until all three of them have sides and cheeks that ache and the faint smell of burning chicken shifts their attention back to dinner.

//

Tobin falls asleep on the couch, head thrown back and mouth open. They write “I love Kelley and Alex” on her arm in thick, black sharpie.

Trying to muffle her giggles, a sharpie in her hand, Alex hesitates for just a moment before she adds the _and Alex_. 

//

They beat Portland 1-0, Alex’s cross perfectly placed in the box, slammed in by one of their taller midfielders.

Christine Sinclair doesn’t get a shot on goal.

//

At the bar after the game, Kelley tugs her shirt down a bit, pushes at her bra until her cleavage is significantly more noticeable than usual. Alex, DD for the night, chokes on her Sprite.

“Free beer here I come,” Kelley says grinning, the whoops of her teammates following her across the room.

Alex slips one of the ice cubes into her mouth, but it doesn’t do much to cool her down. Drunk Kelley is Kelley at her most dangerous, any semblance of personal boundaries absolutely gone. She’s only tipsy now, probably won’t get that much past that, but Alex is still wary. Kelley’s fingertips, cold from where they’ve been clutched around a beer bottle, keep pressing into Alex’s wrist, her waist, the dip of her elbow. 

Kelley doesn’t get more sober as the night goes on, but she does get far more eager to dance. She makes her way through their more willing teammates until she finally reaches Alex, who tries valiantly to resist Kelley’s tugging hands. There’s no point, really, because Kelley is stubborn at any stage of sobriety. Dancing with a tipsy Kelley isn’t _not_ fun, but after she stumbles into Alex’s chest for the third time, her mouth far too close to Alex’s racing pulse, Alex makes the executive decision that it’s time to go home.

She organizes taxis and ubers, tells herself that Kelley’s throwing an arm around her shoulders is for balance as they walk to the car, not for anything else. She lets Kelley mess with the radio and reminds her to close her eyes so she doesn’t get carsick like she usually does when she’s been drinking.

“ _Young hearts, out of our minds_ —”

“Kelley, shut up.”

“I want to _sing_ , bestest.”

“Driver’s choice, Kells.”

“ _Take my hand, I’ll show you the wild side_.”

Alex tries not to laugh, but as soon as Kelley starts to giggle it’s impossible to keep a straight face.

“I hate you,” Alex says, not meaning it at all.

“You love me,” Kelley responds.

Alex can’t really deny that.

//

kohara19: “alexmorgan13: i have that ke$ha song stuck in my head... thanks @kohara19 for playing it 7 times so far today.” and its only day one!!! You know you love it #dieyoung

//

Their next Victory Tour game is in Carson, against Australia. Alex drives them up and Kelley naps most of the way, feet up and sunglasses slipping down the slope of her nose. Alex doesn’t play any music, mostly because the quiet feels precious, a perfect little moment for just the two of them.

The game isn’t so much about winning—although they do do that, Boxxy slamming in a beautiful penalty kick. Instead, it’s about honoring Pia at her last game. The team splits the cost of a new acoustic guitar, a gift that can’t really repay all that she’s done for them, but it’s something.

Alex is anxious about a new coach, even if it’s Tom, worried that maybe her place on the team might not be as strong as it was before. 

Kelley laughs at her when she tries to talk about it. “Stop fishing for compliments,” she says, rolling her eyes, ignoring Alex’s protests that she isn’t. “No one’s gonna drop you, not after your semi goal. If anyone should be worried, it’s me.”

That makes Alex laugh, because Kelley’s pretty much determined herself as Rookie of the Year and there isn’t a chance she’s going to be phased off the team.

Alex and Kelley go back to LA and the Thunder slowly crawls its way up the table, neither of them willing to leave the field with anything but a win. It’s a lot of double days and too many salads and time spent on busses and planes, but they’re winning, and Alex feels like she’s finally figuring it all out.

//

“I don’t want to,” Alex groans, flopping face first onto the couch.

“Too bad,” Kelley responds, throwing Alex’s shoes onto her limp body. “Suck it up and go.”

“I hate the DMV.”

“So does everyone. Up and at ‘em.”

Alex pouts while she puts on her shoes, taking as much time as she can.

“Oh my god,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes. “I’ll drive you if you stop being so dramatic.”

Alex would be embarrassed at how quickly she perks up, but she’s too busy wrapping Kelley in a bear hug and squeezing as hard as she can. “You’re the bestest.”

“I know.” Kelley lets the hug go on for a couple more seconds before pushing her back. Her smile looks forced. “DMV. Woo.”

They’re singing along to Bohemian Rhapsody at the top of their lungs when there’s a bang and the car jerks to the side.

“Fuck,” Kelley yells, signaling so she can pull over. “Fuck. Flat tire. Fuck.”

“It’s a sign,” Alex decides. “I’m just not supposed to go to the DMV today.”

“Hush,” Kelley says. “Do you know how to change a flat?”

Alex shoots her an incredulous look.

Kelley rolls her eyes. “Of course not, silly me. Help me carry the tire, at least.”

Alex should find absolutely nothing about watching someone change a tire attractive, and yet there she is, the sound of the freeway rushing in her ears, biting her lip, watching Kelley’s arms flex as she lifts and pulls and struggles.

“Thank you Danger Dan for raising me to always have this shit in my trunk,” she pants, leaning against the side of the car as Alex heaves the tire into the trunk. She barely manages to catch the keys Kelley throws her way.

“You’re driving,” she says, lifting her shirt to wipe at the sweat on her forehead. Alex gulps. The shirt falls back down and Kelley looks at her, eyebrows furrowed. “Unless you got heatstroke doing nothing.”

“No, I’m good,” Alex says. “Great. Let’s roll.”

Alex’s heart doesn’t stop hammering the whole drive.

“So, just text me when you think you’ll be done and I’ll come and pick you up,” Kelley says, reaching for the car keys.

Alex pouts. “Can’t you come inside and wait in line with me?”

“Are you serious?” Kelley looks less than pleased. “Oh my god.” She rubs a hand into her eyes. “Fine. Let me park Mittens, I’ll be there in a minute.”

Alex is surprised they don’t get kicked out.

She doesn’t think it’s against DMV policy to laugh so hard you cry while waiting in line, but if she had to guess from the glares they keep getting, she’d definitely say it was. Alex comes close to reaching her boiling point when she’s directed to a fourth line to wait in, but Kelley saves her with a stunning smile and a “thank you, ma’am” that would make her grandmother proud.

“See, this one isn’t even that long,” Kelley soothes, grabbing onto Alex’s shoulders and digging her thumbs into the top of her spine. “Just a little longer.”

Alex groans, both because of the massage and the prospect of having to wait even longer. “How long have we been here? Five hours?”

“Barely one,” Kelley says. “But good guess.”

“Shut up.” She leans back into Kelley’s hands. “A little lower?”

“You’re ridiculous.” Kelley’s words would sting more if she wasn’t laugh as she said them, her thumbs working down Alex’s spine.

“You’re the best, Kells.” Alex curls her back as Kelley digs her fingers into a particularly tense spot. ‘I’m gonna look so relaxed if they even end up taking my picture.”

“There are like, four people in front of us, you big baby,” Kelley says. “We’ll stop by that coffee shop with the muffins you like on the way home,” she promises.

Alex smiles feeling warm all over. 

“Sounds like a plan,” she says.

//

kohara19: You know life is good when your day includes the DMV and changin a flat and your day still rocks! Hope everyone is smiling :)

//

They scrape out a tie against the Flash, Alex missing a penalty just like she knew she would the second she stepped up to the ball. 

She _hates_ penalties.

Carli gets a goal for the flash that’s called as offsides, so it’s a tie that feels like a loss. Alex takes an extra long shower after the game and by the time she’s done Kelley is blasting music and laughing and Alex feels alright again. It’s hard to stay bummed watching her dance around like that, especially when she’s going to a concert with Abby and her tomorrow night.

The concert is almost perfect.

The music’s great. In Kelley’s words, KOL “smashes it,” but Alex can’t help but think that it almost feels like a date. She dances around with Kelley’s hand in her own, the alcohol thrumming in her veins making the contact easy, effortless. It feels so much like a date.

That is, until Abby does one of her ridiculous hip rolls or throws an arm around Alex’s shoulders or starts to jump in time with the music, dragging Kelley into doing it too.

It almost feels like a date.

//

kohara19: I'll take @alexmorgan13 on my team any day! Congrats Alexandra!! #SportsWomenOfTheYear

//

kohara19: Oh yeah, and #BEATCAL @StanfordFball

//

“Twenty-one to _three_ ,” Kelley croons, the hand holding her beer thrust high in the air. “ _That’s_ what I’m talking about. Nerd Nation!”

“Shut up,” Alex says from her spot on the couch.

Kelley doesn’t shut up, instead cheering as she makes a lap around her living room, pausing to break out into dance.

“Kelley, I swear to God, you need to shut up.”

“Aww, is someone upset about losing?”

“Kelley,” Alex growls, standing up.

“Whatcha gonna do, pal?” Kelley knocks back the rest of her beer. “I’ve already won. You dumb jocks can never beat us.”

Alex lunges, managing to grab the back of Kelley’s t-shirt as she tries to scamper away. “Shut _up_ ,” she growls, wrangling Kelley into a headlock.

“Cal sucks,” Kelley gasps out.

“ _You_ suck,” Alex responds, trying to avoid Kelley’s flailing hands.

Kelley manages to twist her wrist so that her fingers find that soft spot on Alex’s side that makes her flinch away. “I’ll stop, I’ll _stop_ ,” Kelley says, escaping to the other side of the couch. “Alex, I’ll stop.”

Alex eyes her suspiciously, ready to leap across the couch at any moment. Kelley sticks out her hand, pinky up. Alex squeezes it with her own and lets herself flop back onto the cushions, waiting until Kelley sits down again to give her a wet willie.

“ _Alex_!”

“That’s for being a sore winner.”

“Right,” Kelley says as she lifts her shirt to wipe at her ear. “Because you’re _never_ a sore winner. Or a sore loser, even.”

Alex frowns and looks away from Kelley and her exposed abs. “Whatever.”

Kelley laughs and knocks their shoulders together. “Stop pouting, buddy.”

“I’m not pouting,”

“Sure,” Kelley says. “Of course you aren’t, pal.”

“Kelley,” Alex growls.

“I mean, you have reason to be—”

Alex shoves her away, anger building as Kelley laughs.

“Relax, Al. You only have to do my laundry for a week.”

Alex groans, pressing her face into the couch.

“It’s not like I sweat a lot, or anything.”

Alex turns her face so she can glare at Kelley properly. “I hate you.”

Kelley leans in with puckered lips, aimed at her cheek, but Alex pushes her away before she can get close.

Later, once she’s calmed down and cursed Stanford football a few hundred more times, she thinks of Kelley’s lips leaning in and feels like an idiot for pushing her away.

//

LA makes it to the playoffs for the first time. They’re playing Chicago in a week, but in the meantime they find mindless tasks to amuse themselves between brutal training sessions, trying to think about anything but their upcoming game.

They see Pitch Perfect twice, but it feels like more than that with Kelley playing the soundtrack 24/7. They stay up late watching The Breakfast Club because of it, Kelley falling asleep on Alex’s shoulder and Alex finding that she can’t quite bring herself to go back across the hall to her own bed. Instead, she closes the laptop as quietly as possible and holds her breath as Kelley scoots closer, still asleep as she throws an arm around Alex’s waist.

When she wakes up in the morning to Kelley tripping over a pair of cleats and cursing, her chest aches a bit. She still laughs; Kelley’s smile is blinding, even when it’s atrociously early, and the ache fades until it’s that gentle thrum that makes her feel warm all over.

“Sorry,” Kelley says. “I’m gonna go catch some waves. Wanna come with?”

Alex thinks about Kelley with that wetsuit peeled down to her waist, squinting in the early morning sun, freckles bold against the curve of her nose.

“Sure,” she says. “We can get breakfast after.”

//

(They will get breakfast after. Alex will want to pay the whole bill but she won’t say that. They’ll split it instead, even the tip.

It will be so close to perfect. It will be the best part of her day and also the worst.

Alex knows all of that. She agrees anyway.)

//

They beat Chicago, their defense holding strong as Alex gets one, and then another. Kelley nearly scores off a free kick, her shot inches above the crossbar.

“What is it with you and Semi-Finals?” Kelley asks as they hug after the game. 

Alex shrugs, her smile so wide it makes her cheeks hurt a bit. She pulls back from the hug to look at Kelley, but whatever she was going to say dies in her throat.

Kelley’s looking up a bit, her eyes dazzlingly bright, her face flushed from the game. They both stay there for a moment, not speaking or moving, and then—

“Alex!” Coach Montoya wraps them both up in a bear hug, knocking them off balance. “Alex, Kelley, what an amazing game.”

Alex smiles her way through the conversation, not letting herself look at Kelley until her heart rate has settled down again.

//

They’re up against Tobin and the Thorns for the final. Since they’re playing in Seattle, the crowd is mostly on their side, but there’s still a considerable amount of red across the stands.

Alex and Kelley aren’t rooming together, but they do go out for coffee the morning of the game, finding a little bakery where everything is served in mason jars.

“I like Seattle,” Alex says. “I don’t think I’d mind living here.”

“Looking to transfer?” Kelley asks.

Alex rolls her eyes. “Yeah, right,” she says sarcastically. “You’d be lost without me.”

Kelley rolls with the joke. “Ain’t that the truth,” she says, raising her mason jar. 

Alex knocks her own coffee against it. “To crushing Portland.”

“To crushing Portland.”

On the walk back, the backs of their hands brush together nearly every step.

Alex feels good.

//

Kelley plays the second half on a yellow, the result of a risky tackle on Sinc and a poorly timed eye roll at the ref. Alex gets a ball in the net, but Kelley’s assist is called offsides. The entire first half is dirty tackles, not enough calls for either team, stony glares, and bumping shoulders.

During halftime, Alex watches Kelley carefully take of her cleat and sock to rewrap her ankle with slow, precise movements. She walks back onto the field with determination written across her face.

Portland scores seven minutes into the second half. It’s a laser of a shot that no one could’ve had a chance of stopping. Alex takes a deep breath, her throat aching in the cool air. They’ve got a half an hour to equalize and get another.

Alex only needs three minutes. She finds a hole in their defense and sprints through it, ball at her feet and only the keeper in her way, and she swings back her left leg—

Except suddenly she’s airborne, coming down hard on her right side and only feeling the throbbing in her ankle once she’s been down on the ground for a solid three seconds. There’s a sharp whistle, and even though Alex has the wind absolutely knocked out of her, she smiles. Kaylyn Kyle is fighting with the ref, but she holds a yellow card high above her head. Kelley helps Alex heave herself to her feet.

“She couldn’t have fouled you in the box?” she mutters.

Alex cracks a smile, rolling her ankle.

“You good?”

When Alex nods, Kelley gives her a sharp pat to the ass and jogs back to where they’re waiting to take the free kick.

It ends up flying over the crossbar, but Alex can feel the energy building, the anticipation. Their defense is holding strong, Kelley’s tackles sharp but reserved. Her shoulder to shoulder contact with Kaylyn Kyle might be toeing a line, but a vindictive part of Alex doesn’t mind at all.

She doesn’t mind until Kyle has the ball and Kelley skids in, her feet both knocking the ball away and sending a red jersey sprawling across the grass. The whistle is expected, but the yellow the ref holds up isn’t.

Alex is in her face in seconds. 

“That was all ball, you can’t—”

The red card is held up high, but Kelley’s back is already turned.

//

As Alex watches the Thorns celebrate on the field, she thinks at least Tobin gets to win.

//

_LA Thunder defender Kelley O'Hara didn't end the season the way she had intended, with the national championship trophy. What's more, she said she "felt personally responsible" for putting her team at a big disadvantage in the final._  
_She didn't criticize referee Corey Rockwell for giving her a second yellow card - and an automatic ejection - with almost 18 minutes left in Sunday's NWSL title game, a 1-0 victory by the Portland Thorns._  
_"It was definitely a mistake by me," she said. "Maybe in another game it would have been called differently, but it was my responsibility to play less aggressive after I got the first yellow."_  
_She added, "I haven't gone back and watched it (on videotape). I don't know if I deserved it, or if another referee would have given the yellow. I was trying to be aggressive. In other games, I might have won the ball."_  
_She had been given her first yellow card in the first half, as a result of another tackle, but she said she wasn't thinking about the earlier card when she went after Portland midfielder Kaylyn Kyle. That "was a bad mistake," she admitted._  
_Without O'Hara, who most accept as the backbone of the Thunder defense, the Thunder had to play a player down as they tried to tie the score._  
_LA has never made it to the NWSL finals before._  
_Asked if she felt her mistake had cost her team the game, O'Hara said, "Who knows? Being down a player and down a goal didn't help. Obviously, it's a terrible way to end my first year playing pro. I feel personally responsible. I let my teammates down. They're my closest friends."_  
_Sunday's two yellow cards were her first of the season, and this was her first ejection. She finished with 1 goal and 4 assists, and she is considered the favorite for Rookie of the Year. The trophy will be awarded Jan. 8._  
_"I'm disappointed in myself for having my season end that way," she said. "The loss, yes, but the red card as well. That's not something people applaud you over."_  
_O'Hara was also ruled offside on the first of two apparent goals by Alex Morgan that were waved off.  
_ _"I thought it should have been a goal," O'Hara said. "Soccer is a cruel sport sometimes.”_

__

//

“Al?”

It’s late, later than they should be awake. After their flight—a delay, of course—they had gone out with teammates and had been a little more reckless about how much they drank and how long to stay out. Now, as they sit in the little courtyard of their apartment complex and look up at the few stars sprinkled across the sky, Kelley’s head on Alex’s shoulder, she wonders if it had been such a good idea to stay up after all.

But Alex hums in response, the alcohol still thrumming through her veins making the way she’s playing with the ring on Kelley’s finger a little easier.

“Are you okay?”

The question surprises her, almost as much as the nervous tone of voice that Kelley uses to ask it.

“I—yeah, I’m good.” 

Kelley sits up and scoots away so she can look Alex directly in the face. “You sure?”

“Pretty sure.”

“It’s just, ever since we got back from London you’ve seemed...I don’t know, different? Quieter.”

Fuck. Of course Kelley would notice. Alex was stupid to think she wouldn’t.

“Um,” she stutters out.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Kelley rushes to assure her. “If you do, though...I’m here.”

God, Alex wants to tell her. She wants to make that unsure look in Kelley’s eyes go away, wants to tell her everything, from London all the way back to LA. She wants to spill it all, she wants a fairytale ending, she wants Kelley.

The maybe, the what if—that’s what makes the words stick in her throat. The awkward _what-if_ , the _maybe_ you’ll never be quite the same again.

She opens her mouth, unsure of her decision, of which path she’ll go down.

Alex chokes the words out, the silence unbearable. “Everything’s changing so fast.” 

Kelley nods, squeezes her fingers around Alex’s.

“Some things will stay the same,” she says.

“Yeah,” Alex replies. “Some things.”

//

That’s the first time Alex feels a moment slip through her fingers.

//

alexmorgan13: Going on an adventure

//

“Let’s just fucking drive, dude.”

That’s all it takes to get Alex out of the house. It’s the first time Kelley’s shown any interest in doing anything besides look mopy on the couch, or in the kitchen, or when she’s slowly walking to and from the bathroom. Alex _jumps_ on the opportunity to get her out of Alex’s damn apartment.

They end up going north, towards Santa Barbara. They scream along to the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC, not particularly caring where they end up until they catch sight of a sign that says “Annual Avocado Festival.”

“Alex,” Kelley says. “Alex, please.”

Alex laughs. “I wasn’t gonna say no, Kell. It looks weird, I wanna go.”

It’s a lot more crowded than they expect, so finding a parking spot is a pain. Once they get into the town, though, there’s avocado ice cream and lollipops and to Kelley’s joy, beer.

“Avocado beer,” she says, her grin wide like Alex has been dying to see for days. “Two beautiful words, one delicious beverage.”

Alex looks at the sign skeptically. “We don’t know that it’s delicious yet.”

“Don’t be such a party-pooper, Als. C’mon.”

Alex lets herself be dragged to the back of the line, smiling when Kelley can’t see.

The beer is weird, but it makes Alex feel light and smiley. The avocado ice cream is better, but not by that much. They wander past what looks like an awesome candy store on their way to the beach, and since it’s the off season, they figure they might as well. Alex buys stupid amounts of handmade chocolate and it melts in their hands as they walk along the waves. Alex gets tar stuck on her foot and Kelley laughs herself silly at the absolutely mortified expression on her face.

It’s the first time Kelley’s really laughed since the final. She buys Alex an oreo milkshake for the drive back, still snorting whenever Alex anxiously looks at her foot, even though they wiped the tar off hours ago.

It’s a really nice day.

//

The National Team friendlies against Germany help lift Kelley’s spirits, even if one of the games ends in a tie. Alex and Kelley get two starts and two full 90 minutes, which does a lot to heal their bruised egos. The first game is an Abby goal two minutes in, a Germany goal ten minutes later, and Hope saving their asses for the rest of the 75 minutes. Alex gets two assists in the second game, which is surprising considering that they don’t actually have a new coach yet. Jill Ellis is standing in for now, until they find a more permanent solution, and Alex doesn’t mind the way she coaches. She’s always very calm, which is nice but also unsettling.

It’s raining during the second game, so when Alex assists Abby’s goal they belly slide on the grass, feeling like they’re ten years old with ten thousand people cheering them on.

There aren’t that many coffee shops besides Starbucks around their hotel in Connecticut, but Alex and Kelley make it work.

//

Alex hits a million Twitter followers on Halloween.

Syd’s in town and dresses up with Alex, making convincing versions of Gabby Douglas and McKayla Maroney since they’ve got real London gold medals. At least, they almost do, but Syd forgets hers so they wear fake ones, instead. Alex knows where Kelley hides hers, so they snatch it for a selfie and return it before she finds out. Kelley’s managed to find one of her old sorority t-shirts and is going around doing classic Greek life poses in the background of people’s pictures, a red solo cup never out of her hand.

It’s Kelley who notices first, elbowing her way through her crowded apartment to find Alex and jumping onto her back.

“One million,” she yells into Alex’s ear, trying to be heard over the music.

“What?” Alex says, trying not to shiver at the feeling of Kelley’s breath on the side of her face.

“A million followers! You hit a million.”

There’s a lot of yelling after that. Someone presses a shot into her hands, and only thing she really remembers about the rest of the night is dancing and dancing and dancing some more, Kelley’s hand grasping the medal around her neck.

//

“Ready to go?” Kelley’s grinning, a backpack slung over one shoulder. 

Alex shoves another can of bug spray into her own overstuffed bag. “Think so.”

“C’mon then. I want time to explore once we get there.”

“I know, I know,” Alex says, flicking the lights as they make their way out. “Death Valley here we come.”

“Gonna shred those trails up,” Kelley says as she locks the door.

“ _Boo_ ya.”

“That campsite won’t know what hit it.”

Alex bumps her fist into Kelley’s, smiling at the skip in her best friend’s step. “I’m driving, by the way,” she says.

“What? Why?”

“Because east coast drivers don’t know shit.”

Kelley stops abruptly, letting Alex slam into her back. “You’re rude,” she says, nose stuck in the air as she continues walking. “But I’m not going to complain because I get to chose the music.”

Alex wrinkles her nose, but she’ll take four hours of Ke$ha and country music over Kelley’s road rage and her inability to merge on freeways.

//

Two hours in, Alex wishes she’d let Kelley drive.

“If you play one more fucking Keith Urban song, Kelley, I swear—”

“Alright, alright,” Kelley says, laughing. “No more Keith.”

When the next chord that fills the car has a certain country twang, Alex groans. “Kelley,” she whines.

“This is good, I promise.”

Alex shoots her a skeptical look. Kelley reaches out and pushes her face back around. 

“Eyes on the road, pal.”

Alex accepts her fate and settles in for another song which will have a chorus she can guess the lyrics to the first time she hears it. Whoopee.

Kelley hums along, not really hitting the right notes. Out of the corner of her eye, Alex can see her painted purple toes tapping along from where they’re propped up on the dashboard.

Alex doesn’t plan on listening to the lyrics, but then again Alex doesn’t plan for a lot of things that end up happening.

_My heart's skippin' like a stone on the water_  
Tell me what do I gotta do  
To make you want me too  
The way I feel, couldn't fall any farther  
Help me, what do I gotta do  
To make you want me too 

“Do you like it?”

Alex zones back in, stops listening to the lyrics, her heart beating just a bit faster than usual. “I mean, it’s country, so—”

Kelley shoves her in the shoulder.

“Driving,” Alex complains. “Keep your Southern hands to yourself.”

“I’ll change it,” Kelley says. “Country hater.”

“Thank you.” Alex swallows and tries to get her heartbeat back down to a normal pace.

Only two more hours on the road.

//

Their tent is tiny, but big enough for two sleeping bags. Alex isn’t a huge fan of camping, but Kelley’s so excited she’s practically vibrating. Sure, Alex won’t be as clean as she wants to be for the next couple days, but that’s small stuff. Sacrifices, she supposes.

“I love checking things off my bucket list,” Kelley says as they pour over a trail map. 

Alex squeezes her shoulder. “Any trail you want. Let’s go wild.”

Kelley looks up, her smile dazzling. “Telescope Peak,” she says, fast enough to make Alex suspicious.

She looks down at the map. “Kelley, that’s fourteen miles,” she complains. “And we go up three thousand feet.”

“It’s a one day hike!”

Alex frowns. 

Kelley pouts. “It’s my birthday present.”

“Can we at least work up to it?” Alex asks. “We can start with these dunes,” she says, pointing, “or the Darwin falls, those sound cool.”

“Sure, sure,” Kelley says. “But I’m climbing that peak. It’s on the list.”

“Okay, birthday girl,” Alex says. “Whatever you want.”

//

“Whoa.”

_Whoa_ is pretty much the best way to put it. Alex climbs the last few steps to join Kelley and looks across what seems like an endless sea of sand dunes.

“Holy shit,” Alex says, panting a bit. She hands Kelley one of the bottles of water, both of them drinking as they squint against the glare of the sun.

“It’s like a calendar,” Kelley says, nudging Alex. “You know, the perfect picture above every month.”

Alex grins. “What’s this, July?”

“Nah.” Kelley takes another long sip of water. “Definitely May.”

Alex waits for the punchline, glancing over and absolutely not getting distracted at the way Kelley’s nose scrunches up when she squints.

“You know,” she finally says. “It _may_ just be the most beautiful thing I’ve seen.”

Alex rolls her eyes. “Shut up.”

//

They apply and reapply sunscreen, but Alex forgets her ears and the backs of her hands. She wakes up the second day with Kelley’s legs thrown over her own and ears that feel hot for more than one reason. Her breath smells gross and her back is killing her, but the way that Kelley’s been smiling every second makes her grin and bear it.

There are worse ways to spend a long weekend.

//

Alex ends up carrying most of the water on their climb to Telescope Peak, Kelley filling her pack with the warm layers that everyone says they’ll need as they get higher.

They certainly don’t need to worry about missing a couple days of fitness, because Alex is panting ten minutes in, already way too hot. Kelley looks the same, except she’s got a bit more bounce in her step, somehow managing to keep talking even as their hike gets steeper.

There’s also the unexpected pros: Kelley’s calves look damn good as she climbs, and her ponytail is messy and curly, looking a lot lighter in the harsh sunlight. She’s been laughing a lot, that witch-cackle, head-thrown-back, uncontrollable laugh she has sometimes.

She’s happy. Alex’s feels warm all over when she thinks about how it was her own idea, her own plan that’s making Kelley so obviously, visibly happy.

They do end up needing the sweaters, their sweat cooling with the air around them until they’re shivering just a bit. They reach the official lookout point at around lunch, their stomachs grumbling and eyes wide at the view.

“You were so right,” Alex says. In the corner of her eye, she sees Kelley nod.

“You have your phone?”

Alex digs around in her bag until she finds it, opening it up to the camera and immediately snapping a picture of Kelley’s smile in profile. She hands it over before she can be suspicious and watches over Kelley’s shoulder as she tries to keep her hand steady enough for a panorama. 

“You’re going too fast,” Alex says.

“I know,” Kelley mutters. “Shut up.”

Alex smiles and leans her chin on Kelley’s shoulder, not even caring about what kind of signal it might send.

“This is totally August,” Kelley says, swiping through the pictures. 

“Why’s that?” Alex asks, preparing herself for a stupid joke.

“It’s the best month.” Kelley finds the picture of herself and rolls her eyes as she nudges Alex. “My birth and we won the Olympics.”

“You make a good point,” Alex says. “About the Olympics, I mean. Your birth doesn’t matter at all.”

Kelley gasps dramatically. “I’m not sharing the chocolate bar I packed.”

“What the fuck? Yes, you are.”

//

Alex drives on the way back, too, but she makes sure to establish a playlist ahead of time. It’s soft and plucky and perfect for driving across a desert with skin that still radiates heat when the AC is blasting at full.

Kelley’s quiet, her chair reclined, face tilted up, and eyes closed. Alex glances over periodically, thinking she’s asleep each time until she catches sight of a finger tapping along to the beat of whatever song’s playing.

“What’s up, Kell?” she finally asks when she can’t take the silence any longer. “You’re quiet today.”

“Just reliving it all,” Kelley says. “Making sure it stays fresh.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmhmm.”

“What part are you at now?” Alex asks.

“The part where you pulled down your shorts to pee but then something moved and you screamed and fell over.”

Alex laughs, already over the embarrassment. “Well, if you didn’t insist on making me drink so much water—”

“It’s recommended to bring two liters a hike!”

“I know, I know,” Alex says, reaching out to pat Kelley’s arm and managing to smack her stomach instead. “I’m just messing with you.”

Kelley grabs her hand and squeezes. “Thank you for all of this, Lex,” she says, suddenly quiet.

Alex’s breath hitches, just the tiniest bit. Kelley almost never calls her that, instead preferring to either go for something silly or just with Al. No one really calls Alex _Lex_ , but that just makes the way that Kelley says it, all soft but still sure, so much more precious.

“Of course, Kell.” Alex squeezes back. “Happy birthday.”

//

kohara19: memories are my favorite kind of movie.

//

Kelley flies back to Georgia for Thanksgiving and Alex spends her time cheating at board games and getting drunk with her sisters. She doesn’t FaceTime Kelley every single day, but it’s close. It’s hard to resist when she knows that Kelley’s home-happy grin is waiting on the other side of a screen, or when she gets back from her run to twelve texts about Grey’s Anatomy.

Alex manages.

Kelley comes back to LA after Thanksgiving, even though they’ve got camp in only a week and a half. It ends up being a bad idea, because she feels awful for a week and then gets an absolutely brutal stomach bug that keeps her up all night vomiting, Alex occasionally managing to drag herself out of bed and hold back Kelley’s hair.

“You’re gonna need more mouthwash,” Kelley mumbles, her face pressed against the cool porcelain of the toilet. “M’sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Alex says, brushing the sweaty hairs stuck to her forehead back. “I’d rather have you here than all alone across the hall.”

“You’re the best.”

“The bestest?”

Kelley smiles. Alex keeps stroking her hair.

Kelley insists she feels better the next day when they head off to National Team camp, and she seems fine and plays in the first game against Ireland, but the night before the second match she’s in the same spot, kneeling in front of the toilet, this time blaming it on HAO, who seems to have the flu. She misses the game, and because of it Alex spends a solid hour telling her that her spot on the team isn’t jeopardized.

“HAO’s sick too and her spot isn’t disappearing either.”

“Get a goal for me, at least,” Kelley says.

“Course, Kell.”

//

Alex scores 44 seconds in and she runs back to half field with one hand pointing towards the sidelines, right at the person she scored for.

//

kohara19: Was up all night sick (ill spare y'all the details) still not feeling 100% come game time. Thanks for all the love. Will be back next week!

//

Kelley does bounce back quickly, jumping back into training way earlier than Alex thinks she should. She doesn’t eat much, which is absolutely not healthy at all, but she keeps insisting she feels fine.

Alex still worries. She can’t really help it.

Kelley only gets one half against China, probably because she’s awful at hiding her nonexistent appetite, but Alex gets the full 90. She doesn’t score, but Syd does, and that’s almost as good. They’ve got two more games against China after that, and by then the the flush in Kelley’s cheeks almost back.

The games are mostly Abby scoring and Hope saving their asses. Alex and Kelley go back to LA happy to have played but eager for something more. They find their groove training together and going to the beach even though it’s too cold to go in the water or wear swimsuits. Kelley buys a cookbook and starts to experiment, which Alex bans from her apartment after the first exploding batter incident.

They buy a Christmas tree, since Alex can’t stand it being December and not having one. It’s tiny, so small it doesn’t even come up to Kelley’s waist. They put it in the middle of Kelley’s living room and probably spend too much time decorating it, listening to Christmas music and eating too many sugar cookies.

Alex wonders what Christmas felt like before, because it didn’t feel like this.

//

She gets better at hiding it.

She gets better at embracing it, gets used to the tremble in her chest and the flutter in her stomach. She gets used to the lightheaded feeling that comes hand in hand with Kelley’s smile, softly anticipates it, waits for it to kick in with anxious acceptance.

Life goes on and Alex stays in limbo.

She hid it through Tobin coming to stay in Kelley’s extra room for the offseason, through Erin taking the half of Kelley’s bed that Alex normally uses for that week in late October. She hid it through Kelley finally convincing Alex to learn to surf, and while she still isn’t that great at it, spending hours floating in the ocean with Kelley and looking at the way her eyes squint in the sun is pretty close to Alex’s idea of paradise.

Life goes on and nothing changes.

//

(until it does.)

//

Kelley’s leaves for Georgia on a Tuesday, a cheap airfare impossible to resist. They keep the tree up in her apartment even though it’s definitely a fire hazard. 

Alex has a day to herself before she heads for her mom’s house, which she spends sleeping greedily, waking up only to roll back over and close her eyes. It’s past noon when she finally forces herself to her feet, yawning as she unlocks her phone and wanders towards the kitchen.

She frowns and rubs her eyes, stopping in the middle of the hallway.

_Kelley O’Hara traded to Sky Blue FC for 1st round draft pick during NWSL offseason. Read more: goo.gl/v23Fmh_

//

The world doesn’t end on December 21st.

Christmas passes in a blur.

//

Kelley decides to spend New Year’s in LA instead of with family in Georgia. It feels like a late Christmas present. Alex tries not to think about how she probably wants to spend more time in LA before she has to leave.

So, Alex drinks too much. The champagne goes down easy, light and bubbly and hitting Alex hard once it’s too late. She’s giggly and happy, already long gone when the ball drops in New York, and even farther when Fergie’s LA countdown starts to gain momentum.

Kelley spends most of the night toeing the line between tipsy and drunk, just sober enough to kind of keep an eye on Alex, who has a habit of dancing on tables when she’s too far gone.

“We should,” Alex blinks, the room looking a bit spinny. “We should find someone to kiss.”

“You,” Kelley says, putting her hands on Alex’s shoulders, “are not in the shape to be kissing anyone.

Alex pouts. “Kell,” she whines.

“You’re going to regret it.”

“I won’t,” Alex mutters.

“You will,” she insists. “C’mon, let’s find you some water.”

They’re in the bathroom, Alex begrudgingly drinking down her second glass of water, when they hear the countdown begin, muffled through closed doors and fuzzy heads.

“Hey,” Kelley says. “I’ll be your New Year’s kiss, okay? Please stop pouting.”

Alex chokes on her water.

Ten.

“Not like, actually, jeez. Relax, I wouldn’t take advantage of you like that.” Kelley winks, laughing at her own joke.

Five.

“Here,” Kelley takes the glass from Alex’s hands, puts it down on the counter behind her.

“Three,” Alex whispers.

“Two,” they say together.

Alex thinks that maybe she’s supposed to say one, but Kelley’s lips are on her cheek, so close to her mouth, and the word fades in her throat.

“Happy New Year, Al.” The words ghost along the side of Alex’s face and the room is upside down.

“Kell,” she says, completely serious. “I think I’m going to throw up.”

//

2013

//

kohara19: Good luck to @alexmorgan13 and @AbbyWambach tonight! DVR is set, can't wait to crack open a Gatorade and watch after training. #Ballondor

//

Alex travels to Zürich with her dad, a red carpet dress in her suitcase and butterflies in her stomach. Kelley almost comes with, but the Thunder want her around for when Rookie of the Year is announced, even though there isn’t a ceremony or anything. Alex pouts about it, a little more than pissed that the Thunder is controlling her movements even though she isn’t even on the team anymore. Kelley rolls her eyes and says it’s fine and Alex wonders how she lets things roll off her back like that, because Alex has never figured out how.

Either way, Kelley stays in LA while Alex goes to Switzerland. The college draft happens while she’s in the air, and LA chose Kristie Mewis with the draft pick they had traded Kelley for.

Alex is relatively positive that she isn’t going to win, since she’s up against Abby and Marta, but she’s got the tiniest bit of hope that her semi-final goal might carry her up to the stage.

In the end she’s right and she doesn’t end up winning, but it’s hard to be upset when Abby’s up there with Leo Messi himself. Not _impossible_ to be upset, just hard. She claps and cheers, but she still hates losing.

She does get to meet pretty much all of her football idols in one evening, which is pretty amazing. Messi brings out her fangirl most, but she even then she manages to mostly keep her cool. 

Every couple of minutes, though, she finds herself thinking how Kelley would love that dress, or think that suit is hideous, which both calms her down and makes her feel like a lovesick idiot.

When she gets back to the hotel, Alex hopes that Kelley’s texted, or maybe even left a voicemail. It takes a while to dig through the hundreds of notifications she’s gotten over the night, but she finds Kelley’s name eventually.

“Hey, superstar,” the voicemail starts. “You were robbed. I mean, I’m happy for Abby, but you deserved it more. Don’t tell her I said that, though.” Alex smiles and flops back onto her bed, the phone still pressed tight to her ear. “LA is rainy, so please come back and bring the sunshine with you. Training is boring without someone to embarrass. Anyway, um, you’re amazing, congrats on being a _futbol_ hotshot. Love you, bye.”

Alex smiles even though she isn’t going home with a trophy in her suitcase. She pulls the phone away from her ear so she can listen to it again, but then she hesitates, her finger hovering over the little arrow. Before she can second guess herself, Alex hits delete.

//

Kelley moves her stuff to Georgia in the middle of January, still not sure where in New Jersey she’s going to live during the season. Her lease is up, so she spends a couple days in Alex’s apartment before flying out.

Kelley spends three nights sleeping on the right side of Alex’s bed. Alex spends three nights barely sleeping at all. Alex keeps thinking she remembers something from the middle of the night, Kelley’s face in her neck, their legs tangled up, feeling completely comfortable and warm all over.

She wakes up to the sound of the blender in the kitchen, never sure if it’s a memory or a dream.

“Hey, you’re up,” Kelley says when Alex finally staggers out of her room. “I made you a smoothie.”

Alex takes the smoothie and absolutely does not think about how she’s probably never going to use the blender once Kelley leaves. Instead, she hops up onto the counter and asks, “You up for a 1v1?”

Kelley’s grin is the only answer she needs.

//

“Did you remember to grab the clothes out of the dryer?” Alex asks. It’s her third random, trivial question in the last five minutes, eyes on the road and heart thumping at a steady, depressed rate.

“Yes, mother dearest.”

She rolls her eyes. “I just don’t want to play the shipping fees.”

“Cold,” Kelley says. “Ice cold.”

“Alright, alright, alright, alright—” Alex starts, raising her volume as Kelley joins in.

“Okay, okay,” Kelley says, laughing a bit. “Please don’t start singing.”

Alex scoffs. “You’re one to talk.”

“You’re being mean,” Kelley says indignantly. “I’m leaving and you’re being mean.”

“I’m just being honest, Kell.”

“My bestest can’t wait to get rid of me,” she says dramatically.

Alex doesn’t look over, her eyes on the road, but she’d bet that Kelley’s fighting a smile. “I mean, pretty much,” Alex says. “I’ll finally have all the cookie-dough in the fridge to myself.”

Kelley laughs that unrestrained, head-thrown-back, shoulder shaking laugh that Alex loves. She glances over for just a second, no longer able to resist, and takes in the way Kelley has her feet up on the dash, her chair reclined way back.

“What’s your terminal again?” Alex asks, eye snapping back to the highway before she can say anything stupid.

“Five,” Kelley says.

“You want me to park? I can help you check your bag.”

“Nah, I’m fine. Just turn up here,” she says, pointing.

“I can read, Kelley.”

“I mean, you went to Cal, so—”

Alex takes a hand off the wheel to shove at Kelley’s shoulder.

A monotonous, automated voice tells them that “ _the white zone is for loading and unloading only_ ” as they pull up, but Alex gets out of the car anyway.

“Got everything?” she asks when they’ve met on the bustling sidewalk, rolling suitcases and speed-walkers all around.

Kelley pats her pockets. “Backpack and suitcases, phone, wallet, and headphones,” she says. “Ready to go.”

Alex pulls her into a hug, her throat suddenly aching. “Have a good flight.”

“See you at camp,” Kelley says, her breath warm against Alex’s ear.

“See you at camp,” Alex echoes, pulling back, ignoring the smell of Kelley’s hair and how soft it feels against the side of her face.

Kelley smiles bright. Alex expects her to say something, but instead her eyes just flit over Alex’s face for a moment before she leans in, pressing a kiss Alex’s cheek.

Alex stops breathing. 

Maybe she imagines it. Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but—she can almost swear that Kelley lingers for just a moment longer than necessary. She feels Kelley relax into her for a few impossibly long seconds, feels her lips soft against her cheek, feels her press closer and stay there a breath too long before finally pulling herself away.

Their eyes only meet for a moment before Kelley picks up her bags and turns away, but to Alex it seems like time stretches on for ages, like Kelley’s waiting for something that never comes.

Kelley walks away and Alex starts to breathe again, her lungs aching just like the rest of her.

//

kohara19: Some thoughts and feelings are better left inside the head and heart. #deeptweet #sorryboutit

//

Alex spends a lot of time on Twitter, usually way more than Kelley does. It would be weird for her to miss a tweet like that, especially from someone like Kelley, someone who she spends so much time thinking about.

And yet, she doesn’t see that one.

It’s almost funny, the way some things don’t work out.

//

Alex wonders, sometimes, if they missed their chance, their golden opportunity, if the veil had parted for just one little moment and she wasn’t quick enough to catch it. She wonders if they had only that one moment, one potential collision before they drifted apart. She wonders if that was her last chance, sitting in the driver’s seat of a running car, her cheek burning, Kelley vanishing through the automatic doors of LAX.

Alex thinks, maybe, that the sinking feeling in her gut is the feeling of another perfect moment escaping through the gaps between her fingers.

//

That night, as she’s falling asleep, Alex tries to remember what Kelley looked like when they first met. She tries to assemble a fuzzy picture, tries to see what she was wearing or what her hair looked like. She tries to piece together their conversation, remember the first thing that Kelley said to her. She hates her past self for having been more concerned with her boyfriend and what she was eating that night, for not taking the care to catalogue every single detail of that first encounter.

All she can come up with is something out of focus, where everything’s blurry except for a stunning smile.

It’s her last thought before she falls asleep.

//

LA feels lonely in late January.

//

Christen finds her groove in Sweden.

She scores in four straight games, her season highlight reel getting longer and longer every week. Alex watches videos of her scoring from crazy angles and thinks about Christen in practice, with an easy laugh and a laser shot to the upper right corner.

Sweden’s been good for her. Alex can tell, even with the shitty video quality.

It’s no surprise that she gets the call-up for the friendlies against Scotland in early February. There’s a few new names, like Alex’s rookie teammate Kristie Mewis, and the YNT captain Julie Johnston. Tom Sermanni is officially their new coach, which is kind of funny since their first official game under him will be against his own country.

She gets to see Kelley, too. Alex gets in before her, so there’s a couple hours of hanging out with Syd and Tobin and Abby and Amy before Alex’s phone buzzes and she edges out of the room, sprinting as soon as the door’s closed.

Kelley looks the way she always does after a plane ride, eyes droopy and hair in a messy bun. She’s sleepy and warm and when Alex hugs her it’s like something clicks back into place. Alex wants to say that she looks beautiful.

Instead, she asks, “How was your flight?”

“Eh,” Kelley says. “Can we get coffee?”

Alex smiles. “I already looked up a place.”

//

Christen and Kelley aren’t roommates, but they might as well be from all the time they spend together. It’s fine. Alex doesn’t mind. 

She does wish they’d stop tagging each other in every other tweet, though. Alex doesn’t really want to know about how late they stayed awake catching up, or how Kelley’s “face hurts from laughing,” or see their silly selfies, or know that Kelley’s jumping out from behind corners to scare her.

Alex doesn’t want to know about that. Kelley doesn’t pick up on the hints she drops.

“It’s great to see Christen again,” she says as they bike next to each other in the gym.

Alex grunts, head down and eyes focused on a spot on the wall.

“Sweden’s been good for her, I think,” Kelley continues, clueless as ever. “Like, there was a lot of pressure playing at home, you know?”

Alex nods and pedals faster.

“Have you talked to her?”

Alex nods again, because they had sat at the same table during the team dinner last night, Kelley across the room with Becky, HAO, and Cap.

“It’s been nice to see her be happy again.”

Alex finally glances over, unable to resist shooting Kelley a skeptical look. “Nice, huh?” she asks, pedaling faster.

Kelley rolls her eyes. “Oh, please. You know that ship’s sailed.”

Alex shrugs and turns forward again, knowing that brushing off a comment like that will push Kelley’s buttons. “Just saying.”

“Well, don’t,” Kelley mutters, hopping off her bike. “We finally aren’t weird, Alex, I’m allowed to be happy.”

Alex huffs out a frustrated breath as Kelley walks towards the weights. If Kelley’s mad about what she said it’s best to let her work it off and bring her a coffee or something later, so Alex usually lets her stew it over.

She still has that bitter taste in the back of her throat, though, and she’s pretty sure it isn’t because she’s been on the bike too long.

//

Ali’s back, too, with her soft voice and intimidating stance. She’s just as forceful on the ball as she was before her injury, maybe even moreso. She gets a crunching tackle on Alex during their first scrimmage and pops right back up, lunging after the ball.

From her spot on the grass, Alex smiles. 

It’s good to have her back.

//

When U.S. Soccer publishes an article on Kelley, titled “The O’Hara Experiment,” Alex is in bed, exhausted and ready for a post-training nap. Instead, she opens the article on her phone and reads.

_Kelley O’Hara just wanted to get on the field. So when former U.S. WNT head coach Pia Sundhage and her staff proposed a practice player position for her in May of 2012, O’Hara said, “sign me up, when do I start?”_  
_But the USA needed a left back. O’Hara is right-footed. And oh yeah, she’d only just started playing again, after a four year break. Not to mention the first time she’d ever played in the back at any level for any team was in February._  
_Consider also that O’Hara was one of the nation’s most promising college soccer stars, on her way to setting some impressive records when an injury sidetracked her. She was also one of the top attacking players over her Youth National Team career, scoring 24 goals in 35 U-20 international matches, one of the best totals in U.S. history. She scored twice in the 2006 FIFA U-20 Women’s World Cup as one of the younger players on the team._  
_The challenge was daunting. The change was radical. Talk about getting pulled out of your comfort zone._  
_“The most uncomfortable part was that I’d never been on that particular patch of grass before facing that direction,” said O’Hara. “Over my entire soccer career, I was always getting the ball near half field, back to goal or running onto the ball in the attacking third, but not once in my life had I stood in that spot on the field and received a pass with the intention of getting the ball forward. And then there was the defending part.”_  
_O’Hara underwent an intensive course of “defending and attacking from left back” with the National Team, and although it took a few games, she grew into the role. She says she didn’t start to feel truly comfortable until the summer trip to Sweden for matches against Sweden and Japan, but then things started to click._  
_“Every single game I could feel my confidence level growing, and I think the Thunder and my teammates in LA had a lot to do with that. I wouldn’t be where I am without them. I was more comfortable and not as nervous,” said O’Hara, who admits she was terrified before her first start at outside back, which took place during a friendly against China. For sure, 3 goals (the number the USA rang up against the Chinese) helped allay some fear, but such was the newness of her role._  
_By the time the Olympics arrived she was ready. O’Hara was one of just three players to play every minute of the tournament (along with team captain Christie Rampone and goalkeeper Hope Solo). She defended and attacked with passion and commitment. She even picked up an assist on Megan Rapinoe’s second goal in the epic 4-3 victory against Canada in the semifinal._  
_“Obviously, there’s a sense of accomplishment. I remember being in California at the beginning of the year and laying out my goals,” said O’Hara. “I knew I wanted to be playing for the National Team eventually, but even though I had that big goal, I knew that was going to happen only if I took it practice by practice. In the end it was an incredibly rewarding experience. It broadened my horizons and made me see the game in a different way than what I saw when playing up top. That will stay with me going forward.”_  
_O’Hara was the second youngest starter on the Olympic Team (behind Alex Morgan) and admits to exhaling a huge deep breath after the Olympics, one she had sucked in back in January._  
_“It was pure elation, but I was so relieved that I didn’t screw anything up too badly,” said O’Hara, with a chuckle. “I was proud I was able to keep fighting and overcome any setbacks that I experienced leading up. In the end, I was pumped about what we were able to accomplish as a team, and being able to contribute was an added bonus. My teammates are everything to me, so being able to bring something new to the table always means a lot.”_  
_Where to go from here? O’Hara has played on all three lines in her national team career, but with a new year, a new coach and new goals, she’s ready to embrace any new challenge._  
_“I think we all realize that what happens going forward is all up to Tom Sermanni, so we’ll just have to see how it goes,” she said. “Obviously, it’s pretty clear I will play wherever the coach wants me to play, and it’s nice to be able to have options. I love playing soccer and I just want to be out on the field.”_  
_No matter what patch of grass she happens to be running on._

Later, Alex prints it out and stuffs the pieces of paper in her backpack.

She thinks she might want to read again it later.

//

Cheney almost forgets to put her shinguards on before the game, Alex chucks them at the back of her head as a reminder. From the other side of Lauren’s locker, Ali laughs.

____

“You ready?” Alex asks.

____

Ali smiles. “You bet your ass I am.”

____

“Nervous?”

____

Ali shakes her head. “Nah.”

____

“Good,” Alex says, getting up. “It’s just another 90 minutes, after all.”

____

Alex winks before she turns around, Ali’s smile twinkling in the florescent lights of the locker room.

____

Christen scores twice in her first cap. It’s nice to see her so comfortable on the field, especially after spending two thirds of a season watching her barely hold it together in the locker room after games. Alex gets fouled right before the end of the first half, taking a knock to the ankle that brings Syd on in her place. She sits in the empty seat next to Kelley and takes the water bottle she offers with a small smile, hoping it’s also a sort of peace offering.

____

Kristie and Julie get subbed in, Tom clearly looking to add some new names to the National Team rotation. It’s 4-1 by the time the game’s over, and everyone on the team makes their way over to Christen to congratulate her and wrap her in a hug or squirt water down her shirt.

____

Alex gives her a high five and half hug, smiling when she catches a closer look at the cheek-splitting grin stretching across Christen’s face. She goes to Kristie is next, who’s laughing with Syd about something, and throws an arm around her shoulders. She’s joining in on their conversation when she catches sight of Kelley nearly tackling Christen with a hug over Sydney’s shoulder.

____

She drinks water until her stomach hurts.

____

//

____

kohara19: What a night! How about my lovey @ChristenPress ?! #soproud and congrats to my rooms, Mewdog and Juile on their first caps!! #uswnt

____

//

____

Alex’s ankle is fine, really, and she practices with the team, but they decide she shouldn’t suit up for the second game against Scotland, not with the Algarve just two weeks away. Instead, Syd gets her first career start, playing up top with Abby, who gets her 200th cap.

____

Press comes in as a substitute and scores, which gives her three goals in her first two matches. Alex cheers so loud from the box that her throat hurts a bit. Kelley gets 85 minutes, coming out for Lori, whose knee is beyond healed. The game ends 3-1, Scotland more aggressive than before but still not managing to keep up. Alex makes her way down to the field after, giving high fives and running away as Abby tries to wrap her in a sweaty hug.

____

Christen is laughing with Tobin and Lauren, her smile wide and full of something like disbelief. Alex smiles watching her, remembering the exact feeling, knowing exactly what’s running through her head and how perfect and overwhelming it all feels.

____

“She’s on fire.”

____

Alex turns and takes in post-game Kelley, wrapped in a parka but still sweaty from her 85 minutes. “Yeah.” She swallows as Kelley moves next to her, half cuddling in the cold. “I”m glad.”

____

Kelley links her arm around Alex’s. “Me too.”

____

//

____

Kelley heads to New York and Alex to LA. Kelley’s staying with a friend from college or something and it’s the first time Alex has flown back alone. She stares out the window for most of the flight, feeling dramatic but not caring.

____

Her small apartment seems too big without Kelley to help fill it up. Alex keeps accidentally buying too much orange juice and recording shows she doesn’t want to watch. It’s like every single piece of furniture or book or stain on the kitchen wall comes hand in hand with a memory, with Kelley’s laugh.

____

It’s weird. She doesn’t like it.

____

There’s a Vanity Fair event that she still has a plus one for and she’d really like to take someone who’s not her sister, so she asks Kelley without really thinking thinking it through. Kelley says yes, of course, and it’s only then that Alex realizes she’ll wear a dress that she’ll definitely look gorgeous in and she’ll end up sleeping on the other half of Alex’s bed.

____

Alex just hopes she’ll get through the week alive.

____

//

____

Alex scrolls through Twitter as she waits for Kelley’s flight to land.

____

kohara19: Safe to say I'm casually obsessed with NYC after this weekend. Looking forward to calling it home very soon!

____

She wrinkles her nose and opens Instagram instead.

____

//

____

They spend the Vanity Fair event attached at the hip. There’s an open bar and a lot of people shake Alex’s hand and she doesn’t know who any of them are. She mostly spends the night laughing in a corner with Kelley and taking over the photobooth. They have a great time, making faces and goofing off and then Kelley smacks a kiss to her cheek for one of the pictures and Alex is so aware of the way her face burns as they wait for their photo strip to print. 

____

“Oh my God, I have to keep this,” Kelley says, looking it over. “We’re so cute.” 

____

“We do,” Alex agrees. What she means is _you look cute_ , but the way Kelley smiles says that she might’ve understood anyway.

____

//

____

kohara19: Bye bye LA! You were too much fun. Going to miss this! @alexmorgan13

____

//

____

Alex drops Kelley off at the airport and spends the day training and watching TV and she watches the time tick by, watches it get later and later. Even when it’s been dark for hours, she can’t seem to fall asleep.

____

She has this habit of sleeping on one side of the bed. Even when she falls asleep in the middle she wakes up all pushed to one side, the emptiness of her bed so glaringly obvious.

____

When she realizes that her lease is up for renewal, Alex only hesitates for a second before starting to look for a new apartment.

____

//

____

“Okay, are you seeing it now?”

____

“I think so,” Alex says. “I’m not getting any sound, though.”

____

“It’s in French,” Kelley replies. “You wouldn’t be able to understand it, anyway.”

____

“I would know when they were talking about Tobin and Pinoe, though.”

____

“Ah, yes,” Kelley says in the worst French accent Alex has ever heard. “Tobin Heath, le American.”

____

“Alles PSG,” Alex says, shifting so that Kelley can see the pin on her chest through the webcam. “Tobs wouldn’t send me a jersey so I bought a pin.”

____

Kelley laughs. “You’re pretty cheap for someone with a fancy Nike sponsorship.”

____

Alex rolls her eyes. “I don’t see you in a Lyon jersey.”

____

“That’s because I decided I was rooting for Lyon, like, five minutes ago,” Kelley says. “Someone’s gotta give Pinoe some love.”

____

“And you get to piss off Tobin,” Alex says, smirking.

____

“And I get to piss off Tobin,” Kelley confirms.

____

Alex stares at the smile on Kelley’s face, grainy but just as perfect as always. The window with the stream of the game is smaller than the FaceTime tab she’s got open, but Kelley doesn’t need to know that.

____

“Want to make a bet?” she asks instead.

____

“No,” Kelley responds, immediately. “I’m not an idiot, Alex, I know that betting you anything is never a good idea.”

____

Alex rolls her eyes. “You used to be more fun.”

____

“I’m gonna see you in a week, I don’t want you to be pissed at me _when_ I win.”

____

Alex’s chest feels warm when she thinks about seeing Kelley in a week. “I won’t be pissed at you when _I_ win,” she says.

____

“Oh, you absolutely will, because I’ll be doing the winning.”

____

Alex scoffs. Kelley grins. It’s almost like she’s on the other side of the couch.

____

//

____

Alex manages to get some sleep on the flight to Portugal, which is a first.

____

Kelley, on the other hand, arrives looking like she’s in desperate need of either a gallon of coffee or a 24 hour nap. Alex wants a nap, too, but the first rule of beating jet lag is no naps at all, so they grab Syd and A-Rod and head to the pool, hoping that there’ll be strength in numbers.

____

Kelley’s rooming with Christen, of course. Alex pretends that it doesn’t bother her.

____

Kelley persistently tries to pass out on one of the recliners by the pool, but after Syd dunks water over her head three times in a row she gets up and sits behind Alex so she can use her as a human shield.

____

“You aren’t stupid enough to get Alex wet when she’s tired and grumpy,” Kelley says, leaning her head against Alex’s back and wrapping her arms around Alex’s waist. “I’m safe here.”

____

Alex’s stomach does this funny little flip thing and she wonders if Kelley can feel it happening where her hands are pressed against Alex’s abs. Alex had almost forgotten what is was like, what with Kelley on the other side of the country and all.

____

“I don’t know, Kell,” Alex says, smirking. “I know better than to get between Syd and what she wants.”

____

Kelley pinches her side. “Betrayal,” she hisses. Alex laughs as she watches Kelley get up and wrestle the cup of water from Syd’s grasp, feeling exhausted but also like she’s finally in the right place again.

____

//

____

Portugal is kind of like London. 

____

The stakes aren’t anywhere near that high, so they can let loose a bit. It’s miles more fun than it was last year, mostly because Kelley’s there and kind of because she feels like she’s friends with everyone.

____

There’s a lot of downtime and a lot of activities put together by the training staff to keep them from napping all the time. It’s too cold to go to the beach, but a group of them go anyway, bundled in sweaters and jackets and sitting on the sand, content to just watch the waves crash in. Kelley sits down next to Alex and steals sips of her coffee without asking, engaged in a conversation with Sydney, who’s sitting on her other side. Alex listens to them talk and laughs when she can’t resist, smiling softly and kind of staring as Kelley tells a dramatized version of their raccoon encounter in September.

____

On the way back to the hotel, Syd nudges her and mumbles, “you okay?”

____

Alex nods, shooting her a confused look. Syd shrugs and keeps walking.

____

//

____

They win the Algarve Cup, Tom switching around the roster from game to game, making sure that everyone gets some time. Alex sees the field every game, not always full 90s but always close. Kelley sits on the bench for 90 minutes but then she’s on the field for 90 minutes, too, running just a bit harder than usual, still nervous about impressing a new coach. 

____

Alex is nervous, too, especially because she doesn’t score in the first two games against Iceland and China, but she watches some film with Abby before their game with Sweden that makes her feel more confident.

____

The confidence vanishes when Sweden scores only four minutes in. Ashlyn’s in goal and gets caught off her line, the shot from way out slamming into the back of the net. Kelley nearly scores a few minutes later, but her shot dings off the post. It’s their last real chance for the rest of the first half, possession flipping too frequently for anything to really build up on either side.

____

Alex smacks Kelley’s ass as she passes in the locker room during halftime, complimenting her almost goal. Kelley’s usually the serial ass-slapper, but it’s fun to switch things up every once and awhile.

____

“You can thank me by actually scoring,” Kelley says, smiling. “Is hearing Pia coach the other team weird for you, too?”

____

Alex nods, smacking her hands against Kelley’s in a half hearted version of patty-cake. “Yeah. It’s super weird.”

____

It is weird to hear Pia yelling, because Alex still starts to pay attention before she realizes that she’s speaking Swedish. It continues to disorient her as the second half starts, the crowd small enough that she can hear both coaches clearly.

____

She gets in the box as Pinoe takes a corner like she does every time, smiling when Kelley mumbles, “pull a Canada,” as the walk past each other.

____

When she slams the ball in with her head, Kelley’s the first one to get to her, jumping into her side and screaming something in her ear. Alex is too happy to hear the words.

____

It ends in a tie, but it feels like a win to Alex, her scoring drought finally over. At Reece’s birthday party, she laughs freely as Christen sings the entire Spongebob theme song, barely stopping for breath. Alex laughs so hard she snorts, which makes Tobin laugh so hard she slams her hand down on the table and accidentally sticks it in her cake.

____

Alex feels just about as perfect as she can before the final.

____

She scores the only two goals, beating Germany and earning the U.S. a trophy. Everything feels like it’s finally slotting into place, finding its rightful position, like she’s figuring it all out.

____

Kelley complains about going to cold New Jersey for pre-season on the bus back and Alex remembers.

____

//

____

Against her better judgement, Alex opens up Twitter while she’s waiting for the plane to taxi at LAX. She almost convinces herself she’s just going to scroll through her feed, see what she’s missed while she was in the air, but after a minute or so she can’t resist. She bites her lip and goes to Christen’s page.

____

christenpress: Just relaxing with my feet up... Listening to @kohara19's fabulous singing through the door. 

____

Alex’s finger hovers. Should she favorite it? Is it weird to favorite it now, a week later? Is she trying too hard to fly under the radar, to keep anyone from knowing how less than a hundred and forty characters makes her livid, makes her want to kick something other than a soccer ball, makes her ache for the times that Kelley would wake her up by singing too loudly in the shower?

____

She closes the app.

____

//

____

Alex has only two weeks of pre-season before they ship out to Europe again, to face Germany again and the Netherlands, too. Alex scores in their tie against Germany, but Tom puts Press in instead of her in the game against the Netherlands. Alex gets subbed in eventually, 13 glowing green as 5 glows red, Kelley giving her that familiar and disorienting smack on the ass, but by then there’s only ten minutes left in the game.

____

Christen scores a brace, though, and Tobin gets a goal, too. Christen posts a selfie of herself and Kelley making funny faces on the bus and Alex starts to drag Kelley away when she can, either to go on another coffee run or to watch a movie or whatever other excuse she can come up with.

____

Kelley never complains, following Alex wherever with a smile, but once the games are over she gets on a different flight than Alex does and Alex can feel everything changing even as she tries to keep it all in place.

____

//

____

The Thunder is weird without Kelley. The captain armband feels foreign against her bicep, and the way the rookies look at her with big eyes makes her uncomfortable. Turning teammates into friends was hard when she was new, but Alex finds it nearly impossible as the captain. Kelley was who she latched onto in training and in the locker room, and now her absence just makes her lack of other friends on the team so glaringly obvious.

____

Alex Morgan, forward and captain of the Los Angeles Thunder, should feel like she’s on top of the word, and yet—

____

Alex keeps the seat next to her empty on busses, switches around who she sits next to on planes. Her new apartment is bigger, fancier, and in a nicer neighborhood. Her neighbors smile at her in the hallways. Alex learns their names and promptly forgets them. She has dinner with her parents more often, which is kind of nice and kind of not.

____

In the second biggest city in the whole damn country, Alex feels hopelessly alone. She’s lonely and _angry_. She’s angry at the Thunder for trading her best friend away for less than what she was worth, she’s angry at her teammates for being so damn happy all the time, she’s angry at Kelley for fitting in so naturally in New Jersey, and mostly she’s angry with herself for being such a fucking coward.

____

Here’s the thing about Alex’s temper— sometimes it bursts out quickly and with scary intensity, like during Monopoly or Words With Friends, but it most of the time it simmers and bubbles and hangs out just under the surface of her skin and never really does anything but stay molten and _there_. She won’t blow up, or explode, or scream. She’ll just be angry until she isn’t, and God help anyone who gets in her way.

____

One month into her first season as captain, Alex has three goals, three yellow cards, and three assists. She tackles hard and doesn’t react well when she’s fouled herself, and if she gets one more yellow card and she’s facing suspension and a fine. There’s a game against FCKC where Cheney has to be the one to drag Alex away, no one on her own team willing to get between Alex’s stony face and a cursing Kansas City defender. Alex yanks her arm out of Lauren’s grip and shoves down the guilt she feels at the side eye HAO and A-Rod shoot her way.

____

The fifth game of the season is a Saturday night home game against Sky Blue FC, the first meet up of the two teams. Friday night, Alex finds herself suffering through the traffic around LAX and doing her best to loiter in the car without attracting the attention of the airport guards and texts Kelley the exit she’s closest to, fingers drumming along the steering wheel as she waits. She gets lost in thought enough that the tap on the window startles her a bit, Kelley’s familiar grin just a piece of glass away.

____

Alex pops the trunk and unlocks the passenger door, the smile on her face unmovable. Kelley’s in sweatpants and has a sweater tied around her waist, face flushed from just a few minutes in the LA heat.

____

“Hi, bestest!”

____

Alex turns awkwardly in her seat to receive Kelley’s exuberant hug and the kiss she smacks to one cheek, quick and thoughtless.

____

“Hey, Kell.”

____

Kelley practically bounces in her seat the whole ride to Alex’s new apartment, talking a mile a minute about New Jersey and new teammates and new friends. Alex tries her best to respond without letting that jealous anger flare up, instead laughing when she should and making the appropriate sarcastic comments.

____

“And,” Kelley says, suddenly serious in that way she gets sometimes right before she tells a joke. “I brought a beautiful Stanford pennant to hang on your wall so you can, y’know, spruce the place up a bit.”

____

Alex fake gags, turning up the radio to drown out Kelley’s laughter.

____

“Oh, this is bumping,” Kelley says, bobbing her head in the most exaggerated way possible.

____

“I’m gonna take you back to the airport,” Alex threatens.

____

//

____

Alex wasn’t the one travelling, but with Kelley’s laughter ringing around her car again, she feels like she’s finally come home.

____

//

____

Kelley doesn’t sleep over, but she does claim Alex’s spare room as her own.

____

“I mean, it’s not like I’m going to be hanging around New Jersey in the winter,” she says, making a face. “I barely survived preseason.” 

____

Maybe it’s selfish of her, but that makes Alex’s stomach flush with something warm. _See, she likes LA better_ , she wants to say. _She likes it here more._

____

_She likes me better._

____

_She likes me more._

____

//

____

They go to the coffee shop near the stadium that had memorized their orders last season the next morning. It’s been months since Alex has gone, the smell of vanilla and coffee feeling strangely empty without Kelley sitting across from her, but Kelley suggests meeting there like nothing’s changed at all, and Alex can’t find it in herself to suggest somewhere else. 

____

“I’m so happy,” Kelley says as Alex sits down, precariously holding their overflowing cups. “Back in LA with my bestest, having delicious coffee.” She takes a sip even though Alex knows that Kelley knows it’s too hot. “Life is good.”

____

“Too bad you’re going to lose tonight,” Alex says, smiling. “Bad end to a good day.”

____

“I can’t believe I’m having coffee with the enemy.” Kelley shakes her head. “Were you trying to bribe me by paying for my coffee?”

____

“Shit, I thought you wouldn’t notice,” Alex says, groaning when she sees Kelley get her wallet out. “Let me get it, Kell. I just got a big, fat check from Nike.”

____

“Never,” Kelley says. “How much do I owe you?”

____

“You bought my coffee at the last national team camp!” Alex suddenly remembers. “Ha. Wallet away, please.”

____

Kelley rolls her eyes, but puts her wallet back in her bag. “I’m gonna get fined for accepting a bribe.”

____

Alex shrugs. “Maybe if you don’t tackle me so hard tonight—”

____

“Not a chance.”

____

Alex smiles, her eyes dropping to the hot pink nail polish Kelley’s wearing. It’s not her usual style, and Alex quirks an eyebrow. “What’s with the nails?”

____

Kelley laughs, spreading her fingers out to look at them. Alex is probably wrong but—is she blushing?

____

“You know my friend from college, the one who lives in Brooklyn?”

____

“Yeah, sure.” Alex nods because she vaguely remembers Kelley mentioning someone like that, but can’t place the name or the face. 

____

“I lost a bet and she got to choose my nail polish, so she went with the color she knew I wouldn’t want. I”ve gotta wear it for the game.”

____

Alex grins. “I like her. Anyone who embarrasses you like that is already my friend by default.”

____

Kelley kicks her under the table. “Shut up,” she says. “I always win our bets.”

____

Alex laughs harder than necessary, driving home how ridiculous she thinks Kelley’s claim is. “Sure, Kell. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

____

//

____

The game is aggressive, but for the first time this season Alex isn’t the one fouling and getting yellow cards. She does get most of the attention from Sky Blue’s defense, though, and she eventually goes down hard only a few feet outside the box late in the first half. There’s a burst of sharp pain on her calf. Alex presses her face down into the grass and clutches her leg, probably looking like the stereotype of a dive but not caring one bit.

____

“Alex.”

____

That’s Kelley’s voice, not a teammate’s. That must be Kelley’s hand on her shoulder, must be because the next time she speaks it’s right by Alex’s ear.

____

“Hey, bud, can you turn over for me? The trainers want to look at your leg, okay? Alex?”

____

Alex nods, which is really just pushing her face farther into the ground. The hand on her shoulder—Kelley’s hand—pulls just a bit and Alex rolls with it, squinting when the stadium lights hit her. Kelley helps her sit up, stands over her drinking water as the trainers look at the blood seeping through her torn sock.

____

Alex walks off the field by herself, completely intending to come back in with a bandaged calf and a new sock. But something about the look on Kelley’s face tells her that if she _had_ needed help, Kelley would’ve been there in a second, different teams be damned.

____

LA wins, a miscommunication in Sky Blue’s box allowing Kristie to slip a ball past the keeper. Alex can tell that Kelley’s pissed, can see it in the way she yanks her socks down and shoves her shinguards into the waistband of her shorts. While Kelley’s been happy with her teammates, with the vibe, Sky Blue hasn’t been winning games. 

____

Alex wanders vaguely in Kelley’s direction, shaking hands and saying “good game” over and over and over again.

____

Kelley’s standing alone drinking water when Alex gets to her, a furrow in her brow. “Hey,” she says. “How’s the leg?”

____

“S’okay,” Alex responds. “Stings a bit.”

____

“You had me scared for a second there, pal.”

____

Alex pauses, filling the space by taking a sip of Kelley’s water, ignoring the fluttering in her stomach. “I’ll be fine,” she finally says.

____

“Good.” There’s that twinkle in Kelley’s eye again, the tension between her eyebrows gone. “So, is this the part where we swap jerseys, or—”

____

“Oh, shut up.”

____

//

____

Alex goes back to her apartment alone, a navy blue O’Hara 19 jersey sitting in the passenger seat.

____

//

____

kohara19: California you make it so hard to leave

____

//

____

Kelley starts dating that college friend of hers, the one who lives in Brooklyn.

____

She tells Alex about it over FaceTime, her smile small and cheeks pink.

____

Her name is Ann. She’s funny and smart and when Kelley talks about her over the phone she mumbles a bit, like she’s embarrassed about how into her she is.

____

Alex always hangs up the phone angry, wanting to call back and scream and yell and tell Kelley that she shouldn’t be dating this girl from college, that she should date Alex instead.

____

She never ends up calling back.

____

//

____

Seattle come down to play them and Syd demands to be taken out to lunch. Alex goes in unprepared. 

____

Her mom's been texting her nonstop about Jeri's birthday—dates for the family dinner, does Alex have ideas for presents, will she be in town that weekend—and the idea of having lunch, just her and Syd, is seriously welcomed. 

____

Syd lets her rant about family until their drinks arrive. She's a bit quiet, shooting out quick jokes every once and awhile but letting Alex go on and on without interjecting to rant a bit herself.

____

That should've been a clue, but Alex doesn’t see it in time. 

____

"So," Syd says, using her straw to swirl the ice in her drink around. "Are you gonna tell me or am I gonna have to drag it out of you?"

____

"Um," Alex laughs. "What?"

____

"You want to make out with Kelley's face and, like, have her babies."

____

Alex stops breathing. 

____

"Relax. It isn't that obvious." Sydney's eyes flick around her face, searching for a reaction. Syd, with her sharp humor and sharper words, who uses her openness as a tool, who's always so aware of how much she gives away and how much she expects to get back. Syd, who tackles hard and only offers a hand back up if she thinks it's been earned.

____

Of course she figured it out.

____

“Breathe, Alex.”

____

Alex takes a deep breath, reaching out for her water with a hand that almost trembles. She doesn’t bother trying to deny it.

____

“How long have you known?”

____

“Since Portugal. Your face gets all gooey when you look at her. It’s cute.”

____

Alex winces. “I’ve been trying to work on that.”

____

“You should work harder, then,” Syd says, smirking.

____

“Believe me, I have been.”

____

Syd purses her lips in thought. “How long have _you_ known?”

____

Alex plays with her fork. “Since London.”

____

“ _Alex_.”

____

“I know, alright?”

____

“That’s, like, six months.”

____

“It’s not easy to get over someone when you spend so much time together.”

____

“You never tried to, like…”

____

“What, ask her out? She doesn’t like me like that.”

____

Syd leans back in her chair. “Are you sure?”

____

Alex frowns. “Sure enough.” She clears her throat and tries not to think about the airport. “There was this moment a couple months ago, maybe, but—”

____

“Now she’s got that girl—Ann?”

____

Alex sighs. “Ann.”

____

Sydney stares at her. “And you’ve been bottling this all up for half a year.”

____

Alex laughs bitterly. “Servando knows.”

____

Syd rolls her eyes. “I’m sure you talk _so_ often.”

____

Alex cracks a smile. “We do, sometimes.”

____

“Sometimes,” Syd pushes.

____

“When I need it,” Alex clarifies.

____

That makes her pause. Syd so rarely shows those soft spots she has, hidden under all that humor and muscle. When Alex gets a glimpse, she cherishes it.

____

“You can talk to me whenever, babe. I’m here.”

____

Alex smiles, her eyes suddenly watery because of the sincerity in Sydney’s voice. “I’ll probably take you up on that.”

____

“You better.” Syd smiles one of her gentle, tiny smiles for just a second, quickly and so genuinely. “Now, where the fuck is our food?”

____

Alex laughs, feeling lighter already.

____

//

____

The Thunder lose three straight and Alex can’t seem to find the back of the net. Their midfield is weak and their defense is even weaker. Kristie sprains her ankle and rides the bench and Alex floats around half field, waiting for a ball that never gets sent her way, chasing down balls only to have no one to pass to.

____

It’s frustrating. She’s frustrated. She doesn’t talk to Kelley every day, not like they did right at the beginning of preseason. Now it’s a text every other day, FaceTime maybe once a week. Alex would like to think that the space is good for them, for her, but mostly it just—frustrates her.

____

Their phone calls get squeezed in when Alex is at the grocery store, or Kelley’s driving from practice to the house she’s renting with a few teammates. It’s a constant catch-up, a let me cram what’s happening in my life in the two minutes I’ve got, it’s rushed words, it’s Alex holding the phone to her ear after Kelley hangs up.

____

It’s a lot of things. It’s not perfect.

____

It’s laughing so hard their sides hurt and it’s trying to talk at the same time and then both stopping to let the other go first. It’s complaining about teammates and friends and it’s the first call Alex makes when she sees a mouse in the kitchen. It’s venting about practice and coaches and it’s the first call Kelley makes when she says something to piss Ann off.

____

It’s a lot of things. It’s certainly not perfect.

____

//

____

“Kelley, hang up the damn phone.”

____

“Saying goodbye is so depressing.”

____

“Oh my god, Kell,” Alex says as she exhales a little, breathy laugh. “You’re just putting off the grocery run.”

____

“I’m not,” Kelley protests. “Let’s just count off, to three or something.”

____

“Will you hang up then?”

____

“One,” Kelley says instead of answering.

____

“Two,” Alex responds, playing along.

____

“Three.”

____

Alex pulls the phone away from her ear and taps ‘end call.’ She almost texts Kelley to ask if she had stayed on the line anyway, but something stops her.

____

Mostly, it’s the thought of Kelley’s laugh distorted through the phone and knowing that by tomorrow night she’ll be sleeping in someone else’s bed.

____

//

____

(About 2,814 miles away, Kelley keeps the phone pressed to her ear long after the call disconnects.)

____

//

____

“Excited for the Canada game?”

____

Alex snorts. “Sure,” she says, words barely legible from the giant bite of chicken she just took.

____

Kelley grins, her smile still lovely even though it’s pixelated over FaceTime. “No last last second game winners this time?”

____

“Who knows?” Alex shrugs. “Hopefully not so last minute.”

____

Kelley takes a bite of whatever she’s eating. Alex thinks it might be Chipotle. “I bet you’ll get a few.”

____

Alex smirks. “You bet?”

____

“Down, girl, I’m not actually betting you anything.”

____

“Lame.”

____

Kelley rolls her eyes. “You’re lame. How are you eating now, what time is it for you?”

____

“Little Miss Snobfarm can’t even subtract three from eight,” Alex says. “Interesting.”

____

“Who has dinner at five?” Kelley asks, ignoring Alex’s jibe.

____

“People who are hungry at five,” Alex answers. “We had a double day today.”

____

“How’s Mewis’s foot?”

____

Alex sighs, pushing her food around. “At least another week. They aren’t sure yet.”

____

Kelley winces. “That’s rough, dude. And Taylor is still—”

____

“—out with a concussion,” Alex finishes. “How’s Cap?”

____

“She should be back this week,” Kelley says. “Got the all-clear to train with us today.”

____

“Good,” Alex says. “How’s training been?”

____

That’s probably the lamest thing Alex has ever asked, but Kelley just smiles. “I’m not giving away team secrets, Al.”

____

“Excuse me,” Alex says, feigning hurt. “I just want to know how my best friend who lives three thousand miles away is doing, but if you don’t want to tell me...”

____

Kelley laughs, teasing a smile out of Alex. “I’m good, I promise. Training is okay, games are rough right now, but I’m really good.” She blushes, just a little bit, and Alex looks down at her plate, knowing what’s coming and unable to do anything to prepare herself for the sting.

____

“Ann wants us to go to dinner when we’re in New Jersey for the Korea game.”

____

“You guys gonna last that long?” Alex asks, just barely managing to make it seem like a joke.

____

“Yes,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes. “I have no intention of breaking up with her.”

____

_Bummer_ , Alex thinks. “She’s gotta pass my test, you know.”

____

“Oh, the best friend test?” Kelley asks, smiling. “She passed the sister test two weeks ago.”

____

“Erin’s a softie,” Alex says. “I’m the real deal.”

____

Kelley laughs really loud, blowing out Alex’s speakers a bit, and there’s suddenly a commotion from her end of the call, a few people walking behind her. “Oh, shit,” she says. “Hey, Al, some people are coming over for a movie night, so I’ve got to go, alright?”

____

Alex smiles, hoping Kelley won’t notice that it doesn’t stretch quite as far as it usually does. “Alright. One.”

____

“Two,” Kelley responds.

____

“Three.”

____

The screen goes black. Alex finishes her dinner.

____

//

____

Abby nearly tackles her in the Toronto airport.

____

“There you are,” she says, squeezing and lifting Alex up off the ground. “We’re waiting for Cheney, HAO, and Becky, and I’ve only got Syd to keep me company.” She lets Alex drop back down but keeps squeezing.

____

“Thanks, Abs,” Syd says. “I’ve really just missed you _so_ much. Where’s Kristie?”

____

Alex looks over her shoulder, pushing Abby off of her. “She went to the bathroom and to get us coffee. I’ve got her suitcase here,” she says, patting it.

____

“She better be getting me coffee, too,” Syd mutters. “I’ve been putting up with this one for an hour.”

____

Alex smirks. “Did you bring your Canadian passport to skip the customs line?”

____

Abby laughs and Syd glares. “You two are sitting in the back of the van,” she says.

____

Alex just smiles. It’s good to be back.

____

//

____

Alex is rooming with Barnie, which is a perfect because she forgot to bring anything to read and Barnie always brings enough books that Alex can steal the ones she’s finished. 

____

She doesn’t really expect Kelley to spend as much time in their room as she does, but she certainly doesn’t complain. She kind of likes just reading in silence with Kelley, feet casually pressed together, Barnie’s face stuffed into a book on the other side of the room keeping the talking to a minimum.

____

Alex kind of likes everything she does with Kelley, but maybe it’s their separation that makes just being the same room feel so precious.

____

Heif comes around with a video crew to ask them some questions about the Canada game from the Olympics. She sticks around while Kelley talks, unable to walk away.

____

“When Alex scored the last goal I was pushed up a bit, and I couldn’t even run to the celebration I just—I’m pretty sure I...” she pauses, looking over and making eye contact with Alex. Grinning, she turns back to Heif and says, “laid on top of Tobin and hugged her on the field. And I’m pretty sure I almost started crying because I was like, ‘it’s almost over!’” Alex snorts and Kelley breaks into laughter. “We just had to have thirty more seconds, a minute more,” Kelley continues. “Once it was done I had a bit more energy and, y’know, could celebrate.”

____

“That was probably the most emotional game I’ve ever played,” Alex says once it’s her turn. She swallows and tries to cover her tracks, feeling like an idiot for phrasing it like that. “Having to come back, um, four times from them scoring, uh was…” She laughs awkwardly. “It was an emotional rollercoaster for sure, and I—I mean, but we never let down, we never had our heads down, I mean it was a little annoying. We were thinking in our heads, ‘are you serious? Again?’ But, um, at the end of the day we continued to push through it and again it’s just that belief we had in each other.”

____

Alex fumbles through the rest it awkwardly, trying to focus on the soccer. She ends up over explaining most of it, cutting off quickly once she mentions scoring, nervous about what she’ll say if she continues.

____

Kelley’s focused in practice just like always, despite the loud laughs and the goofy jokes during water breaks. Even though her tackles are just as sharp as always, she’s missing from the starting eleven. 

____

Alex is starting though, up top with Abby, just like they were in the Olympics. Canada’s hyping up the game as their big revenge story. Alex feels like the most hated woman in the whole country.

____

She loves it.

____

The first half is gritty, littered with little fouls that don’t get called, just like everyone expected. They dominate the possession, but can’t seem to find the back of the net. Hope’s still out because of her shoulder surgery, so Barnie’s in goal, but she doesn’t end up seeing that much action until it’s almost halftime, when she comes out to block Sinclair’s breakaway and sends the ball out for a corner that’s easily cleared by HAO.

____

They go into the locker room confident, but the score is still 0-0. Alex is kind of nervous Christen will go in for her, but Tom says she’s got another half an hour. Kelley, on the other hand, seems to be stuck riding the bench, but still she manages to smile when she passes Alex and ask, “so, are you gonna score or what?”

____

Alex rolls her eyes. “Well, now that you asked…”

____

Kelley grins. “You’re definitely gonna score now. Remember Portugal?”

____

“Don’t jinx it, Kell, come on.” Alex reaches out to smack her on the arm and Kelley dances away.

____

She goes into the second half feeling good. Canada comes out just as ready. They’ve got most of the possession this time, but can’t seem to make their passes connect or get their shots on frame. HAO manages to dispossess them in the midfield, and she gets it to Abby, who slides Alex the most perfect pass she’s ever seen. She gets around her defender and swings her left foot back—

____

There’s nothing Alex loves more than making a Canadian crowd silent.

____

//

____

“So, you scored for me, right?”

____

Alex rolls her eyes. “Yeah, of course,” she says sarcastically. “Both of them were just for you, Kell.”

____

“Nice!” Kelley flops back down into the row behind her. “What about you, Syd,” she calls out. “Did you score for me, too?”

____

“She scored to say ‘fuck you’ to all of Canada,” Alex answers, not trusting whatever Syd is going to say.

____

The team cheers, everyone still peeved at the yellow card Syd got for excessive celebration, and Alex catches the raised eyebrow Sydney sends her way. She turns back around before anyone else notices.

____

//

____

They go back to their club teams, some for one game and for Alex and Kristie it’s two quick ones, back to back. LA loses them both, going down early and unable to regroup. Alex watches Kelley score on a freekick against FCKC, saving Sky Blue from a 4-0 loss. She calls her afterwards, when she thinks Kelley might be on the bus, but it goes to voicemail.

____

“At the tone, please record your message. When you are finished recording, either hang up or press one for—”

____

Alex hangs up.

____

//

____

The cross country flight to Massachusetts for the first of the friendlies against South Korea leaves Alex sore and even more exhausted than she was before. It’s late when they land, and Alex falls asleep in the ride to the hotel, stumbling her way down the hallway into the room she’s going to share with Cheney. She collapses into the empty bed without even changing into her pajamas.

____

She wakes up when someone jumps on her back, startling her out of sleep and knocking the air from her lungs.

____

“Good morning, bestest,” Kelley croons. “Ready for coffee?”

____

Alex groans and buries her face further in the pillow. “No,” she grumbles.

____

“Yes,” Kelley insists, smacking her hands down onto Alex’s back in an awful attempt at a massage. “Up and at ‘em. It’s been nine whole days since we’ve seen each other, I’ve got so much to say.”

____

Alex rolls over and dislodges Kelley, offering no help as she flails to stay on the bed.

____

“Ow,” Alex says, feeling the crick in her neck and the uncomfortable way her sports bra is digging into her side. “Kell, I’m exhausted.”

____

“Coffee will help,” she says, standing and pulling at Alex’s arm. “Come on.”

____

Alex groans and lets herself get pulled up. She’s really never been all that great at saying no to Kelley.

____

//

____

Part of Alex doesn’t even want to start the game against Korea, her muscles sore and aching before camp even starts. She’s coming off two full 90 minutes where she ran down every ball and doubled back to defend some, too. She barely makes it to dinner on the first day, the only thing keeping her from face planting into her food the intense Heads Up battle between Kelley and Tobin. Alex would usually be fighting for her right to play, but she isn’t allowed on the same team as Kelley anymore, not after the Psychic Incident of May 2013.

____

Alex struggles through camp, trying her best to keep up and almost succeeding, mostly due to the extra time she spends in ice baths and getting massages. Somehow she makes the eleven for the first game. Kelley doesn’t, but Tobin and Pinoe do, finally back from their French seasons, and Hope plays the second half, her shoulder all healed up. Kelley, though—she sits on the bench again.

____

Alex might as well be sitting next to her, because she can’t seem to make a difference on the field. They win 4-1, but Alex doesn’t even pick up an assist. She leaves the pitch feeling drained, not at all feeling like a winner.

____

//

____

“Is Ann coming on Thursday?”

____

Alex is leaned up against the window with her eyes closed. She feigns sleep as Kelley answers Tobin’s question.

____

“Yeah,” Kelley says, sounding strangely shy. “Her and her roommate are both coming out.”

____

“Has she ever been to a National Team game?”

____

“Uh, not really. She watched the Olympic finals on TV, but that’s pretty much it.”

____

Alex focuses on keeping her breathing even as the bus rumbles on. 

____

“Are we gonna meet her?”

____

“I mean, if you want to,” Kelley says. “Alex is coming to lunch with us on Wednesday.”

____

Alex resists the urge to turn around and shoot Kelley an incredulous look, because she certainly _did not_ agree to go to lunch on Wednesday, but she also doesn't want to talk about Ann, so she keeps her eyes closed. It doesn’t take long for Tobin’s quiet voice and Kelley’s occasional, soft laughter to lure her to sleep.

____

//

____

“So, um, I guess that she’s pretty into soccer now. Like, she knows about the league and stuff. She didn’t really follow before, but she does now. She likes it, I think. I mean, I hope.”

____

Kelley is nervous. Alex can’t figure out why. “Kell,” she interrupts. “I get it. I’m sure we’ll find something to talk about. Relax.”

____

Kelley takes a deep breath, knuckles gripping the steering wheel so hard her forearms are tensed. “I just want it to go well.”

____

“Kelley,” Alex says, softer this time. “If you’re dating her then I’m sure she’s amazing. The whole ‘best friend test’ thing was just me being dumb. Relax.”

____

Kelley chews at her lip.

____

“Don’t smear your lipstick,” Alex chides. “C’mere.” She reaches over and swipes her thumb across the dip beneath Kelley’s lip, taking the smear of pink away with her. 

____

Kelley gulps and takes another deep breath, her face looking weirdly flushed. 

____

“Seriously, Kell, are you okay? You wanted us to hang out, right?”

____

“No, of course I did!” Kelley groans. “I’m just nervous that there’ll be awkward silences and you won’t like each other and then I’ll have to choose between my best friend and my girlfriend and I really like Ann and breaking up with her would _suck_.”

____

Alex’s breath catches in her throat. She can’t think of what to say, or remember how to breathe, or think of how to react. “If she makes you happy then I like her, Kell,” Alex hears herself say.

____

_She would choose me._

____

//

____

“So?”

____

Alex swings the door closed and flops onto her bed face first.

____

“Dinner was good, then?”

____

Alex groans into the duvet. She feels the bed move as Syd sits down next to her.

____

“You wanna talk about it?” Syd strokes her hair. “It could help.”

____

Alex rolls onto her back. “It was great,” she says. “Ann is great. She likes me and I like her, I guess.”

____

Syd lays down next to her and they stare at the ceiling fan together. “Would crying help?”

____

“No,” Alex says, flicking her on the arm. “I’m just gonna, like, stare at the ceiling dramatically and be depressed.”

____

“Okay,” Syd says. She doesn’t get up. After a minute or so, she reaches out and grabs onto Alex’s hand with her own.

____

//

____

“This gonna be the one?”

____

Abby rolls her eyes and passes the ball back. “Whole family’s here, so no pressure.”

____

Alex laughs, the rumbling energy of the stadium around them already high, even though it’s just warm ups. “I don’t know, this could be it. Chasing Mia.”

____

Tom blows his whistle and they start to walk back to the locker room, Abby swinging an arm around Alex’s shoulders. “I’m gonna get three just so I never have to hear ‘chasing Mia’ ever again.”

____

The whole team is trying to serve Abby the ball, so she gets her first goal only ten minutes in, and then another to tie Mia’s record eight minutes later. They hadn’t sold out Red Bull Arena’s 25,000 seats, but it sure sounds like they have.

____

When Abby gets the next one, Alex swears it’s just as loud as Wembley Stadium was almost a year ago. Kelley and Tobin, both sitting on the bench, rush onto the field and jump onto the huddle around Abby. Alex’s hand is on her forehead and she doesn’t even care that Abby’s head is super sweaty and gross, because it’s moments like this that she never wants to forget, never wants to be erased from.

____

_I’m a part of this_ , she wants to yell. Instead, she screams, “best in the world,” over the noise. She isn’t positive that she was loud enough, but the smile on Abby’s face says that she might’ve been.

____

Alex assists Abby’s fourth goal right before the half. She doesn’t even mind the fact that she hasn’t had an opportunity to score, because today’s about Abby, but she _does_ mind when she’s subbed out four minutes into the second half. She gets a minute of sitting next to Kelley on the bench before she’s going in for Kling and Alex watches the rest of the game quietly, only breaking her silence to cheer when Kelley gives Cheney an absolutely killer assist.

____

In the locker room, Alex can’t resist grabbing Kelley and smacking a kiss on the side of her head. “Nice assist, bud.”

____

Kelley shoves her away, laughing. “Shouldn’t you be kissing Abby?”

____

Alex wrinkles her nose. “Ew,” she says. “Way too sweaty.”

____

“Right, and I’m not,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes. “Go shower, dummy.”

____

Alex takes a bit longer than usual in the shower, feeling very much like a dummy.

____

//

____

It’s back to their club teams until September, but Alex gets a concussion ten minutes into her first game back with LA. She’s out for most of July, which sucks because she doesn't even feel concussed. The team doctors disagree, though, so Alex spends her twenty-fourth birthday in a dark room, unable to read or watch TV or do anything to entertain herself. 

____

The phone rings around noon, and even though she isn't supposed to look at screens, Alex picks up. It is her birthday, after all. 

____

It's Kelley, so Alex picks up by saying, “hello, you've reached Alex the Concussed, bad jokes are prohibited. Doctor’s orders.”

____

Softly, just above a whisper, Kelley sings her happy birthday.

____

Alex smiles, her face warm. “Thanks, Kell.”

____

“That was probably bad for your eardrums,” Kelley says. “I had to call, though. A text would be lame.”

____

“Totally bad for my head,” Alex agrees. “You’re tone deaf.”

____

“Hardy-har.”

____

“I thought it was funny.”

____

“Whatever, Al. Did you get your present?”

____

“Yes,” Alex says, reaching up with one hand and touching her new necklace. “It’s really pretty, Kell, thank you.”

____

“Of course,” Kelley says. “I know the way to your heart is through bling.”

____

_God, you’d be the one to know it_ , Alex wants to say. Instead, she says, “don’t forget food.”

____

Kelley laughs. “Right. Better brush up on my blueberry pancakes.”

____

“Don’t make me think about it,” Alex groans. “I miss them.”

____

“I’ll send you the recipe. Not like you’ll use it, though.”

____

“It’s my birthday, you asshole.”

____

“Tough love.”

____

//

____

**Sydney Leroux**  
DON’T forget about our lunch tomorrow!

____

//

____

“This is an intervention,” Sydney says as Alex sits down the next day at lunch.

____

“What?”

____

“You,” she says, pointing, “are going to get over Kelley O’Hara because you deserve a happy, committed relationship. Also your mopey, unrequited love vibe is depressing and bumming me out.”

____

Alex laughs, more shocked than anything. “It’s not that easy,” she says. “I’ve been trying for months now. It’s not like I _want_ to be hung up on her.”

____

“‘Kay, babes, no offense, but your version of trying to get over her is stalking her girlfriend on social media and FaceTiming for an hour every day.”

____

“That’s not true,” Alex mumbles, blushing.

____

Sydney rolls her eyes. “Yeah, sure,” she says, sarcasm rolling off every syllable.

____

“I can’t help it,” Alex says. “Talking to her hurts sometimes, you know? Like, actually, physically _hurts_ , but I still can’t stop. _Not_ talking to her is worse.”

____

Syd stares at her, long and hard. “Get over yourself.”

____

Alex’s jaw drops. “Excuse me?”

____

“Listen,” Syd moves the salt and pepper from the center of the table and reaches out to grasp onto Alex’s hands. “You’ve been feeling sorry for yourself for months, now. You’re aggressive on the field and depressed off it. You think you’re the only one who’s ever been in love with someone they wish they weren’t? Reality check: you aren’t.” She squeezes Alex’s fingers. “You need to snap out of it. Boo fucking hoo, she’s got a girlfriend. Deal with it.”

____

Alex’s throat feels tight. “How?” she gasps out.

____

“We’re going on vacation,” Syd declares. “Offseason, you and me. Kelley will not be invited. We’re going somewhere with a beach that has lots of alcohol and people who look really good in swimsuits.”

____

Alex breathes out, her eyes a little wet. “Okay.”

____

“Great.” Syd pats her hands sharply and sits back. “I don’t know about you, but I could absolutely _destroy_ a burger right now.”

____

//

____

LA loses and ties and loses again. Sky Blue wins a game and then loses two, and Alex watches Kelley get more and more frustrated. She can’t watch the Sky Blue vs. Chicago game, but she hopes that maybe they might make it out with a tie. It’s in the back of her mind on Saturday as she watches LA lose to Seattle from the player’s box, right up until halftime when she absentmindedly scrolls through Twitter.

____

thegoalkeeper: @kohara19 goes down in a straight red tackle from @Michelle_Wenino, seems to have injured her ankle. Stretchered off the field.

____

Even though she knows she’ll regret it, Alex searches for a video of the tackle. Kelley’s ankle, the one she had surgery on, gets stepped on and twists in an awful direction. Alex can’t do anything but wait and check Twitter and bite at her lip until it bleeds. She sends Kelley a text, and one to Cap, but knows that she isn’t going to get a response for a while.

____

Alex spends the rest of the game completely unfocused on the Thunder, the wrinkle between her eyebrows never fading.

____

//

____

Alex is reading the back of a box of whole wheat pasta in the grocery store when her phone rings, loud and piercing in the empty, echoey aisle. Once she sees that it’s Kelley calling she scrambles to pick up, almost dropping her phone in the process.

____

“Hey,” she says. “How are you?”

____

“Hey, Al.” Kelley sounds defeated and Alex’s stomach drops. “It’s not good.”

____

“Oh, Kelley,” Alex says, wishing she could wrap her best friend in the tightest hug. “You’ll bounce back, bud. It’s an off year, anyway.”

____

Kelley sighs. “I don’t know, Al.”

____

Alex freezes, frowning. “What do you mean?”

____

“Maybe this is a sign.”

____

“What?”

____

“The surgery is expensive. The PT to get back in shape for soccer would be more. Maybe I should call it quits, go back to consulting.”

____

“You mean unemployed, with your parents paying for your apartment?”

____

“Oh, come on—”

____

“Kell, you’re _good_ at this. Obviously the National Team could fill your spot, but there’s a reason you’re a starter.”

____

“I haven’t been starting recently. The only reason I ever did was Ali’s ACL, and Lori’s knee, and Whitney’s knee, and Stephanie’s ankle—”

____

“And maybe the reason is that you’re really good at soccer?” Alex interrupts again. “I mean, you practically strolled onto the best team in the world after a five year break.”

____

“Yeah, because of _injuries_ —”

____

“No! Because you’re _good_. You played every minute of the fucking _Olympics_ , Kelley,” Alex says, not caring that her increase in volume is making one other person in the aisle stare at her. “The only other people who did that were Cap and Hope. That says something, Kell; you aren’t just going to be cycled out.”

____

“I don’t know. I got my medal, traveled the world again. Drank some ridiculously expensive champagne, made some crazy friends. Maybe this is it for me.”

____

“Don’t be fucking stupid.”

____

Kelley scoffs. “Excuse me?”

____

“What else do I have to say? You just got a brand new contract with Under Armour, LA made it to the playoffs for the first time because of you—”

____

“And then lost in the finals because of me. Sinclair scored all three goals in that semi-final because of _me_. Those were my fault.”

____

“Did she score any in overtime?”

____

Kelley’s quiet.

____

“Did Christine Sinclair score any goals in overtime?” Alex repeats.

____

Kelley sighs. “No.”

____

“Why not?”

____

“Uh, you were there, Alex—”

____

“Kell. She didn’t score because you didn’t let her.”

____

“So? Her hat-trick is still my fault.”

____

“ _So_? Kelley! We made it to that final because of you.”

____

“We definitely made it to that final because of _you_.”

____

Alex groans. “Have you talked to your parents about this? Your siblings?” She takes a deep breath. “Ann?”

____

“ _Alex_.”

____

“Okay, okay, just—will you at least give this recovery a chance? Instead of just giving up immediately.”

____

The silence is excruciating. Alex, unable to leave it at that, blurts out, “Please?”

____

“ _Alright_ , alright.”

____

Alex doesn’t say anything at first, too busy grinning, before she remembers that Kelley can’t actually see her. “On behalf of the future success of the U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team, thanks.”

____

“God, shut up, you’re so dramatic.”

____

Alex stays smiling, the silence they fall into strangely comforting. Finally, she says, “call me with updates, okay?”

____

“Okay. One.”

____

“Two.”

____

“Three.”

____

Alex stands still in the pasta aisle for a second longer than is normal, phone in one hand and a box of whole wheat penne in the other.

____

//

____

The distance helps until it doesn’t.

____

Alex can focus on soccer, on the Thunder and her teammates in LA, can focus on Nike and family and everything else in her life that isn’t Kelley. She can push her to the corner of her mind, distract herself with friends and movies and going out to dinner and concerts. The distance helps.

____

Or—the distance helps until Kelley texts her about the Bachelor or some other TV show she’s watching to kill the boredom during her recovery. The distance helps until they FaceTime for an hour and Kelley falls asleep and Alex convinces herself that it’s the polite thing to do to wait until she wakes up again to hang up.

____

The distance helps until Alex stops letting it.

____

//

____

LA gets eliminated from playoff contention when Sky Blue loses to WNYF. Sky Blue gets crushed, absolutely and thoroughly, and with that LA has no chance of making back to the semi-finals. Alex can already see the headlines about their slump from last year, how she hasn’t done enough for her team.

____

She closes the stream before the game is over, Sky Blue down 5-0. She picks up the phone and calls Kelley, knowing it'll go to voicemail.

____

“Hey, Kell,” she says once the beep has sounded. “Sorry about the playoffs. Let me know how recovery’s going, alright? Uh, talk to you soon. One...Three.”

____

//

____

Neither Alex or Kelley get called up for the game against Mexico in September, Kelley still in her boot and Alex dealing with a hamstring injury. They watch the game together over FaceTime, though, and scream together as Syd gets one goal, and then two, and then three, and then four. It’s Cheney’s first game as Holiday, which is still weird, but her smile is so wide that Alex can see it through the mediocre camera quality. Morgan Brian, one of the new babies of the team, scores as well, and Kelley cheers so loudly she blows out the speakers.

____

“She’s from Georgia, you know.”

____

“Great,” Alex says sarcastically. “Just what we need. Another Southern Belle.”

____

Kelley laughs so hard she wheezes. “Southern Belle.” she snorts. “Dad’s gonna laugh so hard at that. I don’t even have an accent.”

____

Alex rolls her eyes. “You do when you drink.”

____

“Liar!”

____

Alex _is_ lying, mostly, but there was that one time that she had tucked Kelley into bed, back when they lived across the hall from each other, when Kelley had mumbled “goodnight,” and her accent had curled around the edges of the vowels, quiet and delicate. It had hit Alex right in the chest, hard enough that she remembers it nearly a year later.

____

“I never lie,” Alex says, shaking her head to try and get the memory out. It doesn’t work, so she changes the subject. “Are you staying in New York for the offseason?”

____

“I’ve got some Under Armour stuff to do,” Kelley says. “It’s probably going to be in Hawaii, actually. There’s a UA surfer who lives there that I’m gonna shoot with.”

____

Alex chokes on her water, coughing until Kelley frowns and asks, “you okay?”

____

She nods and coughs some more, finally saying, “Syd and I are going to Hawaii.”

____

Kelley’s jaw drops. “You’re kidding.”

____

Alex shakes her head. “No, we’re going right after the season ends.”

____

“That’s insane, oh my God,” Kelley says. “That’s I’m going. Maybe we can all meet up?”

____

“Right,” Alex says, forcing a smile. “Yeah, that sounds awesome.”

____

//

____

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

____

Alex winces. “I’m sorry,” she says. “I had no way of knowing!”

____

Syd groans loud enough that Alex pulls her phone back a bit. “She’s seriously going to Hawaii the same, exact week that we are.”

____

“Yeah.”

____

“What the fuck?”

____

“I know.” Alex sighs. “Why am I so bad at doing things without her?”

____

Sydney sighs right back. “God, babe, if only we knew.”

____

//

____

The Thorns tie Seattle and don’t make it to the playoffs, and while Alex feels kind of bad for Tobin, she can’t help but be glad that they won’t get a shot at repeating their victory. Instead, it’s a battle between Western New York and Kansas City, Carli’s goal in the last ten minutes winning the game for the Flash.

____

Alex misses the goal because Kelley FaceTimes her to show off how her calf muscle is growing back and they get distracted by Alex fake gagging over the new scar on Kelley’s ankle. They both turn to their computers when the commentators start yelling, but by then they’ve already missed the goal. 

____

They’re quiet as they watch the replay until Kelley breaks it by saying, “wanna see the scar again?”

____

Alex chews on her lip. “Kind of, yeah.”

____

Kelley laughs and Alex smiles and _fuck_ Alex misses her so bad sometimes, like a sad song you just can't get out of your head.

____

//

____

In a kind of insane coincidence, Syd and Kelley have seats right next to each other for their flights to Hawaii. They don’t find out until they’re both at the airport, and Alex is already in the air by then, so she learns about it through Twitter when she lands. It gives her extra incentive to wait for Syd instead of heading to their hotel alone, so she gets lunch and a coffee and tries not to think about how much she’d love a nap.

____

She’s got leis waiting for both of them when they finally show up at baggage claim, green for Kelley and purple for Syd. Kelley hugs her for a second longer than Alex is used to, but it's been months since they've seen each other so Alex just lets herself sink into it. The look Syd shoots her way makes it clear that it wasn’t unnoticed.

____

They talk absentmindedly about their plans while they wait for Syd and Kelley’s bags, and Alex is both disappointed and relieved to find out that Kelley probably won’t have any time to hang out, since she’s headed for Kauai first thing tomorrow morning.

____

Syd waits until they’re trying not to pass out in the back of the cab before saying anything. “So,” she starts, her tone of voice making Alex wary. “How sure are you that Kelley isn’t in love with you?”

____

Alex glares. “Not funny.”

____

“I’m not making fun of you,” she says. “That hug was tender, Al. Romantic, gentle.”

____

“Syd, shut up.”

____

Sydney sighs. “Okay, no Kelley O’Hara. Kelley free week starts now.”

____

Alex takes a deep breath and wonders if that’s really what she wants.

____

//

____

Alex turns off her phone once she gets to the hotel, ready to have a week of relaxation and stress free fun. It’s mostly because she doesn’t want to see whatever pictures Kelley posts, but it’s easy enough to hide it as a vacation relaxation tactic. 

____

It’s nice to have her phone off. Strangely quiet, but nice. If someone really needs to talk to her, they know to go to Syd, but Alex can live social media free.

____

Their first morning they drink mimosas in the sand and don’t change out of their bikinis all day, only leaving the beach by their hotel to go and take a nap after lunch. Syd flirts outrageously with any guy that has abs, and after a little prodding Alex does too. They get recognized a few times, which Alex has kind of (but not really) gotten used to.

____

There’s days where they paddleboard, and snorkel, and go on hikes. They’re stupidly touristy, really, and spend most of their time on the beach drinking overpriced cocktails. They work out, too, pushing each other to run farther and faster and with more incline until they’re soaked with sweat and exhausted and can’t do anything but sit by the pool for the rest of the day.

____

Alex drinks and tans and swims and laughs her ass of with Syd. It’s the perfect week—free of stress, free of soccer, free of Kelley.

____

Of course, it’s not entirely free of Kelley—nothing in Alex’s life really is. She thinks about her all the time, that she would love paddle boarding here, that she’d like this drink, that she’d think that joke was funny. Everything and anything under the sun makes her think of Kelley, and the week they’re on Oahu it doesn’t rain an inch.

____

//

____

Alex comes back to LA tan and well rested and restless. She jumps into offseason training ferociously, not slipping off her diet for a second, still feeling guilty about what she ate and drank in Hawaii. It’s easy to throw herself into soccer. It’s familiar and safe. She tries going one day without talking to Kelley, and then two, and then three. Tries is the key word, but sometimes she makes it.

____

Sometimes, though, the longer she waits the better it feels to talk to her again, and sometimes that’s what hurts the most.

____

//

____

Kelley doesn’t get called up for the friendlies against Australia and New Zealand, still recovering from her surgery. Alex does, though, and gets 90 minutes in the game against Australia, not scoring any of the goals in the 4-0 victory. She’s angry about it, because she missed the last camp and this is supposed to be her climb back up, and that’s probably why she goes into that stupid tackle two days later and strains her hamstring all over again.

____

It’s crushing, especially after going through over a month of rehab. She sits on the table after the medical staff finish examining her, head in her hands, fighting the urge to scream at the top of her lungs.

____

//

____

“You’ll bounce back, bud.”

____

Alex sighs. “I know,” she says. “It still sucks, though.”

____

“You’re not gonna think about retiring over an injury or something really, _really_ stupid like that, right?”

____

Alex laughs, feeling warm all over when she hears Kelley’s faint laugh echoing back through the phone. “No, nothing stupid like that.”

____

“Good,” Kelley says, softly. “National Team camps are the only times we really get to hang out these days, anyway.”

____

Alex clears her throat. “Right,” she says, and then (because she’s an idiot, really, a stupid idiot who’s in love and can’t help herself) she continues, “I’ve got an extra bedroom, you know. In case New York’s getting too cold for you.”

____

There’s a pause where Alex can feel her heart in her throat, and then Kelley says, “I might just take you up on that.”

____

//

____

The next National Team game is against Brazil, and Alex gets called up even though she isn’t positive she’ll get playing time. She’s right, mostly, since she gets subbed on for Syd somewhere around the 70th minute. She chases down balls like a madwoman, even though they’re winning 4-1, but she can’t get one in the back of the net.

____

Kelley still isn’t in camp, even though she’s been cleared to play. Alex can tell how disheartening it is for her, even from just talking over the phone, and Alex wishes for the millionth time that she could know the right thing to say.

____

Kelley—stupid, perfect, oblivious Kelley—comes to LA for a few weeks in late November, claiming she’s chasing summer now that New York’s getting cold. She practically moves into Alex’s spare room, clothing and shoes and books exploding everywhere. She even sneaks a Stanford pennant onto the wall behind the door. Alex pretends not to see it, just so she can have something that’s left behind when Kelley goes back to the east coast.

____

They spend a lot of time training now that they’re both allowed to, and they spend a lot of time surfing, too, now that Alex kind of knows what she’s doing. She still isn’t anywhere near as good as Kelley is, but she still zips up her wetsuit nearly every morning and buries her toes in the sand and laughs with her best friend until the bags under their eyes don’t feel so heavy. Syd and Tobin show up for a bit, too, which makes for some good two-a-side practices and hilarious evenings out. 

____

Syd and Tobin make it easier, since it isn’t just Kelley that Alex spends all her time with. Syd’s deviously good at making sure Alex is always sitting diagonally from Kelley, so that they don’t brush arms and so that Alex won’t have to stare at her. Whether or not she ends up staring at Kelley anyway is a different fight, but a sharp kick to the ankle usually knocks Alex out of it.

____

Alex forgets that Kelley and Tobin have known each other since they were teenagers, but she’s reminded every time one of them mentions the beginning of some ridiculous story of something stupid they did in Brazil, or Spain, or wherever, and they both collapse into giggles. It makes it easier for Syd to stick to her side like glue, ever so vigilant at making sure Alex and Kelley aren’t ever alone together.

____

Alex kind of wishes she’d stop.

____

//

____

She hears it before she feels it.

____

She goes to tackle the ball away from Tobin and there’s this weird crack and her foot tingles for a moment before the pain hits.

____

“Alex,” Syd says, putting a hand on her arm as she sobs into the grass. “Alex, hey, we’re calling an ambulance, okay?”

____

“Hey, buddy,” Kelley says softly. “Hey there. It’ll be okay.” 

____

An arm twists around her shoulders and there’s something warm pressed up against her back—Alex realizes it’s Kelley, half spooning her in the grass, halfheartedly trying to get her to sit up and not fighting when Alex remains limp.

____

They stay like that until the ambulance arrives.

____

//

____

Alex’s parents meet them at the ER, and after a few hours Syd and Tobin head back, but Kelley refuses to leave. Alex is glad, because the gentle pressure of her arm pressed up against Alex’s does more to calm her down than any doctor could.

____

It’s not good. Three months minimum recovery, at least six weeks in a boot. Alex tries not to cry, but it’s hard, especially when all she can think about is the World Cup, so far away and yet so terrifyingly close. Her parents drive her and Kelley back to Alex’s apartment, where Alex collapses in bed without even bothering to think about taking a shower. She throws off her shirt angrily, staying in a sports bra and shorts, one sock on her good foot.

____

There’s a soft knock at the door, and Alex looks over right as Kelley’s head peaks around the frame. “Hey, bud,” she whispers.

____

“Hey,” Alex whispers back. 

____

“Can I come in?”

____

Alex nods and Kelley slips through the door, closing it behind her with a soft click. She pads over and sits on the edge of the bed, one hand reaching out to grab onto Alex's hand. “Want to watch a movie or something? I know the last thing I wanted post doctor's appointment was to be alone.”

____

Alex feels like she's making a deal with the devil, but she nods anyway. 

____

She doesn't remember falling asleep, but she does remember waking up, her head on Kelley’s shoulder, arms linked together. The clock on her bedside table reads 2:46, and Alex slowly moves back until she's resting on her own pillow, the fingers on one of Kelley’s hands outstretched towards her across the gap between them. 

____

//

____

Alex’s minutes blur into hours, which blur into afternoons and days and weeks and she’s trapped in the same stupid boot. She works out in the limited ways that she can and spends a lot of time on her dad’s couch.

____

Syd is pretty good at calling every few days to keep her from going completely insane, but after two weeks or so the calls start to spread out, probably because Alex isn’t exactly a bubbling ray of sunshine and talking to her over the phone can’t be that much fun.

____

Kelley, though—Kelley never seems to get annoyed when Alex snaps, or when she says something mean and bitter. She just sighs and says _Alex_ in that way that she has and Alex groans and apologizes and Kelley makes a stupid joke and they both laugh and everything’s fine.

____

Everything’s fine when Kelley calls. At least, it is for a little bit. 

____

Sometimes she’ll call when Alex is working out, or taking her unnecessary but daily afternoon nap, and Alex’s voicemail inbox slowly gets fuller and fuller.

____

"Hey, Al." Kelley's sounds like she's chewing something, her words slightly muffled. "I started the next season of Greys and it's fucking insane, please catch up so I can talk to you about it. Oh, and I tried the tofu thing you told me about. It was okay, I guess. Ann and I are going to that tapas place tonight. I’ll try and call before then. Okay, TTYL. One..."

____

"Two," Alex whispers in the pause Kelley leaves. 

____

"Three."

____

//

____

Alex spends New Year’s with her sisters in LA.

____

They watch the ball drop at 9:00 and all Alex can think about is Kelley kissing someone else.

____

..

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part three soon, hopefully.


	3. part three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> highs and lows, lows and highs.

i’ve looked at love (from both sides now)

 

//

 

part three

 

//

 

you’ll always love her

 

//

 

2014

 

//

 

Tom asks her to come in for a few days during January camp so the National Team can assess her recovery. It’s nice to see everyone, but mostly it just makes Alex feel woefully left out. She has to watch them all pile into vans to get taken to the practice field as she stays behind for endless, boring fitness tests.

 

She still eats with the team, though, and on their free night she’s roped into going out to dinner with a bunch of them. On her way down to the lobby, she stops by to see if Kelley’s still in her room, and sure enough, her door is propped open. Alex reaches out to open it further, but stops when she hears Kelley’s voice.

 

“It’s not that easy, Erin.” Kelley sounds frustrated. “I’m in love with her.”

 

The air stops in Alex’s throat. There’s a moment of quiet where all Alex can hear is the beating of her own heart and then Kelley starts again.

 

“No, of course not,” she says. “Ann is—perfect. She’s exactly what I need.”

 

Alex takes a shaky breath in and presses her palms into her eyes.

 

“Well, I’m literally always thinking about her,” Kelley says. “Yes, Erin, I know that it’s only been a year.” Kelley groans. “Yeah, okay. _Yes_ , Erin. I get it. Okay. Can you please be my big sister and support me right now?”

 

Kelley laughs then, presumably in response to something Erin said, but not even that can make Alex feel better. Instead, she clears her throat and knocks on the door.

 

“Kell,” she calls out, managing to keep her voice from shaking.

 

There’s a thud and a curse that Alex would bet is Kelley tripping over her shoes and then she’s suddenly in the doorway, phone pressed to her ear, eyes wide and as stunning as always.

 

“Ready to go?” Alex asks.

 

“Right!”

 

Alex hears Erin ask “ _is that Alex?_ ” and Kelley just says, “gotta go, loveyoubye,” into her phone before hanging up. To Alex, she says, “let me just put my shoes on.”

 

Alex follows her in and flops on the bed as Kelley looks for her left shoe. “Did you check under the bed?” Alex asks, her stomach still rolling unpleasantly.

 

Kelley squats down and checks under the bed. “Got it!” She grins, cramming it onto her foot. “Let’s go.” She doesn’t bother tying her laces and offers a hand to haul Alex up.

 

“You okay, bud?” she asks, still holding onto Alex’s hand after she’s standing.

 

“Oh,” Alex says, caught off guard. “I’m fine,” she lies. “I’ve just got cramps.”

 

Kelley groans in sympathy. “Want me to rub your back?” she asks. “We could stay in and watch a movie or something.”

 

Alex can think of literally nothing she’d rather do than cuddle up to Kelley and watch a movie, but in that moment the idea kind of makes her feel sick. “No,” she forces herself to say. “Let’s go out. The girls are waiting for us.”

 

“Alex,” Kelley says, squeezing her hand and using the voice that means she wants to keep pushing.

 

“Really, Kell,” Alex insists. “I wanna go out.”

 

“Fine,” Kelley says, finally dropping Alex’s hand. “I’ve got a chocolate bar in my bag with your name on it for later, though.”

 

“Thanks,” Alex responds, forcing a smile. She follows Kelley out the door, her heart sinking with every step.

 

//

 

“What are they filming?”

 

Pinoe shrugs, squinting at the media crew as she spreads sunscreen across her cheeks. “Something about Valentine’s Day, I think.”

 

“It’s what your favorite Valentine’s Day gift is,” Syd says, reaching out and smearing some sunscreen across Alex’s face before she can dodge away.

 

When the video crew comes around to the bench that Alex is doomed to watch practice on, she gives them the happiest smile she can muster.

 

“The best Valentine’s Day gift I could get is probably a sentimental card and...chocolate.” Alex grins. “Who doesn’t love chocolate?”

 

When they move onto Kelley, who’s standing just a few feet away, Alex hears herself laugh along with everyone else as she says, “just a smooch...from my lover.”

 

Syd drops her hand onto Alex’s knee, squeezing lightly, and for a moment it's almost enough.

 

//

 

Alex sits out of National Team camp after National Team camp, stuck on the couch as her foot heals. She doesn’t rush the recovery even though she really, _really_ wants to. She did that in college and had to sit out of the 2008 U-20 World Cup, and she’ll be damned if this affects her shot and an actual World Cup. It’s still a year away, but she isn’t taking any chances.

 

Kelley gets called up and spends more and more time on the bench. Alex can tell that Kelley doesn’t get what she’s doing wrong, even though she tries not to talk about it when she calls Alex to check up on her. The team heads off to Portugal for the Algarve and Alex watches them lose again and again shaky streams at ten in the morning. They come in seventh, and Kelley only gets on the pitch twice in five games, both times as a sub late in the second half.

 

It’s the first time they haven’t placed at the Algarve. Alex calls Abby and listens to her rant about the coaches for a bit, humming every once and awhile and mostly tuning her out as she scrolls through Twitter.

 

NWSL season starts right as the National Team players get back, and for Alex that means a lot of team meetings and even more PT sessions. Even watching soccer, no matter the league, depresses her. She wants to get back onto the field, more than she ever has before. More than anything, she hates feeling stuck in place as everyone else passes her by.

 

Kelley still calls, but their conversations are almost always filled with what she’s done that day, since Alex doesn’t want to talk about sitting alone on the beach and watching practice after her PT sessions.

 

Kelley’s moving to Brooklyn for this season, where she can drive to practices and games but live closer to Ann. She’s FaceTiming Alex and laughing at something stupid Tobin texted her when Ann pops into the screen, grinning and saying, “hey, Alex!”

 

Alex hadn’t even known that Ann was there, but she somehow manages to force a smile and says hi back, biting her lap as Kelley and her girlfriend talk to each other about where they’re eating dinner.

 

“Hey, Kell?” Alex interrupts, trying to make her smile look more natural. “I’ve got to go, alright? My PT sesh starts soon.”

 

Kelley frowns. “I thought that was later.”

 

“No, I moved it up on Thursdays,” Alex lies. “Gives me more time to shower before dinner with my mom. Anyway: one!”

 

“Two,” Kelley says, looking like she wants to say more.

 

“Three,” Alex finishes, shutting her laptop before she can second guess herself.

 

In the silence of her living room, Alex lets out a slow, long breath.

 

//

 

Alex tries a new strategy: she doesn’t ignore Kelley, but she keeps their conversations short. She hangs out with her LA teammates more, even though she feels like the odd woman out, what with her still missing practices because of her ankle. It’s not easy, but she slowly starts to feel a little more like they’re her friends and not just her teammates.

 

She gets better at pushing Kelley to the back of her mind. It’s easier, now that they don’t see each other that often. Not easy, but easier. Alex fills up her days with little tasks and activities, until they only time she can spare to think about Kelley is that moment right before she falls asleep.

 

LA goes to New Jersey to play Sky Blue and Alex stays behind. When she misses Kelley’s call the day of the game, she tells herself it’s because she couldn’t get to the phone in time.

 

//

 

Alex signs a book deal, desperate for something else to distract herself with. It’s only a kids book, but it does mean that gets to go to New York for the release. She brings her sister along, just in case, because she honestly doesn’t think she’ll be able to handle another dinner date third-wheeling with Kelley and Ann.

 

It’s really nice, actually. Having Jeri there means that Alex has a reasonable excuse to not hang out with Kelley, although they do go for a bike ride in central park together, Jeri whining the whole way about working out with professional athletes.

 

Mostly, though, Alex doesn’t think about Kelley. She can focus on her book and on goofing around with her sister, who keeps eyeing her like she knows something’s up. Alex has gotten better at hiding it, though, and she can flash a smile in Jeri’s direction and ease all her worries.

 

She’s waiting her plane to take off when she gets a text from Kelley that says _next time we’re in the same city we are hanging out more!!!!!!!_

 

Alex texts back _duh_ because that’s what she would say if everything was normal. What Alex doesn’t text back is infinite, but if she thinks about what she could and doesn’t say to Kelley for too long her head starts to hurt, so she puts her phone on airplane mode and closes her eyes.

 

//

 

kaykam10: @kohara19 @alexmorgan13 Alex…. Kelley gave you a unibrow

alexmorgan13: awww thanks Kel. Who gave me the black tooth??

kohara19: You wear it well Al! Haha miss you!

 

//

 

Tom gets fired.

 

Alex would be surprised, except she remembers the phone call from Abby after the Algarve Cup and the way she ranted about poor coaching. Jill takes over the team officially, no longer just a temporary solution.

 

For Alex, who's been cleared to practice for two weeks, it's a double fresh start. She gets called into the next camp fresh off her first thirty minutes in LA’s 2014 season, ready to face Canada just like she always is.

 

Kelley nearly tackles her with a hug in the hotel lobby. Alex squeezes back just as hard and buries her face in Kelley’s neck, just for a moment. She smells like their team gear and that cherry blossom lotion she sometimes uses, all mixed up into one strange, intoxicating scent.

 

“Missed you, buddy,” Kelley says, stepping back and grinning. “C’mon, I’m rooming with Tobin, hang out with us.”

 

Alex follows, grinning and just the tiniest bit dizzy. She’s never been to Winnipeg before, but she still feels more at home than she has in weeks.

 

She thinks, maybe, if she was treading water before, that now she might be starting to drown again.

 

//

 

Alex trains with the ferocity that’s been lying dormant under her skin for months, so hungry for touches and goals and assists that she chases down every ball, even when she knows it’s probably hopeless. She feels good about starting, but Dawn catches her limping just the tiniest bit down the hall their second night and she’s doomed to be a second half sub, despite all of her hard work.

 

Kelley isn’t as sympathetic as Alex expects.

 

“You just got back from a huge injury,” she says at their game day coffee run. _Not a date_ , Alex reminds herself. _Not a coffee date, a coffee run._

 

“I’ve recovered, though,” Alex grumbles.

 

Kelley rolls her eyes and takes a sip of her coffee. “Sure, Alex. I _totally_ believe that.” Alex kicks her under the table. “ _Ow_ , Al, what the fuck?”

 

“I _am_ recovered,” Alex insists. “My foot was just the tiniest bit sore from Cap’s tackle. It’s no big deal.”

 

“Look, buddy,” Kelley says, resting her elbows on the table and leaning in. “You’re just gonna have to make the most of it and be the super sub we all know you can be.” She smirks. “I have a feeling you might want to score against Canada, or something.”

 

“Or something,” Alex agrees, smiling back. She waits a second and then brings up what she’s been dying to for days. “How are you feeling about everything?”

 

Kelley takes another sip of coffee and wrinkles her nose. “Does yours taste weird, too?”

 

Alex’s eyebrows shoot up. “Wow, you’re _really_ avoiding the question.”

 

Kelley groans. “Al, I don’t want to talk about my feelings.”

 

“Too bad,” Alex answers. “You’re not getting playing time and it sucks, tell me how you feel.”

 

“Shitty,” Kelley says, sighing. “I know I’m still bouncing back from my injury, but I feel like I’ve been fully good to go for month or two now. My first touch is there, my tackles are good, I’m doing everything right—” She stops abruptly and sighs again. “Can we please talk about something else? I want to be happy, this is our game day tradition.”

 

“Kell,” Alex says softly. “You’re my best friend. Bestest friend.” Kelley smiles. “I want to make sure you’re okay. It’s harder over the phone.”

 

“I’m fine. Really,” Kelley insists. “I’m upset that I’m not seeing the field, but I’m really okay.”

 

Alex doesn’t quite believe her. “Are you really sure—”

 

“Christ, Al, can you lay off?” Kelley asks, her voice suddenly sharp. “My fucking _girlfriend_ isn't even bothering me about it this much. I don't need you to butt in, too.”

 

Alex jerks back, Kelley’s words a harsh, stinging reminder of the reality she always tries to forget during their coffee shop runs.

 

If she was starting to slip underwater again, Kelley’s just yanked her up to the surface, forcing her to take a painful, gasping breath of air.

 

“Fuck.” Kelley drops her head into her hands. “I’m sorry.”

 

Alex bites her lip, hard.

 

“I’m so sorry, Al,” Kelley says again. “I know you just want to help.”

 

Alex nods. _You can’t cry_ . _You can’t cry, Alex, there’s no way to explain that._ She can’t cry, and so her only option is anger.

 

“You know what, Kell?” she asks, her voice tight. “I’m not your girlfriend. I'm just your best friend. What the fuck do I know?”

 

Kelley groans. “That's not fair, Alex—”

 

“I’ll see you back at the hotel. Enjoy your coffee.” Alex stands, but before she leaves she says, “you should talk to Ann.”

 

Alex doesn't see Kelley back at the hotel, very purposefully. Instead, she finds Tobin and sticks to her, making sure that they're on the bus before Kelley is so Alex can stare out the window and pretend to not notice as she walks past them down the aisle.

 

Canada is just as aggressive as always, knocking shoulders and elbows and going for tackles that are just a bit risky. Alex's teammates aren't much better, honestly, and the ref sees it and decides to be stingy with yellow cards.

 

Alex very pointedly does not sit next to Kelley on the bench, even though Kelley made sure to leave an empty spot. Syd shoots her a suspicious look as she walks towards half field, but there isn’t enough time to ask questions.

 

Syd scores because she's Sydney and they're in Canada, but the Canadians manage to creep one past Hope. Somewhere around the 60th minute, Jill gestures for Alex to start warming up, and she does so with hopefully well hidden excitement, the rumbling of the crowd around her not helping at all.

 

Alex’s first goal back after her injury, her first goal of 2014, is called offsides. Her second goal, though, perfectly smacked with that sweet spot on her boot, right where the laces dip, is a screecher that no goalkeeper could stop.

 

Abby chases her down as she runs towards the corner flag, tackling her before she can get there. Alex wants to yell something really satisfying and cliche, like _I’m back baby_ , but instead she just lets herself laugh and laugh and laugh, content with the words her teammates are screaming for her.

 

After the game, Alex gets changed quickly, not participating in the buzz of the locker room. Everyone’s a little more hyper than usual, since beating Canada on Canadian soil never really gets old. Kelley’s been hyping up Sydney’s goal the whole time they’ve been getting changed, much to everyone’s amusement, but Alex just keeps her head down.

 

Tobin doesn’t ask why she’s so quiet, just offering a fist bump when she sits down on the bus, a quiet congratulations for scoring the game winning goal, and then she’s sucked into a conversation with Cheney.

 

Alex closes her eyes and turns up the volume of her music to drown out the exuberant sound of Kelley’s laugh.

 

//

 

Alex has an early flight back to LA, so she’s surprised when she hears someone call out for her as she’s making her way out of the lobby. It’s not even six in the morning yet, but Kelley’s still walking towards her, sweatpants on and hair messy.

 

“Hey,” she says, slightly out of breath. “I thought I missed you.”

 

“Nope,” Alex says shortly. “What’s up?”

 

Kelley’s smile falters a bit, but she nods and takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry I was a dick. It was super uncalled for and I love and appreciate you for being the bestest friend on the planet.” She chews at her lip. “I kind of do want to talk about it.”

 

Alex sighs. “Kell, I’ve got a flight to catch.”

 

“Maybe we can talk tomorrow?”

 

“It’s not really the stuff you like to talk about over FaceTime.”

 

Kelley’s face falls, but she nods. “Yeah, okay. You’re right, as usual.” When Alex doesn’t laugh, Kelley nods again. “Okay, well, you should get going. I’ll see you next camp?”

 

“Mmhmm.”

 

“I really am sorry, Al.”

 

“I know, Kell,” Alex says, reaching out. Kelley steps into her arms immediately and something about the way she clings to the back of Alex’s shirt makes Alex’s stomach flip. “See you.”

 

Kelley steps back. “One,” she says, smirking.

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “Two,” she says, walking towards the hotel doors.

 

“Three,” Kelley calls out.

 

Even though every bit of her body is screaming for her to, Alex doesn’t turn around.

 

//

 

LA manages a surprise win over Seattle and ties Kansas City and Boston on the road, and Alex signs posters and jerseys and takes selfies with more people than she ever thought she would. Kelley does FaceTime her, but they don’t talk about anything of substance, not like Alex had pushed for before.

 

Kelley’s right. Alex isn’t her girlfriend. If Kelley wants to talk about it, she can be the one to bring it up.

 

Alex plays their home game against Chicago angry, knowing exactly why and hating the influence it has over her mood. More than ever she wishes she could let everything extra she feels for Kelley go.

 

Christen, who’s officially left Sweden behind, has been nearly unstoppable for Chicago, her smiles wide and carefree during goal celebrations. Alex almost doesn’t recognize her, sometimes. It’s hard to even remember the Christen that played with her and Kelley in LA. That life and that Christen seem lifetimes away.

 

When Christen hugs her before the game, though, Alex immediately returns the bright, friendly smile flashed her way.

 

It’s strange, how things that had once mattered so much fade away. Alex remembers the jealousy that was synonymous with Christen’s name so clearly, but now all Alex sees is Christen, her teammate and actually kind of friend. There’s other names and faces to be jealous of.

 

In the minutes before kickoff, before she can lose herself in the sport she’s spent her life loving, Alex wonders if her feelings for Kelley might fade, too.

 

The whistle jars her back into reality and Alex already knows the answer to her question.

 

//

 

Cheney gets her one hundredth cap against France in Florida. She’s not Cheney anymore, not technically, but Alex thinks she’ll always be Cheney to the team, just like Alex is still Baby Horse, no matter how much she tries to kill it.

 

Alex rooms with Allie Long, Tobin’s friend from Portland, who’s funny in a kind of over the top way, but Alex likes her. Kelley does, too, and when they all go out to lunch, desperate to find somewhere with air conditioning to beat the Tampa heat, Alex laughs more than she remembers laughing in a really long time. She heads into their game against France feeling good, feeling like she used to, before her ankle injury and everything else.

 

She still isn’t in the starting XI, but she has a good time cheering for Cheney as she gets her jersey with 100 printed across the back, sitting next to Kelley on the bench. Alex gets the second half, subbing in for Tobin, but Kelley stays on the sidelines yet again.

 

They win, Syd’s goal putting the US up early and Hope managing to save their asses for the rest of the game. Afterwards, when Alex is drinking the concoction that Dawn handed her and laughing about something with Abby, Kelley slides up beside her.

 

“You busy later?”

 

Abby’s eyes flick between the two of them before she wanders off, leaving them alone together in the crowd.

 

“After Cheney’s thing?”

 

Kelley nods.

 

“I don't have plans,” Alex answers. “I think Allie and Tobin are going to be out doing something, though, so my room should be empty.”

 

Kelley smiles, looking relieved, and when she knocks on Alex's door later that night it only sounds the tiniest bit hesitant. Cheney doesn't drink, so no one else really had either, but Alex is full and exhausted from all the dancing.

 

“I can't guarantee I won't pass out,” Alex warns.

 

“That's fine,” Kelley says, following Alex onto the bed and crossing her legs under herself. “I'll just kick you until you wake up.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes but doesn’t say anything at first, focusing more on the way Kelley’s sitting, curled up legs and fingers tapping together. “You good?”

 

Kelley nods quickly before making a face. “Yes and no?”

 

Alex reached out and puts a hand on Kelley’s knee without even thinking about it, the tingling that runs up her arm just as disorienting as always.

 

“I don't know what I’m doing wrong,” Kelley confesses. “I'm performing well in camp and doing great at Sky Blue but it was like Tom didn't care, and now Jill feels the same way.”

 

“You had to come back from a pretty serious injury, Kell,” Alex says.

 

“So did you,” Kelley mutters. “You played tonight. I haven't played since the Algarve.”

 

“Kelley, you're good. I don't know what's going on inside Jill’s head, but she's just trying to find the right chemistry.”

 

“What if the right chemistry means I’m on the bench?” Kelley raises her voice, sounding truly distressed.  “Because right now all I’m doing is getting looked over every time there’s a sub.”

 

“So,” Alex says, reaching out and waiting for Kelley to clasp hands with her before continuing. “Make it impossible for her to ignore you.”

 

Kelley sighs. She squeezes Alex’s hand. “It's crazy how much I miss you between camps, Al.”

 

Alex’s stomach flips around and she squeezes back. “It's my cooking, right?”

 

Kelley laughs so hard she toppled backwards onto the bed. Alex follows, still holding tightly to Kelley’s hand, tumbling forward and giggling the whole way.

 

They end up on their backs, shoulder to shoulder, staring up at the ceiling fan.

 

“A hundred caps,” Alex muses. “Think we’ll make it that far?”

 

“Maybe,” Kelley says softly. “I hope so.”

 

//

 

Alex watches Sky Blue play Portland at Providence Park as she attempts to cook herself dinner. When Kelley scores the game winning goal in the 85th minute, a quick header off a corner kick, Alex jerks so suddenly that the rosemary chicken she’s making flies out of the pan.

 

It stays on the ground as Alex screams at her computer, smile almost as wide as the one on Kelley’s face as her teammates converge around her.

 

//

 

“Making it hard for Jill to ignore you, huh?”

 

Kelley’s laugh sounds just as perfect as always, even though it’s crackly through the phone. “Well, it was a great ball in.”

 

“A game winning goal at Providence Park,” Alex says. “I guarantee that you’ve got everyone’s attention now, bud.”

 

“Maybe it’ll even get me on the field for our rematch against France.”

 

“Is it a rematch if we won?”

 

“We barely won, Al; it’s a rematch. They crushed Canada yesterday.”

 

“I just want to score,” Alex groans. “It feels like it’s been a million years.”

 

“Something like that,” Kelley jokes. “Maybe I’m your good luck charm.”

 

Alex snorts and sarcastically says “sure,” even though sometimes that’s exactly what Kelley feels like.

 

//

 

Their game in Connecticut matches up with one of the US’s games in the Men’s World Cup, so the team plans to have the afternoon off, all ready with their red, white, and blue. Alex doesn’t actually have a USMNT jersey, so she just puts a piece of tape over her name and writes Jones on it, which is almost the same.

 

Syd finds red, white, and blue tutus somewhere, and Kelley snatches one almost as quickly as Alex. They find suspenders, too, and suddenly the three of them are matching, easily the most extravagantly dressed among the team.

 

Syd does catch her staring a little too long when Kelley throws her head back laughing at something A-Rod said, though, and for the entire game she sticks close to Alex’s side, never more than an arm’s length away. The guys lose, and even though their own game against France doesn’t really mean anything, Alex can feel that push to win, to win and win and win until they’re hoisting their very own World Cup Trophy.

 

The men definitely won’t win, even if they do end up making it out of the group stage, but that’s okay.

 

Alex, though—she sits in a bar in a red tutu and thinks to herself _I’m going to be a fucking World Cup Champion_.

 

//

 

They tie France. Alex scores the only two goals for the US.

 

Kelley gets ten minutes at the end of the first half. When Alex hugs her after the game, she’s barely even sweaty.

 

//

 

**Kelley O’Hara**

You still up???

 

**Kelley O’Hara**

Come to my room pleaseee

 

Alex frowns, but slips out of bed anyway. Kelley’s waiting for her in the hallway, hiding something behind her back.

 

“What’s up?” Alex keeps her voice quiet, extra conscious of how late it is in the nearly silent hall.

 

“My flight’s before dawn tomorrow and I want to give you this,” Kelley says, pulling a small box from behind her back. “Happy early birthday.”

 

“Aww, Kell,” Alex says, smiling and reaching out.

 

Kelley pulls the box back. “You can’t open it until your birthday,” she says.

 

“Bullshit, I’m opening it now.”

 

Kelley sighs. “It was worth a shot,” she mumbles, handing the box over.

 

Alex flicks it open, gasping when she sees the delicate, silver earrings inside. “Kell,” she breathes. “Holy shit.”

 

“I know,” Kelley says, smirking. “I’ve got great taste.”

 

“I’ll say,” Alex mutters, tracing one earing with the tip of her finger. “These are beautiful, thank you.” She wraps an arm around Kelley’s shoulders and pulls her in for a tight hug. “I love them.”

 

Kelley steps back, smiling a small, bright smile. “Good,” she says. “I’m expecting something good next month, so—”

 

Alex laughs and shoves her back towards her room. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Kelley walks back into her room and Alex stands in the hallway for just a few seconds, looking down at her new earrings, trying to remember the last time someone gave her a gift quite like them.

 

//

 

Alex doesn’t see Kelley again until late August, when they play Switzerland in North Carolina. She packs the usual stuff and Kelley’s birthday present, a crazy soft sweater that Alex knows she's going to love.

 

Kelley finally gets back on the pitch, too, locking in thirty-five minutes during the second half. They win 4-1, but Alex can’t seem to make any of her chances get in the back of the net.

 

It’s frustrating, but Alex lets herself get lost in the rush of camp and familiar and new faces. World Cup Qualifying is only a few months away, so she pays a little more attention than usual on stretching before every practice, terrified of another injury.

 

Jill likes what she’s doing in camp, at least, and makes sure to tell her that before everyone returns to their club teams for the end of the season.

 

LA is as closer to making the playoffs than they were last year, but even Alex’s brace against Seattle can’t get them a spot in the top four. Sky Blue is one spot down, and Kelley rants to Alex on the phone for a solid hour the day after their 4-0 loss to Chicago before she hangs up to get ready for her date with Ann.

 

Alex goes out to lunch with Serv, just because. He’s in town to play his old club team, now sitting on the bench in Houston instead of LA. His jokes are just as stupid as they were in college, and his smile is just as wide, but he’s grown his hair out and he’s got a goatee and he’s just the tiniest bit quieter, more reserved.

 

Alex feels, very suddenly, like a grown up, getting lunch with an ex she’s still on good terms with. It reeks of responsibility. For a moment, Alex wonders for a moment how her life might be different if they had never broken up.

 

They part with a friendly hug Alex realises that he uses a different deodorant than he used to right as she realises that she doesn’t really care how her life might’ve been different.

 

//

 

They play Mexico twice in September and Alex finally finds her groove again. She gets 90 minutes and two goals in the first game, and Kelley’s so happy for her Alex doesn’t even think she looks that upset about riding the bench again.

 

Hope sets a new record for most shutouts, so she wears the armband three days later. Kelley’s name is back on Jill’s board for the starting XI, and Alex is happy enough for her she isn’t even that upset that her own name isn’t there as well.

 

She runs onto the field for Syd around the 60th minute, slapping her hand against Kelley as she gets into position. When Alex scores, Kelley’s finally on the field to celebrate with her, grabbing Alex’s cheek and pressing her face into Alex’s sweaty hair.

 

//

 

Kansas City wins the NWSL Championship and then they’re back in camp for CONCACAF Qualifying. Alex doesn’t take sides in the UCLA vs. Stanford bet that happens, but she does help push Kelley in the pool when she starts bragging a little too much.

 

Abby’s the only one who scores in their opening game against Trinidad and Tobago, but they win, and Alex tries to tell herself that’s all that really matters. Jill puts Kling in as left back, and as much as Alex likes her, she can’t help but think that Kelley might’ve made that run, or gotten to that ball, or tackled just a bit cleaner.

 

It’s not Alex’s job to think about lineups and starting players, though. All she can do is squeeze Kelley a little tighter than usual after the game, just in case.

 

It seems unfathomable that they won't qualify, but Abby says that's just what it felt like back in 2011, so Alex tries to stay as focused as possible, to not get swept up in the growing size of the crowds chanting for them. The rest of the team does too, even the newer players; those who weren't on the team in 2011 can see it in the eyes of the players who were, and they step it up in practice because of it.

 

Kelley gets nearly guaranteed the second half of the game against Guatemala, and Alex finds herself in the starting XI again. She feels comfortable between Pinoe and Syd during the anthem, like she’s right back where she belongs. Kelley gets a smack on her ass in before Alex takes off for half field, and she starts the game with a smile on her face.

 

They’re forty minutes in and a goal up when it all goes to shit.

 

Alex has the ball and two defenders trailing her as she streaks for the Guatemalan goal, and right at the top of the box she feels something smack into her food and she hops to try and stay up but once she hits the grass she knows it’s over.

 

The tears are already pushing at the corners of her eyes, so she slams her fist into the ground and rocks back and forth to try and stop herself from sobbing right there in the middle of the field.

 

She curls onto her side and covers her face. The stadium is quiet and her teammate’s voices seem deafening as they crowd around her. There’s a trainer pulling her to a sitting position and a stretcher on the field and Alex will be damned if they lift her onto it, so she scoots over herself, feeling pathetic the whole time.

 

Once she’s safely on the sidelines, she glares down at her ankle—God, of _course_ it’s her fucking ankle—and wonders how much rehab she’ll have to suffer through this time. There’s a hand on her shoulder and Alex looks up to see Kelley’s soft, empathetic smile.

 

For once, it doesn’t make her feel better.

 

//

 

They give her a four week recovery estimate, and everyone seems to think that isn’t nearly as bad as Alex does.

 

Four weeks. A month. Missing the rest of World Cup Qualifying, sent back to LA, away from the people and routine where she’s always felt most comfortable.

 

Kelley plays 90 minutes against Haiti. Alex can’t bring herself to call, so she sends a congratulations text instead. Kelley texts back a few hours later with a smiley face and a question of how she’s doing, and Alex types out seven responses but doesn’t send any of them.

 

//

 

The team qualifies for the World Cup and Alex finds herself back in the pace and routine of daily rehab and weekly doctor appointments. Kelley calls most weeks, and sometimes Syd and Lauren do too, and it helps.

 

Kelley’s FaceTimes always help the most, but they come with the now familiar sting of Ann’s name thrown casually into the conversation, like a grenade that Alex falls on every time, unwilling to let Kelley see it explode.

 

Alex doesn’t like crying over Kelley, and she hates crying over Ann, but when Kelley proudly shows off the sweater Alex got her back in August before a Saturday night date, she can’t help but let herself wallow in self pity just a tiny bit after they hang up.

 

//

 

Kelley and Ann go to Hawaii together, and Alex bitterly likes every single one of the pictures they post.

 

Ann goes back to New York afterwards, but Kelley shows up on Alex’s doorstep, cheeks freckly and nose sunburned. They stay up too late that night, Kelley a little jet lagged and Alex eager to fall into one of their lengthy, deep conversations about whatever comes to mind. Kelley falls asleep on the couch and Alex nudges her awake and drags her down the hall, ignoring how strange it is to push her towards the guest bedroom.

 

Tobin and her friend Allie show up the next day, a surfboard on the top of Allie’s car and suitcases filled with bathing suits and soccer shorts. Kelley moves her still unpacked suitcase into Alex’s room and Alex tries to ignore how right it feels.

 

Kelley’s on some super strict diet before Thanksgiving, so they find places to eat that have salads for her and burgers for Tobin and something in between for Alex and Allie. Alex is still in rehab but isn’t in a boot anymore, cleared for nearly every physical activity. She tries to surf and mostly fails, laughing at herself with Tobin and Kelley before giving up and sitting on the beach with Allie, who Alex likes more and more as the days pass.

 

Alex gets offered a sponsorship from some company that makes paddleboards, and Kelley accepts the offer before Alex can even talk to her doctor about it. The four of them go together, talking about how it’ll probably be good for rebuilding core strength but knowing that that’s not their main reason for doing it.

 

Alex catches herself staring at Kelley’s abs as they get ready. To force herself to stop, she lunges forward and grabs the only black floaties left. It leaves the rest of them to groan about being left with the ugly oranges ones, and the distraction means Alex can breathe easy, just for a second.

 

Once they’re out on the water, it’s clear that Allie and Tobin aren’t nearly as good as Alex and Kelley are, probably due to all the paddleboarding they used to do back when they were teammates in LA.

 

“Race to those rocks?” Kelley asks eventually, pointing to a cluster of rocks in the distance.

 

Alex doesn’t bother responding, already paddling as hard as she can, pulling ahead of all three of her friends.

 

“Hey,” Tobin yells out. There’s a few curses thrown at Alex’s back, but she doesn’t turn around, instead focusing harder on the group of rocks in the distance.

 

Kelley and Alex leave Tobin and Allie behind before long, neither willing to be beaten by the other, and as they get closer to the agreed finish line Alex starts to laugh wildly, four feet ahead of Kelley and sure of her victory.

 

Kelley laughs, too, just as competitive but not as sore a loser, and smacks at the back of Alex’s legs with her paddle, getting her just off balance enough to pull ahead. Without thinking, Alex slams her paddle into Kelley’s back, sending her sprawling into the water, leaving Alex to win their race without any further distractions.

 

She turns around to gloat, only to be faced with Kelley’s lonely paddle board and Tobin and Allie in the distance. “Kell?” The paddle board under her suddenly jerks and Alex screams, falling to her knees and trying to keep from getting in the water. “Kelley,” she yells, seeing her swim away, still under the water.

 

Kelley finally bursts out back at her own paddle board, laughing so hard she almost slips under a few times. “You cheated,” she says, grabbing onto her board and trying to haul herself back up. “It was only fair, buddy.”

 

Mind black of a good comeback, Alex sticks out her tongue. Kelley snorts as she finally gets to a comfortable position, straddling her board letting her legs kick in the water. “How long d’you think we’ll have to wait for the slow pokes?”

 

Alex sits on her own board and shrugs. “Probably forever. Allie isn’t very good.”

 

Kelley sighs. “At least it’s pretty,” she says.

 

Alex smiles, an idea popping into her head. “I spy with my little eye—”

 

“No.”

 

//

 

Kelley sleeps heavily the whole week and a half she crashes in Alex’s room, legs and arms sprawled wide, crossing over onto Alex’s side of the bed more often than not. Alex drifts in and out of sleep, half stuck in warm, fuzzy dreams that stay with her when she wakes up at two AM because Kelley’s arm has smacked her in the forehead.

 

Alex doesn’t let herself look over in the middle of the night when she’s awake and Kelley isn’t. It toes a line—a dangerous, thin line. It’s a line that Alex is far too anxious to think about crossing.

 

//

 

“Excited for Thanksgiving?”

 

Kelley grins, only panting slightly despite the fact that she just got off a pretty intense treadmill workout. “Totally,” she says, poking at the buttons of Alex’s stationary bike.

 

Alex slaps her hand away. “It’s been awhile since you saw your family, right?”

 

Kelley nods, settling into a steady pace on the bike beside her. “Since, like, September at least,” she says. “I’ve been staying with Ann in Brooklyn.”

 

Alex raises her eyebrows, keeping her gaze straight ahead. “That’s serious.”

 

“Not really,” Kelley muses. “More like convenient. My lease ended with the NWSL season.”

 

“Still,” Alex says, forcing herself to ask more like a best friend should. “It’s nice?”

 

“Yeah,” Kelley says definitively. Alex doesn’t have to look to know she’s smiling. “It’s small, but nice.” They peddle in silence for a few moments before she asks, “it’s normal to fight, right? When you first live together?”

 

“Totally,” Alex says, finally looking over. Kelley’s chewing at the inside of her cheek. Her chest flutters a bit as she says, “I wouldn’t worry about it.”

 

“Some of the stuff she does just drives me _crazy_ ,” Kelley groans. “I trip over her shoes all the time and her coffee table is always messy and her bookshelves have, like, zero organization whatsoever.”

 

Alex resists the urge to smile. Of course _that’s_ what’s annoying Kelley. Instead of making fun of her, though, she just says, “that sucks.”

 

“How is anyone else supposed to find a book? I have to consult the librarian.” Kelley looks over, clearly expecting Alex to be as baffled as she is and instead finding a blank stare. “Am I making a problem where there isn’t one?”

 

“You said it, not me.”

 

“I don’t know, it’s so different than when we kind of lived together, but maybe it’s just…” she trails off, leaning forward on her elbows as she pedals faster, clueless to how she’s left Alex reeling. “Maybe it’s just not quite what I expected.”

 

“Give it time,” Alex says, even though she wants to say _dump the bitch!_ “I’m sure you’ll figure it out. It’s only for a few more months or so, anyway.”

 

“We’re thinking about living together next season.”

 

Alex suddenly feels lightheaded even though she drank plenty of water before starting her workout. “That’s a bit of a commute,” she manages to say.

 

“I’m gonna be gone a lot for the World Cup,” she says, reaching over to knock on Alex’s head to counteract the jinx. “We’ll be able to spend more time together this way.”

 

“That’s nice,” Alex says softly. “Hey, I’m gonna go do arms, okay?”

 

“Oh, sure,” Kelley says, smiling in that effortless way she has. “I’ll join you in ten.”

 

Alex walks away from her on legs that feel like jelly.

 

//

 

Tobin and Allie drive Kelley to the airport, so Alex says goodbye to all three of them at once, in a giant group hug. On her way out the door, Kelley turns around and quickly squeezes in one more hug and tosses out a “thanks for letting us crash, bestest,” over her shoulder.

 

She could be wrong, but Alex thinks she sees Tobin looking at them strangely before the door clicks closed.

 

//

 

Her first night alone again, Alex can’t sleep.

 

After an hour of tossing and turning and counting sheep in her head, she breaks. “How do you get over someone you never even dated?”

 

The ceiling doesn’t have an answer for her.

 

It’s another hour before she manages to fall asleep.

 

//

 

Thanksgiving is kind of nice but mostly annoying, since both of Alex’s sisters won’t stop pushing her about her lack of a love life. Alex tries to stay calm, but she finally explodes right around second servings of pie.

 

“Jen, just shut _up_ ,” she nearly yells. “I’m not dating because I don’t want to be, okay? Fucking drop it.”

 

“Alex,” her mom says sharply.

 

“I shouldn’t be eating seconds, anyway,” she says, standing up and grabbing her plate.

 

“Wouldn’t be a family holiday with Ali Cat making drama out of nothing,” Jen mutters, stabbing at her pie.

 

Alex nearly throws her plate down in the sink in the kitchen, storming out to the little backyard patio that her mom has arranged a few comfy chairs on. She looks down at her phone for the first time in hours and immediately zeros in on the snapchat from Kelley, which turns out to be a truly ugly double chin selfie with large text reading “PIE!”

 

Alex resists the urge to take a screenshot and instead turns her face upwards towards the sky, forcing her lungs to breathe in slow, deep intervals.

 

She’s still sitting with her eyes closed when she hears door slide open behind her.

 

“Hey,” Jeri says softly, sitting down in the chair next to her. “Sorry about earlier. I didn’t know it would bother you so much.”

 

“It’s okay,” Alex says, since she was more annoyed with Jen in the first place. “We haven’t talked that much recently, I get it. I’m sorry I snapped.”

 

“We just want you to be happy, Al,” she says.

 

Alex looks over with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Okay, and we also want the juicy gossip on your cool, famous athlete life,” she relents. “You can’t expect us to believe there’s _no one_ that’s caught your eye for, like, two years?”

 

Alex’s heart starts to beat a little faster. “I really just don’t want to talk about it, Jeri,” Alex says. “I’ll let you know the minute I get a hot date, alright?”

 

Jeri bites her lip before getting up and squeezing onto Alex’s chair, wrapping her arms tight around Alex’s shoulders. “I love you, dweeb,” she says.

 

“Love you too,” Alex says back.

 

“You can always talk to me. You know that, right?”

 

Alex nods and Jeri finally pulls away, smacking a kiss onto her forehead. “Come apologize to Jen before mom makes you.”

 

Groaning, Alex gets up and follows her sister back into the house.

 

//

 

In December, the National Team goes to Brazil and Alex almost goes on a date.

 

Well, she does go on a date, but she doesn’t even make it to dessert. The guy’s nice enough, a friend of a friend with a cute smile and a decent sense of humor, but Alex spends the whole team zoning out, uninterested and wishing she was with someone else.

 

It’s not fair to the guy, really. He’s a good date, but Alex isn’t. Alex is a shitty date, and she knows it.

 

She doesn’t agree to go on any more of them.

 

She watches her teammates win a game, lose a game, and tie twice on shaky streams at odd times, anxiously chewing at her lip every second.

  
Kelley gets some time in the midfield, fifteen minutes at the end of their win against Argentina and whole halves in two of their three games against Brazil. It’s not as a defender like she’s been playing for club, but Alex thinks it might be the only way for her to see any playing time at all on the National Team. The wifi isn’t good enough at the hotel the team’s staying at for Alex to FaceTime her, but she sends a congratulations text and pretends that it feels the same.

 

//

 

Kelley goes to New York to be with Ann for New Year’s, so Alex finds a few college friends that are hosting a party so she doesn’t hang out with her parents and feel royally lame.

 

She spends the night at just the right amount of drunk, dancing and talking and laughing exactly the way she wanted to. On a whim, she kisses a guy at midnight. The only things she knows about him are his first name and where he went to school, but he’s a good kisser and gives her his number.

 

She doesn’t plan on calling it, but makes a point of putting it in her purse, unsure of whether it’s for his sake or hers.

 

//

 

2015

 

//

 

Alex works back up to what feels like her usual fitness throughout January, training with Christen and A-Rod and whoever else is rolling through LA. Kelley calls exactly once, with a question about possibly shipping the surfboard she usually keeps at Alex’s apartment to New Jersey for the 2015 season. They say goodbye the way they usually do, not even throwing in a “see you soon,” both of them too anxious to risk it.

 

They do end up seeing each other soon, though, because they both make the roster for the European friendlies against France and England in early February. Alex is finally back in playing condition, but Pinoe’s out with a knee injury, and Syd has a sprained ankle, and Hope’s suspended for another month and a half. They feel like half a team, an awkward almost-squad, gearing up to fight some of Europe’s superpowers.

 

Their friendly against France is the opposite of friendly. France scores twice in the first half, once because Le Sommer outpaces Kling and again because of an error from Ashlyn. Alex almost manages to score, dribbling around the keeper on a breakaway, but a random French defender slides in and saves it at the last second.

 

Alex’s curse gets puffed out with a opaque cloud, the cold biting into her lungs.

 

Jill spends all of halftime telling their defense to get it together, Kelley eagerly listening even though she’s kind of a midfielder now. Either way, she stays on the bench as the second half starts.

 

Alex draws a penalty that Abby takes, but Bouhaddi saves it and Alex can feel herself getting to that dangerous level of angry on the field, going to for risky tackles and slamming her shoulder into anyone silly enough to get close while she has the ball. Despite her best efforts, they end the game still down by two. Alex feels nauseated as she shakes hands, wanting to erase the last 90 minutes from her mind forever. It doesn't feel like a good warm up for the World Cup. It feels like a bad omen. Not even Kelley, waiting with a smile and a bottle of water, can lift her spirits.

 

Most of the team is in the same mood as she is. The bus ride back to their hotel is nearly silent. Tobin leans over her to halfheartedly draw a smiley face in the fogged up windows, but the condensation drips down until it's unrecognizable.

 

//

 

Alex wakes up the next morning to a pillow smacking her in the face. One she opens her eyes, she's dimly aware of someone playing a drum solo into their door, a familiar pattern that Alex knows all too well.

 

"That's Kelley," Whit mumbles. "You go get it."

 

Alex groans and slides out of bed, throwing a sweatshirt over her head as she pads towards the door. She swings it open to find Kelley's familiar smile, way too peppy for how early it is.

 

"Fancy French coffee. Let's go, dude."

 

Alex glares. Kelley reaches out and pinches her cheek. "Don't be a grumpy goose. I want to explore."

 

Alex closes the door, but Kelley’s already shoved her way in. Alex goes to brush her teeth and throw her hair up, swatting Kelley’s hands away as she pokes at her. There’s no universe in which Alex would refuse, since the promise of some tiny French coffee shop with just Kelley to keep her company is irresistable.

 

Kelley knows where they're going by the time they finally make it out of Alex’s room, whispering apologies towards Whit's bed. It's cold out, but bright, and Alex doesn't feel guilty about wrapping her arm around Kelley's on their walk through the streets of Lorient.

 

Kelley orders for the both of them in broken French, smiling a lot and repeating _merci_ over and over again when the barista finally seems to understand. It's more than a little endearing, especially when Kelley's cheeks are red from the cold and she's all bundled up in her scarf and coat. The sight of it warms Alex up quickly.

 

They find a window seat to drink their coffee in, and Alex wraps both hands around her cup, holding it close to her freezing nose, breathing in deeply. When she looks up, Kelley's phone is pointed right at her, and Alex rolls her eyes.

 

"Delete that," she says.

 

"Never," Kelley replies, smiling down at her phone. "You look cute. All frozen and tired."

 

"Post it and I'll post something too."

 

Kelley rolls her eyes. "Relax. The worst I'll do is make it your new contact photo."

 

Alex relents, risking a sip even though she knows it'll probably burn her tongue. "Your French is pretty good."

 

Kelley tosses her hair over one shoulder. "My frenching is even better,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows up and down.

 

Alex laughs, trying to make it sound as natural as possible. This whole outing, from the tiny table to the cold weather to the cobblestones to the smell of the ocean in the air—it feels dangerously romantic.

 

Kelley pouts when Alex sits next to Abby on their flight to England, but she slides into her seat next to A-Rod with a smile, unaffected in a way that Alex envies down to her very core.

 

//

 

“Last time we were here was 2012,” Kelley says as they wait for their luggage, when Alex is in no way prepared to deal with a statement like that.

 

She can’t think of anything to say, so she just blinks. “Damn.”

 

Kelley nods. “I know.”

 

Kelley doesn’t know. _You don’t know_ , Alex wants to yell. _You have absolutely no idea._

 

Instead, she asks, “hey, I think that’s your bag,” and tries to stop her head from spinning.

 

//

 

“Ready?” Alex asks Christen on the bus, ignoring both Kelley and Tobin, who are engaged in a fiercely competitive staring contest.

 

Christen wrinkles her nose. “Kind of. Practice had been good, you know?”

 

Alex nods. After their frustrating loss to France, the whole team had thrown itself into training, and Alex feels more secure than she has since before her injury. “It’ll be just like LA,” she says, since they're both going to start.

 

Christen smirks. “Like, go Red Stars, but I get what you mean.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “You’d come back if you could.”

 

“Maybe one day,” Christen muses. “I like Chicago, though.”

 

“Yeah, right,” Kelley says, still staring at Tobin. “It’s way too cold for you.”

 

“Our season’s in the summer, dumbass,” Tobin says, reaching out and swatting at Kelley’s head.

 

“That’s cheating!” Kelley’s eyes widen until it’s almost comical. “Alex, tell her she cheated so I can blink.”

 

“No.”

 

“That’s cheating, Tobin,” Christen says, laughing at Tobin’s indignant gasp.

 

“Christen, come on!”

 

“Some best friend _you_ are,” Kelley says to Alex, blinking rapidly and wiping at her tearing eyes.

 

“Maybe next time you won’t rig the Monopoly game against me,” Alex says, turning back around.

 

“Oh my _God_ ,” Kelley groans. “I was just cheating preemptively so when you cheated it would be fair.”

 

Cheney laughs at that, peeking her head above the chairs in front of Tobin and Alex’s row. “She’s got a point, Al.”

 

Alex huffs and pulls out her headphones. “I need to get ready for the game,” she mumbles.

 

Kelley says something that makes Tobin laugh, but Alex’s music is already too loud for her to hear it.

 

//

 

Christen jumps up and down a few times before kickoff, shaking out her legs and arms. Alex nods at her before the whistle blows and then it’s just her and the grass and a ball and there’s nothing to think or worry about.

 

When Alex scores, all she can think is _God_ she really fucking loves England.

 

//

 

The next morning they fly back to the US, and at the airport Kelley plops down next to Alex even though they aren’t departing from the same gate.

 

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” she says, holding out a small, red box.

 

Alex quirks an eyebrow, her heart beating quickly. “Chocolate?”

 

“Fancy British chocolate,” Kelley corrects. “Your ideal Valentine’s Day present,” she explains after a moment of silence. “I don’t have a card or anything, but I know single Valentine’s Days suck, so—”

 

“Thanks,” Alex says sarcastically. “I can feel the romance in the air.”

 

“Just make sure you wait until you’re on the plane to stuff your face,” Kelley warns. “Dawn’s got spies everywhere.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes and shoves at Kelley’s shoulder. Ignoring her advice, she wiggles the lid off and holds out the box. “Here,” she says, forcing a smile. “You’ve got to travel on the day of love, too.”

 

“Thanks, buddy,” Kelley says, her grin far more genuine. “Which one is which?”

 

“That’s cheating,” Alex says. “You’ve just gotta choose one and hope for the best.”

 

“That’s _dumb_ ,” Kelley mumbles, reaching out and choosing one anyway. She takes a hesitant bite. “Nougat,” she says. “Not my favorite, but it’s okay.” She throws the rest of it in her mouth.

 

Alex picks one next, confidently going for what she’s sure will be caramel. Sure enough, “caramel,” she says smugly, her mouth still full.

 

Kelley rolls her eyes. “I’m not touching the white chocolate one,” she warns.

 

“ _Kelley_ —”

 

“I bought the box!”

 

“It was a gift.”

 

Kelley laughs, taking the seriousness out of the argument. “We can split that one,” she says, pointing to the last milk chocolate.

 

“It’s, like, smaller than my thumbnail,” Alex says.

 

“Work with me, Al.”

 

Alex sighs. “It looks like toffee,” she says, reaching out and doing her best to split it in two.

 

“How many boxes of chocolates have you eaten?” Kelley asks when it is, in fact, toffee.

 

“Shut up,” Alex mutters, holding out both pieces. “I split, you choose.”

 

Kelley takes the smaller piece, shrugging when Alex shoots her a suspicious look. “It was a gift,” she says. “Cheers.”

 

Alex knocks her piece against Kelley’s and then pops it into her mouth. As Valentine’s Days go, she could do a lot worse.

 

//

 

They’re only in the States for about a week and a half before they head back to Europe for the Algarve, and unlike last year Alex goes to Portugal with the team. It’s warm, even though it’s still February, so the team spends a lot of time exploring and going to the beach.

 

The coaching staff seems to sense their desire to do something exciting in their downtime, so they surprise the team with a scavenger hunt competition, knowing full well how competitive it’s going to get. They don’t get to choose the teams, which is kind of a bummer, but Alex ends up with Boxxy, Buehler, Abby, and Ashlyn, so she’s relatively confident in their chances.

 

There’s a lot of arguments and debates about who _actually_ completed the challenges, and Alex’s team might have a slight leg up because she totally stole all the beach balls and hid them before anyone else got to “7. Play 2v2 with a beachball.”

 

It’s not _cheating_ , really. It’s more like strategy.

 

Kelley shoots her a suspicious look when they all file into the conference room to find out who the winners were, but Alex ignores her. “Funny how your team was the only one who managed to find a beach ball,” she says.

 

Alex goes to sit in the row in front of her. “Yeah, I’m not sure how you guys missed them.”

 

Alex’s team doesn’t end up winning, but it’s not really fair at all because HAO and Becky had been on the same team, so she’s not that upset about it. She still complains loudly, but it was a fun afternoon.

 

They beat the jetlag and open strong, winning 2-1 even though Norway scores first. Carli scores twice, once off an assist from Christen and once from the penalty spot, but the team’s chemistry feels strong the whole game. Alex is annoyed at the multiple chances she has that don’t go in, but she comforts herself with the knowledge that it’s all about team cohesion now, that they’re gearing up for the World Cup and aren’t supposed to be peaking yet, anyway.

 

She’d still like to score, though.

 

Alex ends up finding the back of the net two days later in their 3-0 win against Switzerland. Cheney floats her free kick into the box and Alex slams it into the goal, completely unmarked. Amy and Abby each get a goal before the game’s over, too, and their victory leaves them at the top of their group. On the bus ride back to the hotel, Kelley plays a drum solo on the top of Alex’s head with the tips of her fingers, kneeling on her seat and laughing at A-Rod’s re-telling of her goal as Alex listens to music and stares out the window.

 

They face off against Iceland next, and grit out a 0-0 tie that sends them to the final, against France. Iceland has a couple of almost-opportunities, but Kelley outpaces every attempt their forwards make. The tie still gets them to the final, so Alex tries not to pout over it too much.

 

Even though Alex had missed the last Algarve Cup, she still feels the stinging embarrassment of coming in seventh last year like the rest of the team does. Abby’s particularly loud in the locker room, in the way that only Abby can be, and for once Kelley joins in, dancing around with Crystal until everyone is laughing. Kelley doesn’t quit until even Alex, headphones firmly over her ears, cracks a smile.

 

France is ranked number three in the world, just below the #2 United States, and Alex has watched so tape of them in the last few days that her eyes still feel dry as she lines up in the tunnel. She wants to score, just like she always wants, but when Cheney sets up to take a free kick just seven minutes in, Alex knows there’s no way she’s beating the defenders around her, not like she did against Switzerland the week before.

 

Right before Cheney sends her kick in, Alex can see JJ glance over her shoulder at the three defenders surrounding Alex before she whips her head around again. When Cheney’s ball eventually floats to right in front of the net, JJ’s the one who’s unmarked, and she gets her head on it, sending it flying into the back of the goal.

 

It ends up being the game winner, even though Christen has a beautiful goal late in the first half that doubles their lead. France has a chance to bring it back after a bad tackle from Kling gets them a penalty, but Hope stops it in that creepily effortless way she sometimes gets in goal. It feels like the best kind of revenge after their 2-0 loss against France two months before.

 

When they run back to get into position for the goal kick Hope’s about to let fly, Kelley nudges her shoulder against Alex’s, grinning wide in that way that makes Alex feel unstoppable.

 

The gold medal weighing down on her chest feels like a good omen. When Kelley grabs it and presses a kiss to the shiny surface, her grinning face forced so close by the ribbon still around Alex’s neck, it feels like more than that.

 

//

 

Back in the States, press for the World Cup starts to amp up. It’s only March, but it seems like between Nike and US Soccer she’s recording something every day. She’s given up on reading all the emails she gets on her work account, and a lot of the time, after preseason training, she just passes out on her couch before she even manages to turn on the lights.

 

Right before the actual start to the season, she suits up with the National Team again, this time in St. Louis. They’re there to play New Zealand, but it seems like all their down time is focused on video after video after video. There’s the player profiles, and all their interviews seem to be about their World Cup kits, and every interviewer seems to have Alex at the top of their list.

 

Alex sticks close to Kelley and Tobin, who are familiar and fun and make everything a little bit easier to bear. Even though Monop Deal has been unofficially banned from USWNT camps, they play a game in Tobin’s room that starts off as top secret and ends with all three of them screaming at each other, half laughing and half serious. Tobin wins in the end, despite Alex’s relatively subtle attempts to cheat. When Tobin doesn’t stop laughing, rubbing her victory in their faces, Kelley pelts her with the pretzels she’s been snacking on.

 

“Take _that_ , Heath,” she says, pegging her right in the forehead.

 

“Hey,” Tobin protests. “I won fair and square, _O’Hara_.”

 

“Well Alex and I don’t care,” Kelley says, passing Alex a pretzel when she finally understands why Alex has been nudging her. “Two against one, we say you lose.”

 

Alex laughs, choosing to throw the pretzel into her mouth instead of at Tobin.

 

“You guys suck,” Tobin says, rolling her eyes.

 

“We’re a package deal, Tobs.” Kelley grins, glancing over at Alex.

 

Alex grins right back, throwing her arm around Kelley’s shoulders and pulling her closer because apparently she hates herself. “She’s right,” she says.

 

Tobin rolls her eyes. “I know,” she says. “We all know. Everyone knows.”

 

Alex swallows, letting her arm drop. Kelley doesn’t seem to notice. “Good, maybe they’ll start letting us be on the same Heads Up team again.”

 

Alex and Tobin both laugh at that. “Not a chance,” Alex says.

 

“That ship has sailed, dude.”

 

Kelley throws her feet up in Alex’s lap. “We can always hope,” she says.

 

Alex smiles. She doesn’t know if hope gets you anywhere, but she lets Kelley have the last say.

 

//

 

LA goes to New Jersey and Alex goes out to dinner with Kelley and Ann the night before the game. Alex sits across from them, trying to ignore the almost familiar sting that comes with seeing Kelley’s arm slung over the back of Ann’s chair. Dinner goes well, despite the fact that Alex has a risky extra glass of wine and a restless tingle in her chest. Either the wine or Kelley makes her feel lightheaded, and there’s still the ghost of a smile on her face from Kelley’s parting joke when she pulls out her phone to call Sydney.

 

Sydney, as usual, has coarse, honest opinions that cut and soothe all at once. Alex stutters to defend herself, but goes silent as Syd drops a painfully heartfelt statement:

 

“This is going to end badly.”

 

Alex chews at her lip and thinks about the way Kelley had laughed at Ann's jokes and realizes that maybe it already has. At least for her.

 

//

 

LA starts to win games, shakily at first and then by larger margins.

 

Alex scores two games in a row and tallies an assist in the next one. Every sideline reporter seems to have her name down as the most desired interview, and whether that’s because of how she’s playing or the upcoming World Cup, Alex doesn’t know. Alex learns her phrases, repeats how anxious she is to start the World Cup but reiterates how dedicated she is to LA and the Thunder before then.

 

Kelley seems to be soothing Sky Blue’s losing streak with days at the beach and hanging out with teammates. Ann’s a steady feature on her Instagram, reliably enough that Alex heart beats just a little bit faster whenever she opens up the app. To a certain extent, it helps, because Kelley is busy with friends and Ann and soccer and she lives three thousand miles away, so sometimes they go a week or two without talking. It’s just long enough that Alex can trick herself into thinking she’s got a lid on things, that she’s managing it.

 

The distance helps. Alex is struggling to figure out how to let it.

 

//

 

Making the World Cup team isn’t really a surprise, but it takes away a little of the anxiety that’s crawling around under Alex’s skin. Kelley calls her, relieved and finally letting loose her insecurities over the phone. Alex listens for almost a minute before finally bursting out into laughter, trying to take a deep breath and focus on Kelley’s complaints.

 

“Al,” she groans. “Stop laughing at me.”

 

“I’m sorry, Kell, it’s just—” Alex giggles again before clearing her throat. “Jill told you that you’d be on the roster at last camp.”

 

“I know that,” Kelley grumbles. “You never know, though.”

 

“I know,” Alex agrees, her tone softer. Then, after a moment, “I was nervous, too.”

 

It’s Kelley’s turn to laugh, though it’s less uproarious and more pointed than Alex’s was. “If you weren’t on the roster I’d file a formal complaint along with the rest of America.”

 

Alex smiles, glad they’re not FaceTiming because of the heat that sits on her cheeks. “The crowds we’re supposed to get…” she trails off. “I just hope we get them.”

 

“We will,” Kelley says. “Remember the Olympics?”

 

 _How could I forget_ , Alex thinks, only a little bitterly.

 

“The ticket sales for the Korea game are already pretty crazy,” Kelley continues, “and Canada’s close enough to the States that we’ll get support.”

 

Alex sighs. “I hope so. With all the turf stuff—”

 

“I know,” Kelley cuts her off. “It’s dumb. I want to punch FIFA sometimes, like, it’s the _World Cup_ , you know?”

 

“It’ll mean something to people,” Alex says. “Even here. It’s been eight years since we last played in one, people are going to care.” Alex bites at her lip, not sure who she’s trying to convince.

 

“Are you nervous?” Kelley asks suddenly.

 

“About the World Cup?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Of course,” Alex says softly. “After 2011...all the players who were around then, you can tell the way they’re feeling, can’t you?”

 

“Like anything other than gold is a failure.”

 

Alex nods. “Right.” She picks at the hole in her jeans. “Maybe it is. It’s been sixteen years. We missed the last World Cup, for the first time ever. Maybe this is the redemption we need.”

 

“London wasn’t enough.” It isn’t a question.

 

“No, it wasn’t,” Alex says, even though three years later London still feels like it was too much, too overwhelming.

 

“We’ll get there.” Kelley sounds sure.

 

“Maybe we’ll be roomies again,” Alex says, smiling.

 

Kelley laughs. “Roomies for life, bestest.”

 

Alex’s breath stops in her throat. She hopes Kelley doesn’t notice. “Totally. One.”

 

There’s the tiniest moment of hesitation before Kelley says, “two.”

 

“Three.” Alex hangs up and flings her phone to the other side of the couch.

 

Distance.

 

//

 

May means their last friendlies before the world cup, against Ireland, Mexico, and South Korea. She’s rooming with Abby in San Jose, which is fun and ridiculously messy. Their room has water bottles and articles of clothing from what seems like every member on the team, left behind after movie nights and team pictionary.

 

It’s not Heads Up, so Alex and Kelley manage to sneak onto the same team, although they’re disqualified when it only takes Alex drawing a line for Kelley to guess baton.

 

“It’s rigged,” Alex says from her spot next to Kelley, up against the window where they’ve been quarantined. “We didn’t even cheat that time.”

 

“They’re just wimps,” Kelley says loudly, laughing as Pinoe throws a water bottle at her. Her phone beeps, and Kelley looks down at it, suddenly in a different world, and Alex doesn’t look over her shoulder even though she desperately wants to.

 

“Hey,” she says instead. “Snack run?”

 

Kelley grins, the message on her phone forgotten. “You know me so well.”

 

When Alex helps haul her to her feet, Kelley follows Alex with a grin, her phone tossed to the bed and left behind.

 

Alex doesn’t let herself believe that it means anything.

 

//

 

 **alexmorgan13** happiness.

 

//

 

“One cortado,” Alex says, putting Kelley’s cup down in front of her.

 

“Thanks, bud,” Kelley says, smiling, finally having given up on paying for her own coffee every single time. “You didn’t put soy milk in, did you?”

 

Alex laughs. “What? No, I didn’t put soy in it. Why would I?”

 

“Sorry, Ann’s been on a lactose-free kick, I’m used to asking.”

 

Alex makes a small noise of understanding and takes a sip of her own coffee to avoid saying anything.

 

"What about you?" Kelley suddenly asks. "We never talk about your love life."  
  
"You never ask," Alex says, deflecting.   
  
Something strange flashes across Kelley's face. "You're right," she says softly. "I'm sorry."   
  
"Don't be," Alex rushes to say. "I don't mind." She bites at the inside of her lip. "There just isn't much to report."   
  
Kelley rolls her eyes. "That isn't true."   
  
"It is," Alex insists. "I've been focused on soccer."   
  
Kelley squints, staring her down. "No one?"   
  
"Like, a date that didn’t go anywhere and one guy in Hawaii two years ago," Alex admits, the memory foggy when she tries to recall it. "Syd got me drunk. We only made out. I don't even remember his name."   
  
Kelley snorts. "Classy."   
  
"Hey," Alex says. "It was literally once." She looks down and grumbles, "and he was really cute."   
  
"So why nothing else?" Kelley pushes. "There aren't a lack of interested parties, dude."   
  
Something about the way Kelley throws out _dude_ so casually seems different than their usually buddy, so callously platonic. It stings, but Alex doesn't let it show. "I don't know, there just hasn't been anyone in LA who's caught my eye," she says.   
  
"No one," Kelley says. "In all of LA."   
  
"It's hard to make my schedule work with a new relationship," Alex says defensively. "Serv knew what to expect. Dating outside of soccer difficult."   
  
"I know," Kelley says. "Believe me, I know." She traces a grove in their table with her finger before saying, "Ann's moving to San Francisco."   
  
Alex chokes on a sip of coffee. "What?"   
  
Kelley nods. "It's a good job offer. It would be stupid to turn it down."

 

“When?

 

“This fall.”  
  
"What are you gonna do?" Alex asks, her heart in her throat.   
  
Kelley shrugs helplessly. "Support her. God knows she's put up with all of my shit."   
  
"So you'll be doing long distance all year round?"   
  
Kelley sighs. "Unless I move in with her during the offseason."   
  
"That's a big commitment."   
  
"I know," Kelley says, nodding. "It would be nice to be in the bay again, but I like spending that time with family."   
  
"Yeah," Alex says, softly. "God, I’m sorry, Kell."   
  
"We're gonna try, of course, it's just..."   
  
"I know," Alex soothes. “It’s hard.”

 

“Why can’t it be _easy_ ,” Kelley whines.

 

“Well, fuck, buddy,” Alex says, leaning back. “If only we knew.”

 

//

 

Their game falls on Mother’s Day, so Alex calls her mom early in the morning and accepts that as her daughterly duty for the day, except that Fox Soccer has a different idea. All of their moms get flown in for the game, and it feels—beyond special.

 

It’s been a while since her mom’s been able to go to a National Team game, and it makes Alex feel like she’s ten again, holding her mom’s hand with her whole future wide ahead of her.

 

Kelley’s mom greets her with a hug, and Alex squeezes back, feeling warm in a weird way. She can see her mom laughing with Kelley a few feet away, and the warm feeling grows until it’s—not quite unpleasant, but definitely impossible to ignore.

 

Ireland feels like a static shock, one where Abby can get two goals and get the crowd roaring, and JJ and Alex can score after her to make the stands even louder. They all spend the night with their moms, for the most part, but the next day its back to camp as usual.

 

Almost normal, that is. Kelley sticks close, and after a month and a half of close to no contact at all it’s maddening.

 

It’s mostly that Kelley’s just oblivious. Completely oblivious. She smiley and happy and keeps flinging her arm around Alex’s waist, or grabbing onto her hand, or leaning against her shoulder.

 

Alex wants to tense up every time, but instead she forces herself to relax into it, to throw her arm around Kelley’s shoulders, to squeeze her hand back, to rest her cheek against the top of Kelley’s head.

 

It feels right and it feels wrong, like Alex is greedily holding on when she should be letting go.

 

//

 

“Alex, you like James Bay, right?”

 

Alex frowns, shifting on her foam roller so she can face Kelley more fully. “Are you serious? Yes, Kelley, we’ve only talked about it a million times.”

 

Kelley rolls her eyes. “Do you want to go to a concert with me or not?”

 

Alex reaches out and grabs Kelley’s arm, losing her balance and sliding onto her butt in the process. “Are you serious?”

 

Kelley grins. “Totally. He’s playing tomorrow night.”

 

“And you can get tickets?”

 

“Well, I think you can pay for your own ticket Ms. Nike,” Kelley says, the smile on her face shifting until it’s more of a smirk.

 

Alex lets go of her arm to shove at her shoulder. “Yeah, yeah. Text me the section, okay?” She sets her thigh over the foam roller again, ready for painful relief.

 

“Great,” Kelley says, hopping up. “I’m gonna go ask HAO if she can come, too.”

 

Alex’s smile falters, but Kelley’s already walking away. The illusion cracks all the time, but it always hurts just the same.

 

//

 

“Dude, are you okay?”

 

Alex turns towards Tobin’s bed. They’re roommates this time, their game against Mexico two days out. Alex is quiet, quieter than usual, and she can tell it weirds Tobin out a little.

 

Alex nods. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

 

“You’re making this—” Tobin puts her magazine down and waves her hand toward Alex. “This face. Do you have cramps or something? I’ve got Advil.”

 

“No, I had my period last week,” Alex answers automatically. She shakes her head. “I mean, I’m fine. What face?”

 

“Like, a face,” Tobin repeats. “Like you’ve got a headache or whatever. You know…” Tobin furrows her eyebrows and frowns. “A _face._ ”

 

“I wasn’t making a face,” Alex insists. “I’m fine.”

 

Tobin rolls her eyes, flopping back on the bed and opening up her magazine again. “Whatever you say, Al.”

 

The rest of their afternoon pases normally, but Tobin keeps shooting her strange looks at the team dinner that night, enough that Alex hides in the boisterous laughter that surrounds Abby and Syd’s table.

 

Alex gets distracted by Kelley making faces at Rylie and Reece for only a few moments before she glances towards Tobin and finds her staring again. “What?” Alex mouths.

 

Tobin shrugs. JJ says something and Tobin turns towards her. Alex takes a deep breath.

 

“Baby Horse, you good?”

 

Alex glares. “I’m _fine_ ,” she says, a little harsher than she intends.

 

Abby’s head snaps back. “Okay,” she drawls. “Still hates the nickname, then.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “Sorry, okay? Long day.”

 

Syd leans over the table and pats her on the cheek. “I won’t apologize for scoring more than you in that scrimmage today.”

 

Alex pushes her hand away. “Who won again? ‘Cuz I’m pretty sure it was my team, Syd the Kid.”

 

Abby and Kling burst into laughter and Alex grins along with them.

 

The conversation moves on, and for an unexpected moment, Alex locks eyes with Kelley across the room. Kelley crosses her eyes and Alex smiles wider, looking down at her plate as her stomach turns over, steadily unsteady in the way it always is around Kelley.

 

Kelley has no clue, of course, because at practice the next day she spends all of their water break goofing off with her. Alex forgets everything just for a few minutes, lost in Kelley’s scream of laughter as she gets sprayed in the face with water. That’s how it is most of the time, like time stops when they’re being stupid together, like nothing else matters.

 

 _God, Alex, you’re so dramatic_ , she thinks. It’s all she has time to think, because Kelley sprays her right back, and the sudden, cold shock of it leaves Alex gasping.

 

It’s hot enough that the water in her face feels good, but for some reason Alex is just slightly off for the rest of practice. It puts her in a foul enough mood that she spends most of the afternoon in her and Tobin’s room, scrolling through Twitter and trying to find something good to watch on Netflix.

 

“Dude!”

 

Alex’s head snaps up, just in time to save her computer from Tobin’s flying leap onto her bed. She glares, but Tobin just grins.

 

“Come eat with us, you’ve been in here, like, all day.” She reaches out and pokes at Alex’s cheek.

 

Alex slaps her hand away. “Who’s us?”

 

“Becky and Kelley,” Tobin answers. “We’re getting tacos.”

 

Alex hesitates for barely a second. “I’m good,” she decides. “I’m in the middle of something.”

 

Tobin raises her eyebrows, sitting up and moving off of Alex’s legs. “You heard me, right? I said we’re getting tacos.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “Yes, I heard you. I just don’t feel good, alright?”

 

Tobin blinks, a weird expression on her face. “Oh. Okay.”

 

“I’ve got cramps,” Alex says without thinking. “I just want to stay in tonight.”

 

Tobin blinks again. “Right,” she says. She gets up and walks back towards the door, but pauses right before leaving.

 

When she turns around, Alex bites back a curse.

 

Tobin, who she literally just told that she doesn’t have her period the day before.

 

 _Way to fucking go, Alex_ , she thinks

 

Tobin looks at her for a long moment. “Kelley will be bummed that you’re not coming,” she finally says.

 

Alex swallows. Tobin’s gaze is unwavering. “I mean, not really.” She tears her eyes away from Tobin’s, looking down and picking at a fingernail. “She’ll be fine.”

 

Tobin scoffs. “Right...whatever.” She shakes her head. “I’ll see you later, Alex.”

 

It’s only when she’s closed the door behind her that Alex realizes she might’ve just missed another moment.

 

//

 

Tobin sits silently next to her on the bus on their way to their game against Mexico.  That isn’t actually different from any other game day, but it still feels like something has changed.

 

Alex doesn’t know what to say, so she just closes her eyes and tries to lose herself in the music.

 

Kelley smacks her ass on their way back to the locker room after warm-ups, and Alex tugs at her bun in response. Kelley’s grin feels centering for once, instead of throwing Alex completely off-kilter.

 

When she scores the opening goal, Kelley jumps on her back seconds before the rest of the team slams into her, everyone screaming, Kelley’s lips pressed tightly to Alex’s ear.

 

Tobin’s congratulations is a fleeting hand smacked somewhere on the 13 splayed across her back. Alex chews at the inside of her cheek as they set up for Mexico to kick off, trying to focus on the one thing she’s counting on staying the same.

 

//

 

New York means endless media and a match against South Korea.

 

Tobin’s birthday falls on their Good Morning America day, and Alex takes a selfie with her on the ferry where it’s clear that Tobin’s smile looks forced even with the glare messing up most of the photo. Alex can’t dwell on it because she gets pulled away by Kelley to take a picture together with the New York skyline behind them, and as much as her stomach is rolling in a weird way, their smiles are spread wide just like their outstretched arms.

 

Their next stop is an Ed Sheeran concert, which is awesome, even though Kelley spends the whole time leaning into Alex in a supremely distracting way, swaying and smiling and making Alex desperate to be out on the field, where all she has time to think about is the ball at her feet.

 

Of course, because they’re Alex and Kelley, they do the majority of their press trips together for the rest of the day, only separating when Alex has to go off for a Nike thing by herself. The time alone gives her time to breathe, to soak in the energy thrumming around them without checking over her shoulder for Kelley’s reaction every two minutes. As far as the interviews, Alex mostly feels like she’s repeating the same few sentences over and over again, but she still flashes a smile and tires her best to sound interested in every reporter.

 

Alex probably shouldn’t have taken the time she had with Kelley for granted, because ends up disappearing during all of the free time they have. Alex doesn’t ask where she wanders off to because she knows that Kelley’s hanging out with Ann. It hurts, but Alex gets it.

 

She wants to spend all the time she can with who she loves, too.

 

//

 

Their game against Korea is exciting and frustrating. She wants to win, to not have to play this game and just be in the full swing of a World Cup already. Alex sits on the sidelines and watches her teammates miss chance after chance, a sold-out Red Bull Arena cheering them on all the way.

 

Kelley’s knee bounces next to Alex’s for the first eighty-four minutes of the game before she’s sent on for Kling. Before then, though, she offers quiet commentary that’s just for Alex to hear. The calm lowless of her voice is the only thing that makes Alex feel like she’s got a grasp on anything.

 

It feels dangerous, letting Kelley be so close. Alex would do something about it if it didn’t also feel so good.

 

The game is frustrating, but they’re all brimming with excited nerves about the adventure they’re finally so close to starting. The team grabs hands and runs the length of the field, arms jerking up and down as the crowd roars.

 

Alex ends up next to Kelley, of course, their hands clasped tightly together, sharing grins that feel private despite the fact that they’re being watched by thousands of people.

 

//

 

The flight to Canada is only a few hours, but it feels longer. Alex is anxious to just _start_ already, to suit up against Australia and finally start playing in the World Cup.

 

The _World Cup_.

 

They played Canada in Winnipeg a few years ago, but Alex definitely doesn’t remember which hotel they stayed at or where she grabbed coffee. Kelley’s always the one who chooses their coffee places, anyway, so Alex follows blindly and they end up at some place called Fools and Horses, Kelley ordering Alex’s drink with quick confidence that makes Alex feel only a little breathless.

 

The chairs aren’t that comfortable, and the windows are so huge thats it’s bright enough for Kelley keeps her sunglasses on indoors. They’re blue and reflective, so Alex can see herself being unable to tear her eyes away from Kelley’s face the whole time they’re there.

 

“So, if you’re Baby Horse, does that make me the Fool?”

 

Kelley complains about the bruise on her shin, but she totally deserved the kick she got.

 

//

 

A cake gets wheeled out during their team dinner, Abby’s name written in frosting on the top. Their rendition of “Happy Birthday” is surprisingly good, even though the majority of the team is tone deaf.

 

For once, Alex doesn’t try to get the biggest slice.

 

“Oh my _gosh_ ,” Kelley says when she passes behind her to get a slice of her own. “Alex, are you okay?”

 

There’s a moment of confusion until Kelley makes a point of staring at Alex’s plate, and then everyone at the table laughs. Alex is too used to Kelley teasing her about her about her appetite to really mind, but she still grabs at Kelley’s shirt, smiling even as she manages to dart away.

 

By the time Kelley passes by her again, most of Alex’s slice is gone. “Here,” she says, leaning over and scraping a piece of cake off her own plate and onto Alex’s. “A penance for my sins.”

 

“Someone just remembered that I’m their roommate for the next ten days,” Alex says, smirking.

 

Kelley barks out a laugh, letting her cheek rest against Alex’s head for a moment. “Right, right,” she says, “Guilty as charged. Love you, Al.”

 

Alex manages to smile as Kelley walks away.

 

//

 

“Hey, roomie,” Kelley says, banging open the door. “What’s crackin’?”

 

Alex rolls her eyes, not trying to fight the smile that stretches across her face as Kelley takes a flying leap onto the unoccupied bed. She bounces and then rolls onto one side, head propped up in one hand, looking goofy and beautiful all at the same time.

 

Alex is so fucked.

 

//

 

 **alexmorgan13** Wanted to post a pic of me watching #nbafinals #game2 wearing my @recoverypump pants. But roomie is nowhere to be found to take my pic!! So this pic from a couple of weeks ago will have to do. These pants are awesome! #puffypants

 

//

 

“Where were you today?”

 

Kelley looks up from her salad, cheeks stuffed. “Whit and Ash and I played tourist,” she mumbles, finally swallowing. “How was the basketball game?”

 

“Good,” Alex says, not sure what else to say.

 

Kelley frowns. “Did you want to come? I thought you said Winnipeg was boring.”

 

“No, it’s fine,” Alex insists. “Have fun?”

 

“Yeah.” Kelley grins. “Ashlyn totally ate dirt just walking down the sidewalk, but I didn’t get it on video.”

 

Alex smirks, 70% sure that Kelley had something to do with her falling.

 

“Anyone coming up for these two?”

 

It takes Alex a moment to realize she means these two games, and then she shakes her head. “No, but my mom’s coming up for the games in Vancouver.”

 

“Same,” Kelley says. “No one for me. Dom’s coming up for Syd, I think. Oh, and Ann’s coming for the Vancouver games.”

 

Alex forces a smile. “Awesome.”

 

Alex doesn’t have anything else to say, so she’s glad when Kelley gets pulled into a conversation with Ali. Alex stares down at her plate, lost in thought.

 

//

 

The game against Australia is messy and huge and Alex can’t decide if she’s surprised that this is how a World Cup game feels or not.

 

She doesn’t have the nerves she had before the Olympics, the almost-angry butterflies rolling in her stomach. It feels huge, but manageable, like everything they’ve been practicing has been just enough.

 

It starts out disorganized, and Hope pulls out a spectacular save five minutes in to keep them from going down right off the bat. Alex resists the urge to pick at her cuticles from the sidelines, instead worrying the edge of her pinny. She fiddles with it enough that Kelley reaches out and covers Alex’s anxious hand with her own, squeezing lightly. Alex takes a deep breath and focuses on the field.

 

Kelley’s still holding onto her hand when Pinoe scores from outside the eighteen, and they jump up, screaming at the top of their lungs, fingers tangled tightly together.

 

Lisa De Vanna equalizes the score before they leave the field at halftime, though, which makes the locker room more anxious than exciting. Abby gets into her usual mood at their halftime huddle, cursing up a storm and yelling so much the vein on the side of her neck pops out. They all clump as closely as they can, hands stretched inwards, chests pressed to backs, and scream “one, two, three, OO-SA,” their twenty-three voices barely loud enough to be heard above the crowd.

 

Alex gets subbed in around the 60th minute, the crowd roaring in the now familiar way they do when her number glows green. She hugs Syd quickly and sprints onto the field, hungry for goals and assists and anything they will put them on top.

 

It only takes a minute for her to slot a pass to a wide open Christen, who slams it into the back of the net.

 

Alex takes in the roar of the crowd and thinks _this is it_.

 

This is what she’s been waiting for, this feeling.

 

It feels familiar.

 

It feels—golden.

 

//

 

Kelley can’t sleep.

 

That, of course, means that Alex won’t be sleeping either.

 

“Alex.”

 

Alex groans and rolls over, barely able to make out the Kelley shaped lump across the gap between their beds in the darkness. “Kelley. It’s sleepy time.”

 

“But I can’t sleep.”

 

“Yeah, I can tell.”

 

“ _Al_ ,” Kelley whines.

 

“ _Kell_ ,” Alex whines back.

 

“Stop teasing me.”

 

“Let me sleep, then.”

 

There’s rustling from Kelley’s bed and then the sound of her feet hitting the floor.

 

“Kelley—” Alex starts.

 

“Scoot over,” Kelley mutters, pushing at Alex’s shoulder.

 

“No,” Alex says. “This spot’s all warm.”

 

Kelley groans and uses the hand on Alex’s shoulder to brace herself as she swings up onto the bed, managing to stick her knee right into Alex’s abdomen. “Sorry, sorry,” she says when Alex grunts.

 

“Why are you here,” Alex whines, grumpy and tired as Kelley pulls back the covers and slides under them. “I don’t want you kicking me all night.”

 

“I won’t,” Kelley says. “God, stop being such a baby.”

 

“Stop being so needy.”

 

Kelley kicks her in the shin.

 

“ _Ow_. Get out of my bed, asshole.”

 

“No.” Kelley shoves her hand in Alex’s face. “Entertain me.”

 

“Oh my god.” Alex pushes her hand away.

 

“Please, Alex.”

 

“I’m going to sleep, Kelley.”

 

Kelley pulls the covers up more and scoots a bit closer. “I just feel like—like my mind’s moving so fast. You played in a World Cup today.”

 

Kelley’s tone is gentle, almost reverent. To Alex, it means everything, and she feels her annoyance fade as quickly as it flared up.

 

“I can barely believe it,” Alex says, her voice barely above a whisper. In the quiet, Kelley fumbles for her hand and grabs on. “Kelley, I want to win. I want to win so bad.”

 

“I know,” Kelley responds, so quietly. “I know. I do, too, just as much.”

 

Alex believes her.

 

“You’re gonna get us there,” Kelley says, her voice soft and confident.

 

“You’re gonna get us there, too,” Alex says back, just as sure.

 

She isn’t sure Kelley believes her, but she hopes.

 

//

 

Alex breaks into the starting lineup for their next game against Sweden.

 

She doesn’t have nerves, really. It’s more like a restlessness, a desire to assist and score and win.

 

In the end, that isn’t in the cards, because they go forty-five minutes in a deadlock, possession flipping back and forth way more frequently than anyone wants. Their defence holds strong, but so does Sweden’s. It feels like Pia still knows everything about them, even three years later.

 

The star of the match ends up being Kling, who sticks to the back post and heads a would-be goal out of the danger zone, looking just as baffled as everyone around her afterwards.

 

Kelley stays on the sidelines, trapped in a yellow FIFA pinny, ready with a bottle of water when Alex heads to the bench around the 70th minute. She stays there even as the second half drags on, until the final whistle blows, the score still 0-0.

 

Alex tracks down Seger and pulls her into a hug, Kelley trailing behind her and holding out one of Dawn’s concoctions, A.M. carefully initialled on the cap. Alex takes it, resisting the urge to make a face. She doesn’t want to be in a funk, but a 0-0 tie game is never really fun.

 

“Loosen up,” Kelley says, effortlessly reading Alex’s mood without even trying. “It’s just Sweden.”

 

Alex sighs, smiling and waving to a small girl in the crowd that catches her eye. A cheer goes up in response, and Kelley shakes her head, eyes still locked on Alex’s face.

 

The moment stretches. Kelley’s gaze feels piercing.

 

“You’ll be okay,” she finally says, walking away with a quick pat to Alex’s butt. “C’mon, let’s go huddle up.”

 

//

 

Everyone gets their own row of seats on the plane to Vancouver, and Alex eagerly takes the opportunity to stretch out her aching legs, only one day off seventy-two minutes of hard sprinting. Kelley’s across the aisle from her, magazines stacked high on the aisle seat, a silent offer to share. Some of the girls are trying to nap, so Alex doesn’t want to be loud, but Kelley ends up wandering across the aisle with a deck of cards only an hour into their trip, and Alex can’t say no.

 

Tobin gives them a look when she gets up to go to the bathroom, but Kelley’s too focused on her hand to notice. Alex offers her a small, awkward smile, feeling strangely vulnerable, one of her legs thrown up onto Kelley’s lap.

 

The rest of the trip goes by with games of tic-tac-toe and hangman and muffled giggles, a pair of headphones and tiny smiles split between them.

 

//

 

They’re given an unexpected day off from training when they arrive in Vancouver, so teammates disappear to meet up with family and friends and significant others. Kelley and Alex are no exception, since Ann’s made the trip up from San Francisco, where she’s apartment hunting, and Alex’s family has come up from all across the West coast.

 

She hikes with her sisters and goes on a boat ride with her parents and has a dinner with all four of them, loud and vibrant in the best way, the way that Alex misses most.

 

They’re distracting, in a good way, and take up all of her free time. Just when it’s getting to be unbearable to be spending so much time with Kelley in training and recovery and team meals, she has the perfect retreat. It centers her, just enough that she can keep her head above water when Kelley laughs, when she’s effortlessly stunning in the way that still takes Alex’s breath away.

 

She feels unfocused for the whole game against Nigeria, sending shots wide and right into the goalkeeper’s arms. It’s Abby who finally slots one home, a simple and beautiful volley. Alex gets to her first, jumping on her back in the exuberant way that Abby taught her to be when celebrating goals.

 

In the end, that’s the only goal, and as Alex slaps hands with teammates and opponents after the game she tries to breathe deep and focus. They’re in Vancouver and her family’s in the stands and it all feels big and imposing and like the _World Cup_ and—

 

“Edmonton,” someone says behind her. Alex turns and steps into the loose, back-smacking hug that Kelley offers. The callousness of it is familiar, but stings all the same. “Edmonton and a few more games and we’ll be back.”

 

That’s Kelley again, knowing what’s bothering Alex even when Alex thinks she’s got a lock on her poker face. “Right,” Alex says, smiling. “Just a few more games. No big deal.”

 

“Exactly,” Kelley says, smiling right back. “Want some help stretching out your leg?”

 

If Alex was a better person, she’d think about Kelley’s girlfriend in the stands. If she was a better person, she’d refuse because she doesn’t need Kelley’s help, _really_ , but the thing is, Alex isn’t as good a person as she wants to be.

 

So she says, “sure,” and just thinks about herself and Kelley.

 

It feels more than a little selfish, but it mostly just feels good.

 

//

 

They head to Edmonton without knowing who they’ll face off against in the round of sixteen. Everyone heads to their rooms right away, eager to try and catch the last of the group stage games.

 

Alex is rooming with Ashlyn, and as they try to find the right channel Alex tries to explain who would end up going through depending on different scores.

 

“So Brazil would be eliminated,” Ashlyn starts, looking to Alex for confirmation. “If this stays—” She gestures towards the TV.

 

“And the other game stays, and Costa Rica goes through second in the group,” Alex says, not pausing as Ashlyn laughs. “And Spain and South Korea are eliminated.

 

“Fuck, dude,” Ashlyn says, shaking her head.

 

“Ashlyn,” Evan, one of the media guys, complains from the corner, where he has a camera focused on them.

 

Alex laughs as Ash apologizes. “At least they won’t use it. Now everyone won’t know how bad at math you are.”

 

Alex catches the pillow that gets thrown at her and tucks it under her head.

 

//

 

They end up playing Colombia, who are physical from the first whistle. Cheney gets a yellow card ten minutes in, eliminating her from the next game for yellow card accumulation. That is, if they make it that far.

 

Alex has a header off a corner that Colombia’s keeper manages to knock away, but every missed opportunity feels like it’s fueling her. Pinoe gets a yellow card right before halftime, eliminating her from the next game, too. They go into the locker room at halftime twitching with energy, the win so close they can almost taste it.

 

Alex is desperate to score, and Abby keeps giving her almost perfect through balls. Almost perfect because they seem to have way too much pace on them, but eventually there’s one that she feels like she can chase down. She bolts after it, one eye on the Colombian goalkeeper who’s coming out to meet her. Alex sticks with the ball until the last possible second, the goalkeeper’s dive knocking her feet out from under her.

 

Alex lands hard on her stomach, but after spending a few moments panting on the turf it’s clear she’s fine. She sits up just in time to see the referee holding a red card up above the Colombian goalie’s head.

 

Alex resists the urge to grin.

 

They get a penalty, and Abby steps up with the confidence that’s been in her spice since her goal against Nigeria. Confidence can’t get her everywhere, though, because she shoots wide of the goal.

 

It’s annoying, but Colombia’s down to ten women on the field.

 

It only takes five minutes for Alex to find herself unmarked on the right. She glances up and sees the backup keeper out of position and fires a rocket of a shot towards the near post, jumping up and pumping one fist into the air when she sees it go in.

 

The roar of the crowd is deafening, and all Alex can think of is her goal in the Olympics three years ago, how the crowd and screamed then, and how it screams now. The team is around her in moments, and just over Ali’s head Alex can see the bench, where the rest of her teammates are jumping up and down.

 

Alex doesn’t know if Kelley’s actually standing out or if that’s just what she sees, but either way Alex watches her throw both hands up yell something, loud enough that her body leans backwards with the force of it.

 

As she jogs back to midfield, Alex throws a thumbs up towards the bench, somehow grinning even wider when Kelley flashes two back at her.

 

They completely dominate possession for the rest of the game, and get another shot at a penalty when Pinoe goes down in the box. Carli steps up this time, and she sinks it confidently, doubling their lead and halving the stress in Alex’s chest.

 

The score stays 2-0 until the final three whistles are blown.

 

It’s their fifth game of the World Cup, but for some reason Alex feels like it’s all just beginning.

 

//

 

The day after their win they fly to Ottawa to play China. Kelley is Alex’s roommate again.

 

They’ve got a routine at this point, so Alex plops down on the bed closer to the bathroom as Kelley takes the one by the window. Alex’s stuff goes on the left of the sink, Kelley’s on the right. God knows where their shoes are, probably under one of the beds, but they always leave that to the last minute.

 

It’s normal. It’s them.

 

Their game plan for China has to be switched around since they don’t have Cheney or Pinoe, two of the players who have started every game so far. Kelley gets played a lot in practice, where Jill works her in the midfield harder than she’s worked anyone the whole tournament.

 

“It’s nice,” Kelley says as she does her skincare routine that night. “It feels like she’s putting a lot of trust in me.”

 

Alex just nods, since she’s brushing her teeth. She tries to say “good,” but it comes out as more of a garbled, unintelligible noise.

 

Kelley snorts, rinsing her face wash off and flicking some water at Alex when she’s done. Alex glares at Kelley’s reflection in the mirror, not breaking when Kelley just starts laughing.

 

“I’m sorry,” she says, twisting her mouth around to try and make the smile go away. “It’s just, your murder face doesn’t really work when you’ve got toothpaste on your chin.”

 

Alex hip checks her away from the sink and spits her toothpaste out. “You’re lucky you’re so important for our next game, O’Hara.”

 

“Sure am,” Kelley says, smacking Alex’s ass on her way out of the bathroom. “Can I borrow a shirt to sleep in?” She calls out over her shoulder.

 

“Yeah,” Alex calls back, staring at her reflection. She rinses her mouth out slowly, not bothering to rush. Kelley already knows where she keeps her sleep shirts.

 

//

 

Alex wakes up on game day to someone banging on her door and yelling. Alex groans and turns over, ignoring Kelley when she asks what’s going on, since she has absolutely no idea.

 

Alex is 90% sure that it’s Pinoe in the hallway, and maybe Abby with her, which is weird because while they’re friendly, they don’t really hang out by themselves.

 

“Oh my God.”

 

Alex rolls back over and blearily opens her eyes to see Kelley sitting up and staring down at her phone.

 

“Alexandra,” she says sharply. “Wake up.”

 

“I’m up,” Alex insists, even though she isn’t awake at all.

 

“They legalized gay marriage.”

 

Alex is very awake.

 

“What?” She sits upright, fumbling for her own phone on the nightstand. There’s a bunch of texts, and a CNN update, and Alex rubs at her eyes and tries to focus on one. “In the US?”

 

“All fifty states,” Kelley says, awe in her voice. “Supreme Court decision.”

 

Alex looks over at her and finds her eyes watery. Tentatively, Alex smiles, her grin growing as Kelley starts to smile, too.

 

There’s another shout from the hallway, and a few people start cheering.

 

Alex falls back onto her pillows and laughs.

 

//

 

Alex shifts her weight from foot to foot as she stands in the tunnel, behind Hope and in front of Amy. Kelley is standing somewhere behind her, Alex isn’t sure how far back. The little girl holding her hand has a tight grip. Just for a moment, Alex closes her eyes. She can already hear the crowd.

 

_U-S-A._

 

_U-S-A._

 

Alex feels proud.

 

Amy taps her on the back and Alex’s eyes snap open. Hope has started to walk, and Alex jerks forward after her. The farther they walk, the louder the chanting gets. By the time she makes it out of the tunnel and the light hits her face, there’s already goosebumps all over her arms. The roar that accompanies the team finally being visible is unparalleled to anything they’ve heard so far this entire World Cup.

 

After their team huddle, Alex makes sure to find Kelley and pull her into a quick hug. That’s all they get before everyone jogs out to get into position, but Alex swears she can feel her heart spike because of it.

 

The first half is fast paced, the US barely edging China out of dominating possession. The fouls go both ways, but after the shitty situation they’ve found themselves in without Pinoe and Cheney, no tackles or challenges result in yellow cards. Alex drives ball after ball into the box, where they either get collected by the Chinese keeper or shot wide of the goal.

 

Kelley’s all over the midfield, playing on the right but appearing randomly in the middle every once and a while, sliding balls up to Alex in a way that feels familiar and so completely natural. She comes out of a rough collision with a bloody nose, but doesn’t seem to notice until Alex gestures towards her own nose from twenty feet away. Kelley wipes at her face with her jersey without thinking, looking guiltily over to the bench when her white jersey comes away streaked with blood.

 

Alex gives her a little shit for it during halftime, asking if she’s going to auction off the bloodstained version, but there isn’t that much time to dwell, not during a World Cup quarterfinal. Abby fires them up before the second half, screaming and cursing until the rest of the team is screaming with her.

 

In the end, the moment that leads to their goal feels like any other moment, a long ball sent in by JJ, with three possible targets in the box. Carli’s the one who ends up getting to it, and Alex watches it go in and then just remembers running, nothing but the sound of the crowd in her ears.

 

As their celebration around the corner flag dies down, Kelley slams into Alex, her hug so fierce that Alex’s ribs ache just a little afterwards.

 

For the first time in the whole World Cup, Alex feels unbeatable.

 

//

 

With their flight to Montreal early the next morning, their evening is filled with recovery. Alex loads up on ice from the kind of shitty machine in their hall, slowly filling the tub with it. Some of the media guys come to film her freezing her ass off, which isn’t great, but Alex is too tired to complain.

 

Kelley squeezes into the tub with her, and Alex relishes the heat of her thigh against her own, letting out a squeak into the towel she’s got wrapped around her neck, desperate for any kind of warmth. Kelley blasts music and Alex sets the timer, knowing that three minutes will feel like an eternity.

 

Alex feels a little bad that most of the video they record won’t be usable since they can’t go more than ten seconds without cursing, but she’s too busy trying to make it three whole minutes to really care.

 

Their thighs are red when they finally scramble out of the tub on Alex’s alarm’s cue. Alex stumbles, her feet still numb, and Kelley grabs onto her elbows to help her balance.

 

“Thanks,” Alex mumbles, trying to curl her toes.

 

Kelley smiles back, and Alex suddenly hopes with startling ferocity that they don’t end up using this footage. It feels far too private.

 

Just in case, Alex says, “that was fucking cold.”

 

There’s a sigh from behind the camera. Mission accomplished.

 

//

 

The flight to Montreal is brutal on Alex’s legs, even after her ice bath and massage the night before. The rest of the team is hyper, either from too much coffee or the excitement of heading towards a semifinal, but Alex just stretches her legs out across a few seats in hopes that the aching will go down. About half the team is involved in some kind of Heads Up tournament, the rules too complicated for Alex to understand from afar.

 

She knows she and Kelley won’t be allowed to compete, anyway, so they end up across the aisle from each other again, trading magazines halfway through the flight.

 

When they finally land it’s more recovery, and Alex enthusiastically signs up for a massage and a pool session before even checking who her Montreal roommate will be.

 

“Again?” Kelley says from behind her. “God, I’m almost getting sick of you.”

 

“What?” Alex asks.

 

“We’re roommates again,” Kelley says, flicking at the folded piece of paper in Alex’s hands. “Maybe they think I’m a good influence, or something.”

 

Alex knocks her head back and throws her whole body into her laugh, Kelley scoffing indignantly as she shoves her towards the elevator.

 

//

 

Germany’s ranked #1 in the world to the United States’ #2, and it only helps fuel their feelings of being the underdog after missing the 2011 World Cup. Germany’s dominant in every area on the field, from Angerer between the posts to Šašić up front. They’ll have to match them completely to win.

 

For the most part, practice continues as normal, and Jill keeps reiterating the fact that they’ve already got all the building blocks they need, that there’s nothing new to learn at this point, that it’s all about going out and playing strong, just like they have all tournament.

 

Kelley and Alex’s room feels just the same as the one they shared in Ottawa, and the one in Winnipeg at the start of the tournament. It’s familiar in the way every hotel room is, and the the way their clothes get spread out across the floor in mere minutes is even more familiar.

 

The amount of media they’re doing gets bumped up too, now that they’re both in the semifinals and competing in a city so close to the States. Carli’s on the top of most lists, since she’s scored in two straight, and Abby is too, because she’s Abby. Alex gets pulled along for a press conference, but otherwise manages to only have to questions post-practice like most of the rest of the team.

 

The days before the game stretch, but almost everyone’s family has joined at this point, so it’s not hard to find stuff to do to occupy their free time. Ann is there, of course, so Kelley disappears frequently, just like she had in Vancouver. Alex runs into them exactly once, and hugs Ann like a normal best friend would, smiling and making up a lunch date with her dad to get out of the conversation as quickly as possible.

 

The days stretch. The pressure rises. Alex wants to play.

 

//

 

Somehow, the crowd is even louder than it was for their game against China. It hits Alex in the tunnel again, where the sounds echo and she swears she can feel the ground shake with it all.

 

_U-S-A_

 

Breathe in, breathe out.

 

_U-S-A_

 

Alex walks out between Cheney and Moe, the Germans on her left decked out in red to contrast their white.

 

 _Clean_ , Alex thinks, smiling just a little as she bows her head during the German national anthem. _Super clean._

 

As Alex sets herself up to take the kickoff, the rumble of the crowd gets louder and louder until the whistle pierces the air.

 

Alex’s first touch of the ball is met with cheering from tens of thousands of people.

 

//

 

When Germany gets a penalty kick, Alex thinks _fuck_ over and over and over again _._ She thinks it so often it stops sounding like a word, even though it’s all just in her own head.

 

In the corner of her eye she sees JJ put her head in her hands, the picture of devastation, and Alex thinks _fuck_ again because the last thing they need is for her to check out.

 

Hope’s taking her sweet time getting in goal, which only makes Alex more anxious. Her mind wanders to the semifinal against Canada three years ago, of fighting to come back and being down one goal over and over again. She doesn’t want to be down a goal, not in this game, not against this team. She wants to get back out there, get to attacking and to finally score, but Hope just takes a sip of water and meanders her way over to her line.

 

It makes Alex anxious, yeah, but more importantly it must mess with Célia Šašić’s head, because her shot goes just wide and Alex feels like she can breathe again. Julie still looks like she could crumble at any moment, which is absolutely not an option, and without thinking Alex jogs over and wraps an arm around her shoulder.

 

“Get it together,” she yells, struggling to be heard over the crowd. “We need you, okay?”

 

Julie nods shakily and Alex takes off, the crowd chanting _U-S-A_ all around her.

 

Alex loves that sound. She loves it, but there’s almost nothing Alex loves more than the sound of a whistle when she goes down in the box.

 

Especially in a tied semifinal game.

 

It’s the perfect opportunity, their own chance at a PK when Germany’s had gone so poorly. Alex waits with bated breath just like the rest of the stadium, feeling her heart race as Carli puts the ball down just so.

 

Alex knows it’s a rocket when Carli’s leg swings back. Her breath wheezes out from her lungs as she watches the ball that carries their hopes of a gold medal match shoot directly into the arms of Nadine Angerer.

 

Carli crouches as the Germans celebrate.

 

Germany has a new sort of energy now, that desperate edge that Alex is feeling herself, that desperation to keep it from going to overtime. There’s a lot of dispossession in midfield on both sides, the ball flipping back and forth with knocking shoulders and hands that grab a little too much.

 

Alex can tell that Tobin’s pissed she’s getting subbed off, but Alex can’t care when Kelley’s number is glowing green on the sideline and she’s got that angry look in her eyes, the one that’s been there since they sat together on the bench during the group stages.

 

She runs onto the field and Alex can feel the air shift.

 

Alex has experienced life changing moments. She knows what they’re like. She knows how a ball and a net can make fifty thousand people scream.

 

She’s been there. She’s done it.

 

She hasn’t gotten to watch someone else experience it, though, not when she could really see them.

 

A look at Alex in the eighty-third minute: exhausted, angry, feeling the energy of the crowd bounce around that indoor stadium like ping pong balls. The crowd is with them, building with them, anxious and rowdy and everything they need.

 

It’s everything Kelley needs.

 

When Kelley scores, Alex doesn’t think about gold medals or World Cups.

 

Instead, she thinks about Kelley running sprints when they used to practice together in LA and the way she wraps her ankle so carefully before every game. She thinks about Kelley singing along to country music in the car and her coffee order and the little grunty noises she makes right before she wakes up. She thinks about the way Kelley brushes her hair behind her ear and late night phone calls when Kelley was so sure she'd never get playing time ever again.

 

Alex watches Kelley celebrate and her chest feels so full she thinks she might burst.

 

When the whistle blows three times, the only goal scored is Kelley’s. Alex feels like screaming along with everyone in the stadium, screaming until her throat’s raw. Kelley drops to the ground with her face tilted up towards the stadium lights, hands clasped in front of her, like she can’t believe any of it is real.

 

Alex thinks about a different semifinal, one that somehow happened only three years ago, and she gets it. When she finally gets her alone, she tries to hug Kelley the way Kelley had hugged her, but she isn't sure she gets it right.

 

//

 

“Hey, superstar.”

 

Kelley laughs, toweling off her hair after her second shower.

 

“Any closer to sleep?”

 

Kelley wrinkles her nose. “Not a chance. Even if I crash now I’ll get—” she glances at her watch “—six hours of sleep, but I’m the same if I get anything less than that.”

 

Alex wants to stay up with her, but her eyelids and limbs feel heavy. Through long, slow blinks she watches Kelley knot her hair in a messy bun, smiling like she has been all night.

 

“I’m gonna crash,” Alex warns, feeling like she’s sinking into the bed. “Come squeeze me, Player of the Match.”

 

Kelley smiles wider and takes a flying leap onto Alex’s bed, snuggling into her arms. Alex holds her tightly, just for a second, before smacking a kiss to her coconut smelling hair and letting go. “I’m proud of you, Kell.”

 

If Alex didn’t know better she’d think that Kelley was blushing a little bit. “Thanks,” she says, scooting back so that she’s using Alex’s other pillow. “It doesn’t feel real.”

 

Alex smiles. “I know what you mean.” She reaches out and grabs onto one of Kelley’s hands. She waits a moment before she speaks, trying to find the right words. “Like it’s too perfect to be real and you’re trying to remember every little detail but can’t help but feeling like something’s slipping through the cracks.”

 

Kelley looks at her for a moment. “Yeah,” she says, softly. “Just like that.”

 

//

 

When Alex’s alarm wakes her up the next morning, Kelley is still in her bed, drooling with her mouth open.

 

It shouldn’t be possible, but somehow they’re still holding hands.

 

//

 

Kelley walks into their team meeting laughing about something with Abby, a coffee in each hand. She’s been off doing media all day, and she sits down near the front before she seems to remember she’s still got the extra drink, so she’s all the way across the room when she looks for Alex.

 

“Caffeine?” she calls out. Alex grins, but Kelley should know better than to say the c-word in front of their teammates, because soon they’re all bartering for the extra cup in her hand.

 

Alex doesn’t move from her seat, pouting through the crowd, knowing Kelley will see her eventually.

 

“Sorry, my lovelies,” Kelley says above the mayhem. “This is for the roomie.” She raises the cup in Alex’s direction and is faced with fifteen groans.

 

“If I knew Kelley would bring me coffee, I’d put up with her crazy, too,” Syd mumbles. Alex snorts, grinning as Kelley crosses over to hand over her drink.

 

“Thank you, superstar.”

 

Kelley blushes and pretends she isn’t. “I mean, I’m trying to stay humble, you know?” She leans against Alex’s chair and flips her hair over a shoulder. “Random acts of kindness and all that.”

 

“Sure,” Alex says, taking a sip. “Just don’t forget little ol’ me on your rise to the top, ‘kay?”

 

“Oh, I could _never_ ,” Kelley promises. “You mean too much to me, Alice.”

 

Alex kicks her away, rolling her eyes.

 

“You’re sure Kelley isn’t into you?” Syd asks, quietly.

 

“Syd,” Alex says sharply.

 

Sydney backs off, but not before shooting her a look that’s loaded with doubt.

 

//

 

The flight to Vancouver is almost buzzing with energy. There’s another Heads Up competition while they pause in Winnipeg to refuel, and Kelley almost convinces the team to let her and Alex team up as a reward for her goal. In the end, only Kelley ends up playing, Alex three rows behind her and miming the answers where Tobin and HAO can’t see. They get caught eventually, but it’s fun while it lasts.

 

Abby has set herself up across the aisle from Alex. She seems strangely calm, especially to Alex, who so rarely sees her be calm at all. She waits until Abby looks at her and then sticks out her tongue and crosses her eyes, grinning when Abby laughs.

 

It’s a little overwhelming, sometimes, how much Alex loves this team.

 

//

 

They get the next morning to do recovery before an afternoon practice, and Alex gets the first massage slot as a team birthday gift. First slot means Carrie, the team trainer with her hands of steel, and to be honest it’s a really nice birthday present.

 

By the time she heads down for her pool session she feels like a new woman, muscles loose and relaxed. She gets thrown in the pool by Cheney and HAO, but gently enough that she doesn’t get her hair wet. Kelley, who’s already splashing around, wades over and wraps her in a hug.

 

“You smell _awful_ ,” Alex says, leaning out of the majorly sweaty hug. “Please dunk your whole body and stay on the other side of the pool.”

 

“You’re lucky it’s your birthday,” Kelley says, squeezing tighter before finally letting go. “Otherwise, that would mean war.”

 

Alex grins. “It _is_ my birthday, though. Carrie just rocked my world.”

 

Kelley snorts, following Alex as she starts her workout. “Lucky. Mittsy convinced me to go on a run.”

 

“So that’s why you’re all sweaty,” Alex says. “Kind of your own fault, Kell.”

 

Kelley flicks some water at her. “Whatever. Any other birthday plans?”

 

“Lunch with family,” Alex says, reaching the other side of the pool and stopping to stretch out her calf. “Other than that, nothing too special. I wish I could buy, like, a whole red velvet cake and eat the whole thing. I have such a craving.”

 

Kelley laughs, gesturing for one of Alex’s legs to help her stretch. Alex lets her grab it, groaning in appreciation as she gets just the right amount of pressure on her hamstring. “Just wait five days,” Kelley says. “Then you can eat whatever you want.”

 

“Don’t tempt me,” Alex warns. “Here, switch.” She grabs onto Kelley’s knee a little too forcefully, sending her flailing back into the water. “Oops?”

 

Kelley shoves at her shoulders, laughing even as she wipes the water from her face. Alex has a smile on her face and the beginnings of a laugh in her chest. Kelley’s hand slips off of her shoulder and into the water with a _smack_.

 

It breaks Alex out of the moment. “C’mon,” she says, glancing over to her other teammates. “Let’s go line up.”

 

//

 

There’s a mandatory team dinner that night at the restaurant attached to the hotel, and all twenty-three of them squeeze together on either side of one long table. Kelley grabs the spot to Alex’s left, a constant smile on her face that makes Alex kind of suspicious. Amy, on Alex’s right, is acting more normally, but gets pulled into a deep conversation with Cheney that Alex doesn’t want to risk joining.

 

So, she’s stuck with Kelley and her creepy smile. Halfway through eating, Alex can’t stand it any longer. She nudges Kelley’s shoulder with her own and asks, “what is it?”

 

Kelley looks at her, her expression suddenly blank. “What?”

 

“Why are you acting so weird?”

 

“I’m not acting weird.”

 

“Kelley.”

 

“Alex.”

 

Alex looks across the table to HAO, but she just shrugs.

 

“I’ll figure it out,” Alex promises.

 

“Okay.” Kelley says easily, taking a sip of water.

 

Alex pouts, but Kelley refuses to give up any information. Once their food gets cleared away, Kelley’s smile only gets bigger, and Alex’s suspicion grows until she’s distracted when everyone around her suddenly starts singing “Happy Birthday.”

 

Alex whips around to find a waiter walking towards her with a huge cake, and once it gets put down in front of her she can read the cursive icing that says _Happy Birthday Alex!_

 

She smiles as her ears are assaulted by her mostly tone-deaf team, Kelley particularly loud and enthusiastic right to her left. Alex takes a deep breath and manages to blow out all the candles in one try.

 

“You’re good at that,” Kelley says as the waiter leans over to pick the candles out of the cake.

 

“It’s not rocket science,” Alex responds, rolling her eyes, turning away to smile for a picture, made completely natural by the face HAO’s making behind her phone.

 

“Let’s slice this sucker open,” Kelley says, getting cheers from her teammates.

 

Alex’s smile stays frozen until HAO lowers her phone and then looks back to Kelley, who’s still grinning a little wildly. “Is it gonna, like, explode?” Alex asks, suddenly nervous.

 

Kelley snorts, tapping Alex’s shoulder to get her to move back as the waiter whisks the cake away to slice it. “Why are you so suspicious?”

 

Alex just gives her a look, rolling her eyes when Kelley only grins wider.

 

“You really hate surprises,” Kelley says. “I should know by now, but somehow it’s always a shock.”

 

Alex opens her mouth keep grilling her when a slice of cake gets put down in front of her, which of course gets her attention ASAP. It’s red velvet, with huge amounts of vanilla icing. She pauses, resisting the urge to shovel it down her throat, and looks over towards Kelley, whose grin is threatening to split her face in two.

 

“You said you wanted red velvet, right?”

 

Alex pulls her into a hug, awkwardly twisting in her chair to get as close as possible. “You’re the best,” she says into Kelley’s hair.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Kelley mumbles, patting her on the back. “Eat your cake, birthday girl.”

 

//

 

Most of the team spends their days in Vancouver with family, continuing the trend from Ottawa and Montreal, and Alex and Kelley are no different. Alex’s parents and sisters go out for lunch and on hikes that are easy on her dad’s knees. It’s nice to have some time off from the team, from all of the chaos. It gets her mind off the game, the _biggest-game-of-her-life_ game.

 

Alex knows that Kelley’s with her family and Ann, but she buries herself in her family’s company and tries not to think about it.

 

It’s hard because when they’re with the National Team, when they’re in camp or playing in tournaments, it feels like Kelley’s _hers_. It feels like London and LA and her Kelley, the Kelley that everyone knew as Alex’s best friend first.

 

It’s hard because even after all this time, even after years of it, Alex still falls into the fantasy every time. It’s when they’re apart again that she always comes crashing back down to Earth, and the repetition never makes it any less devastating.

 

//

 

The locker room is both restless and focused.

 

Hope might as well be a statue. Abby’s facing her locker, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Becky sits, elbows on her knees, cleats still untied.

 

Very slowly, Alex stops her music and takes her headphones off. She stands, still only in her socks, and pads over to Kelley, who’s eating a clementine.

 

“Want a slice?”

 

Alex takes it, feeling a bit like a kid, sucking on an orange slice with a tucked in jersey. Her fingers fiddle with the hem of her warm up top as she chews. “Ready?”

 

Kelley grins. “Born ready, baby.”

 

//

 

When the whistle blows three times, the US up 5-2, Alex drops to her knees and breathes.

 

She breathes in and breathes out and tries to hold everything in, tries to memorize it completely, from the crowd to her heart rate to the feeling in her chest and under her ribs and thrumming all the way down to her bones.

 

She breathes in, and when she breathes out the exhale turns into a laugh.

 

//

 

Alex stands behind Kelley as they all file onto the stage to receive their gold medals. Their first World Cup, and they’re gold medalists. She wraps her arms around Kelley’s shoulders for a few steps just because she can, nearly tripping her by walking so closely. It’s simultaneously the worst and best line she’s ever had to wait in.

 

As she waits and waits and _waits_ for the rest of the team to have medals placed around their necks, Alex looks down at her own, rubbing one thumb along the raised letters.

 

 _FIFA_.

 

It’s smaller than their gold medals from London, but Alex couldn’t give a shit. Without thinking, she closes her eyes and presses a kiss to it, the medal cool against her mouth. When she pulls it away, there’s the tiniest smudge of pink left behind, just below the raised letters. Alex is so wrapped up in looking at it that she doesn’t realize Kelley’s walking up to her until there’s hands covering her own.

 

Alex’s head snaps up, but Kelley’s looking down at the gold held between their fingers. Without meeting Alex’s eyes, she lifts the medal and presses a kiss to it.

 

Alex’s breath stalls in her throat. When Kelley’s eyes finally meet her own, the medal is still against her mouth, but it’s too small to conceal the smile that stretches across Kelley’s face.

 

Alex smiles back. She tries not to think about that little smear of pink reaching Kelley’s lips.

 

It’s pretty easy to not think about it, in the end. Alex throws her arms up as Cap and Abby hoist the trophy, the screams so loud Alex can’t even hear her own voice. She feels it instead, the rawness of her throat, the half-laugh, half-cry that’s building in her chest. It feels like everything she always thought it would.

 

It feels like everything.

 

The medal around her neck, the flag that gets draped around her. She must blow a hundred kisses, to her parents and siblings and friends and complete strangers. She’s laughing but tearing up at the same time, which would make her feel weird except it seems like everyone else on the team is too, so Alex just wipes at her eyes and tries to keep breathing.

 

Kelley looks, well—Kelley looks breathtaking.

 

She’s laughing, sort of, but it’s that half laugh you do when you’re trying not to cry. Alex has given up on that, has accepted that she’s going to be wiping at the corners of her eyes, but Kelley’s still got that face splitting grin, her eyes wide and chin trembling. She’s look up, all around her, like she can’t believe her eyes, like it’s too perfect to take in.

 

Alex can’t stop staring.

 

Kelley looks at her, eyes still wide, caught between a laugh and a sob, and before she even thinks about what she’s doing Alex is wrapping her up in the same flag that’s draped around her shoulders. It’s sort of a hug, their cheeks pressed together and Kelley’s hands digging into Alex’s back, and sort of something more, Alex's heart in her throat and Kelley’s lips grazing her jaw.

 

“We just won the World Cup,” Kelley says, barely decipherable over the roar of the crowd.

 

“I know,” Alex says back, her throat tight.

 

“I don't think I've ever been happier than I am right now.”

 

Alex pulls back, but keeps Kelley wrapped up in the flag with her. “Yeah?”

 

Kelley nods, tears peeking out at the corners of her eyes. “Yeah.”

 

Alex grins, too many emotions swirling in her chest and head and stomach to make sense of. “Me too.”

 

//

 

There’s champagne and screaming and pictures taken with their World Cup trophy that will never be shared publicly. Alex and Kelley both snatch goggles and enthusiastically spray each other with champagne, laughing like they’re seven years old.

 

By the time Alex changes out of her uniform, her jersey is sticky with beer and champagne and sweat. She looks down at the crest, at the two little stars above it, presses her face into the fabric and cries.

 

//

 

Alex should feel on top of the world. She should feel complete and victorious and like everything’s just right. She should feel like a World Champion, so why—

 

Why does it suddenly all feel like an almost?

 

She wants to let loose, to dance with the reckless abandon that her teammates are, and so she tries to. She laughs and joins Abby on the dance floor so she isn’t the worst dancer there for once.

 

She’s being twirled around by Pinoe when she realizes just why she doesn’t feel good enough. Through a crack in the crowd, a random part of people, she can see Kelley and Ann laughing about something, Ann’s hands skimming the sliver of skin left bare by Kelley’s crop top. Then she reaches for the medal around Kelley’s neck and—

 

Alex looks away.

 

It figures that she’d win the World Cup and still feel like the world’s biggest loser.

 

//

 

Alex doesn’t really know how much sleep she gets in the next week, but it isn’t enough. The shut eye she gets on plane rides and bus trips is always a restless kind of sleep, and the bags under her eyes grow darker every day.

 

Alex buys some more concealer and drinks more coffee.

 

In LA, they have a team meeting, mostly discussing the upcoming Victory Tour and what will be expected from all of them from as they balance that and the NWSL. Alex and Kelley sit in the back, Alex blinking hard every few seconds to stay awake.

 

It only takes five minutes for Kelley’s head to find its way to Alex’s shoulder. Alex is positive that she’s asleep, so she stays as still as she can throughout the rest of the meeting. Everyone is slow to get up and stretch when they’re dismissed, but Kelley remains absolutely still.

 

Alex reaches out and rubs her hand along Kelley’s leg. “Kell,” she says softly.

 

Kelley’s head shifts on Alex’s shoulder. “Hmm?”

 

“Meeting’s done.”

 

“Shit,” Kelley mumbles, shooting upright. “Shit, I fell asleep.” She groans and rubs at her eyes.

 

“You’re fine,” Alex assures her, standing up and stretching out her spine. “I’ll give you the rundown on the bus. I’m pretty sure half of us were sleeping, anyway.”

 

“Thanks, buddy,” Kelley says, looping an arm around Alex’s as they file out of the conference room. Her head falls back onto Alex’s shoulder as they wander towards the bus. Tobin’s already asleep in her seat, so Alex plops down next to Kelley, smiling at her phone when Kelley snuggles into her side and then goes limp.

 

Alex locks her phone and lets her cheek rest on top of Kelley’s head. She’s asleep before the bus starts to move.

 

//

 

 **alexmorgan13** This will never get old !!!!

 

//

 

There’s 24 hours Alex has off in LA, and then she boards a flight to New York for the ticker tape parade that’s happening in their honor.

 

It’s more than she ever expected. There’s calls from the President, pictures of Beyonce watching their game—it’s everything she never even dared to dream of.

 

When she sees Kelley in the lobby of the hotel, she folds her into a hug that goes on for too long for two people that have only been apart for around 30 hours.

 

Alex blames it on the sleep deprivation.

 

//

 

“That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever—” Kelley breaks off, shrugs like she doesn’t know what to say. “I didn’t even know stuff like that existed.”

 

“The parade?” Alex asks, enjoying the way Kelley’s eyes look a little wet, wide with something that can only be awe.

 

“Yes,” Kelley insists, turning away from Heif and shrugging. “I mean—Please don’t pretend that wasn’t the craziest moment of your life.”

 

“It was pretty crazy,” Alex agrees.

 

“It was—” Kelley shakes her head.

 

Alex smiles, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “I think you’re in shock.”

 

“Don’t mess up my hair,” Kelley complains, carefully moving Alex’s arm. “For some people, a magazine cover is a big deal, you know.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “Just make sure your hair’s over your right shoulder,” she says. “We want to see that pretty third star.”

 

Kelley wrinkles her nose. “That isn’t my good side.”

 

Alex wants to say “your every side is a good side,” but instead she rolls her eyes again.

 

“You, on the other hand,” Kelley continues, walking towards to picture room but still talking over her shoulder. “You don’t have a bad side, so I wanna see those stars.”

 

Alex stomach drops.

 

She’s used to it. Or, well, maybe not used to it. She expects it, but she’s never quite gotten used to it.

 

//

 

On her cover, Alex is leaning forward, laughing with her mouth wide open, three stars stark black against the white of her jersey.

 

//

 

“What’re you gonna wear to Taylor’s concert?”

 

“Oh _Taylor_?” Kelley asks, smirking. “First name basis, huh?”

 

Alex rolls her eyes and plows on. “I want to wear a skirt but everyone else is wearing pants. I don’t want to be the only one in a skirt, you know?”

 

“Sucks.”

 

“Kelley,” Alex groans.

 

“Yes, Alexandra?” Kelley smiles like she doesn’t know what Alex wants. “Do you have a question for me?”

 

“Will you wear one?” Alex asks. “Please?”

 

“Well, since you said please,” Kelley says. “But I’m wearing sandals! No heels. I don’t want to fall on stage.”

 

//

 

“Was today even real?” Kelley asks in the elevator up to their rooms.

 

Alex wonders why she isn’t staying with Ann, why she hasn’t seen Kelley’s girlfriend all day, but she doesn’t want to ask that at all. In all honestly, she’s too drunk to keep herself from saying stupid things, but there’s this—wall almost, or maybe line, when it comes to Kelley and Ann, one that Alex can’t climb or cross.

 

She can’t help from leaning against Kelley, though, can’t help the way she wraps both arms around her shoulders and sways, the music from the concert still thrumming through her mind. Kelley’s good at beer pong—surprisingly good, actually, even for someone who took Greek life as seriously as she did, and they made a fantastic duo, but Alex is still smashed.

 

“Has this whole week even been real?” she counters.

 

“S’like a fairy tale,” Kelley mumbles, her mouth pressing into the crook of Alex’s elbow.

 

Alex takes a deep breath in, the smell of Kelley's hair thrumming through her just like the alcohol had. Before she can say anything, the elevator dings and the doors slide open and Kelley walks into the hallway and out of her arms.

 

//

 

Going back to the NWSL seems surreal. Alex watches her first game back from the sidelines, wearing a pair of sneakers instead of cleats. LA stumbles out with a win and a shutout, and Alex dares to hope about the playoffs, for once.

 

She’s still exhausted more days than not, but her body re-adjusts to the rhythm of training and recovery until she’s getting subbed in the next week as LA faces Boston. The number of people there is huge, riding the high after the World Cup win, and Alex scores a brace and revels in the roar of the crowd.

 

Sometimes, she swears she can actually feel everything changing.

 

//

 

The craze doesn’t die down, and Alex feels more in the public eye than she ever has before.

 

The entire team goes to the ESPY’s, nominated for Best Team. The entire team and their dates, too. Alex brings her sister, knowing that she’ll never hear the end of if she brought someone else.

 

Kelley brings Ann. It’s fine. Alex smiles as her sister hugs Kelley like they’re best friends and it’s fine.

 

They win, and there’s what seems like a million after parties where Alex doesn’t drink nearly as much as her heart wants her to. In the smallest of victories, Ann can’t stick around for the Kid’s Choice Awards, happening a few days later. Alex goes to that one alone, too, and Kelley sticks a little closer than she did at the ESPY’s and it just—it feels right.

 

Being Kelley just feels right, and that’s what hurts most of all.

 

//

 

The first of their Victory Tour games are against Costa Rica in mid August. Alex flies to Pittsburgh from Newark, where she notched a goal and a win against Sky Blue.

 

Kelley flies with her, still pretending to give her the cold shoulder after Sky Blue’s loss. She lasts until they’re in line for security, where Alex trips trying to get her shoe off and Kelley nearly cries with laughter at the look the TSA agent gives them.

 

Christie trades her seat with Kelley to be in the exit row, which leaves Alex and Kelley arguing on the way onto the plane over who gets the window seat. Kelley wins, using Sky Blue’s loss to her advantage, and Alex manages to quiet the overwhelmingly strong urge inside of her that’s screaming to tell Kelley to just ask to be traded.

 

Kelley falls asleep leaning against the window, her mouth wide open. Alex takes somewhere between five and twenty pictures of her, giggling quietly at her own phone.

 

As the three of them wait for their luggage, Kelley wraps her arms around Alex’s waist and leans into her back, face resting between Alex’s shoulder blades. Alex responds to a text from her mom and shifts to take more of Kelley’s weight.

 

They stay like that until Alex spots Kelley’s bag, the one with the bright green pom-pom on the handle. Kelley groans out a complaint as her makeshift pillow moves away, but smiles in thanks once she realizes that Alex is just grabbing her suitcase.

 

When the file onto the team van that’s taking them to the hotel, Alex and Kelley get into the back, leaving the front seat to Christie. Kelley’s finally not napping, but that just means she’s messing around on her phone, taking super-zoomed in pictures of Alex while she isn’t looking.

 

By the time they actually make it to the hotel, Alex has tried to snatch Kelley’s phone away six times, never quite managing to do it. She’s pouting, just a little, and that makes Kelley grin wider and wider until Alex can’t help but smile back.

 

Alex sleeps deeply that night, ready to go on a tour that celebrates their victory alongside the girl who’s felt like it the entire time.

 

//

 

The team goes kind of wild their first game against Costa Rica. If she weren’t so competitive, Alex might feel a little bad.

 

She dresses for the game, even though the only reason she’ll get subbed in is if someone gets injured. Kelley’s in the same boat as her, but is ballsier about it, wearing sunglasses to the bench.

 

Kelley’s good mood is contagious. Alex is glad, because their Victory Tour already feels bittersweet, especially now that so many of her teammates have decided to retire. Even Cheney, _Cheney_ , who’s only twenty-seven, is hanging up her cleats. Abby retiring stings, especially for Alex, but at least it she saw it coming.

 

They’ve got their redemption, she guesses. A World Cup missed, a World Cup won.

 

Alex takes strength from Kelley’s relaxed confidence next to her on the bench, from the way she cheers wildly as they score goal after goal against Costa Rica. Alex jumps up with her, flings an arm around her shoulders, cheering on her teammates as the FIFA crest weighs on her chest, right above her heart.

 

Things are changing, but Kelley’s right where she’s always been.

 

//

 

They fly to Tennessee for the second game against Costa Rica, and when they’re waiting for the huge amounts of luggage in the airport Kelley puts on her best Southern accent and tells Alex, “you’re the only ten _I_ see.”

 

Alex pushes her onto a luggage trolley and doesn’t feel even the tiniest bit guilty about it.

 

The game itself is a not a ten, not at all, even though they win 7-2. The first half starts out well, even though it’s a bit cold. Alex bundles up in a team parka on the bench, content to watch Abby and HAO tear it up as Kelley dominates the right side of the pitch. There’s a lightning delay during halftime, though, and if you want a disaster then cooping up 23 professional athletes when they want to be running around is pretty much the perfect recipe.

 

It’s Lori’s 100th cap, so she’s got the captain’s armband on. It gives her the undesirable choice of deciding who wins Abby’s extremely competitive dance competition, and it makes her one friend and a bunch of enemies.

 

Alex watches her teammates shake various limbs and hop around and feels absolutely whole.

 

They’re all laughing when they’re finally allowed out of the locker room, even though most of them don’t love playing in the rain. Alex, who had Kelley put her hair into a bun during the half, finally gets subbed on around the 70th minute, when the US is up 6-2.

 

Her goal comes ten minutes later, shouldered in as the keeper gets caught on the wrong post. Kelley gets to her first, tucking her face into Alex’s neck as her arms squeeze bruises into Alex’s ribs.

 

“Did you score that with your boobs?” She mumbles, her hand half covering her grinning mouth.

 

Alex laughs loudly, her face turned into Kelley’s hair. She keeps an arm around Kelley’s shoulders for the whole jog back to half field.

 

//

 

For Alex, the rest of August and beginning of September means doing the most she can to get LA to qualify for the playoffs before she heads back to her Victory Tour duties. She drags LA to a win against Seattle, scoring twice and assisting twice more. They aren’t so lucky against Chicago, but still scrape by with a point, and beat Houston off a penalty kick late in the second half.

 

The game that matters, the one that will decide if the Thunder make it to the playoffs or not, is the one Alex is missing because of their National Team games against Haiti. She watches it in Kelley’s room, since she forgot her laptop. Kelley mostly ignores her, flipping through a magazine and then watching something on her phone, too low for Alex to hear.

 

Alex keeps one eye on the game and one on Twitter, where she occasionally expresses frustration at the stupid calls the referee keeps making. Alex taps another one out, quickly scanning for typos before posting it, and she’s barely locked her phone when Kelley snorts.

 

Alex glances over to find Kelley already looking at her. “Is the ref really that bad?”

 

“Do you have me on notification alert?”

 

“Yeah,” Kelley says casually, like it’s no big deal, like it doesn’t make Alex’s heart beat two times faster. “I doubt that she’s missed a seventh penalty.”

 

“I haven’t tweeted seven times,” Alex mutters, “and it was a penalty.”

 

Kelley shifts around until her head is on Alex’s shoulder, watching the game she hasn’t been interested in for the last hour. “So, if you draw—”

 

“—then it’s up to the Orlando-Spirit game,” Alex says. “If we win it’s for sure and if we lose it’s for sure, just in different ways.”

 

Kelley’s quiet as LA takes a free kick that sails over the bar. “I’m sorry,” she says.

 

Alex frowns. “What?”

 

“We should’ve won an NWSL championship together.”

 

“Oh.”

 

They watch the game. Kelley tucks her hands under her chin and scooches just the tiniest bit closer.

 

“I’ve never thought of it as your fault, Kell,” Alex says.

 

For once, Kelley doesn’t push back. “Thank you,” she says instead.

 

//

 

They beat Haiti soundly twice, Alex scoring in both games, and it’s almost enough to soothe the hurt of missing the playoffs.

 

Cheney suits up with them for the last time. Alex sits next to her just like always, watching as she carefully velcros the captain’s armband to her bicep.

 

When she gets up to head for the tunnel, Alex calls out her name. “Shin guards,” Alex reminds her.

 

Lauren laughs as she walks back to the jeers of her teammates, cramming her shin guards into her socks and giving Alex a wink.

 

Alex doesn’t cry, but she gives Tobin an extra long hug after the game.

 

The season wraps up more suddenly than anyone in LA wants, and slowly but surely almost all of Alex’s teammates leave town. Alex trains and keeps an eye on potential college draft players and goes shopping for the right dress to wear to Syd’s fake-real wedding.

 

In the end, she goes with something black and elegant looking, long just in case it’s cold. Kansas City’s got weird weather, so it could go either way, and Alex thinks about the weather instead of the fact that she isn’t bringing a date.

 

Kelley’s wearing black too, a shorter dress with straps that crisscross over her collarbone and make it hard to stop looking at her neck. Her hair is down in soft waves, and she’s put on more than just mascara for once.

 

Alex stares for too long. Her heart is beating too fast by the time she turns to give Ann a friendly hug, so she finds Cheney and latches onto her to her as she tries to calm down. Alex feels like she’s fifteen, unable to breathe because of a pretty girl.

 

Alex sits next to Ann during the service and listens to eternal vows of love and devotion and tries to feel a little less miserable.

 

//

 

Alex is halfway through an episode of SVU when the phone rings.

 

She picks up without bothering to glance at the caller ID because Kelley’s had her own ringtone for years. “Hey, what’s up?”

 

When all she hears from the other line is silence, Alex frowns. She adjusts the phone against her ear. “Kell?”

 

“Do you think I’m unlovable?”

 

Alex blinks. “What?”

 

There’s a shuddering breath. “Um—” she stops suddenly, and Alex can hear the tremble in her voice, the way that she can barely get the next words out. “Ann broke up with me?”

 

“Oh, Kelley,” Alex breathes, turning off the TV. “Kell, I’m so sorry.”

 

There’s this little hiccup, this little lost sound, half a sob and half a whimper. “They always end up breaking up with me.”

 

“Hey, no,” Alex says, catching onto Kelley’s train of thought and trying to keep her voice as soothing as possible. “There’s nothing wrong with you, okay? Nothing at all.”

 

“There must be something.” Kelley sounds utterly defeated. “It was Jamie, and then Christen, and Sarah, and now Ann, too. I always fuck it up.”

 

Alex’s heart breaks, even though she would’ve thought this would be the best news she’d hear all year. “You are loved, Kelley,” she says, her voice firm. “So many people love you.”

 

“Never the right people.”

 

The words vanish from Alex’s throat, leaving her with an open mouth and trembling lips.

 

“I always try and it never works.” Kelley sounds angry, almost. “You don’t—” She cuts herself off, takes a deep breath.

 

“I don’t what, Kell?”

 

Kelley’s quiet for a long moment. “You don’t understand,” she finally says.

 

“Maybe I don’t,” Alex says softly. “But I know you, Kelley.” She clears her throat. “I know you better than anybody and I _know_ that you’re going to find someone who loves you just as much as you love them one day.”

 

“You can’t know that, Al.”

 

“I can,” Alex insists, feeling the tears begin to swell at the corners of her eyes. “You deserve it, okay?

 

“How am I supposed to just…” Kelley takes a deep breath. “Just get over someone I’ve been in love with for the last three years?”

 

A weird part of Alex, the part that’s almost always angry these days, wants to point out that Kelley’s being dramatic, that she’s exaggerating, because it hasn’t quite been three years yet, or even two and a half, but she doesn’t tell Kelley to get over it. Instead, she says, “You take it one day at a time, Kell.” Alex closes her eyes and leans back against the couch. “You’ll want to bury yourself under the covers and cry for a week but you’ve gotta get up and train and hang out with friends and try to fill up your day so it doesn’t seem so empty. She’ll be all you can think about but you—you make sure you’re busy with a hundred things and eventually you’ll stop thinking about her.” Alex clears her throat. “You’re so strong, Kelley. You’ll get through this.”

 

Kelley takes a few deep breaths. Alex bites her lip and ignores the ache in her throat and the voice is the corner of her mind that whispers _you won’t ever stop thinking about her._

 

“Take your time and if you need anything—really, _anything_ —then you call me, okay?”

 

“Alex—”

 

“No, really,” Alex insists. “I don’t care if it’s in the middle of the night or if you’re drunk and mean. I want you to call me.”

 

Kelley sniffles. “Okay,” she says, her voice small.

 

“Okay.” Alex wipes a hand across her cheek, clearing her throat to erase any tremble that might creep into her voice. “Are you—where are you?”

 

“San Francisco. I checked into a hotel.”

 

“How about you, um—” Alex rubs at her eyes, tries to think of what will relax Kelley the most. “How about you take a shower and change into pajamas or something, and we can...we can find something to watch on Netflix together, okay?”

 

“Okay.” Kelley’s voice still sounds weak. “Okay, yeah.”

 

“Great,” Alex says. “You’ll be alright, Kell, I promise.”

 

“I know,” Kelley whispers. “Have I mentioned how great you are lately?”

 

“You could stand to mention it more,” Alex says, smiling. “Go hop in the shower, buddy. One.”

 

“Two.”

 

“Three.”

 

Alex hangs up, feeling like she’s on autopilot. She stares at the TV for a moment and feels something sharp and soft pang right in the middle of her chest, and then she wipes her cheeks and powers up Netflix, in search of the perfect movie.

 

//

 

Kelley goes home to Georgia and falls of the radar for a while. She responds to Alex’s texts, but it sometimes takes a few days. She never texts first. As Alex wishes it wouldn’t hurt, it still does.

 

She sees her again at their next Victory Tour games against Brazil, in Seattle and Orlando. There’s some grumbling from the team about scheduling and playing on opposite sides of the country four days apart, but there’s no use in arguing with US Soccer about some things.

 

That’s the attitude they’ve always at, at least. The team has always grumbled about a lot of dumb decisions by US Soccer, but after their World Cup win it’s just been getting louder. Someone gets a hold of the Men’s National Team annual salary and game bonuses and the team group chats blow up with messages.

 

Kelley’s quiet through it all, which clearly surprises everyone, because slowly they all check in with Alex, quietly wondering what’s up and wincing in sympathy when Alex explains.

 

Kelley’s focused in training, on the field and in the gym, where she pushes herself to an extent that leaves everyone staring. She laughs along at team meals and goes to game night with Becky, Christen, and Tobin, but there’s a lingering quietness around her that’s just a bit unsettling.

 

Alex pays for her coffee, ignoring Kelley’s glare, and they squeeze into a tiny table by a window, watching the freezing rain and clutching their cups with both hands. They don’t say much, because Alex knows Kelley and knows that pushing is the absolute last thing she should do right now, and on the way back to the hotel they huddle under one umbrella.

 

“Thanks for that,” Kelley says, barely audible over the rain. “I really needed it, I think.”

 

Alex smiles, tugging Kelley even closer with the arm she’s got slung around her shoulders. “What are best friends for?”

 

“ _Bestest_ friends,” Kelley corrects.

 

“Of course,” Alex says. “How could I forget?”

 

It’s nearing freezing temperatures in Seattle, but Alex feels so very warm.

 

//

 

 **kelleyohara** #thegals and #POTUS Thanks for having us and our amazing staff yesterday, Mr. President!

 

//

 

 **alexmorgan13** White House visit was a success! Thank you POTUS for inviting us, and we will save #44 for you at tryouts!

 

//

 

Loving Kelley is overwhelming and effortless and the most difficult thing Alex has ever done.

 

Kelley had said once, jokingly, that Alex didn’t know how to half-ass anything. She had said, “if you go for it, you sure as hell don’t hold back.”

 

They were playing Go Fish, but it was still a good point.

 

Alex isn’t good at holding back. She isn’t good at giving up or only kind-of-trying. When she jumps in, it’s with two feet, with her nose plugged and eyes squeezed shut.

 

A lot of the time, it’s great. She’s passionate and driven and enthusiastic. She tries and tries and tries even when it’s so much easier to just give up.

 

It also means that she’s awful at letting go, even when it seems entirely hopeless. Even when she knows she’s gonna lose, she can’t quit.

 

Sometimes—a lot of the time, maybe—she wishes she could fucking let go for once.

 

Just once.

 

//

 

November means Thanksgiving, and Alex deals with family in the most patient way she can, which isn’t much. They’re pushier than usual, probably because they haven’t heard anything about her dating life in years, but Alex doesn’t have much to tell them.

 

They eat pie and snipe at each other and Jen throws a flip-flop at Alex’s head.

 

It’s a painfully average Thanksgiving, in the end.

 

Kelley seems to be completely surrounding herself with family as she heals, and Alex is jealous of the warm family photos she sees until Kelley FaceTimes her from the garage of her parents’ house, close to frothing at the mouth about her brother’s almost-fiance.

 

“They think I’m on the phone with my agent,” Kelley admits, barely speaking above a whisper. “I just needed to get out of there.”

 

It’s so dark that Alex can’t even make out her face. “Not the perfect family holiday?”

 

Kelley groans. “No, it’s fine, she’s not that bad, I’m just…” She trails off for a moment, collecting her thoughts. “I’m just low on patience, I guess.”

 

“Pie was good, at least?”

 

Kelley moans and Alex readjusts her grip on her phone to try and hide her blush. “So fucking good, Al, you have no idea. Having just one slice was torture.”

 

Alex winces. “You’re better than me, then. I had three.”

 

Kelley laughs, a quiet sort of breathy chuckle that seems radiant even from three thousand miles away. It dies out as there’s some other noise from her side of the call, and she says, “I’m sorry Al, I’ve got to go. I think we’re breaking out Catan.”

 

Alex smiles. “Yeah, of course, don’t let me keep you. One.”

 

“See you soon. Two.”

 

“Three.”

 

When the FaceTime screen fades, Alex stares at the little numbers next to Kelley’s name, 3:21.

 

Three minutes and twenty-one seconds. It had seemed longer than that to Alex. She loiters in the guest bedroom for a little, not that eager to head back downstairs, and thinks about three minutes and twenty-one seconds and how they were the best part of her day.

 

//

 

“Okay, so, your family is driving you crazy, right?”

 

“Right,” Kelley says slowly. “They’re not that bad, though, Al. I was mostly just being dramatic.”

 

Alex bites down on a smile, even though she knows Kelley can’t see her. “Well,” she says. “What if I had a super cool reason for you to spend a weekend in LA?” There’s a pause where Alex’s heart rests somewhere in her throat.

 

“I’m listening,” Kelley says.

 

“So, I’m, like, super famous—”

 

Kelley laughs until Alex giggles into phone too. “Okay, Alex Morgan, you’re super famous. What’s up?”

 

“Just a fun little call from my agent.” Alex pauses, wondering how long she can keep Kelley in suspense for.

 

“Are you going to get on with it, or?”

 

Not that long, then. “Do you want to go on The Bachelor with me?”

 

“I’m sorry, _what_ ?” Kelley’s voice rises until Alex has to pull her phone away from her ear. “You’re joking. You’re fucking joking, The _Bachelor_? Alex.”

 

Alex lets the laugh that’s been hiding in her chest burst out, only encouraged by Kelley’s unintelligible spluttering. “Well, do you want to do it with me?”

 

“Are you s—yes, Alex, I want to go on The fucking Bachelor with you. Christ.”

 

“It’s right before the Trinidad games, so we can fly out from there.”

 

“Oh my God, Alex.”

 

“I’m so glad you said yes.”

 

“What, like I was going to say no? Come on, dude.”

 

“I didn’t want to do it alone,” Alex admits.

 

“To be honest, if you had done it without asking me I’d be pissed.”

 

Alex smiles, full and relaxed. “I had a feeling. I’ll—should I email you the details and stuff?”

 

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Kelley exhales noisily into the receiver. “Holy shit.”

 

Alex bites her lip, still grinning. “Yeah. I’ll let you get back to cooking.”

 

“How did you know I was cooking?”

 

“It’s Sunday, you always cook with your mom on Sundays.”

 

“I—” Kelley cuts herself off. “Yeah, you’re right.”

 

“I know,” Alex says, rolling her eyes. “Text me your travel stuff.”

 

“Will do. One.”

 

“Two.”

 

“Three.”

 

//

 

The flight to Hawaii is long, but Alex manages to get some sleep, for once. Kelley had to be convinced to not wear her truly hideous Hawaiian shirt on the plane, instead opting for an old US Soccer sweatshirt that she probably won’t need to put on for the rest of the trip.

 

Halfway through the flight, Kelley arranges herself against the window, throwing her legs over Alex’s lap. Alex wakes up enough to register Kelley’s sock clad feet and rest a hand on her calves and then passes out again.

 

//

 

Hawaii is beautiful. Being there in a camp is different than being there for vacation, of course, but something about it still feels kind of lighthearted. They’re all itching to spend time on the beach and in the water, intense National Team camp or no.

 

Kelley had joked about only packing a swimsuit, cleats, and her Hawaiian shirt, but as a few days pass Alex isn’t entirely sure it was a joke at all. The shirt is bright blue with some kind of garish pattern Alex doesn’t even want to get a closer look at, and because she’s Kelley, Kelley wears it proudly.

 

She wears it proudly and it only takes two days for her freckles to start really coming in, even though she’s been applying sunscreen religiously. Alex stares and doesn’t bother looking away when Kelley notices. She just smiles and Kelley smiles back and makes a face at whatever the rookies are doing.

 

Hawaii is perfect, until it’s not.

 

The fields are turf, which always sucks, but for once it’s actually dangerous turf, with holes and pockets that catch on their cleats. They’re all cautious, at first, but then they get into the swing of practice, and everyone stops being careful because trying as hard as they can conditions be damned is the very nature of who they all are.

 

Alex thinks part of what makes it so awful is that it’s Pinoe. She’s too used to Pinoe’s laughs and jokes and positive attitude, and seeing her fall to the ground clutching her knee and scream in raw pain is—

 

Well. They end practice early that day.

 

They’re quiet as they file onto the bus, no one even taking out their headphones. Alex finds her seat like she’s on autopilot, staring at the back of what used to be Cheney’s seat. When the bus starts to move, she snaps her head to the left, suddenly realizing that the seat next to her is empty.

 

Alex turns around and peers through the gap in the seats. Kelley’s sitting alone too, staring out of the window, training top still dark with sweat. After only a moment’s hesitation, Alex scoots over and then swings around into the seat next to Kelley.

 

Kelley’s got one foot pulled up onto the seat, fingers rubbing at her ankle. Alex takes her hand, not sure which one of them she’s doing it for.

 

Now that she’s in the aisle seat, Alex catches sight of Tobin’s ponytail farther up the bus. Neither of them talk about it, but the next day Alex passes her as she walks towards their usual seats, holding eye contact for barely a second. She slides in next to Kelley again, for once not sure what the squirmy feeling in her stomach is about.

 

//

 

They cancel the game because of turf conditions and fly to Texas earlier than planned. They’ve got three games in six days, so they all do recovery after every practice, suffering through ice baths together in the Texas heat.

 

Christen is the one that ends up putting on a show against Trinidad, scoring three times in the second half, but Alex is the one who gets the game winner. It feels just as glorious as it always does, and Alex sinks into the comfort of the sport she’s loved for as long as she can remember.

 

It’s the first time that Tobin hasn’t sat next to her on the bus ride to a National Team game. She feels weird about it, but Tobin smiles and says, “great goal” as she hands her the recovery drink with “AM” written neatly on the cap, so she figure they’re okay.

 

Abby’s retiring in six days. Things are changing whether Alex likes it or not.

 

//

 

They have a Christmas party in NOLA.

 

Alex’s legs still ache from the 80 minutes she played against China the day before, so she throws on a pair of leggings and pulls up the red and white striped knee socks Kelley had found for her at some Christmas store she passed.

 

The matching Elf t-shirts had been all Alex, though, and the memory of how Kelley had laughed when she saw them still makes Alex’s stomach warm. So, they wear matching outfits to the team Christmas party. They wear matching outfits and sit so close together on the couch that Alex gets Kelley’s hair in her mouth three times.

 

They wear matching outfits and their legs tangle together on the couch and Kelley plays with Alex’s fingers as she talks to HAO.

 

“Hey, Al?”

 

Alex turns her head, not sure how long she’s been zoned out, and returns the smile Kelley’s got aimed at her. “What’s up?”

 

“Merry Christmas.”

 

Alex squeezes the fingers that are still tapping along her knuckles. Kelley lets her head slump down onto Alex’s shoulder.

 

When HAO texts her the picture the next day of the both of them passed out on the couch, matching from head to toe, Alex saves it to her camera roll and even emails it to herself, just in case.

 

//

 

kohara19: For the record, I would go to jail with you @alexmorgan13 if necessary, but I prefer the nails option.

 

//

 

They lose Abby’s last game.

 

Abby doesn’t even seem all that upset about it. Alex doesn’t know how, but she puts on a smile anyway, determined to have a good time after the game.

 

And boy, does she ever.

 

It’s their last game until January camp and CONCACAF Qualifying, and after their totally sober Christmas party they’re all itching to let loose a little. God knows New Orleans has enough options for them.

 

Kelley and Alex both dress in black, the same kind of tight, short dress that’s picked out for driving others crazy. Alex knows why she’s wearing hers. She can’t help but wonder what Kelley’s reasons are, but she doesn’t ask. She doesn’t need to, in the end, because Kelley spills all on her own.

 

“I’m trying something new,” Kelley says, leaning against the bar at the third place they’ve gone that night, not quite slurring but on her way there. “I’m doing what I want.”

 

“Good for you, Kell,” Alex says, smiling. “Go wild, girl.”

 

“I’m single, Als,” Kelley says. “I’m single and I’m _hot_.” Alex raises her glass to that, taking a large sip. “The whole wild world is open. You’re—” She pauses, swallowing thickly. Her face seems serious, all of a sudden, the lighthearted tone of voice gone.

 

Alex breathes in, then out, then in again. The moment stretches.

 

“You’re Alex,” Kelley finally says.

 

Alex snorts. “Yeah, and you’re Kelley. How wasted are you, drunky?”

 

“I’m not even drunk,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes.

 

Alex looks at her suspiciously. “Whatever you say, babes. Make sure you stick with someone, okay?”

 

Kelley grins, wide and loose. “That’s why I’ve got you,” she says, sliding her arms around Alex’s waist in an almost-hug.

 

Alex, feeling like there’s something similar to courage flowing through her veins, loops her arm around Kelley’s shoulders. “Let’s go find Abby,” she says, ignoring the tingling feeling in her chest.

 

Kelley’s fingertips dig into Alex’s side and she feels steady and off-balance all at once.

 

“Remember LA?” Kelley asks, having yelling to be heard over the music.

 

“Of course,” Alex says back.

 

“That first time we went out, with your team,” Kelley continues. “When we were just neighbors.”

 

It’s weird to think about that, to remember that there was a time when Kelley was just her neighbor, nothing more and nothing less. Alex shakes her head. “I remember.”

 

“I think I wore this dress.”

 

Alex looks down, shifting around until she’s got her hands on Kelley’s shoulders. For the first time that night, she lets herself look without the fear of getting caught.

 

It’s an LBD. Alex wouldn’t have been able to pick it out of a lineup. “I don’t remember it,” Alex admits. She drags her eyes back up to Kelley’s face, surprised to find her cheeks red enough that Alex can tell in the dim lighting. “Are you okay? Your face is kind of flushed.”

 

“Let’s dance,” Kelley says suddenly. “Let’s go find Abby and dance.” When Alex hesitates for a moment, she wraps both arms around her waist and forces her to move, fingers pressed against Alex’s stomach.

 

When Alex thinks about that night later on, all she remembers is dancing and those fingertips digging into her side, her forearms, her shoulders, small and delicate and controlling.

 

//

 

Alex’s December is marked by daily FaceTimes and conversations over text that never quite seem to end. Kelley’s aggressively keeping in contact, in a way that makes Alex think of three years earlier, to a completely different time and place.

 

It’s disorienting, mostly in the way that it doesn’t feel all that strange at all.

 

Alex leans into it. Syd is married and Cheney and Abby have retired and Tobin is off doing God knows what and talking to Kelley is warm and safe. Leaning away hasn’t done anything for her, so what’s the point?

 

Alex leans in and doesn’t think about how it feels a little like falling.

 

//

 

“LA with my Al,” Kelley slurs, wrapping an arm around Alex's shoulders.

 

“Okay, buddy,” Alex says, her chest fluttering at the thought of being Kelley’s. “Let’s go find you some water.”

 

“Gatorade,” Kelley insists. “Blue.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “Sure. Blue Gatorade coming right up.” She half pulls Kelley towards the kitchen of her college friend’s house, where the counter is a mess of half full bottles of soda and alcohol. She fills up a clean looking glass with tap water as Kelley wraps her arms around her and hums something slow, her hands dangerously low on Alex’s stomach. She mumbles something into Alex’s shoulder blades.

 

“What was that?” Alex asks.

 

“Love you,” she says more clearly, moving closer so her cheek is on Alex’s shoulder.

 

“Love you too, Kell,” Alex says absentmindedly, turning around and tilting Kelley’s head up. “Now, drink.”

 

“Yes, ma’am,” Kelley says, taking three huge gulps and spilling water all down the front of her shirt.

 

“Kell,” Alex groans.

 

“Oops,” she says, grinning. “Guess I’ve gotta drinking problem.”

 

Alex laughs, buzzed enough that she doesn’t think anything about leaning forward until her forehead rests against Kelley’s shoulder.

 

“Hey, Al,” Kelley says, ignoring her wet shirt. “Thanks for this.”

 

“‘Course,” Alex responds. “You're my best friend.”

 

“Bestest friend,” Kelley corrects, grinning in the loose way she does after one too many drinks. Alex straightens back up so she can see it properly. “I would’ve been so bummed to stay in Atlanta for New Year’s. Ann was supposed to come.”

 

“I know,” Alex says, because Kelley has told her at least five times. “You can always crash with me, Kell, you know that.”

 

“Yeah, I know.” Kelley smiles, softer than Alex expects. “Hey, Al,” she says again.

 

Alex smiles and plays along. “Yes, Kelley?”

 

“Happy New Year.”

 

Alex pulls her into a loose hug, surprised by how tightly Kelley grabs on. They sway back and forth a bit and Kelley starts humming that same, slow song from before. “Happy New Year, buddy.”

 

They stay hugging for a little longer than is usual, still swaying, the sounds of the party around them making Alex feel a little less guilty for the rush in her head.

 

//

 

2016

 

//

 

Alex wakes up to the smell of coffee and the sound of a blender whirring. She smiles despite the pounding in her head, eyes still closed.

 

Alex thinks she wouldn’t mind at all of 2016 was just like 2012.

 

//

 

The thing is, Alex isn’t the same person she was four years ago.

 

Neither is Kelley.

 

Neither is anyone else.

 

//

 

No one’s surprised when Carli wins FIFA Player of the Year, but they throw her a little party at January camp anyway. It’s tame because it’s Carli, but she surprises everyone by agreeing to eat a slice of cake for dessert.

 

Alex goes for Kelley’s slice once she’s done with her own, not bothering to try and be stealthy. Kelley rolls her eyes after the first bite and pushes the plate towards Alex before going back to her conversation with Crystal.

 

January camp is a little weird. There are a lot of new faces, and Alex suddenly can’t seem to forget that she’s a veteran now. It’s nice that the first part of camp is fitness, for once, because Alex can’t get in her head too much when all she has to do is run and jump and lift.

 

Kelley beep tests like Alex has never seen, and she’s standing by with a bottle of water when Kelley eventually ends up retching into a trash can in the corner of their indoor training facility.

 

“I think you just changed the definition of pushing yourself,” Alex says, rubbing Kelley’s back.

 

Kelley manages a smile, still breathing too hard to talk. She dumps half of the water bottle over her head and slowly sips the rest.

 

The newer players are fun, in their kind of hyper-excited way that seems both familiar and foreign at the same time. Alex still sticks close to Kelley, heading to the beach with her on their free afternoons and getting coffee at the place that used to know their orders.

 

They go for walks after Kelley surfs, her hair loose and wavy and shiny in the sun, and Alex wants so badly her chest hurts.

 

//

 

alexmorgan13: Second place ain't so bad huh @kohara19 ? #bachelor #imsorry #donttackleme

 

kohara19: There are no winners or losers in the game of love @alexmorgan13 just big hearts

 

//

 

They face Ireland in San Diego and Alex gets her first two assists and goal of 2016.

 

Carli wears the captain’s armband, which isn’t all that strange until Alex thinks about Abby. Alex doesn’t know when she’s going to stop turning in the locker room to say something to her, or Cheney, or Boxxy, but it probably won’t be any time soon.

 

They only have the one game against Ireland, not playing another until CONCACAF Qualifying in February. January camp and this game were very much about throwing new names in the mix, but Alex feels grounded in her place in this team, in the time she’s getting on the field.

 

It feels good. She feels ready for whatever 2016 has in store.

 

//

 

@alexmorgan13 what’s your favorite @vancejoy song?

 

Alex stares at the reply to her relatively bland tweet about a Vance Joy concert and feels her heart thudding in her chest. She could easily ignore it—she does with most things that get tweeted at her. She knows her favorite songs, though, knows them backwards and forwards from all the times she’s listened to them, always just a little too loud.

 

“Singin’ Georgia on my mind,” Alex mumbles to herself, unable to resist typing out a response.

 

alexmorgan13: hmmm so many good ones. Mess is Mine, Georgia.

 

//

 

_Do you like walking in the rain?_

_When you think of love, do you think of pain?_

_You can tell me what you see_

_I will choose what I believe_

 

//

 

_She is something to behold_

_Elegant and bold_

_She is electricity_

_Running to my soul, oh_

 

//

 

The roster for CONCACAF Qualifying gets announced and Alex doesn’t feel so ready anymore.

 

HAO isn’t there. There hasn’t been a single National Team camp that Alex has gone to where HAO wasn’t there, and it’s a different kind of weird than Abby or Lauren’s absence. Heather hasn’t retired, she just hadn’t been called up.

 

Things are changing. Alex just hopes she can keep up.

 

Despite Alex’s uneasiness at the difference of this tournament, it’s still a tournament, and once Alex goes into tournament mode there isn’t much that can distract her.

 

They face Costa Rica first, and Alex hesitates to call any game _easy_ , but they win 5-0 and she scores a brace, so it certainly wasn’t all too difficult. Kelley’s hamstring has been bothering her, so she sits out of the first game and the second, too, where they beat Mexico by only one goal.

 

By the time their third game, against Puerto Rico, rolls around, Kelley’s twitching to get out onto the field. Usually, game day coffee runs are reserved for Heather. Alex looks up a place to go before Kelley even has to ask.

 

Alex cheers her team on through the first half as they go up one, then two, and then three. Pugh, their shiny, tiny new 17 year-old, connects well with almost everyone on the pitch, getting balls into the box and setting up teammate after teammate.

 

Alex is so busy watching her in the box that she almost misses Kelley’s second international goal. Kelley doesn’t celebrate much, since they’re up by four, but Alex’s toes nudge the white perimeter of the pitch as she claps with a ferocity that makes her palms sting. In the locker room at half time, Alex pulls Kelley into a hug that lasts until Kelley’s heart rate slows, content to say her congratulations right into Kelley’s ear.

 

Alex doesn’t manage to score in the second half, even as Crystal ends the game with 5 goals, but that just makes her want to score in their next game against Trinidad even more. She scored against them only two months ago, and she wants to do it again. She has three shots on goal before ten minutes are up, but the goalkeeper comes up with three quick reflex saves that keep the score even.

 

She finally manages to get the ball in the back of the net when Kelley sends in a truly perfect cross, one that Alex can get her head onto like they’d practiced that exact play a hundred times. When Alex turns, Kelley’s waiting with hands raised, eyes wide with joy. Alex jumps into her arms and Kelley catches her like it’s nothing, even though it feels like everything.

 

Alex isn’t sure where her love for soccer ends and her love for Kelley begins, but they both leave her with the same sensation of weightlessness.

 

Alex scores in the tournament final, fresh off her hat trick against Trinidad, and it’s even sweeter than usual. There’s nothing Alex loves more than running past the entire Canadian team on her way back to half field after getting a ball into their net.

 

After the game, after a new medal rests safely around their necks, Alex lets herself dance around with Kelley in the locker room, sports bras sweaty and jerseys being swung above their heads.

 

Alex lets herself laugh and snap her jersey at Kelley’s ass. She lets herself breathe and lets herself do what she wants to, for once.

 

She just—lets go.

 

She loves Kelley and lets Kelley loves her back in whatever way she can. It isn’t enough, but Alex thinks that maybe she needs to take what she can get.

 

//

 

U.S. Soccer announces the She Believes Cup, a new tournament made to push them against the powerhouses of France, England, and Germany. After their relatively simple time going through Olympic Qualifying, it feels like a real test.

 

HAO’s back, cracking jokes and throwing ice at Kelley like she never left. Alex didn’t think it was possible for her to be more fit, but she runs circles around everyone in training, chasing down every single ball, even the hopeless ones.

 

She doesn’t end up playing, though, even as they go up against three of the best teams in the world in a span of only six days. Alex plays plenty, assisting Crystal in their first game against England and then scoring the game winning goals against both France and Germany, like some kind of fairytale.

 

It’s easy to smile as confetti falls down around them, when she’s got a golden ball in one hand and a golden boot in the other. It’s even easier when Kelley smacks a kiss onto her medal, winking at her with that easy confidence Alex has always envied.

 

Kelley sprinkles confetti in her hair and Alex shoves her smiling like she’s never going to stop.

 

//

 

The Thunder’s 2016 season starts strong, with two wins against Houston and Chicago and a tie against Seattle. Alex doesn’t manage to score in any of them, but she assists and and directs her team the best she can, captain’s armband snug around her bicep.

 

Alex smiles for pictures and signs balls and shirts and cleats and answers questions and ignores every nasty thing that gets said about her lack of performance in the NWSL.

 

She gets to training early, diligent in her stretching and preparation, chasing the feeling she got after the She Believes final every time she steps onto the pitch, wondering why her club team feels so much like work.

 

Alex would complain to Kelley, much like she usually does, but it doesn’t really feel all that fair when Kelley’s struggling with Sky Blue’s mess three thousand miles away. Alex watches her games and winces at the tackles Kelley slides into when her team is down by three.

 

Kelley rants to her over the phone when she’s out walking along the beach, where her team and housemates can’t hear the sometimes scathing things she has to say. More than anything, Kelley hates losing, which is all Sky Blue seems capable of doing, season after season.

 

“I know we’ve just started,” Kelley says, sighing. “And I don’t want to be pessimistic, but it already feels like more of the same.”

 

“You can be pessimistic all you want to me,” Alex replies. “This is a judgement free zone.” She sits back on her couch and closes her eyes, ready to listen.

 

Kelley laughs, just like Alex had wanted her to. “Yeah, right.” Alex would bet she’s rolling her eyes. “Don’t even try that, Lex, you judge so hard.”

 

Alex’s breath stalls in her throat, the nickname warming her up from the stomach out. The sound of the wind coming through the phone from Kelley’s side gives her a moment to formulate her response. “Well, sometimes you need it,” she finally says. “Is the weather there good enough for surfing yet? That always helps you relax.”

 

Kelley sighs. “No, not yet. Still that weird almost spring purgatory.”

 

Alex makes a sympathetic noise. “Well, you’ll be in Houston next week. That’s bound to be warm.”

 

“Yeah, and then Connecticut, where it’s supposed to snow.”

 

“Are you serious?” Alex groans. “No, I don’t want to play in snow.”

 

“At least Colombia’s going to be even less prepared for it.” Kelley says something else, but Alex can’t hear over sound of the wind.

 

“Hang on, Kell, the wind is too strong for me to hear you.” Alex shakes her head. “How are you on the beach right now? I know you’re freezing.”

 

“I like the beach,” Kelley says defensively. “I don’t know how you aren’t out there every day.”

 

 _It isn’t the same without you_ , Alex wants to say. Instead, she goes with, “it’s not as much fun by myself.”

 

“You’re always fun,” Kelley says. “Go with some teammates. Stop stressing so much, Al, we’ll do enough of that in Rio.”

 

Rio. Like a light at the end of a tunnel, the monster under the bed. Alex shakes her head. _Stop being so fucking dramatic_ , she thinks. She opens her eyes and finds herself staring at the Stanford pennant on her wall, the one with the small piece of paper taped under it that says “SUCKS!!!!!”

 

“Yeah, maybe I will,” Alex says. “Try to relax a little, or something.”

 

“Exactly. Oh, shit.”

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing, it’s just—I’m supposed to cook dinner tonight and I didn’t see that my roommates have been blowing up the group chat. I’ve gotta go, Al.”

 

“We’ll talk soon,” Alex says, warm with the knowledge that they will. “One.”

 

“Love you. Two.”

 

“Three.”

 

//

 

Alex doesn’t play in the first game against Colombia. It doesn’t feel fine, but she’s in her head a little too much, and Jill can tell. Her teammates win 7-0 as she’s bundled up on the bench, the team parka not doing much to keep the cold from soaking into her bones.

 

Their trip to Pennsylvania feels longer than it is, and Alex gets sucked into some stupid, new card game with Mal, Lindsey, and Sonnet. She probably gets too into it, if the expressions on their faces are anything to judge by, but she wins and they don’t, so maybe it’s them who need the attitude adjustment.

 

Philly is just as cold as Connecticut had been, with slightly less snow. Only slightly, though, because it does snow on their practice the day before the game, and by the time they’re back on the bus Alex can barely feel her toes. Kelley, whose fingers are perpetually freezing, is no help in warming up Alex’s hands, so she sticks them under her thighs, not bothering to take off her jacket even once the bus starts moving.

 

When Alex gets back to her room, she collapses face first on the bed, suddenly exhausted. She closes her eyes, and then the next thing she’s aware of is the sound of her door opening.

 

“Alex,” Kelley croons. “Are you napping, bestest?”

 

Alex’s eyes blink open. “No,” she insists, voice still heavy with sleep. “I’m wide awake.”

 

Kelley flops down on top of Alex’s back.

 

“Kelley,” Alex groans.

 

Instead of getting up, Kelley goes limp, pressing Alex deeper into the mattress.

 

“Maybe I’ll just fall asleep like this,” Alex threatens, her voice muffled into the bed.

 

That makes Kelley pop up. “No, ma’am,” she says. “Up and at ‘em.”

 

Alex groans again, but lets herself get pulled up. “Coffee?”

 

“Duh.”

 

“Can you get my shoes?” Alex asks, still sitting on the edge of the bed.

 

“Oh my gosh,” Kelley laughs, moving to get Alex’s shoes anyway. “What would you do without me?”

 

“Honestly,” Alex says, smiling as Kelley works her left shoe on first, “I have no idea.”

 

//

 

Their next game against Colombia doesn’t go as well, but Alex at least gets onto the field. Julie gets her first brace, capitalizing on set-pieces like she always does in practice. Alex, however, can’t make any of her chances get into the goal, and the 3-0 doesn’t make her feel any less awful.

 

She heads back to LA with a chip on her shoulder, almost dreading the stretch of club games she’s got ahead of her. She feels guilty about dreading the media aspects so much, since media coverage should be what she’s so very thankful of, but she can’t help it.

 

Alex smiles and nods when people come up to her in the grocery store and ask for pictures and still can’t manage to score for the Thunder. She stays goalless in Orlando, and then DC, all the way up until their game against Sky Blue.

  
She definitely feels sympathetic when she sees the tense set of Kelley’s shoulders after she gets her second goal before halftime, but the familiar rush in her head from hearing the snap of a ball in the net is all consuming and overpowering.

 

Alex is extremely familiar with Kelley when she’s lost, so she steers clear of her after the game, signing things and taking selfies until everyone starts wandering towards the locker room. Alex waves to the last few people still hanging out in the stands as she turns to leave.

 

“Hey, Al.”

 

Alex stops, turning again as Kelley’s hand on her shoulder tugs her into a quick hug.

 

“Show some mercy next time, huh?”

 

Alex grins. “No way.”

 

“Worth a shot.” Kelley sighs. “Thanks for the big crowd, superstar.”

 

Alex tries not to blush and mostly fails. “Well, you know,” she says. “They’re eager to see some good soccer, for once.”

 

Kelley pushes her back, acting all offended like she isn’t laughing along. “Get outta here,” she says. “I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

 

“Knock on wood,” Alex says, rapping her knuckles on Kelley’s forehead. “See ya, Kell.”

 

//

 

She does see Kelley soon, when they both end up in Colorado for the first of their two friendlies against Japan, where the altitude is absolute murder. Even Kelley, probably most fit on their team behind HAO and her iron lungs, struggles after their first training session. She’s still got two fingers pressed to her pulse when Alex plops down next to her on the bus.

 

Colorado is beautiful, if a little cold, and Kelley finds them a coffee shop that has a hell of a view of the mountains.

 

“I hope it’s okay that I ditched Mal and Lindsey,” Kelley says over her tiny cup of espresso. “I really didn’t want to deal with the babies today.”

 

Alex smiles. “No, I get it,” she says, feeling warm all over.

 

“They’d ruin our coffee date,” Kelley says.

 

Alex chokes on her cappuccino.

 

//

 

Twenty-two minutes into their game against Japan, the United States are down 2-0 and Alex feels like her lungs might explode.

 

She’s tired of not scoring. She’s tired of losing. She’s beaten Japan before; she’s wearing the fucking FIFA crest on her jersey. When she lines up at half field to kick off for the third time, the crest feels heavy, unignorable.

 

Alex barely needs five minutes before she’s scored.

 

She doesn’t celebrate much, doesn’t dare while they’re still down a goal, and the score stays the same as they go into the half. Neither team bothers with any subs, and Alex’s lungs feel rejuvenated by her fifteen minute respite. Still, things mostly stay the same, until they get a free kick not far outside the box, one that Alex gets her head on just right.

 

Alex runs with her arms spread wide, facing the crowd as they roar for her, for their team.

 

With the Olympics only two months away, Alex finally feels like she’s got her groove back.

 

//

 

In the end, it’s a tie. It’s a tie that feels like a loss, with Lindsey scoring in the 89th minute and Japan scoring to equalize in the 93rd.

 

Kelley’s pissed, so angry that she’s silent in the locker room, yanking her jersey off and throwing it into her cubby. Alex moves more sluggishly, just as angry but mostly upset that the game that had felt like her comeback after a scoring drought didn’t even end up as a win. The National Team is unaccustomed with not winning games.

 

Ohio is warmer than Colorado had been and Japan is just as deadly. The thing about the National Team, though, is that they really hate losing, and they go into their second match knowing that they have to win.

 

Julie gives them the lead in the first half, a stunning tap in from a surprisingly good cross from Allie. Alex doubles it in the second half on a breakaway that leaves the stadium roaring. That’s all they get, since they have to leave the field before the game’s over because of lightning, and as annoying as that is Alex is still happy. Rio feels just a little more tangible with every passing day.

 

//

 

Alex finally starts adding up goals for LA, slamming Portland with a hattrick in the Thunder’s home stadium. She gets player of the match, goal of the week, player of the week, and then eventually player of the month. By the time the next National Team games roll around, the ones that they aren’t going back to their club teams after, but instead to a plane headed for Brazil.

 

Their 1-0 win over South Africa gives Hope her 100th shutout. It’s hot in Chicago, and as they loiter on the field to watch the video U.S. Soccer made Alex can feel the sweat trickle down the back of her neck.

 

Someone nudges her. Alex looks to her left and finds Kelley holding out a water bottle. Alex takes it, and as their fingers brush she somehow feels even warmer.

 

//

 

“Game day, y’all,” Kelley says and she slides into the seat next to Alex.

 

“Game day, y’all,” Alex repeats, her words marred by her abysmal attempt at a southern accent.

 

Kelley just laughs, nudging their shoulders together.

 

The rest of their ride is mostly quiet, a pair of earbuds stretched between them. Alex takes a selfie with Kelley, their heads pressed together and mouths grinning wide. She doesn’t let herself think too much before she posts it.

 

 **alexmorgan13** My other half for the next 29 days! Game day y’all!

 

//

 

Alex doesn’t score, but their 4-0 win puts them all in a good mood ahead of their journey to Brazil. It’s a long journey, too, fifteen hours on a plane, but their seats basically turn into beds and they’re loaded up with pillows and blankets.

 

Kelley ends up next to her, even though she complains that Alex will wake her up when she has to get to the bathroom “every ten minutes.”

 

Alex doesn’t disagree and Kelley doesn’t switch seats.

 

Sometime during the flight, when they both find themselves awake, Kelley pulls out a pen lures Alex into a tic-tac-toe tournament on a thin napkin.

 

“Remember this?” Kelley asks after their fifth tie, when she takes a break to put on chapstick for the third time in four minutes.

 

Alex opens her mouth to ask what she means when she suddenly does remember—a flight from LA to Portland, far less legroom, a game against China, and tic-tac-toe on a napkin. “To keep you from worrying about your first call up,” Alex says softly.

 

Kelley rubs her lips together and then smiles. “It didn’t work.”

 

“Four years later,” Alex says, overwhelmed with nostalgia. “Or, four a little bit.”

 

“Don’t make me feel old,” Kelley complains. “I already fall asleep at, like, 10 o’clock.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “You did that four years ago.”

 

Kelley reaches out and flicks Alex’s ear, laughing softly. “Asshole. I’m lively and young.”

 

“ _Yeah_ , you are,” Alex says without thinking, wiggling her eyebrows up and down.

 

Kelley pulls up a sleeve and flexes, winking dramatically. When Alex grins, she leans in and whispers, “Hope and Carli are the grandmas.”

 

“ _Please_ don’t let them hear you say that,” Alex says, looking around them. “I’m not bailing you out.”

 

“I’ll hang with the teen.” Kelley shrugs, still leaning almost all the way into Alex’s seat, her face so very close. “And you, of course.”

 

“Duh.”

 

Kelley grins and Alex smiles back, more than a little mesmerized.

 

It feels dangerous.

 

It feels easy.

 

//

 

They land in Belo Horizonte and try their best not to take naps, mostly successful because they’re thrown into a light gym session and then a bunch of team activities.

 

It’s beautiful, and warm, and Alex’s camera roll starts filling up right away. She takes selfies and pictures of the city and of her teammates and of their practice fields and even of the food she eats. She wants to remember everything, to document it carefully like she never quite did in London.

 

Alex lies awake for a few minutes that night before finally falling asleep, trying to remember what her first night in the UK was like. She doesn’t remember exactly where they were—somewhere in the north, maybe Scotland—but she’s pretty sure that she only got three hours of sleep and almost died in training the next day. Determined to be older and more experienced, she closes her eyes and thinks about jumping sheep, and the exhaustion of a full day after 15 hours of travel doesn’t take long to catch up to her.

 

She dreams that she’s in a soccer game, scoring goal after goal, becoming more and more exhausted after every one but unable to stop.

 

//

 

Practice the next morning is intense, and so is the gym session they have in the afternoon. It’s oppressively hot, with a sort of sticky humidity that Alex has never gotten used to, even after playing all over the world. The sharp contrast of the air conditioned gym makes her lungs ache, but afterwards she feels grounded. It’s a familiar kind of post-practice high, one that Alex relishes, one that makes her feel at home in a country she’s never been to.

 

She takes an extra long shower that night, and is kind of late to the team dinner because of it, but Kelley’s saved her a seat. Alex feels doubly bad, since isn’t very social, too busy pouring over emails from a few sponsors.

 

“Can you check my caption for typos?” Alex asks, holding her phone out for Kelley to look at.

 

Kelley shoves the rest of her piece of bread in her mouth before reaching out and grabbing Alex’s phone. She squints as she chews, scanning the words quickly. “Looks good to me,” she says, her mouth still full. She goes to hand the phone back and then does a double take. “Hold up—that’s you?”

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “Yeah, Stanford, did you read the caption? Why would I post a baby picture of someone else?”

 

Kelley’s too busy cooing at her phone to respond. “Oh my gosh, your little _cheeks._ ” She looks up and grins. “In your little overalls. You were so cute.” As she hands the Alex’s phone back, she can’t seem to resist asking, “what happened?”

 

“Ha ha,” Alex deadpans, scanning her caption one more time before hitting share.

 

“I’m joking, you’re still cute,” Kelley says.

 

Alex looks up. “Um,” she laughs, more than a little awkwardly. Her face feels like it’s a million degrees. “Thanks, Kell.”

 

“Cute little cheeks,” she says, reaching out to try and pinch one.

 

“Stop,” Alex says, smacking her hand away. “Finish your dinner.”

 

Alex looks down at her plate, trying to will her blush to go away.

 

She doesn’t think it works.

 

//

 

Alex doesn’t know why her room is the one everyone decides to have a team movie night in, but she does know it isn’t worth it to try and fight the decision. She’s propped herself against the headboard of her bed with the fluffiest pillows ten minutes before anyone shows up, and stays there as her teammates make their way in. Alex has spent years on this team. She knows her spot will be poached the moment she gets up.

 

By the time Kelley wanders in, texting as she walks, all the spots on the beds have been taken, as well as most of the good spots on the floor. Without appearing to hesitate or even think about what she’s doing, Kelley steps over and around her teammates until she’s right by Alex’s side. She’s still looking down at her phone as she taps Alex’s leg.

 

Alex uncrosses her legs and grabs Kelley’s elbow to help her balance as she climbs up and wiggles around until she’s leaning back against Alex’s chest. Alex drops her chin onto Kelley’s shoulder, watching her thumbs fly as she responds to a text from her mother.

 

“Tell her I say hi,” Alex says.

 

Kelley snorts but Alex watches her type out _and Alex says hi_ , push send, and lock her phone. “What are we watching?” She asks, relaxing back into Alex.

 

“No one can decide,” Becky says, on their left.

 

“Classic,” Kelley mumbles, leaning her head back against Alex’s shoulder. “Wake me up when we choose.”

 

Kelley’s toes brush against the inside of Alex’s ankle.

 

She breathes deep.

 

//

 

They explore the stadium the day before they open against New Zealand, cameras clicking and capturing their every move.

 

Kelley’s practically vibrating with energy, bouncing around and jumping on people’s backs. She’s being over the top in the way that Kelley just _is_ sometimes, but is quiet in the moments she thinks no one is watching, staring up at the stadium around her. Alex thinks she looks kind of like a kid in a candy store, but that’s exactly what Alex feels like, so she doesn’t say anything.

 

Alex takes a jumping picture with Kelley, and afterwards she realizes it all feels achingly familiar to four years ago, to the picture they had taken at Old Trafford. She looks at the rows and rows of empty seats and tries to think of how she felt four years ago, if she felt anything like this.

 

She can’t quite remember.

 

//

 

Alex can’t resist posting another selfie with Kelley on their bus ride back to the hotel, Kelley’s closed eyes and wide smile looking like nothing short of bliss.

 

 **alexmorgan13** ONE DAY. #USAvNZL

 

//

 

On their way out of their game day minus one team meeting, Kelley slides up next to her.

 

“Lunch?” She asks.

 

“Sure,” Alex says, surprised but not complaining. “Somewhere in mind?”

 

“Yeah, Dawn recommended it.”

 

Alex makes a face and Kelley rolls her eyes.

 

“Relax, I’m sure they’ve got a dessert menu. Let’s go.”

 

“Just us?” Alex asks, letting Kelley grab her hand and lead her down the hall.

 

“Yeah.” Kelley shoots her a smile. “That okay?”

 

“‘Course,” Alex says. “As long as you don’t stick me with the check.”

 

“We’ll go halfsies,” Kelley promises, squeezing Alex’s fingers.

 

Alex squeezes back. “Perfect,” she says.

 

//

 

Training has been gone pretty well, at least for Alex, but she’s strangely anxious on the bus ride to the game. The pressure feels extraordinary, and the music pumping through her headphones doesn’t help her focus at all.

 

She tries to settle down in the locker room, but she keeps looking up and expecting to see Abby dancing her way from locker to locker, even though it’s been months and months since she retired. There’s Crystal, instead, who’s a better dancer by hundreds of miles, but Alex still feels unsettled. As they get ready to go line up, she turns to remind Cheney to put on her shin guards—

 

 _C’mon, Alex_ , she thinks. _Focus_.

 

Try as she might, Alex can’t focus during the anthems, or during their final huddle, or as the whistle blows. Tobin sends in a beautiful free kick a few minutes into the game, and Alex’s head gets on it, but instead of scoring she sends it somewhere in the direction of the moon.

 

They have a good grip on the possession, at least. Alex can’t seem to make her chances count, her shots going wide, or she’s offsides, or it’s both.

 

She heads into the locker room at halftime frustrated, knowing that she should’ve scored by now, that they should be up by at least two. She gulps down as much water as she dares and tries to listen to everything Jill has to say, tries as hard as she can.

 

There’s a quick huddle before they head back out, one that’s filled with cursing and yelling whoops of joy. As they break, Kelley wiggles between teammates until she finds Alex.

 

She pulls her into a hug, and Alex hugs back even though she’s outrageously sweaty. “You’ve already done this, you know,” she says into Alex’s neck.

 

Alex doesn’t pull back, not quite yet. “What do you mean?”

 

“Your first goal in the Olympics was against New Zealand,” Kelley says, moving far enough away to look at Alex’s face. “In Newcastle, roomie. Make it a trend, yeah?”

 

“Kelley, Alex, let’s go!”

 

Alex breaks away and heads towards the tunnel, her heart racing. She turns Kelley’s words over in her head, and by the time the second half starts, her mind is calm.

 

It only takes her 35 seconds to score.

 

//

 

Kelley doesn’t say “I told you so” on the bus back to the hotel, but she does offer Alex one of her earbuds, something close to a smirk on her face.

 

“My goal was your birthday present,” Alex says to her. Their conversation feels strangely private, since there’s little chance anyone can hear them over the general mayhem and rowdiness of the bus.

 

“My birthday isn’t until tomorrow,” Kelley says, turning down her music and shifting in her chair to face Alex more fully. “Doesn’t count.”

 

Alex laughs, but it stutters to a stop embarrassingly fast when Kelley reaches out to pull a piece of hair out of Alex’s face, still hanging loose and wet from her post game shower.

 

“You need to brush your mane ASAP,” Kelley says, pushing Alex out of whatever trance she had fallen into.

 

“You aren’t much better,” Alex snaps back, rolling her eyes.

 

Kelley flips her hair over one shoulder, smacking Alex solidly in the face.

 

“Kelley,” she splutters, pulling back and having a headphone yanked out of her ear.

 

Kelley breaks out into giggles, and Alex resists for only a second before joining in.

 

For once, she just lets herself lean in and laugh.

 

//

 

Alex has a coffee ready for Kelley when she wakes up, as well as a doughnut that she happened to find at a random cafe she passed on her way back to the hotel.

 

“Thank God I’m not your roommate this time,” Alex jokes as Kelley eats her doughnut by breaking pieces off slowly, savoring each bite. “Did you manage to brush your teeth by yourself?”

 

Kelley barks out a laugh, thankfully missing Alex with the spray of crumbs that leaves her mouth. “I forgot about that,” she says once she’s swallowed. “It didn’t work very well.”

 

“No,” Alex agrees. “It was fun though.”

 

Kelley holds out a piece of doughnut, asking whether or not Alex wants it with a raise of her eyebrows. Kelley should know by now that they answer is always yes, so Alex just leans forward and opens her mouth, letting Kelley shove it in.

 

Kelley’s finger brushes her bottom lip. Her hand stays outstretched from her body for a moment too long as Alex chews, but neither one of them says anything about it.

 

//

 

Alex fiddles around on her phone before her afternoon nap, and like usual it’s only a matter of time before her mind wanders around to thinking about Kelley. She opens Instagram without hesitating, scrolling farther and farther back in her photos until she hits the one she wants, the one she saved months ago.

 

She can’t remember if it’s from the Victory Tour or the She Believes Cup, but Kelley’s got an arm around her shoulders and they’re both laughing, perfectly in step. Alex doesn’t bother putting a filter on it.

 

 _Okay, Alex_ , she thinks. _What kind of caption says, “I’m not in love with my best friend?”_

 

Alex sighs and bites the inside her lip. After all this time, sometimes she wonders why she even bothers trying to hide it.

 

//

 

 **alexmorgan13** Happiest of birthdays to this gem!!! Now let’s win this damn thing!

 

//

 

They play France the day after Kelley’s birthday, a tight turn around so that all the games can fit mostly into the bulk of the Olympics’ schedule. France is never a team to underestimate, so Alex eats the best breakfast she can and even meditates for a half an hour or so, desperate for anything that will help her focus.

 

Kelley’s knee bounces on the bus. It makes Alex’s seat shake.

 

Once they’re warming up it’s a little easier, since it’s so very familiar. She passes back and forth with Christen and Mal and runs shooting drills with Kelley and Tobin feeding her through balls and tries to calm the fuck down.

 

She loves soccer, most days, but more than ever she feels the pressure to succeed, to score.

 

It’s her job, after all, so maybe it’s fitting that that’s what the game against France feels like—work.

 

When the final whistle blows, they’re up 1-0, and Alex feels the game in every muscle of her body.

 

France pushed their defense more than they’ve been pushed in a while, and in a way it makes Alex feel better. Holding strong against France makes her feel a thousand times more confident.

 

In the end, a win’s a win. The bus is loud on the way back to the hotel, and Alex sits back and closes her eyes and takes it all in.

 

//

 

“What are we doing this afternoon?”

 

Alex shrugs, not looking away from her Instagram feed. The new city has made Kelley anxious to explore. “I’m fine with anything.”

 

Kelley flops onto the bed and scoots until she’s leaning on Alex’s shoulder, looking down at her phone.

 

“We could just, like, watch a movie,” Alex suggests after a minute or two of quiet, filled only by Kelley watching her scroll through Instagram.

 

“It’s so nice out, though,” Kelley whines.

 

“Well, what do _you_ want to do, then?” Alex asks, locking her phone and poking at Kelley’s knee.

 

“I don’t know, something outside.”

 

“Um,” Alex says, trying to think. “I think Becky said something about a museum about the Amazon.”

 

Kelley wrinkles her nose and then reaches out to grab Alex’s phone, tapping in her password and opening Safari. Alex watches her type _things to do in_ before she interrupts.

 

“Let’s just go,” she says.

 

“What?”

 

“Let’s just go,” Alex repeats, sitting up and forcing Kelley to sit up too. “Let’s just walk. We’ll find something to do.”

 

“I—” Kelley starts before falling quiet. “Yeah, alright. Let’s go.” She smiles, the smallest quirk of her lips, and Alex looks away before she does something she’ll regret.

 

Alex swings her legs over the edge of the bed and bends to shove her feet into a pair of sneakers. Kelley scoots to join her and Alex’s heart beats just a bit faster as their thighs press together.

 

“Are we just going to wander?” Kelley asks, her smile wide and familiar and not nearly as dangerous as it was moments ago.

 

“Yeah,” Alex says, standing and looking down at her. “It’ll be fun. Like Manchester.”

 

Kelley kind of—freezes, almost. Just for a second, so briefly that Alex almost thinks she imagines it, Kelley is still, looking up with hauntingly familiar expression that Alex can’t quite place.

 

Alex swallows. “You good?”

 

Kelley nods. “Let’s roll, bestest.” She stands, kind of abruptly, and they’re too close for a moment, until Alex turns away.

 

Something in her wonders what just happened, if something just happened. She doesn’t have to wonder much, because Kelley’s got a hand on her wrist and is leading her on their next adventure.

 

Alex stops wondering and lets herself be.

  


//

 

alexmorgan13: hey @kohara19 wanna do our nails tonight? #tweetisthenewtalk

 

//

 

“I thought you meant, like, go get our nails done.”

 

“Not what I said, though,” Alex mumbles, focusing hard on covering Kelley’s thumb nail evenly with a deep, cobalt blue.

 

The floor of the bathroom in Alex’s room is far from a salon. Alex’s ass started going numb five minutes ago. Their legs are tangled up, Kelley’s thighs thrown over Alex’s left knee, both of them squished between the toilet and the bathtub. She holds Kelley’s hand firmly in her own and slowly coats her nails with polish. Her hands don’t shake.

 

“If you fuck it up I’m taking it off before the game.”

 

Alex pauses to glare at her. “I’m not going to fuck it up.” She readjusts her grip on Kelley’s fingers, not quite sure which one of their hands is clammy.

 

“Well, hurry it up, at least,” Kelley says, her voice changing just enough for Alex to know a joke’s coming. “Otherwise you’re not getting a tip.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes and drops Kelley’s left hand, reaching for the right. “My _tip_ ,” she says, starting on Kelley’s pinky, “is going to be you doing me.”

 

“Take me to dinner first, babe.”

 

Alex snorts, thankfully not getting nail polish all over Kelley’s finger. “Don’t make me laugh,” she complains.

 

“I’m actually surprised at how good you are,” Kelley says, looking at her finished hand.

 

“Thanks,” Alex says sarcastically.

 

“Shut up, you know what I mean,” Kelley laughs. “Like, when was the last time you did your own nails? College?”

 

“No,” Alex says, laser focused on her last strokes over Kelley’s thumbnail. “Probably back when we lived together.” She twists closed the cap of the blue. “Pass me the clear coat?”

 

“You mean you don’t have any sparkles?”

 

“Didn’t pack any,” Alex admits, grinning. “Should’ve, though.”

 

“Damn right.”

 

“All I’ve got is blue so that’s all you’ll be getting, picky.”

 

“Oh, are we gonna match?”

 

Alex smiles, going faster along Kelley’s nails since she doesn’t have to be as careful. “That a problem?”

 

“Never,” Kelley says.

 

Alex brings Kelley’s hand up and blows on her nails. “Alright, all done.”

 

They shift around a little, until Kelley’s kind of almost straddling her, sitting on the cold tile between Alex’s thighs, knees knocking against Alex’s hips. Alex takes a deep breath in through her nose, hoping it will calm her down, but instead she gets a strong whiff of Kelley’s shampoo.

 

Her stomach feels like one giant knot. Kelley grabs her hand to get started and the knot starts to untangle, like a loose thread slowly getting pulled out. Kelley’s got laser focus, lips pursed and she swiftly and confidently paints Alex’s nails. Alex can’t stop staring.

 

“You’re good,” Alex says after a minute of comfortable quiet. The polish has yet to touch her cuticles.

 

“You know, I used to do Christen’s all the time,” Kelley muses, still looking down at Alex’s hand. “Golly.” She pauses, glancing up at Alex and smiling. “I haven’t thought about that in ages.”

 

“Golly,” Alex repeats.

 

Kelley nudges Alex’s side with her knee and continues as if she hadn’t said anything. “And then the last time was when I did yours, I guess. When your mom wasn’t paying for our mani-pedis, at least.”

 

Alex laughs, trying her best to keep her hand still. “Those were the days.”  


“What, before your fancy Nike contract?”

 

“Okay, Ms. Under Armour.”

 

“Touché.”

 

Kelley gives Alex’s thumb one last stroke and then twists the cap closed. “There. Like riding a bike.”

 

Alex hands her the clear coat while she blows on the nails of her other hand. After a moment, she takes the plunge. “You didn’t do Ann’s?”

 

“Nah,” Kelley says casually. “She didn’t dig it. Other hand, please.”

 

Alex obeys and drums her fingers on the warm skin of Kelley’s thigh, careful not to smear any blue. “Are you—good?”

 

Kelley looks up and quirks an eyebrow, screwing the clear coat closed. “Am I good?”

 

“About Ann and everything,” Alex clarifies.

 

“Oh.” Kelley wrinkles her nose and pulls her legs back until she’s resting her chin on her knees, her freezing toes pressing into the inside of Alex’s thigh. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

 

Alex hums, scooting back and shifting around to try and get some feeling back into her butt, which is entirely numb. “Promise?”

 

“Promise,” Kelley says. “Breakups suck, but I’m good. I think it was a while coming.”

 

Alex hums, reaching out and letting her hand graze along Kelley’s shin. Kelley smiles, grabbing it and squeezing.

 

Their fingernails are the same, deep blue.

 

//

 

The game against Colombia is kind of a disaster.

 

Alex wishes there was a different way to think about it, to be optimistic, but it’s really just a disaster. She goes on after the half and feels like she makes a difference, but Colombia scores in the last minute of the game and forces a draw.

 

The World Cup had been kind of like this wave, like a current Alex let herself get pulled along in. It was fast and crazy and their gold medal felt a little inevitable, a little like taking back their pride by force.

 

This is different—they can’t pull that underdog bullshit anymore, not when they won in 2012 and 2015. This is about clinging to the top of the pyramid and the thing about the tip of a pyramid is that it’s really fucking easy to lose your balance.

 

//

 

In Brasilia, Kelley and Alex scout out a coffee shop, one that will be theirs, even just for a few days. They stand together in line, shoulders brushing, laughing about something dumb. Alex feels Kelley staring at her as she orders, but when she looks over, Kelley just smiles.

 

Alex pays. Kelley doesn’t try to fight it, for once.

 

They’ve only just sat down when Kelley takes a breath, almost comically deep, and says, “I have something to tell you.”

 

Alex raises her eyebrows, taking a slow slurp of her iced coffee.

 

Kelley bites at her lip, fingers drumming on the table, her nails still a vibrant cobalt. She looks nervous—almost anxious.

 

“What’s up?” Alex finally asks, unable to stand the silence for another second.

 

Kelley laughs, but it sounds strange and forced. Her fingers stop drumming.

 

Alex sits up a little straighter, worry creeping its way into her head. “Kell?”

 

“I’m thinking of playing abroad,” Kelley says suddenly.

 

“Wait, seriously?”

 

“Yeah.” Kelley smiles, a strained little quirk of her lips. “Seriously.”

 

“So am I,” Alex admits, even though she hasn’t really talked to anyone about it. “Like, sometime in the next year or two.”

 

“Whoa,” Kelley says, not looking up.

 

“Where are you thinking?” Alex pushes, trying to get Kelley to make eye contact again. “W League?”

 

“What?”

 

Alex frowns. “In Australia. Kell, are you okay?”

 

Kelley shakes her head, one hand coming up and rubbing at her eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine sorry. No, I don’t know where yet. You?”

 

“Maybe France,” Alex admits. “Or England.”

 

“That would be awesome,” Kelley says. She smiles, but it still looks weak. “I know you wanna Champions League it up, Als.”

 

Alex grins. “You know me.”

 

Kelley finally reaches for her coffee and takes a sip. “Yeah,” she says.

 

//

 

On the bus, Kelley’s fingers tap along Alex’s knee. Playing Sweden always makes her nervous, way more nervous than she likes to let on. She hides it with loud laughs and sometimes even goofy dance moves in the locker room, but Alex knows.

 

She isn’t sure whether she knows Kelley better or if Kelley lets her see just a little farther than she lets anyone else. Either way, Alex lets her tap, eventually reaching out and grabbing onto her hand, lacing their fingers together.

 

Kelley’s fingers tap along her knuckles. Right as the bus comes to a stop, Alex squeezes tightly and then lets go.

 

//

 

She lines up in the tunnel and it feels just like it always does— _Alex_ feels just like she always does.

 

Later, she thinks that might be the cruelest part about it all.

 

//

 

Afterwards, the locker room is silent.

 

The silence isn’t deafening, or loud.

 

The silence is exactly that—silent. It’s everything else that’s deafening. The sniffle from somewhere on Alex’s left, the quiet rustle of a piece of clothing dropped to the floor, _that’s_ what’s loud.

 

Alex’s throat burns. She wonders if she has to change, or if she can stay in this jersey forever, stay sitting in front of her cubby and staring into space. Taking it off, showering and changing, that seems permanent and solid in a way she’s desperate for today not to be.

 

Right as the first tear rushes down her cheek Alex thinks about all the press she has left to do, all the questions she’s going to have to answer, and after that the tears come faster.

 

For the first time in her life, Alex wishes she hadn’t scored that goal against Canada four years ago. She wishes someone else had done it, that someone else would have to deal with the media storm that’s to come. She almost wishes that no one had scored and that they had lost so that maybe she would know how to deal with this, how to handle a defeat so total and crushing she doesn’t even think she can move.

 

Alex is so zoned out she doesn’t realize Kelley’s standing over her until there are two arms wrapping around her shoulders. The tension in the nape of her neck fades as Kelley’s fingers press into shoulder blades, and then she shakes with the sob she can’t hold back any longer.

 

Alex presses her face into Kelley’s stomach even though her jersey is still wet and sweaty, and cries silently, her tears an impossible mixture of sorrow and helpless rage. One of Kelley’s hands moves until it’s cradling the back of her head as she leans down and presses the softest kiss to the top of Alex’s head.

 

“Hey, 2D,” Kelley whispers. “Hey, buddy. I’m here, okay? I’m here.”

 

Something about that—maybe it’s the nickname, or the tone of her voice, or maybe it’s just Kelley, effortlessly knowing what Alex needs even before Alex knows herself—something about that makes the knot in Alex’s chest untangle, just the tiniest bit. The sobs fade out until there’s just Kelley’s thumb gently stroking at Alex’s scalp, her lips still pressed to the top of Alex’s head, steady and solid and there.

 

Alex takes a deep, shuddering breath. She feels her heart thudding against her ribs.

 

In, out.

 

Contract, release.

 

//

 

“Let’s go to Rio.”

 

They’re on the balcony of Kelley’s hotel room. It’s probably two or three in the morning, but Alex stopped paying attention to the time hours ago. Kelley’s voice is soft, like the late hour requires her to almost whisper, but she sounds sure.

 

“Why?” Alex asks, her voice scratchy.

 

“We’re here, your family’s here.” Kelley shrugs. “Let’s go to Rio.”

 

Alex’s memories of the 2012 Olympics are so often hazy, overshadowed by the overwhelming emotion of standing on the podium, of the weight of a gold medal around her neck. What always has the most clarity, the crispest edges, the most saturated colors, is always the Athlete’s Village, wandering around London, going to whatever was left of the other events. What she remembers most are those few days in the thick of it all, Kelley’s hand grasped in one of her own, back when those little declarations of affection didn’t feel so heavy.

 

Knowing she isn’t getting that again, that she wasn’t good enough—it hurts. It stings and throbs and aches but there’s a glint in Kelley’s eyes, a glint that says there might be a chance of getting some of it again.

 

Alex will take whatever she can get.

 

“Alright,” she says. “Let’s go to Rio.”

 

Sitting on that balcony with Kelley at some hazy, late hour—it pulls Alex back to the end of their season in LA, right after London, when they sat in that dingy courtyard of their apartment complex, when Alex had come so close to telling Kelley everything.

 

She wonders what would’ve happened if she had.

 

She feels that pull again, for whatever reason. Maybe it’s the way Kelley’s head is tilted back against her chair, the way she’s smiling with her eyes closed, like she’s just won something important. Maybe it’s the way her feet are propped up on the railing, sweatpants tucked into socks. Maybe it’s the way she’s twisting that ring on her finger.

 

For whatever reason, for every reason, Alex wants to kiss her. She wants it like she wants a Rio 2016 gold medal.

 

Alex is tired of wanting and not getting.

 

“Kelley?”

 

Kelley hums in response, turning her head towards Alex and opening her eyes. Alex hadn’t realized how close they were until then, Kelley’s face suddenly inches from her own. Her eyes are a little red, but Alex never saw her cry.

 

“It’s—” The words feel heavy in Alex’s throat. “Nothing, nevermind.”

 

“No, hey,” Kelley objects, reaching out and grabbing onto Alex’s hand. “What’s up?”

 

Alex is so good at not looking at Kelley’s lips. She’s a master and keeping eye contact, but something about this strange space, this secluded bubble of quiet and just them, makes her crack. It’s only a second, but when she looks back up, Kelley’s face has gone slack, the pinch between her eyebrows gone.

 

“Alex?” Kelley’s whispering again, her fingers tightening around Alex’s just the tiniest bit.

 

“Yeah?” Alex whispers back, afraid her voice will crack if she tries to actually speak.

 

“Don’t hate me.”

 

Alex parts her lips to say _I could never hate you_ , but before she can there’s a warm mouth pressed against her own.

 

Everything’s still for a moment. Slowly, so slowly, Alex begins to register things, one by one: the soft pressure of Kelley’s nose against her cheek, the chapstick smeared across her lips, the shaky, nervous breath that flutters across her jaw.

 

For once, Alex doesn't think—she reacts. She tilts her head to get Kelley’s upper lip between her own and after that, it’s hard to focus on much of anything at all, especially once Kelley lets out this little, perfect gasp, her lips trembling against Alex’s.

 

Alex is overwhelmed. They break apart for a moment, breathing heavily into the sliver of space left between them. Alex doesn’t open her eyes, her heart trying to wrap around the moment. She takes her hand out of Kelley’s, reaches out blindly until her fingertips brush Kelley’s throat, trails them down to her collar, curls her fingers around the soft cotton, feels the staccato throb of Kelley’s heartbeat.

 

“Is this…” Kelley’s whispering, but she sounds impossibly loud.

 

Alex’s fingers clench around the collar of Kelley’s T-shirt.

 

“This isn’t just—” Kelley takes a deep breath. “I’m…” She lets out a shuddering breath, something that’s almost a laugh.

 

Alex can feel it against her face. She opens her eyes to find Kelley staring and she looks—she looks reverent.

 

“How is it you still manage to make me tongue tied?”

 

Alex doesn’t quite know if she pulls Kelley in or if she leans in herself, but it doesn’t make much of a difference.

 

Their second kiss is slow and searching, Kelley’s hand coming up to trace along Alex’s jaw before resting around the curve of her neck, thumb pressing into that soft spot under her ear. Everything is hot, from Alex’s face to the sensation spreading through her chest to the clammy palm on her neck to the tongue that flickers against her lower lip to the stuttering breath Kelley lets out when their mouths are finally teased open. Everywhere Kelley’s touching her is molten, the heat slipping into her slowly until she feels like she’s melting down through the chair.

 

Alex doesn’t realize that Kelley’s gotten up until she’s pressing close, until Alex finds herself falling back, Kelley following seamlessly. Her hands leave Alex’s neck, her hair, so that she can balance as she positions her knees on either side of Alex’s hips, mouth hot and distracting the whole time. Her palms fall heavy onto warm shoulders as she lowers herself until she’s right in Alex’s lap. Almost immediately, a lot astonished and just barely in control, Alex winds her left hand around Kelley’s back until it rests low on her waist.

 

They’re close, so close, Kelley’s hands weaving through Alex’s hair, one of Alex’s hands still twisted in Kelley’s collar, trapped between their chests. It’s a sensory overload, Alex’s thoughts too scrambled to settle on anything specific, like the heat of Kelley’s thighs through two layers of sweatpants, or the way her mouth slants back and forth so delicately but with such focus, or the pads of her fingertips rubbing so softly against Alex’s scalp. She just grips Kelley’s waist a little tighter, lets the hand clenching Kelley’s collar relax until her palm is flat, caught between two racing heartbeats.

 

Alex doesn’t know what kiss they’re on, doesn’t really care. All she knows is the feel of Kelley against her mouth, in her lap, within her arms. She doesn’t know who starts to smile first, just that they’re suddenly both grinning, trying to keep their lips together and mostly failing. She thinks Kelley might start laughing first, but it doesn’t quite matter—before long they’re both giggling, a mouth pressed awkwardly against a chin, chests heaving, gasping breaths pushed out against flushed cheeks.

 

Alex doesn’t think she’s ever felt so full, so much like she’s overflowing. She’s out of breath and her heart is hammering but she barely notices any of it, wholly and completely and utterly distracted, Kelley’s eyes bright even in the darkness. Alex takes a deep breath, takes in the sight before her. She watches Kelley laugh, leans back against the chair and lets her hands drop to the top of Kelley’s thighs, warm through the sweatpants.

 

Kelley reaches forward, a few light chuckles still escaping, and takes two fingers to pull a stray piece of Alex’s hair away from her face. Her hand traces around from Alex’s ear to the dip beneath her mouth, where her thumb slides with gentle pressure.

 

“Chapstick,” she says.

 

Alex grabs onto Kelley’s wrist before she can pull her hand away and presses a delicate, tender kiss into her palm.

 

It’s a little bit of joy, a little bit of _is this real?_ , a little bit of dizziness, a little bit of perfection, all wrapped up in a little slice in a corner of the world that’s no one’s but theirs.

 

//

 

"I've wanted to do that for a while." Kelley admits, her words warm on Alex's neck despite of the weight they carry.

 

Alex almost starts laughing again. "I've wanted to for longer."

 

"That's cheesy and _so_ not true."

 

Alex hums, not agreeing but not disagreeing, either. Kelley shifts, wiggling around until her head fits more solidly against Alex's shoulder. Her lips graze the side of Alex's neck as she asks, "how long?"

 

Alex chews on the inside of her lip, grabbing Kelley's hand and twisting their fingers together. "A while."

 

Kelley's fingers tap against Alex's knuckles. "You haven't dated anyone since Servando."

 

"No," Alex says, turning her nose into Kelley's hair. "I haven't."

 

Once Kelley's breath evens out and Alex is sure she's asleep, she whispers, "since London."

 

In one moment of clarity mixed up in the haziness before she finally falls asleep, Alex feels Kelley squeeze her hand. She's just awake enough to squeeze back.

 

//

 

It’s the tapping on the glass door that wakes Alex up. It’s loud enough that Kelley starts too, her head jerking up from Alex’s shoulder and knocking into her ear. They’re tangled together on the chaise lounge, Kelley half on top of Alex, their legs twisted up in a way that doesn’t look nearly as comfortable as it feels. The balcony is still in the shade, but the sun’s up, and when Kelley looks up and over Alex’s shoulder her eyes seem brighter than usual with the light blue of the sky behind her.

 

“Mal,” she says, just loud enough for Alex to hear, sitting up and moving back a bit.

 

Alex rubs her eyes and twists around, groaning when her back cracks. Behind her, she hears the door slide open.

 

“Did you stay out here all night?” Mal’s voice is scratchy, defeated.

 

Right.

 

Sweden.

 

Kelley’s sitting up now, Alex’s knee pressing into her lower back. Her head falls into her hands. Alex is glad she doesn’t have to see the look in Kelley’s eyes, the look she’d seen in her teammates’ eyes all of last night.

 

“We fell asleep, I guess,” Alex says after it’s clear Kelley isn’t going to respond. She doesn’t remember falling asleep, really, just that soft place in between, breathing the same air, eyelids heavy and chests light.

 

“Breakfast’s started, but there’s time to shower if you want.”

 

“Thanks, Mal.”

 

Mal nods, sighing as she wanders back into the room, keeping the door open. Alex reaches out, lets her hand graze across Kelley’s elbow.

 

“Let’s go eat,” she says.

 

Kelley takes a deep breath and nods. She reaches a hand around to intertwine with Alex’s.

 

“Lead the way.”

 

//

 

“Alex?”

 

Kelley’s voice, muffled into the collar of Alex’s shirt, is still loud in the quiet of the elevator.  Alex hums in response, her hand continuing to make soft circles over the small of Kelley’s back.

 

“What does this mean to you?”

 

Alex pulls back just enough to press a kiss over the freckles on the soft skin of Kelley’s cheek. She could say a lot, a whole monologue, talk and talk and talk about just how much this means to her, but the elevator’s almost at their floor, so she keeps it simple.

 

“Everything.”

 

Kelley rolls her eyes and pinches Alex’s side, but she doesn’t bother trying to hide her smile.

 

//

 

On the flight to Rio, Alex takes the window seat. They hold hands and Kelley falls asleep on her shoulder.

 

Alex shifts her position halfway through the flight, her aching back making the way they’re snuggled up impossible to maintain. Kelley stirs for a moment, eyes opening blearily, before she scoots closer and lets her head fall limp on Alex’s shoulder again.

 

Alex smiles and leans her cheek against Kelley’s head.

 

//

 

(Just out of Alex’s line of sight, Kelley smiles the in the same tiny, gentle way.)

 

//

 

Rio is similar but so different.

 

Alex and Kelley still spend most of their time wandering around the city and going to other events, their palms pressed together, Alex’s arm slung over her shoulders, hips knocking with every step. They still get stopped for interviews—or at least, Alex does.

 

What’s missing are the medals around their necks.

 

But if Alex squeezes Kelley’s hand tight enough, kisses her long enough, holds her close enough—sometimes she can forget it all. If she pulls Kelley aside, presses them together in the shadows of a crowded street, hidden in plain sight, if she slides their lips together just right, everything will fade away.

Sometimes she’ll catch that heartbroken look in Kelley’s eyes when they watch someone else win gold. Sometimes Alex feels it too. Sometimes Alex will press a gentle kiss to Kelley’s temple when she sees it, just because she can.

 

But, here’s the thing—Alex will take this heartbreak if it saves her from the one she’s been going through every day for the last four years. She’ll take it over and over and over again.

 

She’ll let the sting of losing get lost in that shrinking space between their mouths until it’s only a whisper, a memory lost in the smell of summer and taste of chapstick.

 

//

 

Kelley kisses her and Alex is shrouded in gold.

 

//

 

They spend a day by the pool, breaking only for lunch and to go to the hotel spa. Kelley’s sunkissed smile fades for a moment as the sharp blue of her nails is covered up by a more neutral green.

 

Alex presses a kiss to a warm, freckled shoulder and the smile comes back in full force.

 

//

 

“I guess you can’t win everything, huh?”

 

Alex takes a sip of her wine. Kelley sounds almost bitter, the smile tugging at the corner of her mouth an attempt to make her dreary statement seem more upbeat.

 

“I guess,” Alex says, looking around. It’s late, late enough that the lights are dimmed and there are candles on all the tables. Everything about this screams _date, we’re on a date_ , but neither of them have said anything about it. “You can come close, though.”

 

Kelley’s smile stretches across her face and she looks down at her plate. “Yeah,” she says, her ankle knocking against Alex’s under the table. “You can come close.”

 

//

 

In the back of her mind, in that moment right before Kelley kisses her in the hallway outside their room, Alex thinks that this was so worth the wait.

 

“It’s kind of hard to kiss you when you’re smiling so big,” Kelley mumbles against her mouth.

 

“Deal with it,” Alex whispers back.

 

//

 

They’re probably going too fast.

 

That’s the only thought in Alex’s head as she drags her mouth down the smooth skin of Kelley’s neck. Maybe it’s kind of stupid, since Kelley was all too willing to pull Alex down on top of her on one of the hotel beds. Maybe it’s really stupid, after four years of being frozen in place, but it’s what she’s thinking. Or at least, it’s what she’s thinking until her teeth dig in a little harder than she intends and Kelley lets out a groan and a breathy, “Lex—”

 

After that, Alex doesn’t think much. Instead, she focuses on getting Kelley out of her shirt as fast as possible, fingertips dragging along warm skin on the way. The serious, desperate haze cracks for a moment when the collar of Kelley’s shirt gets caught on her chin and they both break into giggles trying to get her out, and _God_ everything about this, about them, just feels inevitable.

 

Once Alex is faced with Kelley in a bra, though, the giggles die pretty fast. It’s a nice bra, nude with just a little lace, like maybe Kelley knew where they were going to end up, and it’s so not one of the sports bras Alex is used to seeing her in. Kelley like _this_ , cheeks and chest flushed, eyes wide and mouth red, is so radically different from any way Alex ever thought she’d get to see her.

 

The backs of Alex’s fingers graze Kelley’s cheek and then she’s leaning down and kissing her, slow and deliberate, drunk on the thought _I can do this_.

 

 _We’re doing this_.

 

 _Kelley wants this_.

 

“Lex—” Kelley mumbles again, her fingertips pressing into Alex’s shoulders. Alex likes the way she says that, likes the way it’s somehow more delicate than Alex, likes the way it makes her feel more feminine, more powerful. Kelley’s the only one who’s ever really called her that, too, and Alex likes that most of all.

 

She likes Kelley being her exception.

 

One of Alex’s hands has found its way to the space between the bed and Kelley’s arched back, and she can feel the goosebumps that spring up when she lets her fingertips trace little circles at the base of Kelley’s spine. She skims her fingers up until they hit the clasp of her bra and then pauses, Kelley panting hot breaths onto her chin.

 

“Can I take this off?” Alex asks, her lips grazing Kelley’s cheekbone. She feels Kelley’s nod more than she sees it, and only has to fumble with the clasp for a few seconds before the straps go slack and she can help ease them down Kelley’s arms. It gets thrown somewhere to the side, off the bed, and Alex doesn’t care at all where it lands.

 

She’s seen Kelley topless before, having spent years in locker rooms with her, but she’s never seen Kelley like this. This is intimate and personal, missing the usual smell of sweat and AstroTurf, Kelley’s hair fanned out against the bed, looking so indescribably soft, and Alex is stunned. She opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.

 

Kelley smirks, the flush on her cheeks somehow making her look confident. “You good?”

 

“Yes and no?”

 

Kelley laughs that loud, scrunchy-nose laugh that Alex loves so much, maybe just a little louder than usual. “I could say the same,” she says, surprisingly soft, reaching up and running her hand through Alex’s hair.

 

“Except I have, like, no boobs,” Alex mumbles, leaning down and skimming her mouth across Kelley’s shoulder, stomach dropping when she feels for herself that no bra strap is in her way.

 

“That’s true.”

 

Alex pinches Kelley’s side, smiling into warm skin as Kelley laughs again. “If you want me to stop—” she threatens, keeping her hand on Kelley’s side, tailing up and down.

 

Kelley’s fingers graze along her scalp. “Didn’t say that,” she breathes.

 

“You’ve got pretty nice abs,” Alex says, moving her hand down instead of up and scratching lightly just above the waistband of Kelley's jeans.

 

Kelley groans, abs tensing as her free hand moves to the hem of Alex’s shirt, just above her ass. “You do too,” she says, her palm sliding up Alex’s spine. “Let’s compare.”

 

Alex snorts. “Smooth.”

 

Kelley grins cheekily as Alex sits up and quickly pulls off her shirt. She reaches behind her back to take off her bra too, but Kelley’s hand shoots out and stops her.

 

“Wait,” she says. “Give me a sec.”

 

“What?” Alex asks, frowning.

 

“Just…” She lets her eyes roam, settling her hands on Alex’s thighs. “Taking in the view.”

 

Alex blushes. “It’s a good bra, right?”

 

Kelley nods, biting at the corner of her lip. “Great bra.”

 

“It was only, like, fifteen dollars.”

 

“Get out,” Kelley says, dragging her eyes up to Alex’s face. “That’s a steal.”

 

“Mmhmm,” Alex says, nodding. “You done?”

 

Kelley groans, looking back down. “Yes and no?”

 

It’s Alex’s turn to laugh. She unclasps her bra in one smooth, practiced movement, flinging it somewhere behind her. Kelley lets out a slow breath.

 

“You _just_ said I don’t have any boobs,” Alex mumbles, still blushing.

 

“Quality over quantity.” Kelley grins, grabbing onto Alex’s hands and pulling.

 

“Flattery will get you everywhere,” she says right before Kelley closes the gap between them. Alex lets herself sink into it, presses her elbows down on either side of Kelley’s head, her heart rate nearly tripling as their chests and stomachs press together. Kelley’s hands wander up her sides until they’re almost where Alex wants them.

 

“Kell,” Alex mumbles, not bothering to pull back, the word tangled up in Kelley’s mouth.  One of Kelley’s legs hooks around Alex’s waist and then they’re rolling and Kelley’s hovering above her, and _fuck_ it’s been a long time and Alex can barely breathe.

 

Kelley leans down and kisses her softly, so softly, her hand barely grazing the side of Alex’s breast.  Alex tries to tilt her head and get one of Kelley’s lips between her own, but Kelley keeps her head far enough back to keep their mouths only just touching.

 

She’s teasing. Alex wants to scream. Instead, she slips her hands into the back pockets of Kelley’s jeans and pulls her down sharply, smiling as Kelley gasps against her mouth, their noses kind of getting smushed together as a result. Kelley lets her deepen the kiss, though, and just when Alex thinks she’s going to cry if Kelley doesn’t _do_ something her hand finally covers Alex’s breast.

 

Alex’s breath hitches and Kelley softly mutters a curse into the quiet of their hotel room. Her mouth wanders across Alex’s jawline and down her throat, hot and distracting. Alex tries to focus on the slow moving ceiling fan above them to ground herself but Kelley’s tongue on her collarbone and her fingers working across Alex’s chest make everything seem fuzzy.

 

“That’s,” she breathes, one hand coming up to twist into Kelley’s hair. “That feels good.”

 

Kelley groans softly against her throat and then she’s coming up to kiss her again, her lips eager and insistent. Alex just tries to keep up, giddy and barely suppressing some noises herself. She squeezes with hand she’s still got on Kelley’s ass and smiles when Kelley groans again, this time into her mouth.

 

“Alex,” she gasps out, ripping her mouth away, pressing their foreheads together. “Al—”

 

“What?” Alex asks, tucking a stray hair behind Kelley’s ear.

 

“Do you want to stop?”

 

Alex rests her palm on Kelley’s cheek, pushing her back just far enough that she can see the expression on her face, honest and unfocused and beautiful.

 

Kelley’s eyes look the same as they always have.

 

“No,” Alex breathes out, knowing what she wants so desperately she can’t deny it for another second. “Do you want to stop?”

 

Kelley shakes her head. “No,” she says.

 

Kelley kisses her and Alex finally (finally, _finally_ ) lets herself fall.

 

//

 

“This is kind of crazy.”

 

Alex looks up, her cheeks stuffed with a too big bite of cheeseburger. “What is?” she asks, her words barely understandable.

 

“This,” Kelley says, gesturing all around them. She’s got a bathrobe tied loosely around her waist, dangerously close to slipping off one shoulder. She eats another french fry and then says, “Us.”

 

Alex chews and swallows, trying to not be distracted by the smooth expanses of skin around Kelley’s collarbone and failing horribly. “Yeah, we usually hate getting overpriced room service, but when in Rio, I guess.”

 

“Shut _up_ ,” Kelley says, tossing a fry across the bed. It smacks Alex in the boob, and she catches it before it can fall onto the bed and pops it into her mouth.

 

“Can you just—“ Kelley smacks at Alex’s hand as she reaches for another one of her french fries. “You said you didn’t want any, stop.”

 

“I changed my mind,” Alex says, finally managing to grab a couple of fries.

 

“You can afford your own fries,” Kelley grumbles, moving her plate farther away.

 

“You can just charge yours to your dad’s card,” Alex says, smirking.

 

“Oh my _God_ ,” Kelley’s offended tone is dampened by the laughter she can’t keep down. “Like you aren’t the biggest daddy’s girl west of the Mississippi, you little hypocrite.”

 

“At least,” Alex starts, breaking out into giggles, her empty wine glass sitting on the bedside table. “At least he didn’t pay for my apartment for a year and a half.”

 

“I was freelance,” Kelley says, fighting a smile. “And I was close to a contract.”

 

“You were unemployed with a business casual wardrobe.”

 

Kelley shakes her head, the smile finally stretching across her face. “I hate you.”

 

“You don’t,” Alex says.

 

Kelley eats another french fry. “No,” she says. “I don’t.”

 

Alex leans back against the pillows. The quiet is comfortable, warm. She takes in Kelley’s words, her light tone and the heavy meaning. “This is kind of crazy,” she says.

 

Kelley nods sagely, her leg stretching out until her green toenails nudge against Alex’s purple ones. “I fucking know, dude.”

 

//

 

Alex blinks her eyes open, the need to pee making sleep impossible. Kelley’s leg is sprawled over Alex’s knee, but she still manages to slip away without waking her. She fumbles around for a t-shirt and throws it over her head and she speeds towards the bathroom, not bothering to close the door.

 

She can see the vague outline of the mess that is her hair in the mirror and she also really doesn’t want to face the hickey on her neck just yet, so the bathroom light stays off. Some things can wait until morning, until noon, until whenever they decide to get out of bed. Some things can wait, so Alex lets herself lean against the doorway for a minute or so before she gets back in bed.

 

Kelley’s hair isn’t much better than her own, wildly spread out across her pillow, and during the minute Alex has been in the bathroom she’s rolled onto her stomach, one hand outstretched towards Alex’s side of the bed. The covers are twisted around and leave most of her back exposed, right up to where her spine dips low, and—is this even real? Is this happening?

 

Alex remembers last night in perfect clarity; she remembers it in fragmented pieces. Fingertips pressing into a bicep, an almost silent gasp, laughter in the perfect places, where it was least expected. A thousand moments, all filled to the brim and stacked on top of each other, sliding together to form one bigger moment, all building and building until she’s here, leaning against a doorway with a smile on her face, absentmindedly touching the tender spot on her neck.

 

Alex looks for another moment more before she shakes her head and goes back to slide under the covers, carefully lifting Kelley’s hand and wrapping it around her own waist. She really doesn’t care if this is real or not, to be completely honest. Kelley mumbles something incoherent and twists her leg around one of Alex’s again before she falls still, and Alex _really_ doesn’t care if this is real or not.

 

When the first thing Kelley does when she wakes the next morning up is complain about the t-shirt Alex is wearing, she has no problem with slipping it right off.

 

//

 

Kelley kisses her and Alex is falling and falling and falling—

 

//

 

Honestly, Alex has never been great with words.

 

She’s heard the Olympics described as magical.

 

She doesn’t know if there’s a word that describe the feeling that comes with Kelley and the Olympics, but magical is the closest she’s gotten.

 

She’s wrapped up under the same sheets as Kelley just like she was in London, except this time it’s different, this time they’re twisted together after four years of missed chances and misunderstood opportunities, and if that’s not magic, well—if that isn’t magic then Alex has no idea what is.

 

//

 

It doesn’t take Kelley long to find a pitch near their hotel.

 

It doesn’t take Kelley long to score either, not with Alex’s sloppy defending made even worse by their hysterical laughter.

 

She’s down by two and fighting hard when Kelley goes for a vicious tackle, somehow managing to only get all ball but still sending Alex sprawling into the tightly packed dirt.

 

When Alex doesn’t get up, Kelley panics. “Al?” she asks, her voice a bit frantic. “Alex? Babe, are you okay?”

 

Alex smiles. “Gotcha.”

 

“God, you _asshole_ ,” Kelley says. “I was worried!”

 

Alex takes the outstretched hand and hauls herself up. “Try to tackle clean next time, _babe_.”

 

Kelley’s cheeks are flushed pink already, but Alex thinks she sees a little more color rush to her face. She hooks her fingers into the waistband of Alex’s shorts and pulls. “Try not to _flop_ ,” she says, her breath warm against Alex’s jaw line.

 

Alex’s heart hammers in her chest. “Okay,” she breathes back, not really sure what she’s saying or responding to. The tips of Kelley’s fingers skim along her hip bones.

 

“Great.” Kelley smacks a kiss against that spot right under Alex’s ear and steps back. “C’mon, you aren’t tired already, are you?”

 

Alex smiles, her legs still shaky. “Not a chance.”

 

//

 

Alex Morgan doesn’t have a perfect life.

 

All she ever wanted was to play the best soccer she could, and having to deal with the politics behind it all is kind of exhausting. Sometimes, it feels crushing instead of fun. It’s all about pressure and money and not about a ball at her feet or in the back of a net. It’s all about money, but they’re still having to deal with getting equal pay for superior performance and she’s so tired of it all. She’s happy some days and sad others. She wins some games and she loses some, too.

 

So, not really perfect.

 

Although—

 

When the sun is setting and she’s sweaty and exhausted and her muscles ache, sitting on a dirt field in Rio, watching Kelley juggle a ball up and down and up again, she feels alright.

 

She feels pretty damn good, actually.

 

Alex Morgan’s life is far from perfect, when she thinks about it.

 

She likes it that way.

 

Maybe, just maybe, the joy that she used to feel playing football, the joy that’s been so absent recently, has been hiding on this shitty field, somewhere in Rio. Maybe it has nothing to do with the field or the net or the ball or the crowd and everything to do with Kelley and the way she laughs as Alex sticks out a leg and tries to mess up her juggling streak.

 

When people talk about how Alex lost in Rio, she always has to fight a smile.

 

Because, despite everything, Alex didn’t lose at all.

 

//

 

They’re going to leave Brazil.

 

They’ll have to wait at different gates at the airport, take different flights to different cities. They’ll fall asleep in different beds, wake up at different times.

 

They’ll text each other different things than they did before, too. The thoughts that had slipped between the cracks, the thoughts they weren’t quite brave enough to share, those will be passed along across phone lines, whispered into a waiting ear three thousand miles away.

 

They’ll leave the Olympics, leave behind their cocoon, their bubble. They’ll go back to the real world, even though a couple days in Rio felt realer than any California and New Jersey they’ve ever known.

 

They’ll deal with the long distance and it will _suck_. They’ll tiptoe around saying “I love you,” even though they’ve both been aching to say it for years. Eventually, Alex will hear all of Kelley’s side, all of the wants and wishes she had hidden just like Alex had, with forced smiles and laughter and jokes that fell flat. They’ll talk about the sleepless nights and the overpowering fear of losing and they’ll feel stupid and they’ll feel stronger than they ever have.

 

They’ll spend holidays together, holidays apart. They’ll play soccer, sometimes on the same team and sometimes on opposing ones. They’ll take vacations with groups of friends, test the waters, then take vacations alone, just the two of them.

 

They’ll fall in love in a million different ways, ways they never saw coming, never could expect.

 

They’ll rent an apartment together. Actually together, not across the hall. They’ll fight more than either of them wants to. They’ll learn to make up in ways that aren’t sex; they’ll learn soft spots and when to push and when to step back. They’ll go on dates to In-N-Out that feel fancy because of the way they can’t stop staring at each other.

 

They’ll buy a house, eventually. They’ll make friends that will only know them as a unit, and they’ll hold tight to the friends who loved them separately, before they figured out they loved each other.

 

They’ll go to a couple of weddings, and they’ll hold hands as their friends and family say vows about true love and forever. They’ll both buy rings.

 

Maybe they’ll get a dog.

 

They’ll go bowling even though they both kind of hate it, because really doing anything together makes otherwise forgettable experiences stand out. They’ll be silly and goofy and serious and honest and everything they wanted to be and just a more. They’ll figure out how to make boring events fun; they’ll figure out which family members to avoid at Thanksgiving.

 

They’ll learn a lot about family, actually.

 

But all of that comes later.

 

..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the patience, much love.

**Author's Note:**

> same @ tumblr
> 
> twitter @ homaresawafc


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